I have a new fetish.

I JUST discovered this.

This is in addition to black vinyl lingerie and neoprene wetsuits.

While browsing Instagram, I discovered that I like to watch other people eating food.

There’s the whole WORLD out there where women (and men, but usually women) loudly eat food in front of a camera.

It’s crazy I know, but I can’t look away.

Who discovered this stuff, is what I want to know.

So there I am, browsing Instagram when ANOTHER video comes on which TOTALLY CAPTIVATES me.

Slime.

That’s right, I like videos of people squishing and folding slime with their hands.

I know it’s odd.

My friend Nathan told me as much.

He asked, “How high are you?” when I sent him links to the videos I was watching.

Not at all, but that’s besides the point.

I was floored that he too, wasn’t enthralled with the videos.

And then it happened.

I came across a mash up video of slimy things and eating food, and my life was complete.