Gypsy

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My experience with coronavirus goes back decades.

I adopted a grey and white kitten I named Gypsy from a shelter who was infected with a strain of feline coronavirus.

My ex-husband and I discovered that there was a problem when she was struggling to breathe.

We rushed her to the hospital where the vet removed two large syringes full of wheat colored fluid from her lungs.

The virus caused her blood vessels to become permeable to the fluid in her blood (but not the red or white blood cells) and she was slowly drowning in her own fluids.

In the end, we had to humanely put her to sleep to end her suffering.

Therefore when I got my first Covid-19 vaccine this week, I was thinking of Gypsy and watching her struggle to breathe.

Neither one of my sisters, who are nurses, are vaccinated.

There is a little concern over the rapid development and deployment of the vaccine.

I received the Pfizer vaccine.

For me, it’s just another baby step toward returning to life as normal. . .

Whatever normal might look like after Covid.

Tulle know me is Tulle love me

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I’ve been searching Pinterest for inspiration for Burning Man 2021 outfits.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m attracted to colorful tulle skirts.

This rainbow tulle skirt is awfully cute:

As is this pink and orange number which is so cute:

But sadly, although tulle is very pretty, a full blown skirt made out of the materials is unlikely to be very practical at Burning Man.

But do I have a sad face?

No.

Why?

Because I found this little feather shorts set which also can’t be worn on the playa (feathers too often become MOOP):

But it did inspire me to locate hot pants with a little tulle bustle:

So perhaps I’ll work on an Ariana Grande costume using my long ponytail AND the tulle shorts!

Perfect for the hot weather at Burning Man.

Tank Girl Pins

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Would any Tank Girl costume be complete without pins?

I found a couple online which are perfect for the outfit:

And since I’m expecting it to be hot on the playa, I also got camo shorts and a shortalls set just in case I need some cooler options:

And FINALLY, some dagger earrings to go with the outfit.

Needless to say, I’m totally in love with Tank Girl right now and can’t wait to assemble it completely to see how it looks!

Sight to see

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Maybe I won’t do Tank Girl meets Ariana Grande.

They are too diametrically opposed and adding a long ponytail does not an Ariana Grande make.

Ariana is feminine in a flirty way whereas Tank Girl is more androgynous and sexy in a badass way.

I’ve decided that I’m just going with Tank Girl.

Today I got the camo pants in the mail.

I purchased a Tank Girl pin:

And a Tank Girl belt buckle which I’ll add to an orange belt:

And yes, I bought the star bikini top because it was on deep discount on Etsy and because I know it’ll make an impression:

I also got a trapper hat:

Today, I pulled all the parts of the outfit together using a black vinyl bikini top, and this is what I was able to get a picture of:

Now, all I have to add are my black boots and some military-esque pins and perhaps a bandolier of booze, like this one, but filled with itty bitty bottles of single-serve booze:

Won’t I be a sight to see?!

Back Scratch

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The key to my heart isn’t a well-cooked meal.

It’s not even a good glass of wine.

No.

The key to my heart is a good back scratch.

Indeed.

Take your massage and add some nice scrubby, scratchy mitts and run them all over my back and I’m in heaven.

Guys, they think massages are where it’s at.

But I’m here to tell you a good back scratch beats all.

My son Duncan has inherited my love of back scratches.

He comes into my room sometimes three or four times a day to get a back scratch.

The good thing about back scratches is that they only need to last about 30 seconds, so for those of you who have the attention span of a gnat, you’re in good shape here.

If you ask me what the perfect day is, it involves a drive along the ocean during sunset, a good bottle of wine, a juicy burger and a BACK SCRATCH.

‘Nuf said.

No means no

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Sometimes when you’re online dating you come across someone who looks really good but turns out to be a complete and total disaster.

My first clue that there would be a problem should have been when I noticed he was named after a serial killer.

Why would parents deliberately saddle their child with an infamous name?

In any case, when asked what I was looking for I replied, “An animal lover.  You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals. What are you looking for?”

A God fearing woman.

I’ll just pause and let that sink in.

A God fearing woman.

Not someone who loves God, not someone who lives a God-centered life but a “GOD FEARING WOMAN.”

This is something I am not.

If I believed in God, and I’m not saying that I don’t, then my God would be a loving, compassionate, caring entity.

A God to be loved, not feared.

So I politely pointed this out to him and suggested that we part ways.

But he would have none of it.

He reminded me I have a good heart.

Yes, but I still am not looking for a man who wants a woman who fears God.

Things can still work out for us, he replied.

At this point, my objection to him stopped being his interest in God fearing women and became his inability to take no for an answer.

This is never a good sign.

Two people were never less clearly meant for each other than us two.

I suggested that we’d be wasting each other’s time.

I made it clear that I was definitely not what he was looking for.

I’m not sure how many times a woman needs to tell a man no thank you, but based on this interaction it’s more than four times.

No means no.

Lumberjack is a Lumberjill

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I wrote this post a month ago after I saw this TikTok video and had what you might call a lesbian awakening*:

 

I called up Tejas with a very important question to ask him.

Me:  Tejas do you think I might be gay?

Tejas:  [laughing]

Me:  I’m serious.  Have I ever given off a gay vibe to you?  Have you ever once thought, ‘Michelle might be gay?’

Tejas:  There was the one time you got kissed by a woman on the playa. . .

Me:  I’ll explain.  Lately, I’ve felt so lackluster about men.  I’m wondering is it because I’m gay?

