God bless vasectomies

vasRecently, I’ve run into a bunch of men with vasectomies.

Some of them are older and some of them are younger.

But they’ve all undergone the snip snip.

For this I am infinitely thankful.

I love my hormones. Honestly, is there anything better than going through a cycle where you’re practically gagging for it 2+ weeks a month (which is exactly what happens when I ovulate)?

Sure, occasionally I wish I was looking down the barrel of a loaded gun.

I sometimes miss the danger of it.

But having a whoops baby isn’t sexy or cool. And it’s a hell of a lot of work and money.

So no thank you, I’ll take my sausage plain, without the works…

…because vasectomies are THE BOMB!

More, please!

A rocky friendship with the pirate

MichelleThe pirate and I are trying to be friends.

Which is to say that he has asked me to put all his transgressions behind me and move on:

  • Ignoring /ditching me at Burning Man
  • Refusing to let me meet his friends
  • Being less than forthcoming about his open/closed marriage
  • Hooking up with a new woman knowing it would hurt me
  • Treating me like an outsider
  • Making me his booty call
  • Dumping me during Burning Man
  • Keeping me from going to the Temple Burn
  • And just in general being an insensitive jerk

Doesn’t make for a stellar start to a friendship, that’s for sure.

I’m still mad, and it’s still leaking out of me in nasty little drips and drops.

So why am I even trying?

Well for one, we travel in the same social circles and have to deal with each other. No sense making other people uncomfortable because we don’t get along.

But the real reason is that I want to be around long enough to see him be a better man. And so I’m giving him the chance to be that person. To (hopefully) stop making decisions that hurt other people and start being more sensitive and thoughtful.

He once remarked to me to be the “confident woman I know you are” which struck me as a bit condescending.

I snapped back that he should be the “man you think you are.”

And he said he’ll try.

Ren Faire Peasant Wench

My collection of costumes is growing. Currently I have:

  • St. Pauli Girl
  • Ringleader
  • Mad Max
  • Pirate
  • Goddess
  • White Wizard
  • Police Officer
  • Dominatrix
  • Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz
  • Nurse
  • 70s Disco Jumpsuit
  • Dickens Faire gown

I just bought a costume for the upcoming Renaissance Faire I’m going to with Kimberly.

Here’s the outfit:

wenchAnd here’s the floral crown (which I love):

il_570xN.780421817_ljt8I’ve been wondering what other costumes I need to get in order to keep up with all the Burner costume parties and I’ve come up with the following list:

  • Burner Bunny
  • Santa Outfit
  • Furry Raver Outfit
  • Steampunk Outfit

That’s just a beginning list. I’m sure more will come up as I go along. But for now, I have an outfit for my next big party – The Ren Faire!

SoulFire: A trip to hell

michelleIf you were to ask any woman what’s worse than getting dumped, the answer would be getting dumped AND THEN HAVING YOUR EX FIND A NEW WOMAN IN THE NEXT WEEK (allegedly).  If you were to then ask what’s worse than that, the answer would be HAVING TO BE AROUND THEM.

Unfortunately for me, my ex and his new lady are members of the burner community in the Bay Area which means I get to bump into them at events.

So there’s no way I can even avoid my pain, I get to live it in blazing color every time I hang out with my burner friends at parties and gatherings.

SoulFire, a burner event taking place at Lupin Lodge in the Los Gatos Mountains, is coming up next weekend and both of them are going.


Why the universe continues to ask me to be classy and composed in the most stressful of situations I will never know.

Perhaps, as most people tell me, it’s because I’m strong and I can handle it.

And that is true. I AM strong and I CAN handle it.

But just for once, I’d like a little karma on my side. I’d like for the universe to send ME some kindness and let HIM be stressed.

I’m going to SoulFire by myself. There’s a lot of potential for me to get totally destroyed that weekend.

But there’s also a lot of potential for my friends to step up and help me have a good time.

There’s potential for me to enjoy myself with old friends and make new friends.

So even though I feel physically ill at the thought, I’m going.

Send all your kind thoughts my way and if you’re so inclined, drop me an email by October 16th at michelle@unblunder.com and let me know you’re pulling for me.

Yes, I’m making fun of myself

So the other day I’m quietly reading a book when my phone pings me that I have a message.

I unlock my phone and see this:

dorieAnd I literally rolled off my bed laughing.

It’s so true.

No sooner do I swear off men then my social calendar explodes with them and I’m giving myself whiplash checking out all the men contacting me.

