Giving up dating

So, I have a dilemma.

I’ve given up internet dating.

This is a good thing.

Internet dating was damaging my view of men in the Bay Area.

I felt stuck in a porno, unable to escape.

Every man wanted sex – from the guy who described his ideal woman as someone without a gag reflex to the guy whose username was Luv2eatacos.

Fuck actually making a connection with someone.

This I think, is not the norm.

No.

I mean of course men want sex.

Everyone does.

But I think there are men out there who are single, available, and NOT TOTALLY OBSESSED WITH SEX.

Let’s call them Men-Who-Can-Make-Meaningful-Connections-With-Women.

My dilemma is this:

HOW DO YOU MEET MEN LIKE THIS?

They’re OBVIOUSLY not online.

So where do I go?

The supermarket?

The library?

Hobby shops?

Sports games?

Please, someone tell me because the only thing I hate more than giving up is giving up and doing nothing about it.

I have no intention of wallowing in misery, alone for the rest of my life.

But I also have no intention of going back online to play the nymphomaniac to men who think that women are sex objects.

Should I just leave it to serendipity or should I somehow mix and mingle and put myself out there?

Help!

13 thoughts on “Giving up dating

  1. It’s been my experience that online personalities tend to shed away the barriers of rules – in other words, there is nothing that compels people towards decency. That’s just my opinion, of course.

  2. Try a Meetup for something you have an interest in. Sierra Club hike, birdwatching group, beermaking tour…find something where you’ll have a common interest, that doesn’t involve hiding behind the mask of the internet, and get to know someone. Yes, many folks do want sex, and that is glorious, but one doesn’t have to be a pig about it.

    • Ok. So I’m trying a beer meetup. LOL. I figure guys will be there and probably girls looking to meet guys, but who cares? I’m getting out and having fun and that’s what’s important.

  3. It is truly hard to find something meaningful, especially in my part of California. They are more interested in drugs and alcohol, than sex. Even wholesome conversation is like walking into a brick wall. So, I understand what you are going through. My dilemma exactly

    • I’m glad it’s not just women having this problem. I know lots of men complain about “fake” profiles on online dating sites. Even though I’m not on any sites anymore, I believe my profiles are kept active. It’s misleading to say the least.

  4. Leave it to chance!! As soon as you “stop looking for love”, is when you find it!! I’ve done it all, and I have a particular hatred for online dating, all you have written is sooo true!! They are out there. I suggest not focusing on it, but rather, focusing on yourself. That’s been my experience.
    ps. I love your mention about the year you lived through your vagina!! I did that at burning man. Never again!!

    • LOL. I’m sure lots of women “live through their vaginas” at Burning Man. It was a unique experience. And yes, online dating is HORRID. Never again. I’m focusing less on dating and more on getting out and having fun. Hopefully that helps my wanderlust some. Cheers!

    • Well, in my opinion internet dating is a waste of time. It’s best to meet people doing other things, like biking, hiking, sampling beers or wine, etc. I recommend MeetUp. You’ll have fun AND maybe meet someone great at the same time!

  5. Maybe try speed dating or ask your friends to set you up or…just go out and talk to people. I’ve heard that Bumble is better than OKC or Tinder, but I didn’t find much difference. One way to do online is to keep your standards high and shut down any conversation that is in any way less than what you’re looking for. I’ve losing patience with dating, period. Friends first, no dates. that’s my new normal..

  6. I’m not an expert here, but I definitely share your frustration with online dating, which by the way is something I said I would never do. My advice is to find possible dates through activities you enjoy doing. If you go to the gym or have a favorite coffee shop you spend time at or wherever. I’m single, and I’m 38. It gets harder to meet people the older we get. It seems like it’s very hard to find a connection. That’s why we resort to the internet because we think if we enter exactly what we’re looking for and display a nice picture of ourselves, that perfect person will pop up. Truth is half these dating sites are filled with fake profiles, and people who probably aren’t taking it as serious as you are. As a guy my problem with online dating is that women generally dont want to take the step from chatting on the site to actually meeting. Everything is good until I give them my number then I never hear from them again. Anyway, I think getting off those dating sites was a good idea. There are a lot of good people out there, but you’re not going to meet them on the computer. Get your confidence back, and get back to meeting people face to face. Make a coffee date, then a dinner date, and then a movie date. After that you’ll know if it’s going somewhere. Also, men can be shy. If you see someone you like then approach them and make small talk. Dont be afraid to be a little forward and go for what you want.

    • Great advice! I will take it to heart. Yes, internet dating is a real crap shoot. And I agree, it’s best to meet people doing things you love. I’m more involved with MeetUp now and meeting cool new people, regardless of whether there’s a romantic connection, is fun.

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