Romance abstinence

So I’m debating on going on a dating diet of sorts.

No dating or internet dating for 3 months.

I think it’ll be an opportunity to practice self-love and acceptance.

And to develop myself further as a truly fascinating, one-of-a-kind, extraordinary woman. :-)

Like I need more character development.

But there you have it.

I’ve been feeling a little burnt out lately.

Like I keep going on the same date but the man across from me is changing.

Boring.

When was the last time I went on a really inspired date? When was the last time I was with a man who stole my breath away?

It’s been a while.

The only thing stopping me is the fact that if I do stop dating I will lose a source of my blog posts.

But who dates to blog? That’s the wrong motivation entirely. I may as well be setting myself up for failure, with my expectations for a bad date or worse yet, a DULL date.

So I think I might try this romance abstinence approach and try to get in touch with my inner goddess while taking a break from the dating world.

It can’t be any worse than where I’m at now.

Right?

Toe Sucking 101

sucking2I’m intrigued by toe sucking, though my experience with it is minimal but pleasurable.  Drew went down on me in a hotel room and then in the throes of ecstasy, he turned his attention to my feet and sucked my toes.  Prolonged my pleasure, to say the least.

I’m amazed that for some men, lust for beautiful feet goes beyond a potent stare: it involves some succulent toe-sucking, to enhance foreplay and to feed their insatiable foot fetish.

But what exactly is involved with toe sucking? I googled it to find out and was redirected to a lesbian foot worship website.  Uh… not exactly what I was looking for.

According to Urban Dictionary, toe sucking happens when someone has “a Foot Fetish, usually by males but females also. It is where the person sucks on someones toes and tickles it with their tongue. The big toe is usually the one in which this act takes place but some go all the way licking and sucking all five toes.  Women on the receiving end masturbate while their toes are sucked, giving them more sexual pleasure.”

Wow.  Is it that simple?  I decided to ask Mystery Man, a confessed toe sucker, about the practice.  Do you suck just the big toe or all of them?  Do you lick or suck?  And what do you do with the rest of the foot.

Mystery man was very clear that it’s not something he does on a regular basis, but it is something he has done.  When he does it, it’s during intercourse (must be legs over the shoulder position or something like that).  He says he sucks one or two toes, depending on the size of her foot.  And he basically sucks on her toes while massaging her foot.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how toe sucking is done.  Not exactly the same way mine was done, but I’m sure very pleasurable all the same.

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Milestones!

This was a momentous week for me. I finally hit 200 followers on WordPress (not including my Facebook readers) AND I got 1,000 likes.

You can’t imagine how rewarding it is to reach milestones like these.

Combined with my Lovely Blog nomination, I’m feeling like I’m doing something right on my blog.

Writing a blog is a little like having a second job. Instead of having free time, I’m scouring the internet for new blog topics or scanning my brain for ideas.

All the creativity comes from me and I have to say I’d be so disappointed if I didn’t have anyone reading my blog.

Consider that a few short weeks ago I was ready to turn in the towel and lay unblunder to rest.

It was nice to see all the support that came from my post “Am I a Neanderthal?”. That’s when my self-doubts came to a head.

I like to think of myself as a writer. In reality I’m a writer who donates her work to the internet (via my blog) and to charities (via my work with non-profits). Every time I see my name in the byline I get a little shiver.

I’ve been told to write about what you know, which is why I write about my life and all the shenanigans that ensue.

I hope you’re as entertained by reading my posts as I am by writing my posts.

So thank you for the adds and for all the likes. And thank you for reading

This blogger is one happy lady!

You may be dating a tool if…

sheen1.  If your friends tell you that you are better than, smarter than, and deserve better than him. Girlfriends don’t lie.

2.  If he tells you that you need to lose weight. He’s no Channing Tatum himself. What’s up with that?!

3.  If he never introduces you to his friends, family, crowds, or daylight. Daylight is the big giveaway here ladies.

4.  If he asks which of your friends you’d have a threesome with, implying he’s be the third party in this so-called threesome.

