I’m in love

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I got a new bodysuit and I’m so EXCITED about it.

Isn’t it GORGEOUS?

I love the iridescent blue, purple, and fuchsia!

Of course, I got it off of etsy where it was advertised as a “stripper monokini.”

What I’d like to know is HOW DO YOU STRIP IN THIS?

Seriously?

I know you can strip in anything but don’t you want multiple layers to take off piece by piece – top comes off, skirt comes off, slip comes off, bra comes off, panties come off?

This one comes off as ONE PIECE!

Where’s the temptation there?

In any case, it’s now mine and I love it and I’m wearing it at Burning Man.

Should be quite the conversation starter.

I know you all are wondering if I’m crazy.

And maybe I am a little.

But I feel like I should wear what I love and love what I wear on the playa.

And right now, I’m in love with THIS!

Burning Man Essentials: Men’s Fashion

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I’ve been holding off on writing this post because of the TREMENDOUS undertaking that it is.

How to describe the fashion of men at Burning Man?

I classify the fashion loosely into five styles:

  1. Dystopian
  2. Hippie
  3. Rave
  4. Steampunk
  5. Tribal/Ethnic

First of all, let me preface this by saying YOU CAN WEAR ANYTHING YOU WANT AT BURNING MAN.

Channel your inner freak and GO WILD!

These are simply some ideas, organized into a blog post that might help inspiration to strike.

DYSTOPIAN

In a word? BLACK.  But not necessarily.  Think mesh, cargo pants, zippers, chains, holsters, thigh bags, combat boots, streamlined goggles, and sleeveless hoodies.  Contains affiliate links.

HIPPIE

This one really doesn’t require an explanation.  Think macrame, crochet, colorful pants, tie dye, dread locks, flower power, bell bottoms, and fringe.  Contains affiliate links.

RAVE

Think holographic, kaleidoscopic color, bodysuits and glimmer, see-through, neon and GLOW!  Contains affiliate links.

STEAMPUNK

Think neo-Victorian, steam-powered aesthetic, black and brown, lace and leather, and top hats with accoutrements.  Contains affiliate links.

TRIBAL/ETHNIC

Think bright colors, Indian-inspired patterned leggings, chestplates, chunky necklaces, and lots and lots of unique statement jewelry.  Contains affiliate links.

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Dick pics

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You know how I go on and on about receiving unsolicited dick pics on this blog?

Well, the irony is that despite how much I complain, I SAVE all those photos.

Yes, I do.

I have an app on my phone which lets me password protect all my naughty photos.

I have 1,653 photos saved.

All the dick pics are organized into folders named after each man who sent them.

The other day, I was texting with a very nice Fireman when all of a sudden, a dick pic popped up on my screen.

An unsolicited dick pic, I might add.

HOWEVER, I must say that it was literally THE BIGGEST DICK I’D EVER SEEN.

Maybe it was the angle.

Maybe he used a telephoto lens.

But it was MASSIVE!

So I did what any woman would do. . .

. . .I giggled.

Then I hit “SAVE.”

No HARD Feelings

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I’ll never forget my first experience with “whiskey dick.”

I was a freshman at UCSB and my girlfriends and I were discussing impotence over dinner in the cafeteria.

I announced that it had never happened to me and then I FORGOT TO KNOCK ON WOOD.

That night, I hooked up with my usual lover after a night of drinking only to discover that HE COULDN’T GET IT UP.

Murphy’s Law strikes again!

In the years since college, my experiences with impotence have been few and far between.

The Hunk had problems.

But given that he saw fit to solve his problem by surreptitiously slipping off the condom, I have no sympathy for him.

There have been a few other men I have come across who have had this problem.

I don’t really understand why they’re not knocking on every doctor’s door, trying to get the problem fixed.

I’d be up, bright spanking early, waiting for the doctor to arrive so I could discuss a remedy for my problem, if I were an impotent man.

I once dated a man who was a staff member of a prominent college football team.

He had HUGE problems getting it up.

He preferred to get and give oral sex.

Now, I don’t know about you, but for me oral sex is a nice appetizer but it’s not the main course.

I might have been SLIGHTLY impatient for him to get everything working properly.

