Pap

So I’m at my gynecologist’s office getting my annual pap smear and I’m dreading it.

Imagine putting your feet in stirrups, having someone sit between your legs, insert a cold speculum, then brush your poor sensitive cervix with a bristle brush. . . all the while you are being told to relax.

Yeah, right.

So there I am, assuming the position when my doctor starts asking me questions.

Her:  When was the last time you had your period?

Me:  I don’t know. Maybe four months ago.

Her:  Could you be pregnant?

Me:  Only if you believe in immaculate conceptions.

Her:  Okay.  When was the last time you put in your nuvo ring?

Me:  Maybe six months ago.

Her:  I’m asking because I see you have a nuvo ring in right now.

Me:  [silence]

Me:  [blush with embarrassment]

Me:  I had no idea.  I forgot. . .

Just so you know, the remedy for leaving your birth control ring in for 6 months (it only lasts one month) is taking two pregnancy tests, making sure they’re negative (they were) and then putting in a new nuvo ring.

There is no remedy for the embarrassment.

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