Hobby Contest

One of the things that happens when you go on a date with someone new is you ask them what their hobbies are.

What do you do for fun?

What are your hobbies?

Tell me something interesting about you.

New Guy and I were texting and talking peripherally about hobbies when he asked, “Do you want to have a hobby contest?”

Oh, it’s on.

I have this little adventure blog called unblunder that I’ve been feeding hobbies for years. No one, and I mean no one, can beat me when it comes to hobbies.

I have too many to count.

I started: I’m a PADI certified Rescue Diver.

Him: I’m a certified water polo coach.

Me: I have my own adventure blog.

Him: Secretary past master Masonic lodge.

I’m not sure what this is, but okay.

Me: I’ve raced stock cars at the Stockton 99 raceway.

Him: Crap.

Him: I am an expert ping pong player.

Me: I’ve been skydiving.

Him: I’ve spearfished a shark.

Me: I ran with the bulls.

Him: I was kidnapped by a leper colony in Brazil.

At this point I laughed and I laughed and I laughed hard. I THOUGHT he was joking, so I followed with my own joke.

Me: I can paint with my toes.

Him: I sailed a 42 foot sloop through a hurricane and tropical storm for 1300 mils in the Atlantic.

Wha?????

Me: We’re you joking, because I was. I can’t paint with my toes.

And this folks is how Michelle becomes impressed with a man. When he sails a boat through a hurricane.

OMG.

Black Rock Desert Wear

You can’t just wear anything you want to Burning Man.

Well you can, but you might get talked to if you show up with any of the following:

Glitter aka playa herpes.

It falls off and creates a big MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) mess.  Best to stay away from anything glittery:

Look at this bodysuit and hat.  It’s a MOOP disaster waiting to happen.  Just a little glitter flakes off and contaminates the playa, creating a mess for someone to pick up.

Rhinestones.

Maybe sewn on rhinestones would be okay, but glued on rhinestones? No way.  More MOOP.

Here’s a bodysuit that’s practically begging to MOOP all over the place.  Can’t you just see those rhinestones, all crammed together, falling off?

This next one bothers me for two reasons.

  1.  It’s got feathers, which like to fall off and become MOOP.
  2.  It’s culturally insensitive.  Enough said.

Here is a pair a sequin shorts.  Another no-no.  Same reason.  Small things like to fall off and become MOOP.

My personal pet peeve – feathers.  Although they are worn on the playa, you won’t find any on me.  They blow away and muck up the trash fence.

And finally, here’s a hat with just a MILLION LITTLE THINGS ON IT!  No!  Unless they’re embedded in a thick layer of varnish this should not go to the playa.

I should mention that ALL THIS MOOPY stuff pops up when you search for “Burning Man” on etsy.  So BEWARE folks.  Not all searches can be trusted.

What goes to Coachella as festival-wear is not necessarily appropriate for the Black Rock Desert.

Think on it.

Friends at Burning Man

My first year at Burning Man was a solitary experience.

For the most part, I felt like I was struggling to do things with anyone but myself.

Oh sure, I got to do a few things with friends – like see the Man with Dante, spend an evening getting altered with two good friends, and touring the deep playa with Tejas, but overall, I was alone.

It’s not my favorite thing in the world. Given the fact that I live with 4 other people, I am by nature a very social creature.

My second year at Burning Man went better.

I hung with Marina, Tejas, and sometimes Marina AND Tejas, which if you know them you know is an accomplishment.

Oil and water.

It was a MUCH better year for me, activity-wise.

We made scarves, tried on clothes at the clothing exchange, rode out to the trash fence, saw INCREDIBLE art, and took saunas.

Here I am, staring at Year 3 at Burning Man and I realized one thing.

I trust my friend Tejas completely.

I trust him that if we go out on the playa together, unless I explicitly ask to be left alone, he will stay with me until we’re both ready to leave.

No need to worry about getting left behind.

Or being alone again.

And of course, this year Yvonne is going with Tejas.

Another magical soul I trust completely.

And I can’t help but think how lucky I am to have them as friends to go to the playa with.

Burning Man just keeps getting better.

New Guy

Lives in Pacific Grove.

Has a 9-year old daughter.

I’ve always wanted to wind up with a man who has nothing but girls.

Seems kinda cool to share my boys with him while enjoying the camaraderie of his daughters.

I could use more feminine energy in my life.

In any case, he is rather nice.

I’d like to pat myself on the back for picking a good one.

It remains to be seen if he has any of those offensive qualities that so many of the men I date seem to have.

But so far so good (he hasn’t asked to cum on my face or see my tits).

We’ve bonded talking about our dogs.

He has Luna.

I have Wendy.

In my experience, dog people are good people, so this is just more proof (in my mind) that he’s a decent guy.

I could use a nice guy at this junction in my life right now.

Ironically, his username has the word “jaded” in it, which of course I asked about because hey, if he’s truly jaded, I think that I’ll take a hard pass.

But no, turns out he just uses it because he thinks it makes him sound edgier. Cool.

Cool?

Cool would be ubiquitous. Or auspicious. Or chivalrous.

But jaded?

We shall see. . .

HAMILTON!

I finally saw Hamilton at the Orpheum Theater in San Francisco last week.

