Sore

To be honest, I’m a little bit out of it right now.

It probably has something to do with a little bit of sleep deprivation, drinking, and frolicking with friends at the Bare Burn.

It could also have something to do with all the WORK that went into producing the event.

I didn’t get home from the Bare Burn until 10:30 pm Sunday night.

Lupin, if you haven’t been there, is on a steep hill and so I spent the ENTIRE weekend going up and down and up and down the hill.

By the end of the weekend, I was ALMOST used to it.

But today, there is this soreness that has settled into my legs and I realize that what I did all weekend long going up and down the hill is a lot like doing a million squats.

Hopefully my ass looks nice and perky from all the exercise.

In case you were wondering, I did get to spend some time relaxing at the pool and socializing with friends, it wasn’t ALL work.

I also managed to squeeze in some mattress dancing with my friend Coke Can Dan.

It was nice having him there because apart from the OBVIOUS reason, his presence reminded me to find time to chill, explore, and relax.

I’m not sure I would’ve relaxed as much without him there.

If you must know, more than my leg muscles are sore.

I should be walking like a bow legged cowboy.

And I sort of need to sit on a ice pack ALL DAY LONG to recover from the vigorous entertainment he provided.

Despite all these sore muscles however, rest assured that there is a BIG smile on my face.

Huge!

Crash and burn

So, as it turns out, I DID NOT GO HIKING LAST WEEK.

No.

Instead I got stood up.

Irony is, I’m not entirely sure I didn’t deserve to be stood up.

I wrote a post titled “PUSSY” about a man who could only whisper the word pussy out loud and I titled it (naturally) Pussy, not in reference to him but in reference to the word he could barely say.

Well, I think he took it the wrong way.

And honestly, who can blame him?

Sometimes I can be truly dense.

If the tables had been turned, I’m sure I would’ve been outraged.

He stayed calm and cool but he sure as hell didn’t go for a hike with me.

And after all the drama that ensued, I’m afraid we created too big a barrier for our newfound friendship to withstand.

Oh sure, he’s my friend on Facebook, but I don’t expect to be seeing him anytime soon.

I’d apologize to him for my lack of sensitivity, but I made a promise to myself to leave him alone and I’m keeping that promise.

In any case, I’m left once again with no partner to go hiking with.

No one to exercise with.

Sad face.

I really was looking forward to working out, even if I was grumbling about it.

I don’t like doing things I’m not instantly good at and it’s a steep learning curve to get in shape when you haven’t exercised in years.

All this time I’ve been railing against the men I meet, criticizing them for being rude, boring or alcoholic and here I am a perfect specimen of a ball-buster.

Sometimes, I’m a bitch.

Magic always comes with a prince

Disney loveMagic always comes with a prince

At least that’s what Disney and Hollywood lead you to believe.

Of course lately, there’s been less focus on the prince and more focus on the heroine, but you get the picture – love, above all, makes the story.

And how are we single ladies supposed to feel about this in real life?

Well, I’ll tell you, being single has never hurt my social life. In fact, I think I get out more and do more things simply because I don’t have a partner to hang out at home with eating pizza and drinking beer with on a Saturday night.

Being single didn’t hurt me when I was racing cars at the Stockton 99.

image

Being single especially didn’t hurt me when I was leaping from an airplane with a hot man and a parachute strapped to my back.

And it certainly didn’t hurt me when I went to the Alameda County Fairgrounds and ran with the bulls.

photo 4No, being single hasn’t hurt one bit.

Even my more carnal urges somehow manage to get taken care of.

So what then is my life missing without a man to “complete” me?

The answer is nothing.

I have friends and family who give me love and camaraderie and lovers who give me intimacy.

Everything else is icing on the cake.

Sure, it’s magical when life and love come with a prince.

But it sure as hell isn’t required.

Magic, is what you make of it.

Maker’s Faire

There is this THING called a MAKER’S FAIRE, which is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

I went with Yvonne to the San Mateo Maker’s Faire this past weekend and we had such a good time.

First off, I got ROCK STAR PARKING along the street where the Maker’s Faire was being held.

Boom!

Second, I found the PERFECT gift for MotherP whose birthday is coming up next weekend.

Boom!

And finally, I got to order (and eat) a BIG FAT SAUSAGE at the Maker’s Faire, which thrilled my inner dirty girl.

Boom!

My favorite part of the ENTIRE visit was the Dark Room – a dark warehouse filled with all sorts of projects that were lit up.

I stuck my head in a ball called the “hypnosphere” which was lined with lights and white faux fur.

It felt like I was in the womb and the feeling was a little creepy, but nevertheless awfully pretty.

So much to see!

Like cupcake cars going down the walkway.

A pet pig on a leash.

Or a sleeping compartment mounted onto the back of a motorcycle?

If you get the chance to attend the Maker’s Faire, you should definitely go.

So much artistic talent and creativity is on display, you’ll walk away feeling inspired to start your own projects!

The vibrator to end them all

You can take the girl out of Catholic school but you can’t take the Catholic school out of the girl.

Or something like that.

At unSCruz, there was one itty bitty contraption that mesmerized me.

A standing vibrator.

Yes, you heard me right – A STANDING VIBRATOR.

