So there I am, minding my own business on Tinder. .
Yes, on Tinder.
I’m not having sex but I’m still dating.
In any case, I get a message from a guy called Larry.
Larry sends me a GIF.
It’s a GIF of a woman from the waist down.
She’s standing in high heels and wearing a short skirt.
All of a sudden, her panties drop to the floor and she steps out of them.
THIS IS HIS FIRST COMMUNICATION WITH ME.
O. M. G.
Why do I always get the sex perverts and fuckwits?
So I do the only thing I can think of.
I insult him.
I write back “Thanks for dropping your panties for me. While I don’t usually go for men who wear ladies underwear, I’m willing to give it a shot. Would you like to wear my red panties or my black panties?”
It was the most obnoxious thing I could think of saying in response to such a stupid opening “line.”
He closed the connection.
I’m finally doing something right!