Hey! I’m a Scorpio.

I don’t like it when my sex life is interrupted.

Besides disrupting your sex life, the other thing about impotence is that it can be an indication of larger health problems.

So men really should get checked out by a doctor.

Now, you might be wondering why I bring this up.

Has it happened AGAIN?

I’m happy to report that no, no one has had problems getting it up around me.

And this is me KNOCKING ON FUCKING WOOD, RIGHT NOW!

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Burning Man Essentials: Women’s Fashion

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I’ve been holding off on writing this post because of the TREMENDOUS undertaking that it is.

How to describe the fashion of women at Burning Man?

I classify the fashion loosely into five styles:

  1. Dystopian
  2. Hippie
  3. Rave
  4. Steampunk
  5. Tribal/Ethnic

First of all, let me preface this by saying YOU CAN WEAR ANYTHING YOU WANT AT BURNING MAN.

Channel your inner freak and GO WILD!

These are simply some ideas, organized into a blog post that might help inspiration to strike.

DYSTOPIAN

In a word? BLACK.  But not necessarily.  Think mesh, cargo pants, zippers, chains, holsters, thigh bags, combat boots, streamlined goggles, and sleeveless hoodies.  Contains affiliate links.

HIPPIE

This one really doesn’t require an explanation.  Think macrame, crochet, colorful skirts, tie dye, dread locks, flower power, bell bottoms, and fringe.  Contains affiliate links.

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RAVE

Think holographic, kaleidoscopic color, bodysuits and glimmer, see-through, neon and GLOW!  Contains affiliate links.

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STEAMPUNK

Think neo-Victorian, steam-powered aesthetic, black and brown, lace and leather, and top hats with accoutrements.  Contains affiliate links.

TRIBAL/ETHNIC

Think bright colors, Indian-inspired patterned leggings, chestplates, chunky necklaces, and lots and lots of unique statement jewelry.  Contains affiliate links.

Ultimately, Burning Man style is what you make of it. There are no rules and there are no limitations. So have fun and let you inner child out to play!

A special cause which is near and dear to my heart is plus size fashion on the playa.  I have a Pinterest board dedicated to all you curvy and thick ladies out there.  Check it out, if you’re so inclined.  100+ pins!


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Do Men Fake It?

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Can a man climax without ejaculation?

This is the question that’s on my mind this morning.

I say no.

Others say yes.

I’ve been with men who were multi orgasmic.

The Israeli was multi orgasmic.

I’ve never known a man to climax as much as he did, and every time, a little dollop of love juice spilled out.

He may have ultimately been a rude partner, but at least the man could get it up, keep it up, and keep going.

I joked with him that he missed out on a great career in the porn industry.

He was an engineer.

Tejas, the resident expert on all things sexual, has assured me that it is possible.

He says you can train the stream to go into the bladder, to which I say “no fucking way” because it’s physically impossible to mix the excretory system with the reproductive system.

Then he says that perhaps a man can “empty” himself by masturbating repetitively.

This seems more likely.

However, I’m still skeptical.

Just like I’m skeptical when a man tells me he’s given a woman 250 orgasms in a weekend.

FYI, that’s one orgasm every 12 minutes in a 48 hour period.

My friend Mystery Man, also thinks a male climax without semen release is possible.

For the same reason Tejas says it’s possible – repetitive masturbation.

Ok, ok.

So MAYBE it’s possible.

Then again, maybe men FAKE it. . .

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Burning Man Essentials: Miscellaney

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Bungee cords.  For EVERYTHING! Binder clips come in handy.
Multi tool.  Can’t survive without one. Light.  For ambiance, natch!
Industrial power cords.  For those with power. Your own personal mug WITH a lid.
Handheld radio.  To listen to BMIR. Batteries, in all shapes and sizes.
Zip ties.  For everything.  Especially lights. Big ziploc bags.  To put your stuff in.
Bins.  For packing all your things.  Get clear. Handheld fan/mister.  For when it’s hot.
Two way radio.  For dust storm friend retrieval. Bike.  The wider the tires, the better.
Hamper used as garbage receptacle.  For  MOOP. Heavy duty garbage bags to line your garbage receptacle.
Duct tape.  For everything. Safety pins.  For costumes, etc.  Comes in handy.
Bike repair kit.  Definitely needed. Dry oil for your bike.  Don’t drip it on the playa!
Bike lock – to secure your bike. Carabiners.  For attaching things to you and your camp.
Work gloves.  Protect those hands! Headlamp.  For night time trips to the porto.
 Clippers.  For removing zip ties, etc.

