When you drink with your sister

In honor of my sister’s birthday today, a repost from when we experimented with Cost Plus booze.  Happy birthday sissie!  Wish I could be there to celebrate with you.

Start with a mini bottle of Champagne Pink Pop. Pick it out because it’s in a pink bottle and you think it’s pink. Discover it’s not pink and be disappointed. Try champagne and be even more disappointed. Add orange juice to make it drinkable.

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Try OREgasmic Ale by Rogue Farms, because it’s supposed to be OREgasmic. Discover OREgasmic beer tastes like dirty feet and pot ash. Definitely not orgasmic. Be disappointed.

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Try cheap stacked wine which comes in its own glass. Have low expectations. Have low expectations met. Feel foolish for trying wine which comes with a pull off lid.

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Try Blood Orange Mimosa. Suspect it’s a headache in a bottle with a screw top lid, but love it anyway.  Make your sister drink most of it after dosing it with vodka.

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Graduate to bonafide liquor – making really strong mai tai and screwdriver. Decide to hop in the hot tub naked. Have to hang foot out of hot tub because of new foot tattoo (which effing HURTS). Have sister yell at you when you accidentally dip it in the water. Feel sheepish. Snap selfie anyway.

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UPDATE:  Get RAGING cellulitis (skin infection) from dipping foot in hot tub.  Deal with your sister’s “I-told-you-so’s.”  On antibiotics.  Feel even more sheepish.

Building my Egyptian princess costume

I went ahead and committed myself to building an Egyptian princess costume, or perhaps I should say and Egyptian slave costume.

Because I’m pretty sure there are no blond haired, blue eyed Egyptian princesses.

Ever.

I bought a gold bathing suit (cuz Lord know, the playa is too hot for a dress!):

And I bought this Egyptian headdress:

I also bought some turquoise georgette to make arm drapes, and gold elastic:

This, I will have to sew and make myself, so that I wind up with something like this:

I already have bold gladiator sandals, earrings and the necklace, so all I need is to select a belt.

I have two front runners, and I’m curious which one you think would be best:

If you have any thoughts on the matter, shoot me an email at michelle@unblunder.com or fill out the poll below:

Nostalgia

As you all know, I’ve been slowly cleaning my room and going through things I haven’t touched since I got divorced in 2005.

I basically threw things in boxes, stacked the boxes on bookshelves and called it a day.

I’ve come across some lovely old photos in the process, two of which I’ll share here:

Me and friends in 7th grade (circa 1986) – believe it or not, I’m still in touch with seven of them!

One even became my sister-in-law!

Me with friends from my first year of college (circa 1992):

I’ll say this, it was a fun year in the dorms at UCSB.

But the one thing I came across which I was not expecting was a book of photos which I put together for my then-boyfriend Jay.

All the pictures were taken in August of 2008 and capture us at what I think was our happiest together.

What a trip down memory lane.

Camping trips with the kids, beach dates with my dog Mac.

You name it, it’s in there.

Especially PDAs.

However, I was especially touched by how much Mac featured in the album.

Page after page chronicling my affection for my sweet, loving, loyal dog Mac.

And just because I still love that dog more than some people I know, I’m gonna post some wonderful photos which make me smile:

Egyptian princess

I have a beautiful Egyptian collar that I bought for roughly $25 in 2016.

I have never worn it, but I love it and REFUSE to donate it, even though all it does is take up space in my jewelry cabinet.

So I’m thinking the perfect thing to do is to build an outfit around it, maybe even a burner outfit.

I got inspired by THIS photo on Pinterest:

Turn the white dress into a white bathing suit and add a gold belt (preferably not beaded so that it doesn’t MOOP) and you’ve got a LEWK!

But it doesn’t stop there.

Oh no!

Because I also fell in love with this gold and turquoise Egyptian look:

I think it’d be fabulous to take a diaphanous white or gold fabric and make those arm bands with them.

For makeup, I’m loving the look on this model:

And there you have it, everything I need for my Egyptian princess look.

I have only one hesitation.

Is it culturally appropriate for a Nordic woman to wear an Egyptian style costume or will I catch hell for wearing it?

I have a problem

I have a problem.

I’m just going to go ahead and admit it.

I have TOO MUCH MAKEUP!

As part of my shelter in place homesteading experience, I am slowly going through all my cabinet drawers and bookshelves and reorganizing everything.

I have a BUNCH OF CRAP that I need to throw away or donate.

Anyway, part of the reorganization process involves going though (I KID YOU NOT) six storage boxes of makeup and eliminating what is useless.

I’m not even counting the suitcase that I keep most of my makeup in.

Sadly if I’m honest, most of it is useless.

Why?

Because I have SO MUCH MAKEUP I don’t even know what I have!

How can you use something you don’t even know exists?

I am tempted to throw a socially distanced makeup party and invite all my friends and family who would like to check it out to come by and take whatever they want.

After all, most of the makeup has never even been opened!

I know, I know!

It’s an illness.

And I am trying to overcome it.

I’ve gotten much better at restraining myself when it comes to shopping at Ulta and Sephora.

Just so you know, my kids REFUSE to let me set foot inside cosmetic stores if they are with me, THAT’S HOW BAD IT IS!

The irony in all this is that I have a daughter.

I could share (dump) all this makeup on her.

EXCEPT SHE’S NOT INTO MAKEUP!

She prefers the natural look – chapstick is about as much makeup as she puts on.

I guess God decided to play a joke on me and give me an obsession I can’t share with either of my children.

So, if any of my friends are interested in makeup, hit me up.

You know who you are!

The ravens are watching me

The ravens are watching me.

I know this because right after I restock the food at Michelle’s Critter Café, the ravens show up and snatch the peanuts from the pile of food I’ve laid out for them.

