Should this be my next Match.com profile?

Look.

I get it.

We’re all horny and lonely and looking for a little comfort.

The thing is, I’m looking for someone who is open to the possibility of something more developing.

Something that lasts longer than a text exchange or a conversation over dinner.

I swear, if I get one more request for naked pictures, or one more jacking off video I’m going to quit online dating FOR GOOD.

At first, I thought it was funny how many bad dates I was going on.

They made for good stories with my friends.

There was Fart Man and the Guy with Two Standard Poodles and a 6-Year Old.

Those were REALLY BAD DATES.

But now I seem to have slipped into a rut whereby every man I meet is asking for sex, sexy pictures, swing parties, BDSM action, etc.

Would it kill you to get to know me BEFORE propositioning me?

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking I’m frigid.

But I’m not.

I’m a Scorpio and come from a long line of women with very healthy sex lives.

But I don’t want to talk about sex on the first date let alone DO IT.

I’d prefer to meet someone who wants to discover more about me.

Like the fact that I ran with the bulls in 2014.

Or that I can skin an abalone in under 30 seconds.

Or that I performed with the Boston Pops in 1997.

Or that I’m a PADI certified rescue diver who can’t watch horror films unless I can sleep with the light on.

And there’s more.

So much more.

But you’re never going to find out if all you ask about is sex.

That is all.

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4 thoughts on “Should this be my next Match.com profile?

  1. Pingback: Wish Me Luck | unblunder

  2. Pingback: When this becomes the F*CKING RULE | unblunder

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