Living like a nun

Since my return from Sweden, I’ve been living like a nun.

Even though my vow of celibacy is no longer in place, I’m still not getting any.

Reason #1: I like The Swede and he’s not here.

Reason #2: I sort of consider myself in a transition state right now on my diet.

And I consider “transition phases” inappropriate for dating.

Plus, the last thing I want is to be sipping my low-cal tomato soup while out on a date.

So here I am.

Single yet happy.

To tell the truth I’ve got a lot going on BESIDES my diet that is keeping me occupied.

UnSCruz planning – I’m helping to organize volunteers.

South Bay Burners Regional Precompression aka SoulFire – I’m trying to resurrect this event with guidance from some friends.

Burning Man 2018 – can’t miss That Thing In The Desert.

Pagan Bunny Burn – my very first! Can’t wait!

I mean, I’m not going to turn down any dates that pop up, but I’m also not actively cultivating anything.

Which, remarkably, doesn’t bother me.

All of which is to say that despite my fuller than full physique, I’m pretty damn happy.

So I can’t complain!

Cheese Tooth

My first week on the diet went well.

MY first WEEKEND on the diet?

Not so well.

There’s something about the lack of structure to my weekends which makes keeping to a diet REALLY challenging.

I went to an AMAZING party on Saturday.

The kind of party you dream about attending – fabulous people, great entertainment, and lots and lots of food and drink!

The party had a Burning Man theme – specifically focusing on the principles of gifting and interactivity.

Everyone participated in the party.

Tejas gave away temporary tattoos, to great success.

Marina let people design their own jewelry then she assembled their selection into a pair of earrings.

Here’s mine:

My gift was a bowl of my famous French cheese fondue – a blend of brie, goat and blue cheese.

Absolutely delicious!

I know because I SAMPLED IT.

Quite a bit of it, actually.

I wanted to eat the fried chicken and pot stickers, but I restrained myself.

And when they passed around birthday cake, I was able to decline with a polite, “I don’t have a SWEET tooth, I have a CHEESE tooth.”

So, not surprisingly, when I drove with Tejas to Pescadero the next day to check out a potential retreat center for our regional precompression, I had to stop by Duarte’s Tavern and get a grilled cheese sandwich and their swirled cream of green chili and artichoke soup.

I might (or might not) have washed it all down with a gin and tonic.

Despite these setbacks, I’m actually proud of how I handled my weekend. I certainly WANTED to cheat more but I held back.

And in the end, I figure that the important thing is to do things right MORE OFTEN than you do things wrong and you’re on the right track.

So, here’s to a better week for me!

Challenges for Burning Man 2018

Each year, I try to find a way to challenge myself at Burning Man.

In 2015, my goal was just to complete the week of activities and enjoy myself.

In 2016, my goal was to improve upon my activities from the previous year and be more interactive.

In 2017, I took on a leadership role and my goal was to be successful as an ambassador for our village.

I’ve done other things along the way.

Work on an art car, paint an altar, etc.

So this year I’m thinking of challenging myself by working on an art project.

Like a genuine, built-from-the-ground-up art project.

There are a couple of projects I have my eye on.

But nothing I’m sure about.

As a side note, I’d like to bring The Swede to Burning Man this year.

I think he’s open to the idea of going and would likely have a good time.

For two Scorpios, we’re pretty fucking mellow and I think we’d do well in the desert together for a week.

Between the two of us, I’m the more experimental one and he’s the steady and solid one so it would be interesting to see how he reacts to activities like Saunadome, Human Carcass Wash, and more.

I’d like to see him get all saucer-eyed watching the entertainment at Hair of the Dog, Spanky’s Wine Bar, or the Slut Olympics.

Hopefully, over the next month or so I’ll get a grip on both these items – The Swede coming to Burning Man and my challenge for 2018.

More to come!

What to do in the City

Now that I have gone to Sweden to visit The Swede, I am hoping that he and his youngest daughter will come to California to visit me.

Of course, I’d love to host The Swede for Burning Man, but since that’s unlikely to happen I’ve made a Plan B.

First of all, Tejas offered to host The Swede and his daughter.

He has the room, I do not.

He has no pets. I have a cat, which The Swede’s daughter is allergic to.

