My sister-cousin Jennifer is a HUGE 49er fan.
Their biggest fan, I think.
A true 49er faithful.
This past weekend she took me to their open practice at Levi’s Stadium.
And that’s when IT happened.
I wore a pair of jeans that had a TINY hole in the inner thigh.
Can you see where this is going?
Well, in the course of walking half a mile from the parking lot to our seats in the stadium, I managed to rip that hole WIDE OPEN.
It wasn’t visible to the general public, so at first I wasn’t worried about it at all.
But that changed.
You see the jeans material from my other leg RUBBED on the bare inner thigh of my exposed leg, giving me a friction burn.
Oh the pain of having no inner thigh gap.
But I digress.
So, we walked to and from the stadium and all around the stadium and I literally ripped skin off my inner thigh with EVERY STEP.
I was in a great deal of pain.
When I got home I RIPPED my jeans off of me and threw them on a ball on the floor.
Ever since then I’ve been coating my thigh burn with gun oil lube (to minimize friction) and Desitin (yes, butt paste for babies).
It still fucking hurts!
The worst part is that I had a flirtation that night and I was off my game on account of ALL THE LIQUID WEEPING OUT OF MY FRICTION BURN.
Yeah, it was pretty gross.
I did not feel sexy AT ALL.
On the bright side, I got to see our 49er boys practice football, AND I got to hang out with Jennifer, who I hadn’t seen in MONTHS!