How to put on weight

This isn’t a problem for me.

The trick is keeping it off.

But I happen to have a beanpole son who is 6’3” tall and 147 pounds.

If he turns sideways, he disappears.

PRETTY MUCH.

Well, he’s been in and out of the hospital with abdominal pain for the better part of 3 years.

The doctors have done tests and have eliminated ulcers, gall stones, liver problems, blood vessel abnormalities, and hernias as a source of the pain.

img_0340At this point they’re seriously considering that. . .

HE’S SO SKINNY THAT FOOD PASSING FROM HIS LARGE INTESTINE TO HIS SMALL INTESTINE CAUSES CRAMPING and that’s what the source of his pain is.

Now.

The solution to this possible cause is naturally for him to gain weight.

But that’s easier said than done.

You see, my son recently went vegetarian on us so his diet is restricted.

Fortunately, he’s a lacto- ovo- pesca-vegetarian (he’ll eat dairy, cheese, and fish).

So instead of PLYING HIM WITH BACON, which is what I normally would do, I have to figure out other foods to fatten him up.

  • Crab with clarified butter?
  • Lobster thermidor?
  • A selection of cheeses?

Or maybe I should serve cake with every meal. That boy can SHOVEL cake down his craw every day and TWICE on SUNDAYS.

So cross your fingers and spare a thought for Gav. This kid has got to bulk up and soon.

I don’t know what happened.

He was SUCH A FAT BABY!

2 thoughts on “How to put on weight

  1. it may be that his pancreas is “upside down” and he can’t hold on to fat and other nutrients. It means things flow thru faster, causes a lot of pain because the ports are working hard but not doing their job and he literally, can’t hold on to fat (something akin to pancreatitis, but without the usual symptoms). My ex used to work with a woman with this condition. Skinny as a bean pole too, eat anything she wanted and still, if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she looked like a zipper. Ask the doctors next time if this might be it. If they balk, ask another doctor.

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