If you knew me when I was a child, then you’d know that I was a ballerina.
I took ballet classes from age 6 to age 13 (aka the age my boobs arrived).
At that point it became OBVIOUS that I did not have the petite, lithe body needed by dancers.
My parents forced me to take ballet for all those years.
I think they hoped that it would give me poise and class.
Now, besides being wickedly flexible, I have the distinct talent of being able to do the splits.
And I have done the splits for many an onlooker at frat parties and Burning Man events, much to the chagrin of my parents.
Despite the fact that I no longer take ballet, I still have an ingrained affection for it.
Which is why I decided to make a pink tutu ballerina outfit for Burning Man.
Remember, I MUST have a tutu outfit for Tutu Tuesday at Burning Man.
Yes, it’s a bit of a stretch for me.
I’m not normally a PINK person.
But I’ve got to tell you, the idea of slipping into this outfit and wandering around the playa gives me shivers and feeds my inner ballerina!
Tejas turns 57 in a week.
And although most people don’t understand it, he happens to be my best friend.
In the three years that I’ve known him, we have been on many adventures together.
Three Burning Mans.
And countless parties.
He has kept me company on the long drive to Santa Rosa to visit my birthfamily.
And he accompanied me during my research into nude resorts.
Tough job, eh?
So for his birthday I got him something special.
You know how he likes to wear Burning Man pendants?
Well, I purchased a pendant for him from a small studio in Bali.
It’s a steampunk pendant loosely based on an ancient Mayan calendar design, which is perfect since Tejas has some Mayan in him.
I think he will LOVE it.
So to my bestie, I wish you a very happy birthday!
There’s no one I’d rather burn with than you.
Even though you drive me crazy at times. . .
I turned down a date today.
Not because it didn’t sound great.
It sounded very nice.
And not because I don’t find the guy attractive.
Actually, he’s at the far end of the handsome scale.
What was I thinking?
Well, I’ll tell you.
I was thinking of The Swede.
I was thinking how much I want to make him coffee in the morning.
And roll over in bed to see his face.
And I was thinking about how much I miss hugging him.
And kissing him.
There’s a whole lot of things I miss about The Swede.
How quiet he is until you get to know him.
How dedicated he is to his children.
How much of a prankster he is.
And so, for the first time EVER, I’m finally admitting I am OVER THE MOON for The Swede.
Well, I tried.
I got invited to a Valentine’s Pub Crawl (well TWO, actually) and I wanted to wear something saucy.
So I went online and ordered something I don’t have in my closet already (if you can believe that).
I ordered a pink latex dress.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m losing weight, but I suddenly find myself flush with body confidence.
And I wanted to put that body confidence in a latex dress.
I also got a faux fur jacket to match.
Some sort of fun and outstanding outfit for the crawl.
Yes, I was running the risk of putting on the dress only to discover I looked like two hams stuffed in a sausage casing, but hey!
Life is risk, no?
Sadly, hams or no hams, I wasn’t even able to try on the dress because the store I bought it from cancelled my order.
Needless to say I was irritated.
When I put effort into planning an outfit and there is a catastrophic failure of the outfit, I get a little miffed.
But you heard it here first –
Someday, regardless of this botched attempt, I’m going to wear latex!
The Pagan Bunny Burn is coming up in March and I’m totally excited!
I’ve never been, so this will be a first for me.
Of course, it’s essential that when one attends a bunny burn, one dresses like a bunny and so I’ve gone hog wild with bunny-related accouterments.
After all, the only bunny outfits I have are the White Rabbit / Playboy bunny outfits from a pub crawl 2 years ago.
It was the pub crawl where a woman showed up in a dress made of marshmallow peeps.
Yeah, that was AWESOME!
So I toiled away and managed to pull together not one, not two, but THREE new bunny outfits.
My black burner bunny outfit:
My rainbow brite bunny outfit:
And my pink monochromatic bunny outfit:
Personally, I like the black burner bunny outfit best, but if I show up and everyone is wearing a black bunny outfit, I can change into something else.
