Dear Newly Divorced Men

Dear newly divorced men,

Welcome to the single life. After years of being married to the same woman, you now have the freedom to date whomever you like.

I get it. Some of you have been sex-starved for years. You’ve experienced bed death as soccer tournaments, dance recitals, and diapers took over your life.

You’re now a connoisseur of pornography, lube, and using your right hand.

The idea that you can now fuck any woman who suits your fancy is making you a little crazy.

You’re so crazy you will indiscriminately fuck any woman who shows interest, even if you don’t like her. Just because you can.

I just have one small thing to say to you.

I’m a person.

I get offended when I’m treated like all I am good for is nude pics and a fuck.


The skin around my vagina makes up a human being – with thoughts and feelings and dreams.

Talk to me.

Get to know me a little bit.

I don’t disappoint.

If all you really want is a good lay, then get the hell off dating sites and get onto hookup sites.

Some of us are really trying to find someone and you’re just mucking up the plan.

No, don’t feel bad. You’re entitled to take your dick on a trip through the crotches of lonely, needy women who hope that a little sex will equal a relationship.

I’m not foolish like that.

I recognize your sex starved dick every time you thrust it at me, rub my hand on it, or adjust your pants.

Go to the sex sites. Find your random hookups.

Please don’t come back to the dating sites until you’ve had your fill of meaningless, robotic sex.

Once you’re satisfied, then come looking for something else.

I’m waiting.


6 thoughts on “Dear Newly Divorced Men

  1. This was beautiful. It made me teary. I hope you can find someone who appreciates you the way you deserve. Perhaps this needs to be part of a dating profile?

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