Is Meetup the new Tinder?

Sorry for the missing and recycled posts.

I’ve been sick and haven’t been blogging as much.

No worries.

It’s not Coronavirus.

It’s a gastrointestinal bug that’s been keeping me under the weather.

I was so sick, I medicated then slept for 12 hours straight.

While I was sick, I got a message from Adam through MeetUp.

MeetUp is a kind of social outing platform for those wanting to adventure out and meet new people while trying their hand at new activities.

It’s not a dating site per se, but it certainly is a good way to meet single men and women.

Looking back through my MeetUp inbox, I discovered over 20 messages, all from single men, seeking an introduction.

How do I feel about MeetUp introductions?

I like them.

Of course most of them didn’t sound like a Knight from the Round Table speaking so formally as Adam.

Most we’re like “Hey there!  We have an interest in common.  Wanna see if we get along?”

It’s touching really that they reached out to connect.

But I prefer to leave MeetUp as an activity platform and Tinder for online dating.

It’s not that Tinder is any better, I just feel like if I want to meet someone organically, I try MeetUp.

If I want to meet someone virtually, I try Tinder.

And right now I have WAY MORE TIME for Tinder than MeetUp.

Belly dancing – 1, Michelle – 0

red bellyI took a belly dancing lesson from a Stanford Medical student.

I’m not kidding…. Alma is a phenomenal professional belly dancer AND a medical student at Stanford AT THE SAME TIME.

I know. It blows the mind.

In any case, she warmed us up by having us roll all over the wall, arms moving up and down, caressing the wall.

Then we got down to business.

Apparently, belly dancing is accomplished through amazing glute work.

We sat on the floor and practiced isolating and clenching our glute muscles – first the left, then the right, then both together.

I confess, even though I have an ample size derriere, I had a difficult time isolating my two glute muscles.

They both wanted to clench at the same time.

I became frustrated. I thought this was about shaking my hips. I can do that. What’s the big deal with all these butt muscles?

In the end, I felt like I needed A LOT more practice and just in general a lot more dancing experience.

I want to be graceful and poetic, not jerky and disjointed.

As it stands, you are unlikely to see me in a belly dancing outfit, dancing my ass off for anyone other than a significant other. I’m just not skilled enough at this time.

So the score was Belly dancing – 1, Michelle – 0.

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Call me crazy. . .

A few years back, when I was dating a guy named Steve, I made a brilliant decision to take all 6’4″ of him on a cave crawl camping weekend.

I’d never done  a cave crawl.  I didn’t know what one was like.  It just sounded different and cool.  And it was organized by one of the groups I went on adventures with.  So I signed up.

The cave crawl begins with the leader trying to break you until you crack.  They want to weed out the people who can’t handle it while you’re still close to the surface and can exit quickly.

I watched as our leader disappeared down a hole in the ground.  We all followed blindly.  There was a backup in the crack.  We were all pinned in place waiting for the person in front of us to move.

Heavy breathing, but I emerged.

They’re not kidding when they call it a crawl.  I spent more time on my belly slithering through cracks in the ground than standing upright.  The few times I did walk, the mud was so thick it almost ripped my boots off my feet (we called it sole-sucking mud).

I slithered down  a 6 foot long hole too small to fit a regulation basketball down.  I emerged in the “Womb Room” – a tiny domed room about 1o feet across and 4 feet high.  A giant man followed me down the hole.  My date refused.  The woman in the room with me started to panic.  She left right away.  Then the big guy.  Only he got stuck trying to exit the hole long enough for me to panic.  Finally, I emerged and swore “NEVER AGAIN!”

I can’t lie and say it was all bad though.  Three things stuck me as being fun the and I still think about them now –

  1. Rafting across an underground lake, beautiful and still in the darkness.
  2. Sticking my head into a small cave covered in white crystals like the night sky.
  3. Taking a bath in a trough after the crawl in order to clean up. (You know I like alternative bathing practices)

If you must know, I REALLY hope I never do another cave crawl ever again.  I have no urge to repeat the experience and spend three hours fighting panic attacks waist deep  in mud while hitting my hardhat on low hanging rocks.

Call me crazy.

Boudoir Flashback

Now might be as good a time as any to mention that every year, I have a little adventure I go on.

This year it’s Burning Man.

For the last five years, it’s been Burning Man.

But in 2014, I took Boudoir photos with a professional photographer.

I bought a Groupon deal from Celebrate Your Sexy for $59.

I then proceeded to spend upwards of $1,000 on lingerie, makeup artistry, hairstyling, and more.

