My gold bikini arrived in the mail yesterday and I was eager to put it on and see what I looked like.
I don’t know what I was expecting. Perhaps to look a little more like the model in the advertisement and a little less like, well, me.
So I slipped it on and first impressions were:
- Oh God, no!
- Jesus, I look like a whale!
- What happened to my body?
- I DEFINITELY do not have a bikini body!
- Oh, my wretched body.
- And so on and so forth.
Suffice to say that I was not impressed by me in a bikini.
Maybe if I had a tan or something, I’d look better. . .
But no, it’s me. I look AWFUL.
So I promised I was going to post a picture of me in this bikini online.
That was before I looked at myself in a bikini.
Nevertheless, I keep my promises so here you go. . . me in a gold bikini.
Okay, sure, it’s just the top half, but there’s basically no way to fuck up my cleavage so I’m comfortable posting this online.
It would take MUCH BIGGER BALLS THAN I’VE GOT to post a full length photo.
Much bigger balls.