Online Dating Pet Peeves

michelleEvery time I think I should get back online and date, I’m reminded why I went offline. My latest edition of Online Dating Pet Peeves:

  1. Men wearing baseball caps that shade their face so I can’t see their features.
  2. Men wearing sunglasses in all their photos. I get it. You’re cool.
  3. Men who list all the things they don’t want instead of what they’re looking for.
  4. Flat brimmed baseball caps. Are you 12? Hipster.
  5. Emails that go nowhere.
  6. Men who post pictures with their ex’s face cropped out. Tacky.
  7. Pictures of men with models. Ugh. Modelizer!
  8. Men who take photos from so far away you can’t make out their face.
  9. Their, there, and they’re.
  10. Coffee dates. No.
  11. Men who list “no drama” in their profile. Liar!
  12. Messages that say “hi” and nothing else.
  13. Usernames like “lovestoeattacos” or “poundman.”
  14. The drinking with my buddies photo.
  15. Landscape profile photos. Why?
  16. Copied and pasted generic emails. You think we can’t tell? We can.
  17. Strange men instant messaging me. Yikes!
  18. Topless men. Really? Showoff.
  19. Any picture taken in the bathroom.
  20. Any picture taken while sitting in their car.
  21. Photos of their car. Oh, my bad! I have a pic of my truck in my profile. But it has a HEMI!
  22. Group shots.
  23. Photos of men posing with guns or shooting guns. NO!
  24. Wearing a beanie/hat in all his photos.
  25. Men who live 100+ miles away from you but who still email you. Pointless.

16 thoughts on “Online Dating Pet Peeves

  1. If I lived about two thousand miles closer, and didn’t wear a hat and sunglasses in my photos, I’d probably like to see that hemi. 😉

    (btw, really enjoy reading your blog. Always cracks me up!)

      • I understand entirely. I’m just rocking the Unibomber look these days. My dating pet peeves are the yoga poses, the snapchat filters, the fish kissing, and WTF is up with the upside down cleavage shots?!?

      • It may be time to ask yourself if your fashion guru should be someone serving life in prison without the possibility of parole ;-). But the beard is nice. Keep that!

        I agree with yoga poses, snapchat filters (no one looks that good), fish kissing (drives me NUTS it looks so UNREAL). And I don’t know what an upside down cleavage shot it but I immediately want to take one!

  2. Thanks! Without the beard, my kids say I look like a thumb. 🙂

    The upside down cleavage shot is the one where a scantily clad woman is lying on a bed or couch and her head in the bottom of the frame and her boobs are mid-frame and the rest of her is in the upper portion of the shot. It’s supposed to look like a pin-up, I think, but really, all it ever does is make me have to turn my head 90 degrees and squint.

    I guess it works for some people! I just prefer not to fight the screen lock on my phone to see what someone looks like.

    • Oh, also in the list of things they want, “I’m tall, so you need to be at least 5’10”.” I keep picturing Foghorn Leghorn holding out his hand with a comic sans font saying “You must be at least THIS tall to ride.”

      This is why I gave up very quickly on dating apps. My 5’9.25″ self will just nope myself out of that whole mess. You don’t meet nice people in bars or dating apps. IMHO.

      • “You don’t meet nice people in bars or dating apps.” – So true. Took me over a decade to learn it, but I stay away from online dating apps now. It’s meet the organic way or not at all.

    • I am sure you DO NOT look like a thumb without your beard.

      I took boudoir photos, but there’s not an upside down boob shot in the lot of them. Should I ask for a refund?

      • Hahahaha! Definitely need a refund! What self-respecting boudoir doesn’t have one of these? Maybe ask for some rabbit ears and floaty hearts in the filter too.

        I have never seen what women have to look at on these apps. My pictures were pretty tame, imported in from FB, so it’s not like anything my mom or friends wouldn’t have seen. And mocked me relentlessly for.

  3. This is a very informative post…I must admit, I am guilty of posting group photos. I just want women to know that I’m sociable and not a lone wolf dater. And I must ask…coffee dates are bad? I am intrigued. Please tell me more.

    • Coffee dates take the least amount of effort. I prefer a date where someone takes the time to get to know me – over some food and beverages. just my preference.

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