MOOP

One of the things the new guy and I did was go for a hike at Wilder Ranch.

The new guy brought a backpack with snacks, a blanket, and beverages.

He even brought a jacket – in case I got cold.

Needless to say, I was impressed.

But what truly BLEW ME AWAY was watching him pick up MOOP (Matter Out Of Place aka rubbish) on our hike and put it in his backpack to throw away in a garbage can later on.

A man who cleans up other peoples’ MOOP?

He’s a man after my own heart.

After our hike we went to the shops on Swift Street in Santa Cruz.

He wanted to take me to get a charcuterie board at the brewery there.

Then we wandered the shops, looking for cool items to buy.

I think I can say for sure that what I like most about the new guy is his willingness to try new things.

Things which may have taken me much longer to get accustomed to (like ropes, emotional honesty courses, and social nudity).

He’s just a “live and let live” kinda guy, which makes me so happy.

Maybe I found a keeper?

We’ll see.

STOP IT

My friend Tom, who I’ve written about here is now happily dating a fabulous woman.

He wrote a powerful blog post about his previous roller coaster relationship and it’s worth the read just to have sentences like:

“Chiseling away at the rotten foundations of something keeping an entire reservoir of crap I needed to let go of” and

“Hey, didn’t you see that red flag?  The one you just went flying right by?”

and

“Trainwrecks are exciting too.  Do you want to live on one?”

drop like bombs into your psyche and resonate with your own twisted relationship experiences.

I sent Tom this video to watch because STOP IT is the first thing I think of when someone tells me that they’re afraid of sabotaging their wonderful NEW relationship:

Of course, what with me skipping out on meeting the new guy’s family, Tom had a choice video to send to me as well:

My new friendship is so balanced and healthy, I’m unsure what to do with myself and FOR SURE I’m afraid to leap in with both feet.

But it’s not because I’m enjoying my perfect image of him in my head right now.

No.

It’s because I’m afraid if he digs a little further and I open up he’ll realize that I’m damaged and won’t want me any more.

Of course, that’s just an irrational fear I have that I will need to get over.

With the new guy or anyone else who comes along.

I’m rather good at confronting my fears:  sailing, flying airplanes, racing cars, learning to OM, running with the bulls, etc.

So I don’t anticipate this will be a HUGE impossible hurdle for me and the new guy to get over.

It looks like I need to just take some of my own medicine and just STOP IT and enjoy myself.

Won’t you be my neighbor?

As it turns out, my camp will be placed on playa at 6:30 and E this year.

It’s the general area we get placed every year which means I’m familiar with navigating to 6:30.

I shouldn’t get lost with such a central suburban placement.

I’m totally excited about my neighbors, though.

First there’s Midnight Poutine which (you guessed it) serves Canadian poutine at midnight to the hungry masses.

I’ve never had midnight poutine on playa.

Then there’s Slushious – a camp that hosts boozy slushie parties on the playa which means I can totally get my drink on and enjoy a refreshing slushie AT THE SAME TIME!

Finally, there’s Barbie Death Camp which includes, among its various offerings, erotic massages.

I think those are DUO erotic massages (as in you bring your partner and get instructed on giving an erotic massage).

But I know they give regular massages too because I once had an awesome coconut oil massage from a burner who looked like Lori Petty (of Tank Girl fame).

This burn I’ll be able to knock down a few more camps off my “NEED TO VISIT” list.

Sadly, Slutgarden will not be anywhere near me so I might not get to see the Slut Olympics this year but we shall see.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

And so far the line up this year as far as neighborhood camps is looking PRETTY GOOD!

Choke

For the Fourth of July, I was invited to hang with the new guy in his neck of the woods.

He planned to take me on a tour of his house, show me the new camping trailer, entertain me with his pool table for a little while before heading out to get dinner and see fireworks.

Decent plan, eh?

Did I mention that the new guy keeps cider and water chilled in his truck just in case I get thirsty?

Yeah, he’s that fucking thoughtful.

He really pays attention to the details and it shows.

So there we are, sitting at his house watching comedy sketches in the living room when he gets a phone call from his sister.

And his son.

They’re all gathering for the Fourth of July to watch fireworks and can we join?

The new guy sort of left it up to me.

Would I like to meet his family?

The answer is of course, BUT NOT YET.

It’s an important thing, meeting the family, and I didn’t want to do it a disservice by meeting them before I know exactly where the new guy and I are headed.

Maybe it was a smart move.

Maybe it was a bad idea.

For sure it was a hard thing to do, to just get up and leave earlier than I had anticipated.

But it was the right thing to do.

Right?

Cowgirl and KFC

Hello internet, and welcome to my life where men complicate matters to the nth degree.

Take for instance this man:

Looks normal, with a somewhat goofy expression, but then read his profile:

“Ever had you’re a$$hole licked by a fat guy in socks?”

Nice!

He’s like the guy who asked for cowgirl and KFC at the same time.

Hey if you never ask, how can you receive?

I guess that’s the premise they’re working with.

Part of me is amused.

It’s pretty fucking funny, to suggest these things out in the open on a dating app.

The other part of me thinks there are better venues to fish for the kinds of women who would take them up on their offers.

It just goes to show – using online dating apps is like shopping at the discount outlet.

You’ve got to wade through quite a bit of shit to get to the good stuff.

It takes a keen eye, patience, and determination.

