It’s not me, IT’S YOU!

michelleIt’s like me trying to lose my virginity ALL OVER AGAIN!

I went out with The Hunk.

Yes, he’s been a little absent from this blog, but he’s been lurking in the corners of my life.

If you remember, he’s the guy who “snuck it in” without a condom on when I WASN’T LOOKING – i.e. I was facing the other direction, get it?!

Anyway, I was NOT TOO COOL WITH THAT but since he is a hunk I decided to give him another chance.

BAD IDEA!

I take The Hunk into a bedroom to play and wind up giving him a blow job on a TOTALLY FLACCID tool for the better part of 20 minutes.

Finally, I give up and say, “Well, would you like to play with me for a while?”

RECIPROCATION, bro!

He says, “How about you play with yourself and I’ll watch!”

Fuck man, I can do that at home. I’m here for some action.

WHATEVER.

Clearly, he is a lazy lover.

Fast forward a few minutes, and I’m working on him again, desperately trying to get him hard enough to have sex.

I’m making noises.

I’m using my hands and my mouth.

And he gets semi erect so I slip on a condom. I was even nice and I added a drop of lube to it.

But the minute I mount up, he can’t get it up.

“It’s the condom,” he says. “We’ve done it without a condom before. . . “

“Not this time,” I tell him. “I’m calling it a night.”

“Hey babe, it’s not you. Please don’t worry that it’s you,” he says to me.

“Dude, it’s ALL YOU!” I want to say but I just nod and say “I know.”

Lesson learned: If you’re looking for a stunt cock, make sure the stunt cock you get, works!

6 thoughts on “It’s not me, IT’S YOU!

  1. Pingback: It’s hard to date a blogger | unblunder

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