I bought a pair of black denim shorts off a website called OpenSky.com.
Turns out it’s just a fancy cover for yet another Chinese goods website.
How do I know this?
Well, I sort of suspected when I was offered the opportunity to select a XXXXXXL (6XL).
So yesterday my 6XL jean shorts arrived in the mail.
I pulled them out of the bag and promptly threw them in the corner.
If a 6XL in China is a size 10 in the US, then I want to know the dimensions of a woman (girl/infant) who can wear a size XS?
There was like 12 inches of fabric missing and FOR SURE my ass would have hung out the back, and the sides, and. . . well, let’s not go there.
It kind of reminds me of the time I was fooling around with this guy in his RV illuminated by the light from my LED kitty ears.
I was sitting on his lap and he attempted to lift me up and adjust me as if I weighed NO MORE THAN A FEATHER.
Needless to say, he tipped over and gave himself a hernia.
I’m kidding about the hernia, but not about him (us) falling over. I managed to catch myself on a cabinet, but otherwise it would have been a DISASTER!
In my mind, I was thinking. . .”Did you NOT see the size of my thighs when we were flirting?”
Of course, he was drunk (and stoned) and so the answer to that question was probably an emphatic NO!
Needless to say, Chinese clothing makes me feel fat and I’m quite sure that if I ever took a trip there and the airline lost my luggage I’d have to walk around NAKED because there would be no clothes for me to wear.
How I can feel sexy and curvy one week and fat and disgusting the next I will never know.
Fuck you 6XL!
UPDATE: I did, in fact, fit into the shorts. Tejas laced me into them and WTF! They fit! But they are SUPER teeny and puts all my curves (and lumps and bumps) on display.