So sweet of Tejas to offer.

Which means we will be a foursome exploring the Bay Area.

I am loathe to go to the city (SF) since I drive a big truck and it’s IMPOSSIBLE to find parking in the city for a truck, but I think perhaps we could manage a day or two in the city, especially since Tejas is really familiar with San Francisco and can help me navigate around.

Here are some ideas I have for what to do:

  • Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
  • Visit Fisherman’s Wharf and feed The Swedes some Bay Area seafood
  • Check out Alcatraz
  • Shop at Union Square
  • Ride a cable car
  • Watch the Giants play baseball
  • Check out the Aquarium of the Bay
  • Visit Ghiradelli Square and enjoy an ice cream sundae
  • Sample Ferry Building food
  • Explore the Walt Disney Family Museum
  • Enjoy an Irish coffee at The Buena Vista

How that for a list of activities to do in San Francisco?

If you have better ideas, please share!

Smörgåsbord

The Swede and his daughter made room in their house for me during my visit to Sweden.

It was very thoughtful of them to accommodate me for a whole week while I immersed myself in all things Swedish.

As a thank you, I took them to the smörgåsbord at The Grand Hôtel in Stockholm – a beautiful waterfront hotel located in between the Royal Palace and Gamla Stan (Stockholm’s Old Town).

What can I possibly say about the smörgåsbord?

It was mind blowing.

First of all, there were lots of fish dishes, from gravlax (salmon) to poached cod to smoked sturgeon.

The only gross thing I ate was a slice of homemade sausage that tasted like armpit.

Everything else was scrumptious!

They made these little egg cups with caviar on top that were TO DIE FOR.

I think I ate three.

The Swede’s daughter ate four.

I washed all my food down with two glasses of champagne and the only downside to The Swede driving us into Stockholm is that he wasn’t able to enjoy champagne with me (the drunk driving BAC limit in Sweden is 0.02, a quarter of what it is in the US).

It was a pretty amazing night and a wonderful meal with outstanding company and I will treasure my memories of it always.

 

 

Arctic plunge

OK.

So we’ve established I was hot during my ENTIRE trip to Sweden.

Yes, indeed.

With a suitcase full of warm sweaters and tights, what was I to do?

Well, I went with The Swede to visit his friends in Jättendal for New Year’s Eve.

Snow everywhere!

And. . . The Swede’s friends have a hot tub.

First I was served the most SCRUMPTIOUS meal – mashed potatoes, steak, and pickled asparagus wrapped in bacon.

Then I jumped into the hot tub (with a bathing suit on, natch).

Before too long, even the snow banks and cool air couldn’t keep me at a comfortable temperature.

So I jumped out and sat in the snow in my bathing suit.

And I will have you know, neither one of the Swedish born-and-bred men who were in the hot tub with me got out to jump in the snow.

Just saying. . .

This California girl likes her ARCTIC PLUNGES!

FIRE in the hole!

I’m not going to put any of this in perspective for you so that you can be as unsuspecting a victim as I was.

The Swede and his daughter took me to a market and they each proceeded to fill a bag with at least a kilo of sweets from the bulk candy bins.

They bought everything from chocolate to salted licorice to candy.

We got back to The Swede’s house and I was in the kitchen chopping onions when The Swede walked up to me and stretched out his hand.

In his palm was one glorious, chocolate truffle, dusted in even more choclate.

Mmmmmm.

I gobbled it up.

And that’s when I learned my lesson.

Because I wasn’t eating a chewy, delicious morsel of chocolate.

Oh no!

I was eating a Chili Kugler spicy chocolate.

On a spiciness scale of 1 – 15, this was rated a 15.

Now, you might think it was mean of The Swede to trick me like ths.

But actually he warned me about it earlier.

I just forgot in light of our recent trip to the candy aisle.

So there I am, slurping water from the kitchen faucet, begging The Swede for milk with drool pouring off my throbbing tongue.

The good news is that all was no lost.

The Swede and his daughter and  had a rip roaring time watching me slowly recover from my spicy adventure.

But let it be known that when The Swede says he has a spicy treat for you, HE MEANS IT!

The one where she admits she took a lap dancing class

I had my first lap dancing class on Thursday.

