I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

• Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
• Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
• Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
• Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
• Rotate your body to give him a side view.
• More smearing. Do it slowly.
• Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.