I’m pretty sure my first experience in a cuddle puddle was at a HAI Level 1 retreat at Harbin Hot Springs.
There was a break in the activity and some of us opted to lay down on a pile of pillows.
Snuggling and cuddling just happened.
Try to imagine prickly, stuffy old me being invited into a cuddle puddle with a bunch of relaxed, down-to-earth people.
But I’ll try anything and so I did.
I laid down with virtual strangers and gave myself over to the experience.
And it was amazing.
Now I know it’s hard to picture me enjoying snuggling.
Everyone knows I’m an action girl and I scoff at snuggling (at least until after the main event).
But this appealed to me.
The smiling. The hand holding. The gentle touches. The bodies cuddled up to mine.
I was relaxed and enjoying myself.
Fast forward eight years and I’m at SoulFire in a cuddle puddle with two women and a man.
Relaxing, snuggling, cuddling, soft sensation.
It was all too brief but satisfying.
So here I am looking at my inbox today and there’s a new invitation to a Santa Clara cuddle puddle.
Do I want to go?
Then what’s stopping me?
Probably the fear that it won’t be my scene. That I won’t feel a connection to any of the people there.
Maybe I’m a little bit afraid of the person I might become if I finally let my hunger for intimacy out into the open without the post-coital justification there to mitigate it.
Maybe I’ll have to admit there’s more to intimacy than just sex.
And that I am woefully BAD AT IT.