How was it?

In a word. . .

OUTSTANDING!

Totally worthy of the instant and robust standing ovation it received.

The thing about Hamilton is that it is so perfect, so extraordinary, so amazing that it ALMOST SEEMS MAGICAL.

As in the inspiration for this musical to exist surely must’ve come from a higher power, so incredible it is.

I went with Barbara.

Barbara, who listened to the ENTIRE UNABRIDGED biography of Alexander Hamilton over the last three weeks BEFORE we went to see Hamilton.

Barbara, who listened to the Hamilton soundtrack so many times she memorized all the words.

Barbara, who brought a box of tissues to the musical because SHE KNEW SHE’D BE EMOTIONAL.

From the first note, I was captivated.

Sitting on the edge of my seat.

I loved it from start to finish.

And now, even I am singing the songs to myself as I go about my day.

“How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor grow up to be a hero and a scholar?”

Brilliant!

Genius!

And as Barbara puts it, “worth selling a kidney to get the money to see it.”

 

Everyone does that stuff, right?

I wasn’t out there looking for a new fetish.

My latex, vinyl and neoprene fetishes were just fine for me.

And then it happened.

I was browsing Instagram and I came across cali_slime.

And O. M. G.

I was mesmerized.

Apparently, watching a woman’s hand poke, fold, and squeeze slime in all sorts of different shades and transparencies is really entertaining for me.

I totally LOVED it.

I instantly followed cali_slime.

And then I BINGE WATCHED their videos.

Shudder.

It.

Was.

Awesome.

As if I need to add another freaky thing I do to my “Weird Things Michelle Does List.”

It comes right after ‘filter all the pulp out of my juice.’

And right before ‘make the sign of the cross every time I pass road kill.’

Everyone does that stuff, right?

I’m okay with that

For the first time in a long time, I realize I like somebody.

Just a friend I know casually though Burning Man, but nevertheless, I like him.

Specifically, he has this really nice calming effect on me.

Not that I’m high strung or anything, but it’s nice to be around somebody who makes you relax, take a deep breath, and be yourself.

Regrettably, his interest in me is likely non existent.

Par for the course with me.

I finally meet a decent single man and he isn’t the least bit interested in me as anything more than a friend.

Now, I could look at this as a failure.

As evidence that once again the universe is conspiring against me.

As proof that decent men aren’t interested in me and all I get are the rejects.

I could, but I won’t.

You see, my life is actually pretty damn nice.

And this guy, while not in the market for a romance with me, is still a nice friend whose company I enjoy.

AND I like to think of this as evidence that I CAN be attracted to nice, single guys not just the rotten ones.

So maybe it’s not a love match.

I’m okay with that.

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Cuddling with Strangers

Cuddling with strangers.

It’s the one barrier I have yet to overcome.

I’ve had opportunities to overcome my aversion to touching people I don’t know.

Like when I signed up to do JUST THAT. . . go to a cuddle puddle with a friend and cuddle my heart out.

In the end, I FLAKED.

I just couldn’t do it.

The thought of some stranger’s hands on my body and their hot breath in my hair made me want to stiffen up and run!

It still gives me the willies.

There’s nothing I want more in this world than to maintain the integrity of my own body and that means being SELECTIVE about who touches it.

Very selective.

So you can imagine my response when I got this message through MeetUp.

Um . . . let me think.

No.

How about, HELLO NO!

‘Mature cuddling’?

As in something R or maybe X rated?

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

You’re not even allowed to THINK that with even just a PICTURE of me!

Moth to a flame

The organizational illness that has gripped me in the past is back in full force FORCING me to inventory all my Burning Man gear.

I’m not going to Burning Man for another 5 months!

But I am going to UnSCruz in May!

So the inventory will come in handy for that regional burn.

Can’t wait to go this year.

I’m 90% sure I’ll be camping with a BDSM camp.

Gasp!

I know!

No biggie.

There’s a wedding that’s going to take place this year and I am SO looking forward to all the festivities surrounding the marriage.

I’m so excited I went ahead and made a “BRIDE” hat from my stock of festival hats.

Isn’t it BEAUTIFUL?!?!

Can’t wait to gift it to the bride!

I’m also 90% sure that The Swede will be camping with me.

How fun will it be to show a little bit of the Burning Man culture to someone who has never experienced it before?!?!

We’ll have to get our drink on at Ali Bar Bar.

And dance at the music camps.

Then of course, there’s checking out ALL THE ART!

And the interactivity!

But my favorite part will always be THE FIRE. . . fire dancers, mutant vehicles, art installations, and more.

If there’s fire, I will gravitate to it.

Moth to a flame.

In more ways than one. . .

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

May your day be filled with shenanigans and malarkey!

Drink a green beer, scarf down some corned beef and potatoes and celebrate everyone being at least a little Irish for a day.

In my case, 23andMe confirmed it.

I’m 30% Irish.

Which seems like a lot, doesn’t it?

Certainly enough to celebrate St/ Patrick’s Day in style.

Of course I’m also 35% Northwestern European (Norway, Sweden, Switzerland, Scandanavia, etc.)

But today I celebrate being IRISH!

Cheers!

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