ABC the hard way

I’ve given up on wearing a latex dress for the ABC (Anything But Clothes) party.

I don’t want to be steamed like Instapot cauliflower by wearing such an insulated fabric.

Also, it’s pretty unforgiving to lumps and bumps, of which I have a few.

And it seems like it’s not quite in keeping with the theme of the party to BUY a latex outfit and call it ABC because it’s TECHNICALLY not fabric.

So I’m back to the drawing board.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to use garbage bags for my outfit.

I’ve found a few inspirational pics online which seem to indicate that using garbage bags and duct tape is a viable option for making an ABC outfit.

Maybe I can make a cardboard corset or get a plastic belt to liven up ALL THAT BLACK:

Or maybe I should embrace the futuristic appeal of the outfit and buy THIS hat:

All I need is a black Japanese motorcycle and a Doberman with a spiked collar.

Haters

Once upon a time, I tried to join a sporting club to play athletics with my boys.

HOWEVER, since most of the club members were married men, I was ostracized by their wives and made to feel like a second-class citizen.

Me being a single woman and all.

Why must women think of other women as competition?

Wouldn’t it be better to see them as allies?

The other day I was drinking a can of PBR when a woman approached me.

She made this HUGE deal out of the fact that I was drinking a PBR.

[I prefer craft beer, but PBR is what I drink when I’m trying to pace myself.]

She started out raving about my beer and then quickly escalated into making fun of it.

It became apparent to me that she was making fun of me RIGHT TO MY FACE!

Really?

Must you?

Thankfully I stopped paying attention to haters a long time ago.

Not everyone needs to love me.

I’m okay with people who think I’m not friendship material.

In fact, I could probably POINT YOU IN THE DIRECTION of several people I know who are less than thrilled with me as a person.

What can you do?

Work on impressing them or just let nature take its course and hope they’ll see your character in the end?

I play the long game.

One thing I DON’T DO is make fun of people.

Bad manners!

People are going to love you and people are going to hate you and none of it has anything to do with who you really are.

A valuable lesson I’ve learned time and again.

Lucky Charms

Last unSCruz costume post, I SWEAR!

Today I put the finishing touches on my final unSCruz onesie outfit.

I fell in love with this purple star onesie on Amazon:

It’s just so pretty and so perfect for unSCruz.

I’ve decided to go with a head-to-toe lavender look, including shoes, barrette, and wig:

It’s nice to not have to worry about accessories like fishnet tights or jewelry.

I love the simplicity of onesies.

I’ll bring some long underwear for underneath, just in case it’s really cold at unSCruz.

It just occurred to me that I’m SCREWED if it’s hot at unSCruz so I’ll have to bring some less insulated clothing to wear.

Good thing I have plenty of outfits for when it’s hotter than hell at Burning Man!

But I’m guessing it’ll be nippy during the day and cold at night so I’ll dress appropriately for moderately cold weather.

I’ll be prepared!

Costume Workshop and Clothing Exchange

I will be hosting a costume workshop and clothing exchange in March.

I have fond memories of my first costume workshop.

It was my first Burning Man event EVER!

I’d managed to land a ticket to Burning Man in the 2015 sale and I needed to find a camp to stay with at the burn.

So I conducted a Google search and found a group of Burners who were putting on a costume workshop.

At Lupin Lodge.

I’d been there before so I was fully prepared to see naked people but at the workshop where I was, everyone was clothed and working on creating costumes.

I brought stuff to make a tutu out of red netting.

Can I just tell you, I NEVER FINISHED THAT TUTU!

That’s right.

I start projects and never finish them.

Which is why I will be bringing some of my hat making supplies to the costume workshop.

I’m sure other people will find my knick knacks very useful for their projects and it’ll help clear out some of the clutter that’s in my room.

Ribbons, sequin appliques, and hats.

I’m totally excited about the workshop and clothing exchange.

Not just because I’m big time into costumes, but because it’s my first time producing an event with a new burner group.

And I’m totally stoked to be part of the team.

Every year I think, “Yeah, I just going to SLOW DOWN all my burner activities.”

And every year I get sucked back in.

Can’t fight it.

I love the Burning Man community!

Pineapple

I pulled together a pineapple outfit for Burning Man:

And wonder of all wonders. . .I ACTUALLY wore it at Burning Man:

So when it comes to unSCruz, I thought, “Why not revisit my pineapple accessories and put together a warm pineapple outfit?”

And so I did just that.

Internet, meet my PINEAPPLE ONESIE:

And my PINEAPPLE BEANIE:

As if that’s NOT ENOUGH PINEAPPLES, I’ve got my pineapple necklace, earrings, and sunglasses to include with the outfit.

Oh, that’s TOO MUCH I know, but I can’t help myself.

I just love the design of pineapples.

Irony is though, I actually don’t like to eat pineapples.

Something about the texture bothers me.

So even though I’ll be a pineapple girl at unSCruz, you won’t find me eating any pineapples!

Monkey business

I’ve been thinking about Bizarre Bazaar.

What can I wear?

It’s in the beginning of May so it’s still a little brisk during the day.

