Fluff my wings, please…

wingsFluff my wings, please…

I’ll admit, it’s a strange request.

And my son just stared at me for a few seconds before I decided to turn sideways and show him the little collapsed wings I was wearing on my back.

“Fluff my wings, please,” I asked him.

How many kids get asked by their parents to help them with their costumes?

Usually, it’s the other way around, isn’t it?

But in my house, I’m the one with all the costumes and my boys are the ones who help me out.

I wonder what kind of a mother this makes me… to be so enthralled with costumes I seem to always be working on one or another.

I hope when they get older, instead of seeing me as crazy and eccentric, my boys see me as unique, and someone who followed her passions.

I hope they learn to live a little on the wild side and not be afraid of being seen as odd.

I would love for each of my boys to have something in their lives that brings them as much joy as costuming does to my life.

No one in my family understands this interest of mine.

They think I’m nuts.

They indulge me.

They may roll their eyeballs, but in the end, my wings do get fluffed.

Perhaps they understand a little more than I give them credit for.

And maybe I’m a better role model than I give myself credit for.

Hip to my illness

michelleWhen I mentioned all my addictions in this post, I neglected to mention one other REALLY IMPORTANT addiction.

Makeup.

Yes, indeed.

I am one of THOSE women who is constantly buying makeup.

For a while, I worked as a makeup artist and I could justify spending a thousand dollars on makeup.

But now, I’m just a woman with a makeup line item in her budget.

It’s bad.

I actually took my makeup and cleared out some of it and took it to my Aunt Stacey and cousin Jennifer. They went through it and took makeup that had never even been opened, let alone used.

I’m not sure why I have such an obsession for makeup.

All I can say is that I see those pots and tubes of color and I go crazy for them. Shimmery, pearlescent, matte, glossy, shiny… you name it, I love it.

It’s pure happiness and joy for me.

My sons won’t let me GO INSIDE a Sephora or Ulta if they are with me.

They block the way and pull me aside.

They are hip to my illness.

makeup

Angels/Demons

New costume, natch.

For an Angels/Demons costume party that I’ll be taking a shift bartending at.

First comes the dress.

I asked my friend Krunch to weigh in on which was more evil of the three dresses I was looking at, and he picked #2.

dressesThen I found some evilish black wings to wear…

wingsAnd all I need to do is select some horns to go with. What do you prefer?

horns4 horns3
horns2 horns1

It’s all coming together quite nicely, considering I have a long black wig to pair with the costume, since my blond hair (mistakenly) makes me look rather innocent and angelic.

black wigI also bought some mini black sclera contact lenses.  Just to make me look creepy.  I wanted to get the large black sclera contact lenses but figured they’d irritate my eyes.

Pair it all with some deep red or black lipstick and a smoky eye and you’ve got yourself Michelle a la Demon!

Who wants to sin?

Dr. Seuss Party

I went to the Things Three Birthday Spree and got to celebrate three lovely ladies’ birthdays with 100 of their closest friends.

I’d been thinking about this party for a long while.

I even helped to set up and sacrificed some skin on my fingers while inflating and tying over 100 balloons.

The place looked absolutely magnificent when all the decorating was done.

There was a dance floor lit by black lights, a chill room filled with balloons AND a stripper pole, and a bar with a ceiling of lacy women’s thongs.

Like I said… MAGNIFICENT!

I had a great time getting ready (note The Lorax theme yellow and orange eyeshadow)…

IMG_8708 IMG_8709

IMG_8707 And I had a great time at the party….

I gave away almost all of my Truffula Tree pens and “Truffula Tree” seed bombs (which MAY grow coneflowers instead of Truffula Trees, who knows….).

seed bombs lorax-pens

 Nothing could spoil my fun, not even me drinking to excess.

Once again, I’ve got nothing but a handful of selfies to show for it, so I hope you enjoy!

IMG_8710 IMG_8713

IMG_8712

Double? Triple? QUADRUPLE?!

IMG_8712All right.

In the interest of being fully honest, I’m going to admit that I’ve made a few mistakes lately.

The variety that involves drinking.

Basically I have learned that I CANNOT SWITCH FROM DRINKING BEER TO DRINKING COCKTAILS.

I get totally fucked up.

And then I puke.

All down the side of my friend’s car.

Truthfully, I have no idea how much rum was in my rum and coke. I didn’t even watch it get made.

And if it wasn’t strong, then it was BIG – because my mug was a 20 oz mug I had to drink out of.

Double? Triple? QUADRUPLE?! Maybe…

And I had two of them.

Sheepish.

One minute I was feeling fine, the next minute I was rolling down the window and throwing up.

Of course, after I threw up I instantly felt better.

And thankfully, I managed to keep it all outside the car.

But I have to admit, there’s probably a streak on the passenger side of his car that needs to be cleaned off.

I owe someone a car wash.

And a foot massage!

Help! Is my love button is broken?!

michelleI was watching tv the other night.  Some romantic comedy with Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jack Black, and Jude Law.

Cameron Diaz says to Jude Law, “I don’t think I can fall in love,” and that comment totally resonated with me.