Just along the side of the walkway, as I live and breathe.

I went in to get a closer look.

There was a fully clothed woman on it, and she and an “operator” were fine-tuning the vibrations.

It was wild to see it.

Now, I’ve heard about this vibrator before.

It has something of a reputation you see.

Apparently, it massages EVERYTHING.

And, given enough time, will result in an extraordinary climax.

Half of me wanted to try it.

Simply so I could report back and let you know what I thought of it.

But truthfully, it was always being used, so I never got a chance to ride it.

It was quite popular!

The other half of me thought, “Shouldn’t this be in a tent or something?”

It’s the Catholic girl in me who was shy about having a screaming orgasm where everyone could see.

Nevertheless, if I find it on playa I will have to test it out. . . because I’m curious like that.

Despite my Catholic sensibilities.

unSCruz 2018: Playground for adults

The thing about unSCruz is that it’s EXACTLY LIKE A PLAYGROUND FOR ADULTS.

All the things you wish existed out there in the world for you to enjoy exist within unSCruz.

Art.

Music.

Would you like to join in a cuddle puddle on a flying ship?

Done.

Take nude photos with a professional photographer?

You can have it.

Learn about kinks you never knew you had?

Wish granted!

Something that TOTALLY BLEW ME AWAY this year was the Rainbow Trike Track.

Basically someone built a mini tricycle track inside one of the warehouses at unSCruz and you could hop on one of the rainbow trikes (think Big Wheels for adults) and get squirrely on the track!

I know!

So much fun!

Open bars?

Yes please (though no outside alcohol is allowed in unSCruz)!

In my heart of hearts, my home away from home will always be Ali Bar Bar.

And they had a magnificent new marquee!

And of course, the best and sexiest bartenders!

unSCruz even had a BURN!

And it was a great burn because the man lit up beautifully but didn’t fall down for quite some time.

More blaze for everyone to enjoy!

All in all, quite the magnificent trip and so worth all the effort that went into planning and executing.

SUPER SLUTTY SHOES

I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

  • Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
  • Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
  • Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
  • Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
  • Rotate your body to give him a side view.
  • More smearing. Do it slowly.
  • Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.

Homage to nudity

It’s a ONESIE WEEKEND for me.

First of all, Friday is a pub crawl/art exploration in downtown San Jose.

The theme is Smokey the Bear because it’s, you know, April 20th.

As in 4/20?

You get it.

So I’m wearing my bear onesie (which I ironically wore to the Onesie party LAST Friday).

Isn’t it the cutest?

We meet up at Ursa Mater – the 2017 Burning Man sculpture made out of cement and pennies.

Then Saturday is a housewarming/birthday party, also in San Jose.

It’s my “clothing optional” party.

The theme is MAGICAL CREATURES, which I LOVE!

Nothing like dressing up as a mythical creature to spice up the evening.

I fully intend to wear my unicorn onesie to the party.

Despite being very warm, they are quite comfortable and fun to socialize in.

I’m not going to get naked at the party (except in the hot tub) but I intend to pay homage to nudity everywhere by GOING NAKED UNDER ALL MY CLOTHES.

There you go.

Gifting

Apparently there are some things that happen at the Bunny Burn.

The Zebra Rampage (a bar progressive in zebra costumes) is on my list of things to do.

I even have a zebra onesie to wear!

There are also crafts like making personal mandalas, bunny ears, and Mad Hatter hats.

Cool!

Then there are activities like eating yellow sno cones and making s’mores.

Yummy!

I understand that I’m supposed to gift trinkets to my fellow campers.

Just like Gifting is a principle at Burning Man, so it also is at PBB.

So I bought some candies and toys to give out and I literally scoured my garage trying to find my Easter basket.

Which I did find!

So what will I be filling my basket with?

Emoticon gumballs

Fuzzy bunnies

Bunny face tattoos

Easter lollipops

Glitter necklaces

And bunny rubber “duckies”

So you can expect to see me hopping around PBB with my basket full of treats handing out gifts to all my neighbors!

Personally, I think Tejas could totally SCORE at PBB if he makes his wooden GlowForge bunny medallions.

They’re THE BOMB!

Living like a nun

Since my return from Sweden, I’ve been living like a nun.

Even though my vow of celibacy is no longer in place, I’m still not getting any.

Reason #1: I like The Swede and he’s not here.

Reason #2: I sort of consider myself in a transition state right now on my diet.

And I consider “transition phases” inappropriate for dating.

Plus, the last thing I want is to be sipping my low-cal tomato soup while out on a date.

So here I am.

Single yet happy.

To tell the truth I’ve got a lot going on BESIDES my diet that is keeping me occupied.

UnSCruz planning – I’m helping to organize volunteers.

South Bay Burners Regional Precompression aka SoulFire – I’m trying to resurrect this event with guidance from some friends.

Burning Man 2018 – can’t miss That Thing In The Desert.

Pagan Bunny Burn – my very first! Can’t wait!

I mean, I’m not going to turn down any dates that pop up, but I’m also not actively cultivating anything.

Which, remarkably, doesn’t bother me.

All of which is to say that despite my fuller than full physique, I’m pretty damn happy.

So I can’t complain!