I find this very entertaining so I’ve started stacking the peanuts on top of the rest of the seeds and grains so that the ravens can grab them easily.

Most people are less than enamored with ravens, sometimes mistakenly referred to as crows.

But I like them.

Why, you ask?

Because I have a friend who rehabilitated a raven with a broken wing and watching their relationship unfold over social media totally changed my perspective on these intelligent and graceful birds.

Right now in fact, my friend is raising a baby raven who got kicked out of its nest.

Once again, I’m touched by the love that she shows the fledgling and the relationship that’s developing between the baby raven and her family, including a beautiful rescued blue bird.

I’ve never much thought of myself as a bird person.

I left that for my kid who takes care of three parakeets.

But I’m changing my tune.

All because of the Critter Café.

And my friend.

Crafting is fun!

Not so long ago I was trying my hand at every activity I could think to try in the Bay Area.

Kayak with whales?

Did it and didn’t puke in high seas.

Race stock cars?

Did it and got the picture to prove it.

Pole dancing?

Tried my hand at it but discovered I was a better lap dancer.

Though I enjoyed most all of the activities – except for cave crawling – two activities stand out amongst the others:

Glass blowing and ceramics.

First I tried glass blowing.

I loved it so much I went back a second time and did the exact same thing I’d done before.

I made a beautiful bowl.

I have two GORGEOUS glass bowls for fruit or candy that I gifted to my mother.

I’m still floored that I was able to make them (the second time I was with my friend Kimberly and she made a bowl too)!

My ceramics class was also wonderful.

I made a dish and a bowl, which I glazed and fired and took home to my mother, not because they were something only a mother could love, buy because I wanted to share the beauty of them with her.

The only downside to my ceramics class was that it took place in a shady neighborhood in the Emeryville.

I’ve decided that for 2020, provided I survive this pandemic, I’m going to take up ceramics and actually pay to join the local ceramic shop – Higher Fire.

And I’m going to go back to the glass studio and make more glass objects to gift to my friends and family.

Nothing says I love you like a handmade gift, yes?

My grade school art teacher would be very proud, I think to know that I can’t throw clay without remembering the big nose mug I made in his art class in junior high.

I still have that mug (I use it as a pencil holder in the kitchen), it was made so well.

I think this is more of my homesteading urge coming to light, but I’m just going to go with it.

Crafting is fun!

Bawdy for the win

Much to my excitement, my critter camera arrived on Saturday.

Much to my chagrin, I wasted the rest of the day trying unsuccessfully to set it up on Wi Fi.

For some reason, unknown to me, all the computers and phones in my house connect to Wi Fi but not any accessories.

No smart bulbs, no Echoes, no critter cam.

I was in a FOUL mood when I finally decided to give up.

I tried to be industrious and I failed miserably.

I HATE that I was COMPLETELY unproductive on Saturday.

But wait!

Saturday was not a complete loss.

I managed to squeak in at the last minute to see Dixie La Tour’s Bawdy Storytelling Online (Birthday) event!

Yes, I did.

And it was with great relish and excitement that I got to listen to four fabulous storytellers tell very bawdy and racy stories about sex.

The stories were so racy I found myself squirming in my seat, wishing I had someone to flirt with or maybe even touch repeatedly.

But alas, sheltering in place has curbed my social life in ways that increase my libido while simultaneously decreasing my ability to take care of it.

Seeing  as how I’m no longer posting racy stories about the men I date, perhaps you’d like to hop on over to Dixie’s place and sign up for her events at www.bawdystorytelling.com/subscribe.

Tell her a very sexually frustrated blogger sent you. . .

Fucking algorithms!

Facebook is irritating me right now.

You know how they use algorithms to promote ads in your Facebook stream?

Well, they’ve sorta got me right and they’ve sorta got me ALL WRONG.

You see, Facebook keeps showing me ads for beautiful bohemian sundresses.

Just my style.

I “oooh” and “aaah” over them and CLICK.

Then I’m taken to a website that offers their clothes in three sizes – S, M, and L

Size 2 – 10.

What’s a curvy girl to do, I ask?

It’s the MOST IRRITATING thing in the world, to see a beautiful dress only to realize it doesn’t come in your size.

WTF is Facebook showing me these links?

Has it not figured out yet that I am a thick chick?

Seriously!

If you really want to piss off a plus size woman what do you do?

You take her to a store where nothing fits and tell her to find something that works.

Facebook is SERIOUSLY losing points with me.

As if showing me all the men I’ve dated in the “You Might Know” section isn’t bad enough, now they’ve gone and fucked it up again.

Fucking algorithms!

Critter Cam

I’m so enamored of my Critter Café that I decided to buy a critter camera to watch the animals.

It’s even got night vision and a motion sensor so I can see what goes on when the sun goes down.

Am I feeding deer and raccoons?

I could really get used to this homesteading thing.

It’s so enjoyable to work from home and have everything I need to do my job and manage my life all in one place.

Tired?

Take a nap for lunch.

Hungry?

Grab a quick snack from the fridge.

Today, because I was at home, I did my good deed for the day.

I rescued my neighbor’s dog, Lady Jane.

Lady Jane, a golden miniature poodle, ran into our garage and acted skittish.

It was hard to get my hands on her.

Until I said the magic words. . .

“Go for a walk?”

She made a beeline for me and laid down right in front of me, presenting me with her belly.

I scooped her up and delivered her to the neighbor, who has no idea she’d gotten out.

Crisis averted.

I’ve definitely got a thing for our four-legged companions.

More than anything, I’d love to get another dog or a cat.

But since I plan to move out in a few years and I know rentals that allow pets are hard to come by, I’m refraining from adopting.

I’ll just have to be satisfied with my old cat and my critter cam.

Can’t wait to see what shows up on my critter cam!