Pineapple

I pulled together a pineapple outfit for Burning Man:

And wonder of all wonders. . .I ACTUALLY wore it at Burning Man:

So when it comes to unSCruz, I thought, “Why not revisit my pineapple accessories and put together a warm pineapple outfit?”

And so I did just that.

Internet, meet my PINEAPPLE ONESIE:

And my PINEAPPLE BEANIE:

As if that’s NOT ENOUGH PINEAPPLES, I’ve got my pineapple necklace, earrings, and sunglasses to include with the outfit.

Oh, that’s TOO MUCH I know, but I can’t help myself.

I just love the design of pineapples.

Irony is though, I actually don’t like to eat pineapples.

Something about the texture bothers me.

So even though I’ll be a pineapple girl at unSCruz, you won’t find me eating any pineapples!

Monkey business

I’ve been thinking about Bizarre Bazaar.

What can I wear?

It’s in the beginning of May so it’s still a little brisk during the day.

And it gets cold at night.

So I came up with an idea.

Why not wear my onesies to unSCruz and combine them with unique hats and (maybe) wigs?

Check out my monkey business onesie:

Wouldn’t it be perfect to pair it with this hat from etsy?

Maybe I won’t be the coolest, or the sexiest woman there, but I’ll be warm and very VERY cheeky (the onesie has a butt-flap)!

Bizarre Bazaar

Yay!

I can finally talk about unSCruz because it’s been announced that the theme is Bizarre Bazaar and the event will last FOUR days, instead of three.

I’m so excited I could just spit.

In case you don’t know, unSCruz is a regional Burning Man event that takes place the first weekend of May at the Santa Cruz Fairgrounds.

It’s A TON of fun!

Imagine art, lights, music, dancing, fire, drinks, and costumes like you can’t believe.

Every year I fall more and more in love with this event.

It’s truly the most burner fun you can have outside of Burning Man.

Of course, Precompression, Decompression, and Pagan Bunny Burn are a close second BUT. . .

unSCruz has showers.

‘Nuf said.

In any case, I’m scouring the internet for costume ideas for unSCruz.

For some reason this year I’m in to funny hats.

I really want to buy some unique and colorful hats to wear and etsy is RIPE with funny hats!

Check out these hats below:

Fuck Chemistry

Despite the fact that I have no online dating presence right now, POF continues to email me with requests from men who want to meet me.

No.

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking it’s possible that there might be a good one out there.

Let me dissuade you from that notion.

In the 12 years since my divorce, I have absolutely met not a single soul online who I connected with.

Excepting a few Facebook friends.

Every time I get tempted to go online and see what’s up, I remember that guy who moved his glass so he could “see my tits better.”

Or the guy who deeply hurt my feelings because he said we had “no chemistry.”

I’ve been thinking about chemistry a lot lately.

About how deceptive it is.

Sure, I get all pie-eyed every time I see a lumberjack.

Give me a beard, broad shoulders, and a warm chest and color me happy.

But in reality, I’ve discovered that long term chemistry has very little to do with that initial physical rush of hormones, and everything to do with who that person is on the inside, which takes time to discover.

Barbara would tell me this is EXACTLY why I should wait MONTHS before getting physically involved with someone.

Take, for instance, my ex-boyfriend Luke.

Luke owned dozens of hand guns, even more knives, and he drove a truck.

He had no beard, but he lived in flannels on his days off.

Perfect man for me?

Not so much.

When times got tough, and we tried to talk it out Luke could only stare at the floor and play with his socks.

He had no ability to discuss difficult topics AT ALL.

And you know, everyone runs into the need to discuss challenging subjects.

So I say fuck chemistry.

Not that anyone is lining up outside my door for a chance to take me on a date, but I’m basically like the carpool lane on the weekend:

OPEN TO ALL.

One happy momma

I GOT A LETTER FROM DUNCAN!

Yes I did!

In it, he admitted that the first two days were hard – very little sleep and lots of travel and work.

Hence the crap photo of him looking all forlorn and unhappy.

That did not sit well with me.

I’ve been wondering how he’s doing and I’m happy to report he’s doing okay.

He’s made friends and it sounds like he’s having fun, even if he is working hard every day.

This from a kid who is used to sleeping until 2 pm. . .

I’ve been advised that the “currency” that is used in boot camp is mint lozenges.

They’re the only thing allowed by leadership.

So guess what I did?

I went out and bought like a BILLION mint lozenges for Duncan.

The problem is, I can’t send them to him yet.

I STILL don’t have an address for the shipment.

But when he gives it to me, for sure I will be packing and sending him a care package with everything he could possible DREAM of needing at Boot Camp – shampoo, body wash, mint lozenges, candy bars, and family pictures.

Speaking of pictures, I’m DYING to see what he looks like now with his head shaved.

And in uniform.

You know us ladies love a man in uniform.

Single and AMAZING

I just realized.

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon.

