First of all, I have to put up a disclaimer that says my friend Michelle would strongly disagree with what I’m about to write.
But she always sees me in a positive light.
Still, take everything I say with a grain of salt.
What I want to say is that I am bad at romance.
Yes folks, I suck at it.
I’m like a pimple faced 13 year old boy when it comes to romance.
I’ve actually said to boyfriends, “wanna knock out a piece?” and “ready to clean the pipes?”
I can’t help myself.
I just happen to be coarse when it comes to lovemaking.
I’m not sure how to ask for it so I take a humorous approach.
And that’s not all I’m bad at.
I can’t seem to wrap my head around the mushy stuff – the romantic walks, holding hands, and intimate dinners.
My idea of romance is cooking my boyfriend a steak then “knocking out a piece” on the living room floor. If I’m feeling really decadent, we’ll make it to the bedroom.
Yes, romance for me almost always involves sex.
Perhaps that’s why when you remove it from the equation (like with the abstinent guys I have dated) I am destined to fail.
I’ve lost my ability to communicate affection.
AND it’s frustrating.
But truthfully, do men really want to be romanced?
Isn’t a steak and a blow job enough to keep them happy?
Why improve on perfection, no?
I ASPIRE to be a better lover but I’m bad at COMMUNICATING it.
Maybe, and this is a BIG MAYBE, maybe it’s just been too long since I’ve been in love.
Perhaps I’ll fall in love and the rest will take care of itself.
That would be grand.