Obviously it didn’t work out with any of them and therefore I could categorize them all that way.
But one in particular takes the cake.
The one who took me from a 35 year old vanilla divorcée and turned me into something a little bit more worldly.
Okay, something A LOT more worldly.
I’ve made peace with him, after a long period of silence.
I actually thanked him for pushing me outside my comfort zone so that I could grow as a person.
In some ways, I miss who I was.
That vanilla woman who didn’t know a thing about social nudity, BDSM, etc.
Those were the easy days when life was a little less complicated.
When I thought I knew the rules that would guide me to a long and fulfilling life.
Occasionally, I question whether my relationship with him was a TOXIC relationship.
In the end, I can only conclude that it was a DEAD-END relationship, as in the relationship was destined to run its course and end in a flurry of tears (mine) and disappointment (his).
Although, there was that one day when he proposed. . .
In the 10 years since the relationship ended I’ve moved on, struggling from time to time to incorporate what I experienced with the person I want to be.
Struggling to be a non-vanilla woman in the mainstream world.
And I have him to thank for it.