michelle1The universe has so aligned itself such that I will have dates Friday, Saturday, AND Monday night – all with different men.

I’d better shave my legs and moisturize my body, is all I have to say on the matter.

But seriously, considering I’ve had no dates in the last three months, this is going to be a SHOCK TO MY SYSTEM.

I’m worried I may be out of practice when it comes to socializing, kissing, and . . .

But perhaps dating is like riding a bike – it’s hard at first but then it gets easier the more you practice.

Needless to say, my lingerie collection is going to get a workout.

I must match my undergarments to my mood and my perception of what my dates would most enjoy.

  • I’m thinking perhaps my red latex undies for Mr. Friday Night. I love how they make me feel so exotic and wicked. I’m sure he’d love peeling them off my body, no doubt.
  • Saturday Night is like an eager-to-please puppy. I know that he’ll be happiest with me wearing black – the color of my naughtiest underthings. Perhaps a black vinyl corset with matching boyshorts. He’d love THAT look!
  • And finally, Mr. Monday. I know very little about Mr. Monday therefore it’s going to be a challenge to find something that he’d like. I might as well just please myself by wearing my favorite outfit – a black lace teddy with garters and thigh high stockings. Totally smashing!

Even if my dates NEVER see my lingerie, at least I get a boost from them and enjoy the secret little thrill of knowing I’m wearing something totally luscious under my clothes.



Favorite (sex) toys

I HIGHLY recommend all of these for use in the bedroom.  Some are standard issue sex toys and others are a little more out there.  But they’re all pretty tame (aka “vanilla”) as far as toys go.  I’ve seen much worse.

A sharpie.  Because it’s fun to write on each other’s naked body.  It’s also fun to try to keep the writing under covers as it fades.  Nothing like spotting your lover’s mark on your body to turn you on and make you want it all over again.

Feather whips.  They don’t hurt, they just wake up the nerves in your body and make them sing.

Nipple clamps.  Lots of sensation.  Only painful if you want it that way.  ‘Nuff said.

jimmyjane Massage Oil Candle.  Oh la la!  In Bourbon, Cucumber Water, Dark Vanilla, and Pink Lotus.  All yum and especially fun with a partner.  No worries about getting burnt though,  the candle are low temperature melting candles.  The oil pours out in a lovely warm stream.

Vibrating cock ring.  Because, you know, there’s nothing like a nubby little button on your nubby little button.  Done.

Sensory Wheel.  Don’t worry, it only looks like it’ll poke a million holes in you.  Spread you with seeds and water and you’ll become a Chia Pet.  Not so.  This little device is great at waking up your skin and delivering delicious sensation.  Don’t believe me?  Try it.

The innie-outie couples massager.  I’m not sure what to say about this without being terribly explicit.  Since I’m sure you don’t want to hear how many orgasms I’ve had with this device let me just say this – it’s meant to be worn during intercourse.  And it’s AWESOME!

Personal massager.  Works great.  Tiny and discreet with a super quiet motor.  This is the one to take in your purse when you’re traveling.  You’ll want TSA to frisk you just so you can show it off.

5The Rabbit.  What can I say about the rabbit that hasn’t already been said.  It’s a whopper of a vibrator but really gets the job done with rotating beads, a swirling tip, and a vibrating bunny with strategically placed ears.  Yum!

A dildo.  Go old school with a standard issue dildo.  Or go with the non-standard issue.  I’m partial to black dildos because they make me feel wicked, but they come in all colors, shapes and sizes – kinda like the men out there.  Choose wisely, this will be your boyfriend longer than your relationships.


Fighting back

The first time I was “grabbed by the pussy” I was 12 years old and shopping with my family in Payless. A man came up behind me, and brushed my buttocks with his hand. I was flustered but assumed it was a mistake. I moved to another aisle but he followed me there.

I was staring at shelves of toys, trying to calm myself down and convince myself that what felt like a deliberate act was just an accident when he reached up my school uniform and “grabbed my pussy.”

I’ll never forget the sensation of illness that swelled up inside me. Followed swiftly by fear. This man, this criminal, had taken something from me and I would never get it back.

Over the years I’ve endured more unwanted attention – cat calls, groping hands, uninvited touch, and forced kisses.

When Donald Trump said that he could “grab women by the pussy” he epitomized the rape culture that we all want to believe doesn’t exist but can’t help but acknowledge the existence of.

I am saddened and sickened to think that in the 21st century, women are still treated as inferior – mere play things for the entertainment and pleasure of men – and that men and women alike are so willing to dismiss an act that amounts to criminal behavior as simply “locker room talk.”

I, for one, am not going to sit around and let my sons grow up in a world where women are second class citizens. In November, I intend to vote my conscience by voting for a candidate who epitomizes what I find great about this country and not for the candidate who plays to our lowest elements.


Boobs at Burning Man

Someone surfed in to my website searching for “boobs at Burning Man.”

Surprisingly, I have no pics of boobs at Burning Man.

I think it’s unfair to take and post photos of naked women without their permission.

It’s not like I’m the Girls Gone Wild tycoon.

I do happen to have quite a few photos of this part of the female anatomy, however.

Mostly because I’m a big fan of them and my own.

Not surprisingly, I just showed them off to a friend, albeit wearing a nice thick white French body lotion dripping over them.

