Wardrobe Malfunction

In eighth grade, I accidentally walked out of the girls locker room with my shirt on but unbuttoned. The gust of air generated by opening the door made the sides of my shirt flutter open and it took only a half second for me to look down and realize my TERRIBLE oversight.

I clutched my shirt closed and looked up to see Michael Tucker, the Jake Ryan of my grade school, in the doorway of the boy’s locker room. Laughing.


You would think this humiliation would only be suffered once in a lifetime, but you would be WRONG.

On Saturday at a volunteer event (think women’s volunteer organization) with some very fancy attendees, I walked out of the restroom with my skirt tucked up into my underwear.


Well, perhaps underwear isn’t the correct word to use here. Maybe… oh… I dunno… I should use the word “girdle”.

Yes, indeed. I was wearing my Spanx. Because that’s the appropriate thing to do when one is wearing a form fitting dress and wants to make sure everything is smooth underneath.

So I walked right out of the restroom with my Spanx out there for all to see… and about 8 women (all sizes 0’s – I SWEAR I am not making this up!) came running out after me trying to help me with my wardrobe malfunction.

The bad news is they saw my “girdle,” the good news is that I didn’t march my granny clad ass out in front of the entire event audience.


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