5.  If he calls you “dude” because he’s just so used to calling everyone “dude” that he’s forgotten that you’re not a “dude.” Dude!

6.  If he publicly posts shit about his exes on Facebook what do you think will happen when he unfriends you?

7.  If he gets himself off during sex but doesn’t reciprocate because he figures the 30 seconds of stimulation he gave you was enough.

8.  If he comments on how nice your sister’s/girlfriend’s boobs are. To you. His girlfriend.

9.  If he ignores your texts or calls because he is busy for a whole day or a whole week. Unless he’s living underwater or is in jail, no one is too busy to politely say they are busy and will get back later. Common courtesy.

10.  If he has two kids from two different baby mamas, didn’t marry either of them, doesn’t pay child support, or know their birthdays. In the immortal words of Charlie Sheen… WINNING!

Monogamy v Polyamory

Since hanging out with the swingers I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot.  I met many couples who seemed like every other couple you’d meet on the streets – loving, affectionate, and connected.  The only difference between them and your standard couple is their lack of adherence to monogamy – or more specifically, their passion for polyamory (the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved).

 

I know that the practice of polyamory is on the fringes of society.  But I can’t help but recognize that these activities hurt no one, are enjoyable, and in many ways perhaps even strengthens the bond between the couple.

How many of us fantasize about being with more than one person at a time?  It’s probably the most common fantasy out there.  Why is it wrong to act on that desire?  Because society has provided us with a list of acceptable sexual behaviors and we’re not supposed to stray from it?

Why not explore our edges?  See what is out there that we enjoy (barring hurting other people, of course)?  A number of celebrities have come out to support polyamory:

  • Cameron Diaz
  • Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith
  • Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani
  • Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green
  • Shailene Woodley
  • Hugh Hefner (natch)
  • Tom Ford
  • Akon
  • Scarlett Johanssen
  • Ethan Hawke
  • Emma Thompson

Now, I’m not suggesting that polyamory will work for everyone.  Indeed, I think that there’s a large segment of the population who would have have a hard time with it.  But what I do believe is that it’s actually a more honest approach to a fulfilling sex life compared to outright cheating, which is so prevalent.

Pioneering research by Alfred Kinsey found that married men cheated at rates of around 50 percent. In 1953, Kinsey showed that 26 percent of married women had also been unfaithful. Estimates today find married men cheating at rates between 25 percent and 72 percent. Given that many people are loath to admit that they cheat, research on cheating may underestimate its prevalence. But it appears that cheating is at least as common as fidelity.

Is fidelity the litmus test of a relationship?  I don’t think so.  I think we’re conditioned to believe it is but in reality people who cheat aren’t cheating because they’ve fallen out of love with their partner so much as because they desire someone else.  For most people, monogamy does not always provide a lifetime of sexual contentment. This is perhaps particularly true for those who have grown up in a culture of pornography; men frequently find themselves increasingly less interested in sex with their partners as time passes.
 
 
Although society values monogamy, the expectation of exclusive sexual activity can be unsustainable for most couples. We need to investigate other relationship models: open arrangements, or “monogamish” relationships, where couples have flings, affairs, threesomes, etc. These ways of loving, along with polyamorous relationships and even singlehood, should be as equally valued in our culture as monogamy. Only when men and women are able to make sexual choices free of stigma will people be honest with their partners about their desires.
 
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The Viking Unmasked

imageWell, it’s a first for me.

I didn’t even catch it. The Grey Knight caught it for me. [His blog Me and Dating has brilliant stories about dating from a guy’s perspective. I highly recommend you make the leap.]

I got a message from Grey “If you use the Chrome browser and click on “search Google for this image” for one of your recent posts, you get this:

Oh for the love of beefy, cornfed boys….

