Last Minute Tim Burton

At the last minute, I’ve decided to go to a Tim Burton costume party.

The thing about it is, I don’t really have anything Tim Burton-ish.

I’m not a fan, you know.

I know. I know.

Who doesn’t LOVE Tim Burton?

Well, his movies always make me feel a little bit off, and it takes me a day or two to lose that out-of-sorts feeling.

I LOVED Corpse Bride, though.

So I looked for a Corpse Bride costume. . .

. . . and couldn’t find anything that would reach me in time.

Next?

Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice!

This I can maybe fudge.

So I got a black and white striped under-the-bust corset.

To which I’ll add my black steampunk skirt or my black and white striped ringmaster leggings.

Add a frizzy white wig.

And a cute little chapeau.

And voilá

Beetlejuice á la Michelle.

Do I like Vikings?

Do I like Vikings?

Vikings like this one?

Or this one?

Why yes, I think I do.

The Swede is descended from Vikings.

So am I, as least in part.

Maybe a Viking and a Scot fell in love a long time ago and to them I owe my whole existence.

Maybe a Viking PLUNDERED and PILLAGED a Scot village a long time ago and to that I owe my whole existence.

In reality, the story of my conception is pretty damn cool.

Two eighth graders fell foolishly in love and whoops!

Made a baby.

The Swede flies in on April 30th and we’re set to go on a date.

If he’s not too jet lagged.

I’m looking forward to seeing this modern day Viking again, just before UnSCruz.

The big news is. . .

. . . I have kicked Tejas out of our tent so that we can have some privacy.

Don’t worry, I’m bringing a backup tent for Tejas.

He was bummed when I told him but said it was predictable.

“Think of it as a way for you to get your own privacy too,” I hinted.

So there you have it.

I’m finally willing to admit I MAY want privacy with The Swede.

And by God, I’ll get it!

Celebrities who should fall in love with me

My cousin, aunt, and niece went to Walker Stalker and got to meet several of the characters from The Walking Dead.

Now, the first thing you need to know is that I stopped watching The Walking Dead after the second season so I HAVE NO IDEA WHO ANY OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE.

But I know that there’s one character I love – Negan, played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

I LOVE Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

He’s right up there on my list of celebrities who should fall in love with me.

Right after Mike Rowe.

And right before Charlie Hunnam and Travis Flimmel, who I incidentally think are twins separated at birth, they look so much alike.

I know JDM from his role in P.S. I Love You, where he played Irish musician and rescuer William. I also know him as John Winchester in Supernatural.

I recommend seeing him in P.S. I Love You because he shows off his naked rear end in it and OH MY! Is it a sight to see – all long legs and slender ass!

He can wander my halls in nothing but a towel ANYTIME.

So back to my cousin, aunt and niece.

I’m INSANELY happy that they got to meet JDM and hope they managed to give him a kiss from me.

They did snap this photo which, I must tell you, made me grin from ear to ear the moment I saw it.

It just makes me insanely happy!

The one where she buys SUPER SLUTTY SHOES

I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

  • Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
  • Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
  • Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
  • Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
  • Rotate your body to give him a side view.
  • More smearing. Do it slowly.
  • Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.

The Swede, kissing and UnSCruz

OMG, she’s not going to blog about The Swede again, is she?

Yes.

She.

Is.

Because he’s handsome, funny, and shy and that all adds up to make him pretty fricking irresistible to me.

He’s CHARMING.

Lord knows I don’t meet enough charming men.

Ones who want to cum in my ass and on my face (two things which do NOTHING for me), but the charming ones are few and far between.

The Swede also kisses like a board certified expert.

Trust me.

I’ve kissed a lot of men.

The Swede is EASILY in the Top 5 best kissers of ALL TIME.

The best kisses suck you into them so all you can think about is their mouth on your mouth.

They curl your toes and maybe, JUST MAYBE, get you a little juicy.

That’s what it’s like to kiss The Swede.

I swear I want to just melt into his body and feel every inch of him against me.

I may get my chance at UnSCruz seeing as how we are sharing a tent together.

I warned him the other day, “There will be ropes. We’re staying in a BDSM camp.”

He replied, “I’ve never done that but it could be fun.”

This is exactly the attitude you need to have going into a Burning Man event: open minded, ready to have fun, curious.

“There may be nudity,” I warned him.

Yours or mine?

I think The Swede will have a great time.

I told him my wish for him, “I hope you have a mind blowing good time.”

And I do.

I really do.

Reliving the good and the bad

Just the other day I was chatting with Yvonne over dinner and the topic of Lupin Lodge came up in comparison to Harbin Hot Springs.  In my experience, Harbin is a bit more comfortable a space to walk around naked in than Lupin Lodge on account of the guys chasing tail at Lupin.

I had to go back and read Yvonne some of my posts from my first trip to SoulFire (which are now private on account of them mentioning He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Mentioned.

So I’m posting some of what I wrote below:

 

What could I possibly write to capture the bright lights, holographic, mystical fun that was SoulFire?

It was, in all honesty, the best party I’ve ever been to with 350 of my closest and dearest friends.  You instantly felt at home.

It was also an ego fest for me.

Two younger men, Father Figure and Mr. Security, were chasing my tail. Father Figure did it much better than Mr. Security, who felt compelled to adjust my top without my permission whenever he felt like it.

I was camping with Tejas in his RV.

motorbeastIt was hard, hot work setting up camp, which is great when you’re having sex but sucks when you’re organizing an RV.

We set up on Friday afternoon and got down to the business of having fun with other guests.

