One of the great things about being located at 6:30 and E-G at Burning Man this year, besides the WONDERFUL central location, is that we happened to be across the street from Barbie Death Camp (and just a stone’s throw away from the kink factory known as Retrofrolic).

I had a FANTASTIC time at Barbie Death Camp.

I went there one day because I heard that they were giving out free massages – regular or “erotic.” They also had FOUR HANDED MASSAGES!

Now I know you all are hoping that I went for the erotic massage but those were really intended for couples – so that one partner could be instructed on how to stroke the other partner in a sexy fashion.

I got in line to get a regular massage.

While I was waiting I was urged to partake in a vinegar foot bath (to combat the alkalinity of the playa with the acidity of vinegar).

However, the foot baths looked rather dusty and unappealing and the last thing I wanted to do was soak my feet in them.

Before I knew it, my massage therapist was taking me behind the curtain to disrobe and lie naked on a massage table while she gave me a full body massage, topless.

This is Burning Man, folks.

Anything goes.

What followed was the best, most relaxing massage I’ve ever had.

Usually, I have a hard time relaxing when a stranger is touching me.

Maybe it was because I was on vacation at Burning Man. Maybe it’s because my therapist had great energy. Maybe it’s because it was noon and I already had two gin and tonics in me.

But I turned into a pile of goo right there on that massage table.

I’m fairly certain that she used coconut oil on me because I smelled like a tasty toasted coconut after my massage and my skin was beautifully hydrated and soft.

This is Burning Man, to me. A lovely afternoon getting a massage while slightly tipsy by a topless therapist who chats you up the whole time.

This would never happen in the Default World.

Sad face.