So apparently The Viking is TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

I suspect he has never gone shark diving either ;-)

Can you imagine using someone else’s picture for your online profile? You can never meet up with anyone or go on a date because THEY’RE EXPECTING A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON TO SHOW UP.

It’s the absolute height of deception.

Bad Viking!

Speed Dating

If you ask me speed dating sounds horrible. First dates are always tricky. Imagine having twenty 5 minute first dates in one evening. I swear I will have to stock up on booze and Ritalin to make it through the night.

You see, I’m signing up for a speed dating evening with Match, basically because I’ve never done one before and I’m curious… are they as horrible as I imagine them to be?

I’ve been invited in my age group 37 – 49. So I will meet men ages 37 – 49 and my competition (the other ladies) will be ages 37 – 49. Man, am I glad I’m at the lower end of that spectrum.

The trick is each woman sits at a table and the men circulate among the tables. You vote on whether or not you like someone and if they like you back then you’re a “match.”

Pretty ridiculous, eh?

I swear, if I were to meet a man I liked, I’d just say, “How’d you like to blow this joint and go for a walk downtown?” and then we’d leave right in the middle of speed dating. Isn’t that romantic?

Can you imagine anything worse than connecting with someone and then having to go through 10+ more bad dates that evening?

Nothing worse, if you ask me.

So anyway, I’m reluctantly up for this challenge but not looking forward to it at all.

Some adventure this will be.

Stinkiest Date Ever

When Thomas first asked me out, I said no.

“Why?” he asked.

I was a little surprised but I responded, “I’m kind of into someone else.”

“Is it exclusive?” Thomas asked.

“No,” I replied.

Then go out with me.

“Okay,” I agreed.

Thomas invited me to go to the Music and the Cosmos concert at the Lick Observatory. On the surface this sounded like a perfect romantic date – a picnic atop Mt. Hamilton, watching the sun set. Then a music concert in the Observatory followed by a tour including checking out the cosmos through the telescope.

Since Thomas was Lebanese, like me, he brought Middle Easter food. My favorite. We picnicked on Mt. Hamilton and watched the sun set in hues of purples, reds, and golds.

It was during the concert that I realized something was amiss. Someone was farting. Badly. Silent but deadly. Who was it? Our neighbors were even squirming in their seats. The concert was ruined. It was a constant bombardment of the olfactory senses. I can’t even tell you what kind of music was played I was so distracted.

When it came time for our tour, Thomas grabbed my hand and pulled me through the dark.

I didn’t want to hold hands with him. I wasn’t feeling it. But I steeled myself and went with the flow.

The farting followed us where ever we went and it was then I realized that Thomas was the Farting Bandit.

I was on a date with Mr. Stinky Pants.

I started out with lukewarm feelings for Thomas and they definitely had cooled off as the night progressed.

He drove me home down the mountain. He rolled down the window to attempt to hide his stench.

I wanted to say, “Good god! I know it’s you. You’re not fooling anyone.” But instead I opted to just sit in silence.

He told me a story, “A visitor went into a town and into the cemetery. On the headstones were the person’s name followed by a notation “1089 days” or “596 days.” He stopped a towns person and asked what this notation meant. The towns person told him, “That’s the number of days the person truly lived.” “

Then Thomas looked me straight in the eye and said, “Michelle, you’re my plus one.”

So sweet and yet totally not returned. Here I was looking forward to the date ending and he was logging it in his memory books as a “plus one.”

Just goes to show how two people can have similar experiences and yet totally different interpretations and outcomes.

I bid Thomas goodbye and never saw him again.

I also never had to smell him again :-)

How to be More Romantic

1.  Always, always have “Let’s Get it on” by Marvin Gaye on hand. You never know when you need to sex breakfast up.

2.  Note that every once in a while, a girl loves to get tossed onto the bed and kissed like she’s freaking Scarlett O’Hara.