That holiday is always a bit of a crap shoot for me.

Some years I like it.

Other years I DESPISE it!

This year, I’m feeling slightly ambivalent with a slight lean towards “FUCK THIS FUCKING HOLIDAY.”

Yes, it’s because I’m single and I have no one to celebrate romantic love with.

But I sure have a lot of people I love who I can celebrate.

So Valentine’s Day doesn’t TOTALLY suck the BIG ONE.

This year I’m going on a pub crawl for Valentine’s Day.

Table for Onesie is a progressive through the streets of Campbell where people dressed in onesies drown their sorrows in booze.

PERFECT!

Sign me up for THAT!

I’ll be in my jungle monkey onesie:

Perhaps underneath I’ll wear these broken heart nipple pasties.

Although for aforementioned reasons, OBVIOUSLY no one will see them.

I thought about wearing my TOXIC LOVE sweatshirt, which I’ve worn in protest in the past.

But in the end, I just LOVE the monkey suit.

If you’re in the same boat as me this Valentine’s Day, consider getting a group of friends together to celebrate this stupid fucking holiday with a shit ton of booze.

And never forget. . .

Even though you’re single, you’re still AWAZING!

 

 

Relief

My son texted me from Arizona, midway on his trip to Missouri.

He looked ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE and as a mother, I wanted to get on a plane and make it all better for him.

Of course, there was nothing I could do.

Then, a few text messages.

One thing was clear, he was NOT HAPPY.

He was EXHAUSTED and BORED, waiting in the airport for his connecting flight to Missouri.

I began to worry about how he would handle boot camp, something clearly challenging for even the most mature of candidates.

Would he get enough sleep?

Food?

Camaraderie?

Would he physically excel or would it prove to be too challenging?

These are the thoughts that raced through my mind.

And not being able to hear from him?

Well, that made it all WORSE and I’m not going to lie.

I had trouble sleeping.

Then yesterday, a phone call from him.

And one that didn’t start with him saying to me, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

So I’ve relaxed, a little.

It’s not exactly what this momma bear needs to be happy again, but it provided a little needed relief.

Heaven help military families.

I’m just realizing now how hard it can be.

The Gift of Love

Sorry my posts have been late.

I’ve had a hard time getting back into the swing of things after taking a break from the blog for eighteen days.

And now, instead of men and sex on the brain, I have crafting on the brain.

So I want to introduce you to my next project.

The Spruced Goose.

It’s a traditional Goose in a Pond square surrounded by purple batik stars.

I happen to love it and though I’m not 100% positive who I’m making it for, I have a good idea of who I might give it to.

I love that it uses a prismatic rainbow of batik fabrics.

And the purple and white star sashing that ties it all together is beautiful using this selection of purple floral batiks.

The surprising thing about this quilt is that it uses 10-inch layer cake squares (10” x 10”) instead of fat quarters (18” x 20-22”).

I’m optimistic that I’ll be able to slowly work on this quilt one square at a time.

I can’t binge quilt anymore but I can piece this puppy together one little bit at a time.

To give you an idea of costs, I’ve spent $138.53 on the fabric for the top of the quilt.

I estimate it’ll cost $100 for batting and fabric backing and $150 to quilt.

So $390 in total for a quilt, isn’t bad.

It’s definitely a gift of love.

Glorious Holidays

I had eighteen days off over the holidays.

You may wonder, what does a person do with almost three whole weeks off?

Well, the answer is I SLEPT.

I slept A LOT.

I also visited friends during the holidays.

I played Cards Against Humanity and I laughed until I need my pants (but just a little).

What can I say, I’ve given birth three times and my sphincter just isn’t what it used to be.

Sigh.

I also spent a lot of time watching NCIS.

I’m up to season 8 in a 16 season TV series.

Sadly, I didn’t get to see The Swede.

But this is the way things go when you live 5,327 miles apart.

I did EXACTLY what I said and I binge watched TV while quilting.

And guess what?

I made THIS!

I spent some good quality time with my boys before I said goodbye to my oldest son as he left for Army boot camp in Missouri.

My youngest son got his driver’s license.

I sat naked in a hot tub and soaked under the stars.

Sure, I was alone but oh, well.

That’s someone else’s loss 😉

It was a GLORIOUS holiday and one I will treasure forever.

Sad Day

On January 2, my eldest son Duncan left for the Army National Guard.

I can tell you this, I was prepared to say bon voyage to my son.

It’s part of him growing up and becoming a man.

What I was unprepared for was the silence.

I don’t get to hear from him every day.

His life is changing in leaps and bounds and I’m not there for it.

And that makes me sad.

The good news is, he has a pal with him at boot camp:

So at least he has some support for what he’s going through.

Still, I miss my son and I really wish I could be a part of the changes he’s going through right now.

I took a picture of him optimistically headed for the bus, ready to commit to serving his country:

There’s no denying it.

I am ONE SAD MOMMA.