How to Kiss

bad kissThe other day, I got kissed.

I know!  I know!

Amazing, huh?

Yeah well the kiss was “not bad” which is neither good nor bad but just okay.

I have big, pillow-y lips.  It takes time for me to pull out of a kiss and reassemble myself.

The guy who kissed me withdrew in a heartbeat.

One minute we were kissing, the next minute we were talking.

Or perhaps I should say “HE” was talking.

I was too busy trying to pull my lower lip back in place and open my eyes to notice what he was saying to me which I think had something to do with me being a great kisser.

“Oh um thanks,” I stammered, hoping my face was composed and not still posed mid-kiss – lower lip sticking out, eyes closed, tongue against the inside of my lips.

Take a moment and SAVOR it, sir!

Not everyone has lips as pillow-y as mine, ya know!

But okay fine, let’s talk.

And then he went in for another kiss, muttering something about my beautiful red lips.

This time he went for more.  And I was a little bit lost as to how to react.

He dumped his tongue in my mouth for a second and I didn’t know what to do.

Push it out?

Play with it?

Suck on it?

This is a fairly common kissing problem I’ve encountered:  THE TONGUE DUMP.

So I’m going to say this once and for all:

Kissing should never be about penetrating the other person’s mouth with your tongue and leaving it there.  It’s about the erotic play BETWEEN the two tongues.  So stroke gently.  Play back and forth.  Feel your way through the kiss.  Don’t just thrust and forget about it.  Please.  I’m begging you.

ryan-gosling-rachel-mcadams-mtv-best-kiss-w352

Fortunately, my “tongue dump” didn’t last very long.

He went back to talking.

Again.

And I was left trying to compose myself.

Again.

And with that, he took off and I was left walking to my car alone, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

Ah, the single life my friends. . .

Ain’t it glorious?

5 thoughts on “How to Kiss

  1. Pingback: QFMR: Kissing – Best and worst? – Tarnished Soul

  2. This is the dude who brought up swingers clubs within the first 20 minutes of the first date? That, combined with the tongue bomb, tells me he’s way too quick on the draw. 🙂 LOL. You’re casting the net wide and this is great fodder for the blog – and probably some fun evenings out! Carry on!!!

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