Losing my sh*t

In 2015, I bought the Amazon Medallion bib from Bauble Bar.

It was awesome and I REALLY enjoyed wearing it with my tribal Burning Man outfit.

But. . .

I have managed to somehow LOSE the bag that had all the items for that outfit in it.

No necklace!

Boo! Hiss!

I was not pleased.

I replaced my tribal pants easy peasy with these AWESOME threads. . .

But I struggled to find a good replacement necklace.

Everything seemed to be too cheap (from China or India) or dripping in rhinestones.

Then I found G. Valentina who makes GORGEOUS gypsy necklaces.

She had this beautiful choker/necklace combo I FELL IN LOVE WITH.

And the rest is HISTORY!

Burning Man Gifts 2018

The other night, Tejas and I sipped gin and tonics while working on Burning Man projects.

I personally worked on my playa gifts.

Glass pendant necklaces.

They are BEAUTIFUL

I sourced the glass pendants from an etsy store since I couldn’t find a studio to charge me less than $10 per pendant.

I received my first batch in the mail and proceeded to glue bails on them, string them on 30” silver necklaces, and place them into individual organza bags.

[Two years ago, I used 18” rat tail cord and sadly my necklaces wouldn’t fit comfortably around anyone’s neck.]

So here’s my first batch of necklaces:

Hearts, for the most part, although I did a few dichroic diamonds.

It turns out, I like them so much I ordered another batch from the same vendor.

I’d like to have about 75 – 100 necklaces to gift.

My OTHER project was a set of light up kitty ears.

A vendor on etsy wanted $30 for a pair of them but between Tejas soldering shortened wires, and me wrapping the lights around a kitty ear headband, it cost me less then $7.

Thank you, Amazon!

St. Pauli Girl

A long time ago, I bought myself a St. Pauli Girl costume.

Little did I know how much use I was going to get out of it.

I wore that costume when I poured beer to raise money for charities.

And I wore it to my German friend’s birthday party (both times).

I also wore it to Oktoberfest celebrations and even on playa as a trick-or-treat costume.

Sadly however, the costume has bit the dust.

Well, I’m ASSUMING that it bit the dust since I can’t seem to find it since I last wore it.

I think in a fit of nonchalance, I carelessly “retired it to the round file,” instead of giving it a proper send off (three beers, a shot of Feigling, and some loud tuba music).

As it happens, I have three other “Oktoberfest” costumes, however NONE of them are authentic.

They’re green and pink, blue and white, brown and yellow.

What I want is a REAL St. Pauli Girl costume, and I have been searching high and low for just that.

Red skirt, blue apron, black corset, white blouse.

How HARD could that be?

Turns out. . . VERY HARD!

Hence the reason why I have THREE alternate Oktoberfest costumes.

So you can imagine how THRILLED I was to discover the EXACT SAME St. Pauli Girl costume on Amazon. . . and IN MY SIZE!

I’m sure everyone will be BEYOND ECSTATIC to see that my ass no longer peeks out from under a skirt that is two sizes too small for me to wear.

Or will they?

Sh*t Brown

Remember my GENIUS idea of wearing a pink latex dress to the Valentine’s Pub Crawl?

Yeah, one of my LESS THAN BRILLIANT ideas, as it turns out.

The dress actually DID arrive in the mail and lo and behold, it was this shitty brown color.

Now.

I might have known better, had I actually scoped out the website a little more.

They uploaded a picture of a hot looking older broad in the dress and it is CLEARLY not pink.

It’s this yucky porto potty soupy brown.

Yeah, you know what I’m talking about!

So here I am, stuck with a dress I CLEARLY will never wear.

I’m wondering if my local Goodwill will raise their eyebrows if I bring in a shit brown latex dress?

You know, it’s moments like these I realize what stores are for and why internet shopping sometimes SUCKS!

That is all.

Pasties

I have a LOVE / HATE relationship with pasties.

You know, PASTIES!

They’re stickers you put on your breasts to cover your nipples.

Well, I bought a SHIT TON of them in 2015 for Burning Man and then I never worked up the guts to wear them.

In 2017, I wound up gifting them to a campmate who proceeded to ROCK THE SHIT out of them wearing them at the burn.

Well, this year one of my outfits NECESSITATES that I wear pasties or else go naked.

So I bought some flat black cross pasties.

And then I got to wondering. . .how does something that is flat stick to something that is curved?

Not very well, I think.

So I went online and bought a pair of black “lace” latex pasties that are curved to fit a nipple.

This makes more sense to me.

And THEN, when I was downloading images to write this post, I clicked on the link for my flat black pasties and discovered that THIS is what I bought. . .

