Hands Off

I dunno.

Call me old fashioned but the minute my girlfriend pairs off with a guy and does some mattress dancing, he’s HANDS OFF to me in perpetuity.

Actually, the minute she tells me she’s INTERESTED IN HIM is when I start looking in other directions.

But, just to reiterate, once a guy has slept with a friend of mine, he’s OFF LIMITS to me FOREVER.

There has been one exception to this rule: Austin.

Austin dated my sister in high school and had a fling with her.

Years later, Austin and I met and wanted to go out so I ASKED MY SISTER’S PERMISSION to go out with him.

She laughed at me.

“It was fucking high school,” she told me. “Go ahead.”

So I jumped head first into that tall cool drink of water.

Nevertheless, I am STUNNED when friends of mine go after my lovers, ex or current.

It just seems like a very gauche thing to do.


I know they’re all BIG BOYS and can make up their own damn minds.

And I’ll leave them to it.

But it certainly says something about who some of my friends are that I can’t trust them not to hit on my lovers, past and present.

Fortunately, most of my friends are married.

The few single friends I have aren’t into lumberjacks.

One likes chocolate. One likes mocha. And the other likes nerds.

So I’m golden.

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