Gotta have them.
Rumor has it that a certain burner blogger has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks.
Just so you know, that’s this much fat:
The other day a coworker told me that I looked like I’d lost weight.
She said she could see it in my face and my chest.
It’s going to shrink, isn’t it?
No more voluptuous breasts.
I will miss putting them on display.
Looking at 10 pounds of fat, I am struck by the thought that I literally have NO IDEA that much fat was in my body.
And then I think to myself that I have 90 – 120 more pounds to lose and I am dumbfounded.
Where is it all?
Besides my boobs, of course!
Here’s what 100 pounds of fat looks like!
That looks like a entire PERSON!
And in a way, I guess it is.
Still, as much as I want to lose weight, I still want to keep some of my curviness.
I know I could always BUY a pair of buxom breasts, but I’d so much prefer to keep my real ones!
You know this.
I like to plan things out.
So it comes as no surprise then that I’ve (once again) organized my outfits into images I can glance at quickly when I’m on the playa to decide what I feel like wearing.
One of the reasons I do this is that I have a notoriously bad memory and so I’ll forget what I brought with me if I didn’t have it on paper.
These are works in progress, but I’m posting them here so that I can refer to this blog post when I’m trying to finalize my outfits with last minute items (hats, crowns, stockings, etc.)
So here it goes, thirty outfits I’ve assembled for iRobot 2018:
I think I’m getting better at pulling outfits together.
And don’t forget my goal of packing items which take up minimal space in my bins so that I can consolidate my wardrobe into fewer boxes!
I’m sure you all know by now that I had a FABULOUS time in Sweden.
Even in the winter, Stockholm and the surrounding areas were beautiful and inviting.
I must say, I loved it so much I hope to go back.
And it goes without saying that I’ll get to see The Swede if I head over again.
Not even the 12-hour plane light can deter me from going.
You know I’m a planner.
I actually bought a pair of bikini bottoms from Globalkinis with the Swedish flag on them for my trip to Sweden.
I imagined The Swede discovering them in the middle of fooling around.
But they didn’t arrive before I left for Sweden.
But now, The Swede might be coming for unSCruz.
Perhaps, if we’re lucky, even Burning Man.
And I’m pretty sure that the bikini bottom will go GREAT with my Swedish flag burnout tank top.
Even if he doesn’t make it, I still might wear the set.
You know, as my homage to Sweden (and The Swede).
It’s hard to plan for Burning Man not knowing what size I’m going to be.
My best guess is I will be at least 3 sizes smaller than I am now.
That’s about 30 – 45 pounds.
7 months, 3 sizes.
That sounds about right.
So I’m buying clothes a little smaller than I normally would and HOPING that I fit in them when the burn comes around.
There are however, some items I REALLY want to buy but can’t because they only sell them in teeny tiny sizes and I just can’t even fathom myself being small enough to fit into them.
Nevertheless, I’m posting them here, in case I wake up one day to discover that I’m a size 6 and can wear whatever the hell I want.
A girl can wish, eh?
I’ve been invited to TWO Valentine’s Day Pub Crawls.
The first is on the Friday BEFORE Valentine’s Day.
The second is on Valentine’s Day itself.
For both crawls, I will be wearing a onesie.
You know, one of those full body pajamas you see on babies?
Now, you might ask why I chose to wear onesies, and it’s a simple answer:
Because one of the crawls is a ONESIE Pub Crawl.
So I’m wearing a rainbow unicorn onesie because I like rainbows and unicorns.
The other pub crawl is a VALENTINE themed pub crawl.
And since my latex dress outfit fell through, I decided to just pick up a Valentine onesie and wear that.
It’s simple and doesn’t require lots of accessorizing.
Between you and I, I happen to have FIVE onesies – the unicorn, the Valentine, a zebra, the Grinch, and Chewbacca.
It’s impossible to have JUST ONE ONESIE.