And a good understanding of what you’re looking for.

Even if it’s a good a$$hole licking. . .

“No LTR”

To all the men using online dating websites to meet women and write “Not looking for a LTR” in their profile, I have one thing to say to you:

WHY?

Why are you online AT ALL?!

Clearly you are so unfit for a relationship that you even recognize it yourself and yet you insist on putting yourself out there AS IF YOU ARE AVAILABLE with a disclaimer that you think somehow lets you off the hook for whatever damage you cause.

I don’t care how good looking you are.

I don’t care what kind of a car you drive.

Or how diversified your investment holdings are.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE ON AN ONLINE DATING WEBSITE!

There are good men out there.

Decent men who have everything you have only they’re not raving about how wonderful they are while at the same time swearing a little loudly and profanely that there’s no way you could be wonderful enough to make them want a LTR.

I’ve got news for you.

I am that kind of wonderful but you’ll never know.

Because I don’t date ASSHOLES anymore.

And I ESPECIALLY don’t date assholes who think slapping a disclaimer on their ASSHOLENESS absolves them of any responsibility in the dating world.

So you can take your disclaimer and shove it up your middle-aged, hairy ass.

That is all.

Naked retreats

Years ago I attended what I call “my naked retreat.”

Actually, I attended three.

After struggling with feeling out of place at the first retreat, something finally broke through at the end of the weekend and I connected with my fellow retreat attendees.

I went back and attended two more naked retreats.

I joined their mailing list which periodically sends out emails advertising activities but I have yet to participate in anything.

Yesterday, I got an intriguing email for an non-naked workshop on July 7th in Sacramento:

At first, I laughed (isn’t that how it always starts?)

Then I thought about it:  An emotional honesty workshop?

Actually, that sounds like something I could use.

Round about this time, the new guy texts me so I send him a screen shot of the workshop.

His response:  Cool.

So I asked, “You’d go?”

Because if the answer is no fucking way then the new guy isn’t right for me.

He said he’d consider it but really feels like it’s too soon to discuss something like that.

And I agreed.

Plus I’m going to a naked pool party on July 7th.

There’s no way I’m skipping the party to attend this workshop.

But It’s on my radar now.

And the new guy sailed through another test without setting off any red flags.

So there’s that. . .

Burner

The problem with being single for 14 years

There’s a teeny tiny problem with having been single for 14 years.

I haven’t really had to compromise for 14 years.

I haven’t taken anyone else’s opinion into consideration because it’s just been me.

For 14 years!

That’s a long time to develop habits:

And not all those habits are good.

  • Like not soliciting feedback from others before making important decisions.
  • Or making choices based on impulse instead of reason.
  • Sleeping with my dates on a whim instead of basing it on compatibility.

I’m shit at resisting my impulses.

So it’s unusual for me to be with someone who reminds me to FUCKING PACE MYSELF.

There’s no rush.

Take your time and think things through.

On the other hand, I’ve developed some really stellar habits:

  • Like self-reliance.
  • And an unwillingness to sacrifice my happiness for another (a bad co-dependent habit).
  • A willingness to experiment with my life in non-mainstream ways.

Some of my life experimentations were bound to resonate with me and now I struggle to find the right man for me.

  • One who will help me compromise for the right reasons.
  • Fight impulse with logic and reasoning, but without losing my spontaneity.
  • And respect my decisions as leading to my happiness.

Gone are the days where your standard vanilla man could complete me.

Right now, it’s gonna take a burner – past, present, or future.

What is love?

Is it meeting a new person and falling head over heels for them?

Or is it a gradual increase in affection over time.

To be honest, I’ve always chosen the “head over heels love” over the “gradual increase in affection.”

It just feels right, to have a RUSH of emotion and be completely and totally enamored with a person.

Granted, there is little you can know about a person straight off the bat.

When I fall in love at first sight, I am reacting to my perception of who this new man is and what he looks like, and not the reality of who he really is.

And often times, you get burned when you find out the truth.

So a slow-building, gradual increase in affection seems preferable.

Get to know the REAL person slowly, over time and fall in love with who they really are.

This is the dilemma I’m facing now.

The new guy is great.

A wonderful man.

Great job. Great family. Great location. Ready for a relationship.

There’s nothing bad I can say about him.

So why this hesitation with me then?

Maybe our passion for each other is developing slower than our friendship?

I get that friendship is important but does that mean the visceral longing and desire that I want to feel isn’t?

Because I’m getting the feeling I can have one.

Or the other.

And I want both at the same time.

Magic Mushroom Workout Wear

It looks like the new guy and I will be heading to Santa Cruz for some fun this weekend.

He’d like to take a spin around Wilder Ranch.

I’ve never been.

Apparently the attire you wear for Wilder Ranch is comfortable outdoor wear.

In a fit of self-love and body positivity, I threw away my outdoor wear, so I have nothing to wear except sundresses and Bandelettes (those lace bands that keep your thighs from chafing).

I’m thinking however, that this will not really work for our date.

All I have is a pair of mushroom print leggings and a black tank top.

This will have to do for our hike.

It’s an unusual choice to exercise in if you’re not a burner.

But if you’re a burner, magic mushroom workout wear is par for the course.

It’s going to be an interesting date in that we will be spending a lot of time together.

From 10 am to 6 pm.

What will we talk about for 8 hours?

I don’t know but I’m interested to see how it goes.