The vibrator to end them all

You can take the girl out of Catholic school but you can’t take the Catholic school out of the girl.

Or something like that.

At unSCruz, there was one itty bitty contraption that mesmerized me.

A standing vibrator.

Yes, you heard me right – A STANDING VIBRATOR.

Just along the side of the walkway, as I live and breathe.

I went in to get a closer look.

There was a fully clothed woman on it, and she and an “operator” were fine-tuning the vibrations.

It was wild to see it.

Now, I’ve heard about this vibrator before.

It has something of a reputation you see.

Apparently, it massages EVERYTHING.

And, given enough time, will result in an extraordinary climax.

Half of me wanted to try it.

Simply so I could report back and let you know what I thought of it.

But truthfully, it was always being used, so I never got a chance to ride it.

It was quite popular!

The other half of me thought, “Shouldn’t this be in a tent or something?”

It’s the Catholic girl in me who was shy about having a screaming orgasm where everyone could see.

Nevertheless, if I find it on playa I will have to test it out. . . because I’m curious like that.

Despite my Catholic sensibilities.

unSCruz 2018: Playground for adults

The thing about unSCruz is that it’s EXACTLY LIKE A PLAYGROUND FOR ADULTS.

All the things you wish existed out there in the world for you to enjoy exist within unSCruz.

Art.

Music.

Would you like to join in a cuddle puddle on a flying ship?

Done.

Take nude photos with a professional photographer?

You can have it.

Learn about kinks you never knew you had?

Wish granted!

Something that TOTALLY BLEW ME AWAY this year was the Rainbow Trike Track.

Basically someone built a mini tricycle track inside one of the warehouses at unSCruz and you could hop on one of the rainbow trikes (think Big Wheels for adults) and get squirrely on the track!

I know!

So much fun!

Open bars?

Yes please (though no outside alcohol is allowed in unSCruz)!

In my heart of hearts, my home away from home will always be Ali Bar Bar.

And they had a magnificent new marquee!

And of course, the best and sexiest bartenders!

unSCruz even had a BURN!

And it was a great burn because the man lit up beautifully but didn’t fall down for quite some time.

More blaze for everyone to enjoy!

All in all, quite the magnificent trip and so worth all the effort that went into planning and executing.

SUPER SLUTTY SHOES

I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

  • Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
  • Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
  • Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
  • Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
  • Rotate your body to give him a side view.
  • More smearing. Do it slowly.
  • Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.

Homage to nudity

It’s a ONESIE WEEKEND for me.

First of all, Friday is a pub crawl/art exploration in downtown San Jose.

The theme is Smokey the Bear because it’s, you know, April 20th.

As in 4/20?

You get it.

So I’m wearing my bear onesie (which I ironically wore to the Onesie party LAST Friday).

Isn’t it the cutest?

We meet up at Ursa Mater – the 2017 Burning Man sculpture made out of cement and pennies.

Then Saturday is a housewarming/birthday party, also in San Jose.

It’s my “clothing optional” party.

The theme is MAGICAL CREATURES, which I LOVE!

Nothing like dressing up as a mythical creature to spice up the evening.

I fully intend to wear my unicorn onesie to the party.

Despite being very warm, they are quite comfortable and fun to socialize in.

I’m not going to get naked at the party (except in the hot tub) but I intend to pay homage to nudity everywhere by GOING NAKED UNDER ALL MY CLOTHES.

There you go.

Gifting

Apparently there are some things that happen at the Bunny Burn.

The Zebra Rampage (a bar progressive in zebra costumes) is on my list of things to do.

I even have a zebra onesie to wear!

There are also crafts like making personal mandalas, bunny ears, and Mad Hatter hats.

Cool!

Then there are activities like eating yellow sno cones and making s’mores.

Yummy!

I understand that I’m supposed to gift trinkets to my fellow campers.

Just like Gifting is a principle at Burning Man, so it also is at PBB.

So I bought some candies and toys to give out and I literally scoured my garage trying to find my Easter basket.

Which I did find!

So what will I be filling my basket with?

Emoticon gumballs

Fuzzy bunnies

Bunny face tattoos

Easter lollipops

Glitter necklaces

And bunny rubber “duckies”

So you can expect to see me hopping around PBB with my basket full of treats handing out gifts to all my neighbors!

Personally, I think Tejas could totally SCORE at PBB if he makes his wooden GlowForge bunny medallions.

They’re THE BOMB!

Living like a nun

Since my return from Sweden, I’ve been living like a nun.

Even though my vow of celibacy is no longer in place, I’m still not getting any.

Reason #1: I like The Swede and he’s not here.

Reason #2: I sort of consider myself in a transition state right now on my diet.

And I consider “transition phases” inappropriate for dating.

Plus, the last thing I want is to be sipping my low-cal tomato soup while out on a date.

So here I am.

Single yet happy.

To tell the truth I’ve got a lot going on BESIDES my diet that is keeping me occupied.

UnSCruz planning – I’m helping to organize volunteers.

South Bay Burners Regional Precompression aka SoulFire – I’m trying to resurrect this event with guidance from some friends.

Burning Man 2018 – can’t miss That Thing In The Desert.

Pagan Bunny Burn – my very first! Can’t wait!

I mean, I’m not going to turn down any dates that pop up, but I’m also not actively cultivating anything.