SO without further adieu, since I think it DOES BEAR REPEATING AGAIN, here is the link to the post with all my boob photos.



Cougar needs some glasses


He walked into the French café I was sitting in.

I was brainstorming blog posts while sipping an iced coffee and enjoying an almond cookie.

Marzipan, yum!

He looked to be about 25 years old, and was probably a graduate student from the nearby university.

“Mr. Right”

That’s what his t-shirt said.

I got the BRILLIANT idea to tease/flirt with him.

He sat down at the table across from mine.

Facing me.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” I said when I caught his eye.

“Excuse me?” he asked obviously confused.

“It’s a joke,” I said. “Your shirt. . . Mr. Right. . . ”

He gave me a quizzical look, straightened up in his chair, and stretched his shirt out for me to see.


Not “Mr. Right.”

Cougar needs some glasses.



Halloween 2016

It’s almost Halloween!

And Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday.  Even more so than Thanksgiving/Christmas festivities.

This year, my aunt and uncle are throwing their FAMOUS Halloween party in Castro Valley.

I will be going as the Cheshire Cat.

The Cheshire Cat was my new costume for Burning Man 2016 which I never wore because I loaned out my light up purple tutu, forgetting that it was part of that costume.

Oops!  My bad.

So there was no Michelle dressed as the Cheshire Cat at Burning Man.


To remedy this, I plan to whoop it up at Uncle D’s and Aunt S’s Halloween party.

There are POWERFUL forces at work in their house – like jello shots and Irish Car Bomb trains.

Check out my costume:

cheshire catI want to add some dramatic makeup but seeing as how I like to eat and drink at parties I’m worried I’ll ruin the makeup – especially a HUGE Cheshire Cat grin!

cheshireIt should be a very fun party, especially since I think my brother Art will be there along with my cousins Jennifer, Travis, and Bella.


Slumming it

Sometimes, I’m bad.

Not REALLY bad, just SLIGHTLY bad.

For instance, despite the fact that I have BOXES of lingerie in my bedroom (in addition to 7 drawers full), I just went and bought some new lingerie.

Basically because I had a date that I was getting ready for so I NEEDED that black lace teddy and those thigh high stockings.

teddy stockings

And do you know what I’m doing today?

I’m shopping online for MORE lingerie – Hips & Curves, Wicked Temptations, Yandy Lingerie, and Frederick’s of Hollywood.

Not exactly quality lingerie, but it gets the job done.

For quality lingerie, I go to Journelle, Agent Provocateur, and Adore Me.

But I’m not shopping high end.

No, I’m slumming it.

I may as well go and buy my lingerie from Victoria’s Secret (cheaply made, “disposable” lingerie, IMHO).

I actually bought a crotchless bodystocking from Yandy. . .

Because, you know, when am I EVER going to need a crotchless bodystocking?


To make matters worse, my makeup obsession has reared its ugly head again to the tune of $100 at Ulta.

Not the biggest shopping spree, but still making a dent in my budget.


It really is time to hold a clothing swap at my house and get rid of some of the makeup/lingerie/costumes that I’m holding on to.

Before I turn into a cartoon.

I think I need therapy.





Is it a debate or a singles meet up?

democratI went to a local Democratic Debate party with my friend Michelle to watch the debate between Secretary Clinton and Donald Trump.

I’ll be perfectly honest and admit that I went there hoping to meet like-minded single men.


Only I would use a presidential debate as a tool to meet men.

Sadly, I met no men.

The place was PACKED TO THE ROOF with women.

Whatever my motivation in going, I wound up having a great time and actually managed to sit through the WHOLE DEBATE, which is saying a lot.

Politics aside, it was great to watch a woman take the stage for the first time in the history of our nation.

No, I didn’t meet some guy to go out with.

But I did learn a lot about both candidates and who I’m going to vote for.

And educating myself about the candidate I want to run this country is pretty damn important.

Way more important than my (sad) love life.

Three’s Company

There’s this Facebook challenge out there that’s new to me.

You have to describe yourself using only three fictional characters.

As tempted as I was to describe myself using Wonder Woman, She-Ra, and the lady riding the polar bear on the Rumple Minze bottle, I knew those women only described who I WISH I was – gorgeous, strong, and taking no shit.

img_0334So I paused, and thought about who I really am like.

And I came up with these three characters:

Molly Ringwald’s character Samantha “Sam” Baker in Sixteen Candles.

On many levels this character speaks to me.

First, I am a child of the 80s and therefore a SLAVE to John Hughes films.

Secondly, I tend to get the guy in the end, but only after some serious humiliation and hurdle jumping in the process.

No, I’ve never been felt up by my grandmother, but yes, I’ve been ogled by the school pervert.

img_0330My next fictional character is Samantha Jones from Sex in the City because, well, I tend to be a horn dog.

Sure, I get a lot less sex than she did, but that’s only because I detest settling for mediocre connections.

I prefer to LIKE the men I sleep with.

img_0328Finally, there’s Bridget Jones.

Ah yes, Miss Jones, how I relate to you.

I’m always trying to be poised and elegant but wind up falling short of that and acting earthy and amusing.

I would TOTALLY slide down a fireman’s pole.

And in real life, I really do keep a diary (my blog).

img_0329So there you have it, me in three fictional characters.