Tejas:  No. You’re not gay.  You’re one of those women who appreciates men more than others.  You prefer the company of men to women.  Tell me how many girlfriends do you have?

Me:  Plenty.  There’s Barbara.  And Michelle.  And my sister.  And my cousin Jennifer.

Tejas:  But none of those are romantic relationships.

Me:  No.  I’m just wondering if it’s possible for women to begin to look more appealing.

Tejas:  But you like masculine men.

Me:  I’ve met some pretty ‘masculine’ women.

I’m not making light of the LGBTQ experience, which I am fully immersed in as the parent of an LGBTQ child.

I’m genuinely questioning my own direction when it comes to pursuing relationships.

I just haven’t had much luck with men.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been mainstreamed into believing in my own heterosexuality.

I spend all my time dating men when I should be relaxing the entrance criteria.

As Tejas pointed out, it’s not like I don’t have the opportunity to go ahead and check it out for myself.

Maybe the reason I haven’t found my lumberjack is that she’s a lumberjill.

 

*Note:  After I saw THIS VIDEO, I’ve since decided that I’m pretty straight.  But kudos to women for being so. damn. sexy.

Mikayla made me buy it

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I’ve taken to wearing fake eyelashes.

Let me explain.

Originally, I got lash extensions, because they look divine and are relatively inexpensive (~$40 per refill).

I stopped getting lash extensions because they hurt my eyes and I missed washing my face and getting my face wet in the shower – two things which decrease the amount of time the lashes will last.

Here I am with lash extensions at SoulFire in 2015:

Ultimately, I removed them and I’ve been okay wearing just mascara on my own lashes.

I prefer this mascara to all others:

Although it’s an extra step when I get ready, I’m glad to be able to wash my face and step into a shower without worrying my lashes will fall out.

But recently, my opinion of fake lashes changed.

What changed it for me is that I got a TikTok account and found Mikayla Nogueira beauty videos.

Mikayla is a cool chick from Massachusetts who has an awesome accent to match (love it!).

She puts up fresh beauty content every day and has some OUTRAGEOUS looks which I would never wear outside but which are quite entertaining and works of art.

I’ve noticed that everything looks strange and unbalanced until she pops on a pair of false eyelashes, then BOOM!

The whole look comes together.

So I’ve been buying fake eyelashes to wear myself.

I happen to love these “corner lashes” which are a half-lash and give the appearance of a foxy eye.

Now I’m no Mikayla, so the learning curve to putting on lashes is pretty steep.

I’ve discovered looking down while popping on a lash from above works best.

There’s also MAGNETIC eyelashes, which cost a small fortune but pop on and off super easy!

I’ve purchased other products, based on Mikayla’s recommendation.

P. Louise eyeshadow base for one.

A hyaluronic acid eye gel, for another.

Which is why I’m calling this post “Mikayla made me buy it.”

Who knew this 47 year old administrator from California would find such a kindred spirit in a feisty, 4’11” twenty-something beauty guru and self-proclaimed Masshole (an asshole from Massachusetts)?

But there you have it.

You can check out Mikayla online via Instagram here or TikTok here.

Your pocketbook with HATE you for it!

Mammograms save lives

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I heartily support women’s health.

Therefore, when it came time for me to go to my mammogram, I showed up early and ready to go.

My technician was all of 4’11”.

I am 5’8” tall.

I heard her through the door with the woman getting a mammogram before me.

Picture 1, perfect.

Picture 2, fine.

Picture 3, done.

Picture 4, complete.

Therefore I was optimistic that it would be a breeze when it was my turn.

I was wrong.

Apparently, I have “uncooperative” breasts.

She kept telling me my posture was TOO GOOD.

I need BAD posture for imaging.

She told me to RELAX!

How to relax when your breast is in a vice is beyond me, but apparently I do it poorly.

In the end, it only took an extra 10 minutes but it was 10 minutes of torture as far as I’m concerned.

Let me tell you this – if testing for prostate/testicular cancer was as uncomfortable as a mammogram, you can be sure men would invent a gentler method to find it.

In my estimation, women are better at pain management than men are.

We women are WARRIORS!

A mammogram is the leading breast cancer screening test for most women.

If you’re over 40, talk to your doctor about getting screened.

Mammograms save lives.

If I can do it, so can you.

Seeing Red

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I’ve always had a thing for red dresses ever since I saw the movie Pretty Woman:

The movie came out in 1990, and in 1991 when I went to my Senior Ball, I commissioned a similar dress made out of red velvet:

I loved the dress so much I wore it again in 1994 for my Junior Ball in college which I coerced my friend to take me to:

Then, I bought another red dress, this one with a strappy red back, which I wore out with my friends in college:

And another red dress which I wore to my Junior League formal in 2008:

Needless to say, there have been countless other red dresses I’ve worn – the red mesh dress, my Jessica Rabbit sequin dress, and so many more:

Sadly my MOST FAVORITE red dress, a vintage David Meister dress with a keyhole neckline, which I wore to my Law School Formal I never took a picture in, but it looked like this:

I did however keep the dress and if I ever fit into it again, I will most definitely be posing for pictures in it.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been eyeballing these dresses online:

But since we’ve established that I already have enough red dresses (not to mention my tax accountant will KILL me if I buy another dress), I will not be purchasing any new outfits, especially red ones.

But oh, the love in my heart for them. . .