The reason I did it was because it scared me… the thought of posing semi naked in front of a stranger with a camera.

I thought to myself, “There’s no way I can do this.”

Then I told myself, “Yes, you can!”

And so I did it.

You can read more about my Boudoir Adventure here.

There’s even a lovely little clip of me freaking out in the hotel bar while I wait for my appointment to begin.

In the end, I was SUPER glad that I forced myself to persevere and overcome my fears because I LOVE my boudoir photos.

My favorite, incidentally, is this one…

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Fucking Steve!

Steve told me to start out this blog post saying, “Fucking Steve!  He took me on his goddamn boat and got us stranded in the middle of the bay.”

There, I just gave away the punch line.

Yes indeed, I went to visit my ex-BF Steve at the Antioch Marina to take his boat out for a spin.

What kind of a boat it is, you ask?  It’s a white one with triangle sails.  I’m so savvy when it comes to boats.

Anyway, the engine wouldn’t start, the battery was drained, so Steve got a backup generator from his car and we proceeded to charge the battery.  Unknown to us at the time is that instead of charging the battery, we had left it in idle.  So he took me out to get some food and while the battery should have been charging, it was idling.  Oh, and we left the lights on in the boat …. can you say battery drain?

Meanwhile, we loaded up on heart attacks at Hazel’s in Antioch where they serve this HUGE burger.  Steve and I shared.

IMG_4652You can see the size of each HALF BURGER compared to Steve’s hand in this picture.

We got back to the Marina after dinner, discovered our snafu and fixed the problem.  We went for a walk and chatted about everything from our family and friends, to Steve’s (sometimes) crazy ex-girlfriends.  Me, not included.  I think I get a special category of crazy – the lovable kind 🙂

Finally the battery was charged and the boat left the dock.  Since neither Steve or I knew how to sail, we just motored around a bit as Steve got the hang of his boat.

About 45 minutes into our “sail” the engine came to a stop.  We had run out of gas.  We were drifting with the current.  We laughed but a little part of me was worried.  Do we call someone?  Flag someone down?

Here we are in a SAILBOAT and we don’t know how to SAIL!!  How embarrassing.

At this point, Steve remembered the generator we had brought on board to jumpstart the engine.  THAT GENERATOR RAN OFF OF GAS.  We could use the gasoline from the generator to power the boat’s engine.  He used a sump pump to transfer the gasoline.  Brilliant!

Before we knew it, we were on our way again.  Motoring back to the marina.

To Steve’s credit, this boat is new to him and he didn’t realize that the gas gauge (which was showing full) was faulty.  For a moment there, I did wonder if he was pulling the old “broke down car” maneuver to get me alone.  Such was not the case…. but that’s a story I will leave for another blog post titled “I just can’t get any.”

So in the end, we had a lot of fun taking the boat out and about in the water.  It’s probably the first time that boat has gone out in years.  And it was fun to hang with Steve and hear his incredible life stories.

Running out of gas (when we had sails) made it a bit of an adventure, but nothing this sailor gal can’t deal with.

Mostly, this trip just convinced me that I really do need to refresh my sailing skills and learn how to actually use the sails on a sailboat.

Could’ve come in handy today!

Magic is what you make of it

Disney loveMagic always comes with a prince

At least that’s what Disney and Hollywood lead you to believe.

Of course lately, there’s been less focus on the prince and more focus on the heroine, but you get the picture – love, above all, makes the story.

And how are we single ladies supposed to feel about this in real life?

Well, I’ll tell you, being single has never hurt my social life. In fact, I think I get out more and do more things simply because I don’t have a partner to hang out at home with eating pizza and drinking beer with on a Saturday night.

Being single didn’t hurt me when I was racing cars at the Stockton 99.

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Being single especially didn’t hurt me when I was leaping from an airplane with a hot man and a parachute strapped to my back.

And it certainly didn’t hurt me when I went to the Alameda County Fairgrounds and ran with the bulls.

photo 4No, being single hasn’t hurt one bit.

Even my more carnal urges somehow manage to get taken care of.

So what then is my life missing without a man to “complete” me?

The answer is nothing.

I have friends and family who give me love and camaraderie and lovers who give me intimacy.

Everything else is icing on the cake.

Sure, it’s magical when life and love come with a prince.

But it sure as hell isn’t required.

Magic, is what you make of it.

It’s raining fish!

A few friends and I took to the seas and went fishing this past weekend.

We were fishing for crab and rock cod.

