The Tortoise and the Hare

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I’ve been watching a show with Jerry Seinfeld called “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” and invariably he shows up to take out another comedian for coffee in some sort of fancy sports car.

Lucky man, to marry his passion for automobiles to his career in comedy.

So Jerry Seinfeld goes to take out another comedian and he shows off what his car can do.

And there are two types of people when it comes to fast cars:

  1. Speed freaks
  2. Safety advocates

Most people, when smushed into a small race car of decades old origins, complain.

But when that tin can goes hurtling down the highway at high speed, two things happen.

A speed freak will get giddy and enjoy the ride despite the fact that there are likely no airbags to save them from death.

A safety advocate gets quiet and tense, knowing there are no airbags and one wrong move means death.

There’s no in between folks.

You either enjoy it or you don’t.

I have a friend who collects cars.

I suspect he’d fall into the SPEED FREAK category, like Seinfeld.

Me?

I’m a safety advocate.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Make an offer

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A real conversation I had:

Him:  Hey are you still interested in meeting up or should I delete your contact?  LOL

Me:  Depends.

Him:  On what?

Me:  You still married?

Him:  Yeah but it’s open like I said she is bi if that interests you.  I can provide a permission slip.  LMAO

Me:  I suppose you can delete me then.  Best wishes to you.

Him:  Oh man I’m kinda bummed to hear that.

Seriously.

When are men going to get a clue?

A dead end is a dead end and I’m not about to waste my precious time on this earth playing second, third, or maybe even fourth fiddle to someone else.

Like most women, I learned the hard way that most married-but-open men aren’t really open.

Covid has taken away my patience for their bullshit.

No matter how sexy a wife they come with.

The truth is I have more than enough friends with benefits to keep me happy.

That’s not what I’m looking for.

Offer me something I don’t already have.

That’s what I’m looking for.

And until I find it, it’s hard to settle.

Spanx you very much

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With all the planning and purchasing and designing that went in to my Strawberry Dress would you be surprised to learn that I have every last detail of the outfit ironed out EXCEPT the dress?!

That’s right!

I have a strawberry hat, a strawberry necklace, strawberry earrings, strawberry shoes, strawberry purse, strawberry wallet, strawberry bag charm, and strawberry nails BUT I HAVE NO DRESS!

It’s not for lack of trying.

I’ve bought three strawberry dresses.

The first two were just a bit too tight.

So I finally found a source with larger sizes.

But it has yet to arrive.

In the meantime, I received a strawberry bikini in the mail.

Size 2XL.

But I’m afraid that size 2XL in this bikini is a size 8 in the USA and I am more voluptuous than that.

So I have two strawberry dresses and one strawberry bikini that need to be returned.

I’ve decided that the strawberry bikini is completely unnecessary and I wonder what prompted me to buy it in the first place.

Mama don’t need no size 8 bikini for under her strawberry dress, no!

Mama needs SPANX!

Sense and Sensibility

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Perhaps Bridgerton influenced this new trend but I’m seeing a lot of corsets worn over shirts for style.

Quite frankly, I love the look but I’m wary of the style.

First of all, corsets are remarkably uncomfortable.

Secondly, wearing UNDERWEAR as OUTERWEAR can only serve to make me look bulkier, and I’m not down for that.

However, I fell in love with this look from Instagram with a woman in black leather leggings and a leopard printed corset top.

I know, I know.

Too bad there’s no picture of it from the front, but I love the idea of wearing black faux leather leggings with a corset top and heels.

Faux leather leggings are easy to find but the corset top has proved a lot harder to find.

There’s this:

And this:

But then, oh yeah, I came across this and it STOLE MY HEART:

What a shame I can’t afford spending $2,500 on a corset top!

We’ll see if this takes shape into an outfit or not.

It does occur to me that being 47 and wearing faux leather leggings and a corset top might not be the best fashion sense, but when have I ever been sensible when it comes to style?

Goodbye to you!

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I’m in a pretty good mood today.

I’m so happy I could dance a happy dance.

@nikolknudson

#duet with @smacmccreanor Helmet Duet Back By Popular Demand! 💃🏼💃🏼 dc: @zockjat

♬ Ess and Emm – Zack Jot

To all my friends and family who are disappointed I hope the coming four years brings about a kinder, gentler, more peaceful America.

The kind of America that lives up to its ideal of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness regardless of race, creed, gender, or sexual orientation.

Is Biden’s age and awkwardness ideal?

No.

Is Kamala the best choice for VP?

Who knows?

But I got teary eyed watching them take their vows.

Here’s hoping for a better America.

Paaaaaarty!

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Finally!

A party!

I’m so excited I could just burst!

It’s way off in June so there’s gonna be a little waiting between now and then but still, there’s something on the books.

Now I just need to be sure I’ve been vaccinated.

A friend sent out a Save The Date for June 5th.

Burner attire is encouraged.

Which means I can wear my strawberry outfit or my electric blue velvet jumpsuit outfit.

I’m leaning toward the electric blue velvet jumpsuit because I’m so in love with the blinged out bag.

Throw Back Thursday

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I see everyone doing this on Facebook so I’m going to do it on my blog and show you a really embarrassing photo of myself as a teenager.  I’d just won a speech contest for the Toastmaster’s and was posing with the school principal.  I wish someone had told me to take down the sail that was my bangs.  Sigh.

And another, from when I was a young kid and my parents chopped my hair off.

 

And an even younger picture with my sister.

Bridgerton as anesthesia

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There’s a lot going on in the US lately.

I confess I’m more than a little stressed out.

I’m so stressed that I must do something to assuage my stress.

That’s where Bridgerton comes in handy.

Bridgerton is a Netflix series about the Bridgerton family navigating the marriage season in London in the early 1800s.

It’s a bit of fluff with awesome costumes and attractive actors.

I’ve watched the series three times now and each time I watch it, it is the anesthesia that I need to calm down and escape from my daily stresses.

But I’ve got a bone to pick with the series creator.

In the series, many of the eligible young ladies have NO IDEA how babies are made.

Really.

They’re going around trying to figure out how babies are made.

It’s laughable.

And of course, the ending is a little too perfect for words.

The main character gives birth to a son, thereby securing the family line.

It’s as if the series creator decided to tell a story about the perfection of being a woman, a wife, and a mother.

We all know not everyone gets a happy ending.

But for the purposes of escaping my daily grind, Bridgerton is a great diversion!

Ta da!

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I just happened upon this photo on Instagram and I was TRANSPORTED to a place I’d much rather be:

In a hot tub in the snow in the mountains with a bottle of Veuve Cliquot champagne nearby and my gorgeous rear end hanging out of the water.

Ta da!

The Louis Vuitton monogrammed towel is totally optional, btw.

Nice touch!

I just thought you’d like to know that THIS is my happy place and that’s where I go when I’m stressed or feeling out of sorts.

Feeling BLUE

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I decided to revisit my electric blue velvet jumpsuit.

Instead of adding a blue fascinator, as I was planning on doing, I’ve opted to wear the jumpsuit with a blue fedora adorned with a pearl ribbon.

I think it makes for a much edgier outfit and I like the way the hat screams “I’m in charge.”

Of course this means I can finally accessorize and I’ve decided to go with a multi=strand pearl choker.

I don’t yet have earrings but I imagine and pearl earrings will do.

I did finally buy a pair of shoes to wear (which I HOPE aren’t too painful to wear).

And for a final touch, the purse:

And there you have it.

Now I just need an excuse to wear it!