Oh sure, a couple of months ago I was pretty confident I was in love, but really I was just thankful to have someone to care about.  It wasn’t the end-all-be-all of relationships.

Matter of fact, it was a downright anorexic relationship, looking back.  I was starving all the time.

Is it possible that my love button is broken?

One could say that something is wrong with me.  I tend to go through men like someone with a cold goes through tissue.

But honestly, most of the time it’s the man who ditches me.

Take The Israeli for instance.  Totally dropped me over the holidays without so much as a phone call or a text.

Then there’s Luke, who met his future wife while we were dating and you can figure out the rest.

Sure, The Hunk is still around, but only in penpal form, not in any kind of substantial way.

Ok, so I’m not in love.  Who says I have to be?

Not being in love is a WONDERFUL PLACE TO BE.

  • No one to break your budget on spending money.
  • No one to argue with you about how to spend your Saturday night.
  • No one to fight over the covers with.

Okay, there are some IMPRESSIVE BENEFITS to being in love.

  • Someone to hug after a hard day at work.
  • Someone who is committed to sleeping with you on a regular basis.
  • Someone who keeps you company on nights and weekends so you don’t get lonely.

So I don’t think my love button is broken.

Simple as that.

 

 

Bring on the face paint and glowy things!

heartBring on the face paint and glowy things!

It’s official.

I’ve lost my mind.

I went and bought a face paint kit from Amazon, just because I might need it in the future.

All these burner parties.

What if I need to transform myself into The Lorax? Or a bunny? Or The Grinch?

I really need face paint for that.

These are the things that go through my head when I’m playing with yellow and orange eyeshadow for my Lorax costume.

When eyeshadow isn’t dramatic enough… go for face paint!

I also bought a bunch of glowy things for my costume and to give away.

You’re never fully dressed without a smile… true… but you’re also never fully dressed without some EL wire and LED lights.

Truth.

LongDong ShagsWell

michelleToday I got a wink from a guy with the username LongDong ShagsWell.

I’m not kidding.

He sent me an email but I didn’t read it before the censors got to him and deleted his account.

Most men who date online have sweet usernames:

  • Looking 4 You
  • Kisses n Nibbles
  • The One 4 U

Occasionally, you get a guy who uses his real name as a username. Like Jack Bentley.

These are all very acceptable usernames.

I must admit, however, that I clicked on LongDong Shagswell’s link faster than the speed of light. I was thinking, “Any man who calls himself LongDong Shagswell has got to be a hoot. And probably TERRIBLE in bed.”

Sadly, we’ll never get to know.

I always find it funny when men go fishing on mainstream (aka VANILLA) sites as opposed to LIFESTYLE sites with headlines like LongDong Shagswell or Luvs To Eat Tacos.

What? Is he going to take me to a taqueria and have me feed him tacos until I have to roll him out the door to get him home?

Don’t these men know they’re barking (mostly) up the wrong tree.

There are sites for that, you know.

Soap for Burning Man

I’m finally taking what I learned in my cold process soap making class and putting it to use.

I’ve opted to buy all the ingredients I need to make a basic soap.

  • Lye
  • Olive Oil
  • Palm Oil
  • Almond Oil
  • Coconut Oil
  • Mango Butter

You mix all the oils together, add a lye solution, mix, and pour into molds to set. It takes about 4 – 6 weeks for the soap to fully “cure” and be ready for use.

I’m excited about using a product on my body that isn’t filled with chemicals and ingredients I can’t pronounce.

Oil + lye = soap. That’s it.

But as usual, before I’ve even finished my first project, I am planning my next one – a melt-and-pour soap with the )’( Burning Man logo in it.

If all goes as planned, I’ll be making soap to hand out at Burning Man this year.

Yes, I said I’d be handing out soap at Burning Man this year.

I guess that means I’m going.

Soap and all.

Mind you, I still have chapstick and absinthe lollipops to hand out as well.

Spilling the beans

I’m literally BURSTING with enthusiasm over the gifts I’m giving away at the Dr. Seuss Birthday Party and Cupid’s Bar Crawl.

I’m so enthusiastic that I’m actually going to spill the beans and say what I’m giving away.

I ALWAYS do this. I get so excited about the gift I’m giving that I SPOIL THE SURPRISE.

I was married for 10 years to a man whose birthday was a week before Christmas. I’d buy him gifts for his birthday and for Christmas and then I’d get so excited I’d give them all to him for his birthday and wind up having to shop for new Christmas presents for him all over again.

This is me, folks. This is me.

So without further adieu, my gifts for the Dr. Seuss Birthday Party – Truffula tree pens and a green organza bag with a seed bomb inside it and a little tag that reads “GROW ME.” The seed bombs even look like planet Earth.

seed bombs lorax-pens

 You see, I’m going as The Lorax and what could be better that to give away the gift of new life – in this case flower seeds.

And for Cupid’s Bar crawl, I bought flashy blinky red heart pins which are bound to give seizures, they’re so bright.

LED heartI also got a few glowing hearts on lanyards, to pass out until I run out.

heart

Since I’m going to look like Cupid threw up Valentine’s Day ALL OVER ME, I might as well get with the spirit and spread the love.

And there you have it.

I just spilled the beans.