The important thing is to start off with a glass or wine or two to loosen yourself up for the activity at hand. Which was great because I walked into the studio right as a girl was changing in to her dance outfit (black hot pants with studs and a matching triangle bikini top) in the lobby. Bam!

She then proceeded to slip on her 7 ½ inch heels. OMG….. now I know why men love heels on women. Pow!

My class started with my instructor Heather, also wearing booty pants and a tank top, telling the class the 5 Rules of Lap Dance:

  1. Arch your back
  2. Move slow
  3. Point your toes
  4. Make eye contact
  5. Touch yourself

Anyway, we warmed up on the floor with a sexy little stretching routine. Slow, always slow. Then we began to learn our lap dance in bed routine:

  • Step 1: Strut around in heels.
  • Step 2: Lean your back against the wall and spread your legs.
  • Step 3: Close your legs and melt down the wall to the floor.
  • Step 4: Crawl to the bed. Opposite knee, opposite paw.
  • Step 5: Run your fingertips, then hands, then forearms up his legs getting closer to the goods every time.
  • Step 6: Rub your chest over his chest and up to his face so he gets a good view of the kittens. Tantalize for a minute.
  • Step 7: Straddle his leg. Grind a little.

And that’s as far as we got.  Two more classes will teach me the rest.

I have to say, the whole experience was great. Once your forget yourself (wine helps) and get in to the mood, everything starts to flow.

Get in a sexy mood. Make eye contact. Touch yourself. Show off your body. It was all very enjoyable and, dare I say, pleasurable.

It did occur to me as I was taking my class how lucky I was. Men would kill to see what I was seeing.

Not only was I learning something, but I was getting quite the show!

And just for laughs and giggles, here is a picture of the man I got to give a lap dance to in bed….

photo(29)Sexy, eh?  Picture me grinding on that….

It’s raining FISH!

A few friends and I took to the seas and went fishing this past weekend.

We were fishing for crab and rock cod.

Despite the fact that I kept getting called “sweetheart” by the deck manager, I had a GREAT time.

Getting up at 3:45 am is not ideal, but it allows you to catch sights like the sunrise over the city.

And the Golden Gate Bridge as seen from the water

It took us 3 hours to motor out past the Farallons to our fishing “hole.”

I literally dropped my line in the water and came out with a fish.

It was RAINING FISH.

In the end, after about 4 hours of fishing, I caught 10 fish – mostly medium size rock cod.

Some were olive colored, some were red, and others were bright yellow.

It was rather amazing to see the diversity.

One guy on our boat caught a behemoth!

The thing was over 2 feet long and must’ve weight a good 20 – 30 pounds.

On our way back home from fishing, we stopped and checked our crab pots and we’d caught enough crab for everyone on the boat to get two crabs each.

A deckhand was kind enough to give me two extra so I had 6 crabs, including Tejas’ crabs.

I took the crabs to the bait shack when we got back and left them to be cooked and cleaned.

And that’s when it happened.

Someone STOLE MY CRAB.

Just walked off with the bag of my cooked and cleaned crabs, leaving me with my worthless claim ticket.

But the guys cooking the crab took mercy on me and managed to get me 6 other crabs to take home.

So all is well that ends well.

Still.

Someone stole my catch!

Bad form!

Here fishy fishy fishy

I am going fishing.

Again.

Again. Again.

My first time fishing, I went by myself on a fishing boat and I caught one VERY LARGE salmon.

That was the best, tastiest, flakiest salmon I’ve ever eaten.

Line caught, wild salmon is THE BEST.

The next time I went fishing with a bunch of friends and we caught a lot of stripers (bass).

Despite having numerous little nibbles, I managed to catch NOTHING but I still went home with a fish on account of the plethora of fish that were caught by my friends.

This time, we are going out in December.

It should be cold and blustery.

We’re going to fish for rock cod and crab.

Woo!

I LOVE CRAB!

Rock cod, I’m not so thrilled about.

They’re a rather unattractive fish but I’m sure I can make some good fish and chips with whatever I catch.

Best of all, there’s an AMAZING sushi place right next door to the marina (naturally where better to get fresh fish than at a marina) and all my friends and I are going to eat sushi (and drink sake) post-fishing.

Nothing like a day on the water followed by an evening of tasty fish!