Contains affiliate links.

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Cuddle Puddle

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I signed myself up to join a cuddle puddle then chickened out.

Basically, I didn’t want to snuggle with strangers.

I was afraid of bad breath, long toenails, and thrusting pelvises.

I have no idea if any of that would have materialized but for the first time in my life, I withdrew myself from an adventure and let it pass me by.

It’s not that I’m against cuddle puddles.

Actually, I LIKE the idea of them when I imagine I’m with a close group of friends who I know and find appealing.

I have a fantasy cuddle puddle – a group of men and women who I’d like to snuggle with.

In my mind, they’ve taken E and I’m just floating around in a sea of warm bodies, enjoying the sensations in my own body.

The thing about this fantasy is. . .

. . .it just MAY come true.

You never know what’s going to happen on the playa.

I could wind up snuggling with some truly delicious people.

Unfortunately, The Swede won’t be there.

He, of all people, should be in my cuddle puddle on account of my body is magnetized to his.

But I know of some other people who I think would make stellar snuggle buddies.

And (fingers crossed) I hope I get my wish.

Burning Man Essentials: Food and Water

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Here is an idea of some of the food and supplies you may want to bring with you to Burning Man. Some require a cooler, others require no refrigeration. How simple or how complex your food is is totally up to you. I tend to eat good food on the playa just because I don’t have much of an appetite so eating something really delicious motivates me to keep eating and not skip meals, which is so crucial when consuming a steady stream of alcohol. Not that I do that (wink).

Another list I want to share is Dazzle’s 2012 Packing List (LINK) which is categorized so you can read about whatever topics interest you – kitchen supplies, food, ice, etc.

Bacon.  Best thing on the playa.  Burners love our bacon! To keep your electrolytes balanced.  Just add water.
For those of you choosing a simple meal plan. Delicious and nutritious on the playa.
Almond butter.  Mmmmmm! Trail mix.  Delicious AND portable.
Beef jerky.  Gotta keep a steady influx of salt in your diet. Pickles AND pickle juice!  Yum!
Hard boiled eggs. Very portable and no MOOP because it’s already peeled. Salty nuts.  Delish!
Chili.  Another easy food choice.  Eat straight from the can. Dual hydration chamber.  One for water, one for electrolytes.
Aquatainer for water.  This one is the collapsible kind. Coconut water.  Full of electrolytes and delicious!
Dried apricots.  Yummy! Instant coffee.  You WILL need this.
Mountain House instant meals.  So easy!  And packed full of the salt your body needs. Kind bars.  Portable and tasty!
My stove.  Collapsible and durable.  Has survived several trips to the playa. Single burner stove.  For when you don’t plan to cook much.

Contains affiliate links.

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Things that gross me out in pornos

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I’ll admit it.

I like porn.

Its fun to watch other people.

I’m a bit of a voyeur when it comes to sex.

I’m also an exhibitionist.

But there are some things that go on in pornos that I CAN’T STAND.

  1. When the man SPITS on the woman to “lube her up.” Spit isn’t lube. Ew, gross!
  2. Rose budding. Don’t even google it. You don’t want to know what it is. You’ve been warned!
  3. Going from anal to oral sex. Just no.
  4. When there’s no foreplay. I can’t ramp myself up without a little foreplay.
  5. When the guy looks like Ron Jeremy.
  6. When the women are obviously faking it. I like it when the actors are INTO what they are doing. Enthusiasm is EVERYTHING!
  7. Make me squirm.
  8. Lots of gagging and salivating during a blowjob. Men, I think, LOVE this. As a woman, I hate it.
  9. I’m just going to come out and say it – eating cum. I don’t mind it in my mouth but it’s not food so I’m NOT going to eat it. TMI?
  10. Plastic women. Give me a girl with a little jiggle and I’m happy.