Despite the fact that I kept getting called “sweetheart” by the deck manager, I had a GREAT time.

Getting up at 3:45 am is not ideal, but it allows you to catch sights like the sunrise over the city.

And the Golden Gate Bridge as seen from the water

It took us 3 hours to motor out past the Farallons to our fishing “hole.”

I literally dropped my line in the water and came out with a fish.

It was RAINING FISH.

In the end, after about 4 hours of fishing, I caught 10 fish – mostly medium size rock cod.

Some were olive colored, some were red, and others were bright yellow.

It was rather amazing to see the diversity.

One guy on our boat caught a behemoth!

The thing was over 2 feet long and must’ve weight a good 20 – 30 pounds.

On our way back home from fishing, we stopped and checked our crab pots and we’d caught enough crab for everyone on the boat to get two crabs each.

A deckhand was kind enough to give me two extra so I had 6 crabs, including Tejas’ crabs.

I took the crabs to the bait shack when we got back and left them to be cooked and cleaned.

And that’s when it happened.

Someone STOLE MY CRAB.

Just walked off with the bag of my cooked and cleaned crabs, leaving me with my worthless claim ticket.

But the guys cooking the crab took mercy on me and managed to get me 6 other crabs to take home.

So all is well that ends well.

Still.

Someone stole my catch!

Bad form!

Lizzo-inspired performer

Sorry for the gap in posting, I’ve been sick since Sunday.

For my aunt and uncle’s post-Halloween costume party which took place on my birthday, I dressed up as a Lizzo-inspired performer.

No one is Lizzo but Lizzo, that’s for sure.

And certainly not this white girl who loves her music.

The unfortunate thing is that I was coming down with a head cold that night and so I wasn’t feeling my absolute best.

But I did shots of tequila with the best of them.

I also drank something called Truly, which is just like White Claw hard seltzer.

It was yummy.

All in all I had a great time.

My aunt really goes all out with the Halloween decorations.

I even got to work my magic making one aunt into a sexy glittery green dragon and another aunt into a deer.

And just to prove I was there, here are a few pics from the night:

Pole Dancing

The irony about going to see the movie Hustlers, which has a rather INFAMOUS scene of Jennifer Lopez pole dancing in a white string bodysuit, is that I too have taken pole dancing lessons.

I took them at an actual pole dancing studio by my house and enjoyed them enough that I came back and took a lap dancing class.

Mind you, I have no one to pole dance for or to give a lap dance too, but when I do you can rest assured, I am prepared.

So back to Hustlers. . . Jennifer Lopez looks absolutely incredible throughout the entire movie.

The pole dancing was hyped to be extraordinary (and it was) but it was limited to one scene.

Which I found rather disappointing.

If you’re expecting a repeat performance of Demi Moore in Striptease, you’re bound to be disappointed.

What I can say about pole dancing is this.

It’s athletic and artistic and sexy ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

I’m not very good at it.

Honestly, it’s hard to get myself twelve inches off the floor on a pole, but I keep trying to improve.

Of course, it’s challenging when you don’t have your own pole to practice on.

Lap dancing is MUCH easier.

You can do it anywhere.

I still remember some of the rules:

  1. Move  s l o w l y
  2. Touch yourself
  3. Make eye contact
  4. Smear yourself across your partner

There is more good news as well.

I can now attend a pole dancing expo in my local studio, open to women only.

I’m guessing I’ll sign up and go.

Nothing like spending $20 to watch beautiful women show off incredible dance moves on and off the pole.

Count me in!

Strippers

It must be the season.

All I want to do is bake cookies, quilt, and curl up in bed with a book and a cup of tea.

I’m nesting.

At least that what it feels like.

All I need to start my creative juices flowing is for the weather to turn a little chilly and I’m ready to become Martha Stewart.

I don’t know when I became so domesticated.

It used to be that I’d spend my weekends doing anything but staying at home working on projects.

I was out traveling, doing things, and exploring the Bay.

Now, I’m quilting, working on costumes, and just taking it easy.

It’s football season, and I find myself sitting on my couch letting the NFL entertain me.

But it’s a solitary joy because NO ONE IN MY FAMILY WATCHES FOOTBALL BUT ME.

This weekend I’m going to a dear old friend’s new home in Monterey to celebrate his housewarming.

And that’s it.

I was going to go to the Renaissance Faire but my plans fell through.

Instead I’m going on a date to see Hustlers, the movie with Jennifer Lopez and Cardi B.

His choice, not mine.

And there you have it.

A nice, mellow recharge weekend!

With strippers.