Faking STDs

It wasn’t going that great.

He was insensitive and the more I texted with him the more apparent it became that his parents didn’t bring him up right.

He kept insulting me.

In small, subtle ways.

Like telling me that Middle Eastern food (my favorite comfort food) is plain and boring.

Or making me send him a picture of myself then commenting that I looked like I needed to take a nap.

But the piece de resistance was when he asked me point blank if I douche.

Is it any of his business?

So when we got to the topic of STDs I figured why not run him off?

I told him I had been treated for multiple STDs in the past.


He said as long as I didn’t have herpes, we’re fine.

So I said I had herpes too and take medication to manage it.


Instant rejection.

Lord, it was a thing of beauty.

Of course, I could have just rejected him myself, but then I’d have to worry that he’d be sore about it and put my phone number into some telemarketing database.

This was MUCH easier.

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