I wore my Orgasm Donor t-shirt.

orgasm donorWe went to our local pub – the Dusty Bumm. The Dusty Bumm has a ceiling canopy made entirely of women’s thongs. I have a black vinyl one I want to donate to the cause.

At the Dusty Bumm, they’d make you whatever drink they could for you and then you’d stand around and enjoy it with new friends.

Everyone was friendly at SoulFire. Everyone hugged hello and goodbye.

Everyone kissed.

It was heaven.

Tejas and I ventured to the pool and hot tub and had some fun soaking while he talked to people about OMing.

I left (naked) with Mr. Security, who showed me his hut in the mountains and shared a “cigarette” with me.

The rest of the evening is mostly a blur of walking around naked, finding my clothes, going back to my RV. Trying to find Tejas. Mr. Security cooking dinner for me because I was too drunk to do it myself.

After eating dinner, Mr. Security and I decided to wander around. We made our way to the Dusty Bumm. I was wearing nothing but a tank top and red underwear at this point. Someone came up to me and told me I needed to help Tejas, that he was really drunk.

I found Tejas sitting on a bench across from the Dusty Bumm, happy as a clam and ready to go to bed.

With the help of a Ranger, we managed to walk him to the RV where I got him ready for bed, before he crashed.

It’s wasn’t a super late night, but it wasn’t an early one either.

So to recap:

  • Michelle was so drunk a guy had to cook her dinner
  • Tejas got so drunk he had to go to bed early
  • Michelle lost her clothes, then found them hours later
  • Michelle walked around naked for a while
  • Tejas had a great time having women sit on his lap at the Dusty Bumm

A GREAT time was had by all and my only regret is that I can’t remember more of the evening. But hopefully that’ll return to me in time. Until then, party on, right!

 

UPDATE:  I NEVER recovered any more memories of that night.  WHAT was in that cigarette?

Not-so-mellow yellow

I went to Holi last weekend and had a blast with Barbara and Yvonne.

Afterwards, when it was time to shower, I stepped into my shower with my filthy white flip flops on (to wash them to).

I stuck my head under the bath tub spout (no low flow shower head for me) and I proceed to turn the entire bathtub PURPLE for the next 15 seconds.

A deep, vibrant PURPLE!

So it comes as  a bit of a surprise that when all is said and done, I managed to turn a patch of my hair A BRIGHT YELLOW and not purple.

See. . .

Now, if you’ve been following me long enough, you  know that I actually turned my whole head of hair yellow a few years ago.

I had to rush into the hair salon to get it fixed because I worked in an office where EASTER EGG YELLOW HAIR would be frowned upon.

This, I can live with.

To see pictures from the 2016 and 2015 Holi festivals click here and here.

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Color me happy

Once again, I somehow managed to convince not one but TWO friends that it would be fun to run around on a muddy field throwing paint at each other for Stanford’s Holi celebration.

Poor Barbara and Yvonne.

Truthfully, Barbara knew EXACTLY what she was getting into because she went with me last year.

Yvonne was a total newbie and it was fun introducing her to the CHAOS THAT IS HOLI.

Think Indian music, Bollywood dancing, Indian food, and A WHOLE LOT OF COLOR!

Basically you go to Holi to enjoy this festival of spring by throwing color on all your friends.

A few tips:

  1. Wear sunglasses to protect your eyes.
  2. Keep your mouth closed or you’ll be eating color.
  3. Whatever you do, DON’T GET WET. The dye will set in.
  4. Wear white. It shows off the color to the best advantage.
  5. Have fun and wish everyone a HAPPY HOLI!

Here is our BEFORE photo!

And here we are mid festival:

And finally, what we look like when we exited the festival:
So much fun!

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Mac

Some of you know the story of Mac, the incredible white German shepherd my ex-husband rescued for me when we lost our oldest son to cancer.

That dog brought me back to life and saved me when I was at my lowest, deepest point of suffering.

Mac died when he fell out my truck window onto Highway 80 when the boys and I were coming home from a camping trip.

I remember watching him fall in my rearview mirror and also seeing my 60 pound, 7 year old son desperately trying to hold on to him.

I thought that perhaps my son was falling out the window too.

You can’t imagine the horror I experienced.

My son stayed safely in the car but sadly, Mac was killed while getting off the freeway (10 years to the day after my oldest son died).

We’d just finished up a LOVELY vacation at the Yuba River with my Uncle Donald, Aunt Stacey, and my cousins Jennifer, Travis, Bella, Matt, and Nick.

It was amazing.

Today, I was reminded that when it was my turn to swing on the rope and fall 8 feet into the water, I was chicken.

I didn’t want to jump.

And Mac stood by my side and waited with me while I worked up the courage. . .

And JUMPED!

And only after I jumped did he follow suit and jump in with me.

He was an amazing dog.

And I feel lucky that I somehow managed to take this picture of him THE VERY MORNING OF THE DAY HE DIED.

The last picture I ever took of him.

And I’d like to think that in the afterlife, he is playing in the water, in the sun, surrounded by family.

I love you Mac.  You are not forgotten!

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Glass blowing and glory holes

No kidding.

They call the ovens they use to reheat the glass a GLORY HOLE.

I shit you not.

So I took ANOTHER glass blowing class (you can see pics from my first glass blowing class here and a picture of the finished product here) with my friend Kimberly.

As with the first time I took the class, I had a great time.

It was fucking hot, though.

But not as hot as last time because instead of being in a closed building, were were in a shop with garage doors that opened to the outside air and it was nice and cool outside.

My instructor walked me through all the steps, basically holding my hand in the right position so that everything turned out okay.

Here are some photos from my glass blowing experience:

And the finished product. . .