Um, NO!

What’s my name?

At Burning Man, some people use playa names instead of using their Default World name.

Often times, the name represents a characteristic of the person it’s attached to.

For instance, a particularly handy guy may get the nickname MacGyver.

Or an unusually clever man may take on the playa name of Wise Guy.

It’s all very relative and (I think) fun.

I love hearing all the creative names people come up with.

My playa name is Bombshell.

Tejas gave me the name and it’s sticking so I’m using it.

One friend insists that the name Bombshell is very male-centric and I should be named Goddess, but that’s another story.

In any case, I use the playa name Bombshell and I love watching people react to the name.

Usually I get something along the lines of “Yes. You. Are.”

It’s all very touching.

About a year ago I bought a “bombshell” sticker and stuck it to my laptop.

Then a few months before Burning Man 2017 my friend Marina bought me a Bombshell robe.

This year, I bought myself a Bombshell necklace.

Which. I. Love.

Personally, I plan to direct people’s eyes to my (impressive) cleavage and remind them that if they forget my name, it’s HANGING AROUND MY NECK!

Inner ballerina

If you knew me when I was a child, then you’d know that I was a ballerina.

Yes, indeed.

I took ballet classes from age 6 to age 13 (aka the age my boobs arrived).

At that point it became OBVIOUS that I did not have the petite, lithe body needed by dancers.

My parents forced me to take ballet for all those years.

I think they hoped that it would give me poise and class.

Ha!

Now, besides being wickedly flexible, I have the distinct talent of being able to do the splits.

And I have done the splits for many an onlooker at frat parties and Burning Man events, much to the chagrin of my parents.

Despite the fact that I no longer take ballet, I still have an ingrained affection for it.

Which is why I decided to make a pink tutu ballerina outfit for Burning Man.

Remember, I MUST have a tutu outfit for Tutu Tuesday at Burning Man.

Yes, it’s a bit of a stretch for me.

I’m not normally a PINK person.

But I’ve got to tell you, the idea of slipping into this outfit and wandering around the playa gives me shivers and feeds my inner ballerina!

Happy Birthday Tejas!

Tejas turns 57 in a week.

And although most people don’t understand it, he happens to be my best friend.

In the three years that I’ve known him, we have been on many adventures together.

Three Burning Mans.

Five SoulFires.

One unSCruz.

And countless parties.

He has kept me company on the long drive to Santa Rosa to visit my birthfamily.

And he accompanied me during my research into nude resorts.

Tough job, eh?

 

So for his birthday I got him something special.

You know how he likes to wear Burning Man pendants?

Well, I purchased a pendant for him from a small studio in Bali.

It’s a steampunk pendant loosely based on an ancient Mayan calendar design, which is perfect since Tejas has some Mayan in him.

I think he will LOVE it.

So to my bestie, I wish you a very happy birthday!

There’s no one I’d rather burn with than you.

Even though you drive me crazy at times. . .

Over The Moon

I turned d­­­­own a date today.

Not because it didn’t sound great.

It sounded very nice.

And not because I don’t find the guy attractive.

Actually, he’s at the far end of the handsome scale.

I know!

What was I thinking?

Well, I’ll tell you.

I was thinking of The Swede.

I was thinking how much I want to make him coffee in the morning.

And roll over in bed to see his face.

And I was thinking about how much I miss hugging him.

And kissing him.

There’s a whole lot of things I miss about The Swede.

How quiet he is until you get to know him.

How dedicated he is to his children.

How much of a prankster he is.

And so, for the first time EVER, I’m finally admitting I am OVER THE MOON for The Swede.

 

Two hams in a sausage casing

Well, I tried.

I got invited to a Valentine’s Pub Crawl (well TWO, actually) and I wanted to wear something saucy.

So I went online and ordered something I don’t have in my closet already (if you can believe that).

I ordered a pink latex dress.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m losing weight, but I suddenly find myself flush with body confidence.

And I wanted to put that body confidence in a latex dress.

I also got a faux fur jacket to match.

And voilà!

Some sort of fun and outstanding outfit for the crawl.

Yes, I was running the risk of putting on the dress only to discover I looked like two hams stuffed in a sausage casing, but hey!

Life is risk, no?

Sadly, hams or no hams, I wasn’t even able to try on the dress because the store I bought it from cancelled my order.

Needless to say I was irritated.

When I put effort into planning an outfit and there is a catastrophic failure of the outfit, I get a little miffed.

But you heard it here first –

Someday, regardless of this botched attempt, I’m going to wear latex!

Woot!