For working 10 events in 10 days, including weekends, I received a fat paycheck, a blanket, flowers AND a bottle of expensive French champagne.

I told my mom about the champagne and said, “We will drink it together for Valentine’s Day.”

She agreed.

Valentine’s Day rolls around and at 5 pm I remembered the champagne, sitting in a gift bag on the floor of my room.

“Mom, I forgot to chill the champagne,” I lamented.

“We’ll put it in the freezer.  It’ll be fine,” she told me.

“But I don’t want to drink it if it’s not properly chilled,” I continued.

“It’ll be fine,” she said.

Whatever.

An hour and a half later, we’re sitting down to eat and I take the champagne out of the freezer.

It still feels like it’s at room temperature.

I hand it to her and complain about the temperature.

She ASSURES me it’s fine.

So I open it.

BIG MISTAKE!

The champagne was not chilled.

Wah!

But WTF, I’m not going to waste good French champagne, so I pour a glass and start drinking it.

My mom takes her champagne flute, fills it 75% full with low-sugar cranberry juice, then tops it off with champagne.

I just stayed quiet.

But inside I was LAUGHING!

Only my mother would pollute expensive French champagne with low calorie fruit juice!