I don’t know what to do. I want to refrain from dating but at the same time it is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO PASS UP THE HUNK.

When my coach asked me to refrain from dating, I’m sure that didn’t apply to 6’4” handsome men with biceps as thick as my thighs. Right?

The bottom line is I love men.

There, I said it.

I love their energy. I love the cause and effect simplicity of their approach to life. I love the firmness of their bodies and the softness of their lips. I love it when they get all manly and open doors for me. I love it when they get all cuddly and snuggle with me.

So yeah, giving up dating (and all the benefits that go with it… wink, wink) is hard for me. And I might be failing just a little bit.

But I’m trying to get it right.

And someday, maybe soon, I’ll be spending less time giving myself whiplash and more time staring straight ahead at my goal.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night

cryI didn’t sleep a wink last night.

Insomnia is a real bitch.

It gave me plenty of time to dwell on the bombshell that dropped on me yesterday.

He has a new girlfriend.

Yes, the man who dumped me because he didn’t have enough bandwidth for a girlfriend and wanted to focus on family has hooked up with a new girlfriend.

One month ago yesterday we were waking up in bed together, now he’s got someone new.

Does that seem a little fast for you? Perhaps a little insensitive as well?

Yeah, it does for me too.

But what can you do? No one said life is fair. No one said that you would be treated with respect and kindness.

Fall down 7 times, get up 8. That quote keeps ringing through my head.

I’m just wondering how many more times he plans to kick me while I’m down.

I am a caveman

michelleMy friend Barbara and I were soaking in the hot tub at the Korean Spa, just relaxing and discussing my latest breakup. The subject turned to my newest date, Tony, who I’m now nicknaming The Hunk.

Beyond being very handsome, tall, and muscular, The Hunk is also very polite and thoughtful. He’s lovely on so many levels but as I explained to Barbara, “I don’t think he likes me very much.”

Barbara looked me straight in the eye and without hesitation delivered one of the wisest comments I’d heard in months.

“He likes you, Michelle. Maybe he’s just respectful.”

Jaw drop.

In the past decade of dating, I’ve had men send me unsolicited cock shots, ask if they could take nude photos of me, ask to see my tits, and show me their ball gag… all on or before the first date.


Have I become too accustomed to bad behavior that it is now my norm when judging my dates?

Did I automatically assume that The Hunk doesn’t like me because he didn’t do any of these things? Because he wasn’t trying to jump into my pants?

And what does it say about me that sexual attraction is the first thing I look for in a potential partner?

Well…. quite honestly, it says I have excellent taste when it comes to picking sexual partners but maybe not the best judgment when it comes to finding someone special.

I’m not even sure I’d recognize an interested man who didn’t beat me over the head with his attraction while I simultaneously beat him over the head with my sexuality.

It’s The Caveman Approach to Dating.

I am a caveman.

Broken heart

A month ago I suffered a loss in my life of a relationship that meant a lot to me. With a person I thought very highly of.

Recently that loss was compounded and my heart was ripped open to bleed and hemorrhage all over again.

I’d like to say I handled it like a lady and quietly mourned my losses. But I didn’t.

I turned (understandably) into a bitch and lashed out at the source of my suffering.

I’ve since calmed the fuck down and am now able to slowly recover from my trauma, in the best way I know how…

…by perusing Pinterest for broken heart quotes and picking my favorites for this post.

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Greatest Assets and Stupid Asses

I didn’t date much before I got married at 22. In fact, my ex-husband was my third boyfriend. I just didn’t do dating. I did monogamous relationships that lasted years at a time.

My first boyfriend Frank and I dated for almost 3 years.

Jon was a little less. More like a summer-fall kind of thing.

And then there was my ex, who I gave 10 years to.

So when I found myself single again at 30 I had to learn how to date for the first time.

How to handle unwanted advances. How to negotiate a weekend away together. How to respond appropriately to a request to send me a “monkey shot.” What to do when your date starts talking ball-gags. And oh so much more.

Through it all my friends have been there for me, stepping up to support me when I was freshly dumped regardless of the fact that when I was dating I was too busy to go out with them or spent all my time talking about my significant other and forgot to ask them how they were doing.

This time around, my girlfriend Michelle and my cousin Jennifer have been instrumental in helping me muck through all the shit left behind in the wake of this relationship without hesitation or grudge.

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I do have the most wonderful, most supportive friends and family.

The last decade has been about true friends and romantic false starts. The former are my greatest assets. The later are stupid asses.