Which, remarkably, doesn’t bother me.

All of which is to say that despite my fuller than full physique, I’m pretty damn happy.

So I can’t complain!

Cheese Tooth

My first week on the diet went well.

MY first WEEKEND on the diet?

Not so well.

There’s something about the lack of structure to my weekends which makes keeping to a diet REALLY challenging.

I went to an AMAZING party on Saturday.

The kind of party you dream about attending – fabulous people, great entertainment, and lots and lots of food and drink!

The party had a Burning Man theme – specifically focusing on the principles of gifting and interactivity.

Everyone participated in the party.

Tejas gave away temporary tattoos, to great success.

Marina let people design their own jewelry then she assembled their selection into a pair of earrings.

Here’s mine:

My gift was a bowl of my famous French cheese fondue – a blend of brie, goat and blue cheese.

Absolutely delicious!

I know because I SAMPLED IT.

Quite a bit of it, actually.

I wanted to eat the fried chicken and pot stickers, but I restrained myself.

And when they passed around birthday cake, I was able to decline with a polite, “I don’t have a SWEET tooth, I have a CHEESE tooth.”

So, not surprisingly, when I drove with Tejas to Pescadero the next day to check out a potential retreat center for our regional precompression, I had to stop by Duarte’s Tavern and get a grilled cheese sandwich and their swirled cream of green chili and artichoke soup.

I might (or might not) have washed it all down with a gin and tonic.

Despite these setbacks, I’m actually proud of how I handled my weekend. I certainly WANTED to cheat more but I held back.

And in the end, I figure that the important thing is to do things right MORE OFTEN than you do things wrong and you’re on the right track.

So, here’s to a better week for me!

Challenges for Burning Man 2018

Each year, I try to find a way to challenge myself at Burning Man.

In 2015, my goal was just to complete the week of activities and enjoy myself.

In 2016, my goal was to improve upon my activities from the previous year and be more interactive.

In 2017, I took on a leadership role and my goal was to be successful as an ambassador for our village.

I’ve done other things along the way.

Work on an art car, paint an altar, etc.

So this year I’m thinking of challenging myself by working on an art project.

Like a genuine, built-from-the-ground-up art project.

There are a couple of projects I have my eye on.

But nothing I’m sure about.

As a side note, I’d like to bring The Swede to Burning Man this year.

I think he’s open to the idea of going and would likely have a good time.

For two Scorpios, we’re pretty fucking mellow and I think we’d do well in the desert together for a week.

Between the two of us, I’m the more experimental one and he’s the steady and solid one so it would be interesting to see how he reacts to activities like Saunadome, Human Carcass Wash, and more.

I’d like to see him get all saucer-eyed watching the entertainment at Hair of the Dog, Spanky’s Wine Bar, or the Slut Olympics.

Hopefully, over the next month or so I’ll get a grip on both these items – The Swede coming to Burning Man and my challenge for 2018.

More to come!

What to do in the City

Now that I have gone to Sweden to visit The Swede, I am hoping that he and his youngest daughter will come to California to visit me.

Of course, I’d love to host The Swede for Burning Man, but since that’s unlikely to happen I’ve made a Plan B.

First of all, Tejas offered to host The Swede and his daughter.

He has the room, I do not.

He has no pets. I have a cat, which The Swede’s daughter is allergic to.

So sweet of Tejas to offer.

Which means we will be a foursome exploring the Bay Area.

I am loathe to go to the city (SF) since I drive a big truck and it’s IMPOSSIBLE to find parking in the city for a truck, but I think perhaps we could manage a day or two in the city, especially since Tejas is really familiar with San Francisco and can help me navigate around.

Here are some ideas I have for what to do:

  • Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
  • Visit Fisherman’s Wharf and feed The Swedes some Bay Area seafood
  • Check out Alcatraz
  • Shop at Union Square
  • Ride a cable car
  • Watch the Giants play baseball
  • Check out the Aquarium of the Bay
  • Visit Ghiradelli Square and enjoy an ice cream sundae
  • Sample Ferry Building food
  • Explore the Walt Disney Family Museum
  • Enjoy an Irish coffee at The Buena Vista

How that for a list of activities to do in San Francisco?

If you have better ideas, please share!

Smörgåsbord

The Swede and his daughter made room in their house for me during my visit to Sweden.

It was very thoughtful of them to accommodate me for a whole week while I immersed myself in all things Swedish.

As a thank you, I took them to the smörgåsbord at The Grand Hôtel in Stockholm – a beautiful waterfront hotel located in between the Royal Palace and Gamla Stan (Stockholm’s Old Town).

What can I possibly say about the smörgåsbord?

It was mind blowing.

First of all, there were lots of fish dishes, from gravlax (salmon) to poached cod to smoked sturgeon.

The only gross thing I ate was a slice of homemade sausage that tasted like armpit.

Everything else was scrumptious!

They made these little egg cups with caviar on top that were TO DIE FOR.

I think I ate three.

The Swede’s daughter ate four.

I washed all my food down with two glasses of champagne and the only downside to The Swede driving us into Stockholm is that he wasn’t able to enjoy champagne with me (the drunk driving BAC limit in Sweden is 0.02, a quarter of what it is in the US).

It was a pretty amazing night and a wonderful meal with outstanding company and I will treasure my memories of it always.