3.  Pay attention and be thoughtful. Surprise her with little things that show you care (like buying a litte something for her or recording her favorite show). Whatever says “I was thinking about you” will work.

4.  Be there for her. Sometimes we just need to let it out. Be sensitive to our needs. Listen.

5.  Flowers. I don’t care how many times a woman says she doesn’t need flowers, she still LOVES receiving them. Even if you pick it from the bush outside her apartment.

6.  Be creative. Don’t just celebrate the big holidays, celebrate Thursday just because and surprise her.

7.  Play with her hair. Don’t get it all natty, just play with it with your fingertips. We love that.

8.  If you have an accent and speak a different language, never speak English again.

9.  Give her a card, but actually write a beautiful sentiment on it, don’t just sign your name.

10.  Write a poem. Then let Google translate it into French or Spanish or some exotic language and read it to her. Try to use words like amazing, lovely, and beautiful not sexy, hot and smokin’.

What I learned in blow job class

bj4I do these things so you don’t have to. although you should.  My blow job class was like a stand up comedy routine performed by the sexy and brilliant Chrystal Bougon of Curvy Girl Lingerie fame.

Her presentation was so full of information I had to take notes.  And boy did I take notes!

The evening began with a room full of 50+ sexy women and a table full of liquor and wine.  I opted for peach vodka and mango juice.  Very sweet but effective.

The class started with two Sedusa Studio performances by students which were amazing, hot, sexy, and smokin’.  No pics allowed :-(

Then Blow Job 102 began.  Because hopefully we’ve all taken Blow Job 101.

We learned about how to give a gourmet and an efficient blow job, the difference between the two being how earnestly you work at trying to make him cum.  But for blogging purposes, I’ll focus on the gourmet blow job.

Penises, we learned, are idiot proof.  They all work the same.  So all the techniques we were learning were transferrable.

The key to a great blow job is enthusiasm.  It’s everyone’s favorite technique.

In no particular order, some of Chrystal’s recommendations were:

  1. Be enthusiastic.
  2. The seam between the balls is super sensitive. Don’t neglect it.
  3. Try melon balling (titty fucking) first.
  4. Use a bullet vibrator on your cheek while giving a blow job.
  5. Hum.
  6. Pay attention to the ABC (ass ball connector aka the taint)
  7. Put your finger one knuckle deep up his butt but do not surprise him with the technique.  There is no surprise anal. {FYI, the penis has about 4,000 nerve endings.  The clitoris has 8,000.  If you add anal play, you have an additional 6,000 nerve endings to play with.  Hence the heightened sensation.]
  8. Make eye contact but don’t give him crazy eyes.
  9. Cross your eyes to relax your throat to deep throat.
  10. Squeeze the thumb on your left hand to deep throat (this actually seemed to work).
  11. Use a throat numbing spray like Comfortable Numb to numb the back of your throat to deep throat.
  12. Put your hair up using your panties/g-string.
  13. Try face fucking (laying on your back with your head off the bed).  It’s a great angle for giving a blow job.
  14. Have him use a remote control vibrator on you while you’re servicing him.  It’ll prep you for later.
  15. Learn to use a cock ring.
  16. Go down on him without touching it (a faux bj) for a little while.  It’ll drive him crazy.
  17. Hot water/cold water.
  18. Use your lips like a cock ring.
  19. Put the cock ring around the balls too.
  20. Try Pop Rocks but make sure they don’t get in the vagina (this was more an audience suggestion).
  21. Give your blow jobs sexy names like “sexy porn star blow job.”
  22. Stroke in one direction with your hand, up or down.
  23. State your expectations for the blow job such as “I don’t want to have sex tonight.  I just want to go down on you for 30 minutes,” or “I want to give you a super sloppy porn star blow job.”  He’ll enjoy the expectations.

My take away from all this was:

  • I need more toys.
  • Creativity is everything.
  • Communication is key.

All in all, it was a wicked fun evening and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.  I’m posting a few pics to show what a great time I had.

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