The Backdoor

I’m sexting with this guy a few weeks ago.

We’ve been going at it a little while and are getting ready to wrap things up when he says, “And then I cum in your ass.”

Wha?!

I rolled my eyes all the way from here to fucking Istanbul.

Really?

Cuz that does nothing for me.

I’m not knocking it.

I know there are people who absolutely LOVE it.

But I’m not one of those people.

And I can say that with the confidence of a person who has tried it enough times to know that it’s NOT FOR ME.

I have all the tools: the lube shooter, the anal plug, the inflatable anal plug, the enema bulb. . .

It’s not like I haven’t TRIED.

It’s taken me 43 years of life to come to this conclusion but I feel justified in stating right now, FOR THE RECORD, that I will never have anal sex again.

I’m sorry if that disappoints some of you.

But there are so many other delightful parts to me that a lover can occupy himself with I think I’m giving some truly stellar alternatives to The Backdoor.

Why anyone would choose to give me the sensation of having to take an enormous shit is BEYOND me.

That is all.

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