And it gets cold at night.

So I came up with an idea.

Why not wear my onesies to unSCruz and combine them with unique hats and (maybe) wigs?

Check out my monkey business onesie:

Wouldn’t it be perfect to pair it with this hat from etsy?

Maybe I won’t be the coolest, or the sexiest woman there, but I’ll be warm and very VERY cheeky (the onesie has a butt-flap)!

Bizarre Bazaar

Yay!

I can finally talk about unSCruz because it’s been announced that the theme is Bizarre Bazaar and the event will last FOUR days, instead of three.

I’m so excited I could just spit.

In case you don’t know, unSCruz is a regional Burning Man event that takes place the first weekend of May at the Santa Cruz Fairgrounds.

It’s A TON of fun!

Imagine art, lights, music, dancing, fire, drinks, and costumes like you can’t believe.

Every year I fall more and more in love with this event.

It’s truly the most burner fun you can have outside of Burning Man.

Of course, Precompression, Decompression, and Pagan Bunny Burn are a close second BUT. . .

unSCruz has showers.

‘Nuf said.

In any case, I’m scouring the internet for costume ideas for unSCruz.

For some reason this year I’m in to funny hats.

I really want to buy some unique and colorful hats to wear and etsy is RIPE with funny hats!

Check out these hats below:

Fuck Chemistry

Despite the fact that I have no online dating presence right now, POF continues to email me with requests from men who want to meet me.

No.

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking it’s possible that there might be a good one out there.

Let me dissuade you from that notion.

In the 12 years since my divorce, I have absolutely met not a single soul online who I connected with.

Excepting a few Facebook friends.

Every time I get tempted to go online and see what’s up, I remember that guy who moved his glass so he could “see my tits better.”

Or the guy who deeply hurt my feelings because he said we had “no chemistry.”

I’ve been thinking about chemistry a lot lately.

About how deceptive it is.

Sure, I get all pie-eyed every time I see a lumberjack.

Give me a beard, broad shoulders, and a warm chest and color me happy.

But in reality, I’ve discovered that long term chemistry has very little to do with that initial physical rush of hormones, and everything to do with who that person is on the inside, which takes time to discover.

Barbara would tell me this is EXACTLY why I should wait MONTHS before getting physically involved with someone.

Take, for instance, my ex-boyfriend Luke.

Luke owned dozens of hand guns, even more knives, and he drove a truck.

He had no beard, but he lived in flannels on his days off.

Perfect man for me?

Not so much.

When times got tough, and we tried to talk it out Luke could only stare at the floor and play with his socks.

He had no ability to discuss difficult topics AT ALL.

And you know, everyone runs into the need to discuss challenging subjects.

So I say fuck chemistry.

Not that anyone is lining up outside my door for a chance to take me on a date, but I’m basically like the carpool lane on the weekend:

OPEN TO ALL.

One happy momma

I GOT A LETTER FROM DUNCAN!

Yes I did!

In it, he admitted that the first two days were hard – very little sleep and lots of travel and work.

Hence the crap photo of him looking all forlorn and unhappy.

That did not sit well with me.

I’ve been wondering how he’s doing and I’m happy to report he’s doing okay.

He’s made friends and it sounds like he’s having fun, even if he is working hard every day.

This from a kid who is used to sleeping until 2 pm. . .

I’ve been advised that the “currency” that is used in boot camp is mint lozenges.

They’re the only thing allowed by leadership.

So guess what I did?

I went out and bought like a BILLION mint lozenges for Duncan.

The problem is, I can’t send them to him yet.

I STILL don’t have an address for the shipment.

But when he gives it to me, for sure I will be packing and sending him a care package with everything he could possible DREAM of needing at Boot Camp – shampoo, body wash, mint lozenges, candy bars, and family pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I’m DYING to see what he looks like now with his head shaved.

And in uniform.

You know us ladies love a man in uniform.

Single and AMAZING

I just realized.

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon.

That holiday is always a bit of a crap shoot for me.

Some years I like it.

Other years I DESPISE it!

This year, I’m feeling slightly ambivalent with a slight lean towards “FUCK THIS FUCKING HOLIDAY.”

Yes, it’s because I’m single and I have no one to celebrate romantic love with.

But I sure have a lot of people I love who I can celebrate.

So Valentine’s Day doesn’t TOTALLY suck the BIG ONE.

This year I’m going on a pub crawl for Valentine’s Day.

Table for Onesie is a progressive through the streets of Campbell where people dressed in onesies drown their sorrows in booze.

PERFECT!

Sign me up for THAT!

I’ll be in my jungle monkey onesie:

Perhaps underneath I’ll wear these broken heart nipple pasties.

Although for aforementioned reasons, OBVIOUSLY no one will see them.

I thought about wearing my TOXIC LOVE sweatshirt, which I’ve worn in protest in the past.

But in the end, I just LOVE the monkey suit.

If you’re in the same boat as me this Valentine’s Day, consider getting a group of friends together to celebrate this stupid fucking holiday with a shit ton of booze.

And never forget. . .

Even though you’re single, you’re still AWAZING!