Victoria’s Secret is waging a war to get me to spend my hard earned dollar bills on their crappy Chinese clothing.
They keep dangling a “Free $10 when you purchase $50” discount in my face everywhere. . .
. . .in my inbox, on Facebook – why they’re even tracking me in AdChoice.
Truthfully, I do look at Victoria’s Secret, despite the fact that I think they’re lingerie is shit and their clothing is cheaply made.
Also, nothing they make is in a size that will fit me.
I look at Victoria’s Secret because I was once young too, and I still remember what it was like to have a young, nubile body that didn’t creak every time I blinked.
The Victoria’s Secret models are so beautiful.
It’s like looking at a shiny thing that with time, will dim and tarnish but still retains a little of that awe from when you first saw it.
It’s GORGEOUS strappy black lingerie, sold by Victoria’s Secret.
Something that you’ll slip into which will convey just that right amount of “I’m-a-dirty-girl-but-not-so-dirty-you-still-can’t-slip-a-ring-on-my-finger” attitude that you’ve been sporting lately.
But slipping into your lingerie feels more like trying to put on rubber panties and when you look in the mirror. . .
. . . you look like someone’s taken a hammer to a can of biscuits.
And it’s not looking so good for you.
Well. . . that’s me and Victoria’s Secret.