Relief

My son texted me from Arizona, midway on his trip to Missouri.

He looked ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE and as a mother, I wanted to get on a plane and make it all better for him.

Of course, there was nothing I could do.

Then, a few text messages.

One thing was clear, he was NOT HAPPY.

He was EXHAUSTED and BORED, waiting in the airport for his connecting flight to Missouri.

I began to worry about how he would handle boot camp, something clearly challenging for even the most mature of candidates.

Would he get enough sleep?

Food?

Camaraderie?

Would he physically excel or would it prove to be too challenging?

These are the thoughts that raced through my mind.

And not being able to hear from him?

Well, that made it all WORSE and I’m not going to lie.

I had trouble sleeping.

Then yesterday, a phone call from him.

And one that didn’t start with him saying to me, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

So I’ve relaxed, a little.

It’s not exactly what this momma bear needs to be happy again, but it provided a little needed relief.

Heaven help military families.

I’m just realizing now how hard it can be.

The Gift of Love

Sorry my posts have been late.

I’ve had a hard time getting back into the swing of things after taking a break from the blog for eighteen days.

And now, instead of men and sex on the brain, I have crafting on the brain.

So I want to introduce you to my next project.

The Spruced Goose.

It’s a traditional Goose in a Pond square surrounded by purple batik stars.

I happen to love it and though I’m not 100% positive who I’m making it for, I have a good idea of who I might give it to.

I love that it uses a prismatic rainbow of batik fabrics.

And the purple and white star sashing that ties it all together is beautiful using this selection of purple floral batiks.

The surprising thing about this quilt is that it uses 10-inch layer cake squares (10” x 10”) instead of fat quarters (18” x 20-22”).

I’m optimistic that I’ll be able to slowly work on this quilt one square at a time.

I can’t binge quilt anymore but I can piece this puppy together one little bit at a time.

To give you an idea of costs, I’ve spent $138.53 on the fabric for the top of the quilt.

I estimate it’ll cost $100 for batting and fabric backing and $150 to quilt.

So $390 in total for a quilt, isn’t bad.

It’s definitely a gift of love.

Glorious Holidays

I had eighteen days off over the holidays.

You may wonder, what does a person do with almost three whole weeks off?

Well, the answer is I SLEPT.

I slept A LOT.

I also visited friends during the holidays.

I played Cards Against Humanity and I laughed until I need my pants (but just a little).

What can I say, I’ve given birth three times and my sphincter just isn’t what it used to be.

Sigh.

I also spent a lot of time watching NCIS.

I’m up to season 8 in a 16 season TV series.

Sadly, I didn’t get to see The Swede.

But this is the way things go when you live 5,327 miles apart.

I did EXACTLY what I said and I binge watched TV while quilting.

And guess what?

I made THIS!

I spent some good quality time with my boys before I said goodbye to my oldest son as he left for Army boot camp in Missouri.

My youngest son got his driver’s license.

I sat naked in a hot tub and soaked under the stars.

Sure, I was alone but oh, well.

That’s someone else’s loss 😉

It was a GLORIOUS holiday and one I will treasure forever.

Sad Day

On January 2, my eldest son Duncan left for the Army National Guard.

I can tell you this, I was prepared to say bon voyage to my son.

It’s part of him growing up and becoming a man.

What I was unprepared for was the silence.

I don’t get to hear from him every day.

His life is changing in leaps and bounds and I’m not there for it.

And that makes me sad.

The good news is, he has a pal with him at boot camp:

So at least he has some support for what he’s going through.

Still, I miss my son and I really wish I could be a part of the changes he’s going through right now.

I took a picture of him optimistically headed for the bus, ready to commit to serving his country:

There’s no denying it.

I am ONE SAD MOMMA.

Binge Quilt for the Holidays

It’s been a while since I quilted.

It’s not that I lost interest, it’s just that my free time is so limited and I tend to lose steam when I can’t quilt for hours on end, so I felt it best not to start a new project.

But with 18 days off for the holidays, I had the time to work on a quilt.

Instead of working with my own pattern (I considered making a Storm At Sea quilt), I opted to use one by Konda Luckau from McCall’s Quilting Spring 2013.

This time I kept track of my hours while quilting and I can tell you with certainty that this quilt is a 48 hour quilt.

It’s a gift for Barbara.

The inner alternating hourglass and 9-patch squares consist of Bird Pond fabrics by Tilda Fabrics.

The outer frame is made from a beautiful hummingbird, butterfly, and floral print called Hummingbird Bouquet by Elizabeths Studio.

In case Barbara didn’t already know that I love her and cherish our friendship, now she knows.

Latex Farts be Damned

I’ve been thinking about the ABC Party a lot lately and wondering WHAT IN THE HELL AM I GOING TO WEAR?

I don’t really have the time to learn how to craft something out of paper, plastic, or cardboard.

What’s a girl to do?

Why, LATEX of course!

You know, that stuff that the Kardashians wear on a regular basis which is TECHNICALLY used by doctor’s performing surgery. . .

You have to POWDER your body to slip into it.

I once bought a few pairs of latex panties and the pain of putting them on was only eclipsed by the utter and complete DISASTER of trying to get them off (to a chorus of latex “balloon” farts).

