Predictably lost

My star bikini top arrived today.

As predicted, I have NO idea how to put it on.

It’s a bunch of straps and two tiny shiny black vinyl stars, probably too small to cover my nipples to any degree of confidence.

Of course, I didn’t buy it so that I could look perfect.

I bought it for Burning Man and a certain amount of outfit flexibility is built in.

Yes, I could wear a plain old bikini top.

But I like the look of the stars and perhaps someday, I’ll figure out how to put it on properly and wear it out of the house.

But for now, I’m standing in my bathroom, topless, strangling myself with black elastic straps that don’t seem to go where they are supposed to go.

I keep winding up with stars in my armpits, a good six inches away from where they truly belong.

I feel like this is going to be a trial and error project.

If I just keep adjusting the straps, eventually I’ll get it on right.

I may need to call in some reinforcements here to help.

Right?*

 

*OMG, with a little guidance from Nadine I was able to get the damn thing on and HOLY COW! I actually don’t think I can post it here.  Or wear it out. Think of a busted can of biscuits. . .