It’s NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE to peel them off your body when it’s moist, is what I’m saying.

So I know what I’m getting into when I say I’m thinking of buying an all latex outfit for this shindig.

The thing that I really like about this outfit is that it reminds me of Trinity in The Matrix.

Could there be any cooler chick in the universe?

So the bottom line is I am SERIOUSLY considering wearing an ALL LATEX outfit to the ABC Party.

Latex farts be damned!

ABC

New party.

New theme.

This time the theme isn’t black or white.

Dr. Seuss.

Or Saints and Sinners.

No, this time the theme is ABC.

Do you know what ABC is?

It’s ANYTHING BUT CLOTHING!

Which means I have to CONSTRUCT my outfit out of vinyl, plastic, cardboard, rubber, or anything non-fabric.

I’m at a loss.

My first thought was garbage bags:

I suppose you just “stitch” it together with duct tape?

Then I started thinking why not wear a BOX?

But then I realized that I’d need a pretty BIG box to feel like there’s any decent coverage of my lady parts.

So I scratched that idea.

Now I’m thinking that perhaps I could make a dress out of duct tape and a paper pattern.

Just lay tape down over the paper, cut and sew the “clothing.”

Some people have come up with some pretty clever designs.

But honestly, I’m thinking it might be fun to go shopping for a dress at a hardware store or a grocery store and see what I can come up with. . .

Edwardian Bomb

I’m tentatively putting together an Edwardian costume.

Because there’s the EDWARDIAN BALL in San Francisco, duh.

And I’m thinking I MIGHT go this year.

The Edwardian period started in 1901 and ended in 1910 and as far as I can tell, these were the fashionable silhouettes of the era:

Emphasis on small waists, an enlarged posterior, multiple layers of fabric, intricate beading and flamboyant hats.

It’s really a shame the Edwardian period didn’t extend a little further into the 1900s because I SERIOUSLY LOVE all the fashion of Downton Abbey.

Think Titanic (1912) meets Art Deco (1908+).

The thing about it is I love the fashion of the WWI era, which followed the Edwardian Period and I’m SO tempted to just go with that look.

Check out a few of the dresses I’ve been scoping out:

I think I’m going to get the last dress for no other reason than it’s the least expensive one (even though the middle one is my favorite ($325)).

Softening the blow is that fact that I found a STUPENDOUS hat to go with the dress:

What does it mean when the dress you’re wearing costs one tenth the cost of the accessories, because THAT’S THE DIRECTION I’M GOING IN.

Dress – $40

Hat – $400

Showing up at a former lover’s house looking like THE BOMB – PRICELESS!

F*cking Facebook

I don’t know about you but suddenly my “People You May Know” section of Facebook is LIGHTING UP with men I used to date, almost dated, and flirted with.

How this happened, I have no idea.  I didn’t even know what most of these men’s names were.  I can only imagine the magic that Facebook employed to delve into my online dating records.  The fact that Facebook was able to dredge these men up from the sewers of my life scares me and impresses me a little.

They even located Louis, who managed to give me my WORST DATE EVER story involving two standard size poodles, the Adult Swim channel (which may have cartoons on it but it incidentally NOT A CHILDREN’S CHANNEL), and Louis’ 6-year-old daughter.  I could not make this up and I’ll save the whole story for another blog post.

Louis beat out that aptly named “Fartman” for the title of WORST DATE EVER.  No explanation is necessary for that one, I assume.

It’s been an awakening to see al the faces of the men I’ve entertained.  It makes me realize how long I’ve been dating and how many different men I’ve gone out with.

More than Princess Di, less than Madonna and we’ll leave it at that.

But still, I have to wonder how did Facebook do it?  They even found sexy Dixon who I am currently texting with.

I can only imagine that these men are experiencing the same flashbacks as I am as my picture goes floating by in their “People You May Know” (aka “People You Know But Don’t Want to Admit You Know or Even be Friends With) section.

Surely they think of me as that sexy, brilliant, adventurous blond they were lucky enough to go out with and perhaps they should give me a ring.

Then again, PERHAPS NOT!

Magic is what you make of it

Disney loveMagic always comes with a prince

At least that’s what Disney and Hollywood lead you to believe.

Of course lately, there’s been less focus on the prince and more focus on the heroine, but you get the picture – love, above all, makes the story.

And how are we single ladies supposed to feel about this in real life?

Well, I’ll tell you, being single has never hurt my social life. In fact, I think I get out more and do more things simply because I don’t have a partner to hang out at home with eating pizza and drinking beer with on a Saturday night.

Being single didn’t hurt me when I was racing cars at the Stockton 99.

image

Being single especially didn’t hurt me when I was leaping from an airplane with a hot man and a parachute strapped to my back.

And it certainly didn’t hurt me when I went to the Alameda County Fairgrounds and ran with the bulls.

photo 4No, being single hasn’t hurt one bit.

Even my more carnal urges somehow manage to get taken care of.

So what then is my life missing without a man to “complete” me?

The answer is nothing.

I have friends and family who give me love and camaraderie and lovers who give me intimacy.

Everything else is icing on the cake.

Sure, it’s magical when life and love come with a prince.

But it sure as hell isn’t required.

Magic, is what you make of it.