Wild Times

There I was, casually chatting with my sister about the new guy, when she said something that made me pause.

“Is he okay with your wild lifestyle?” she asked me.

Huh?

What WILD lifestyle?

I go to work Monday through Friday.

I chill at home for most of the evenings.

I keep my schedule uncluttered so I can spend my free time on the weekend doing things that I enjoy – like pack for Burning Man, binge watch new Netflix shows, and work on costumes.

Granted, I know polyamorists, nudists, burners, healers, dominatrices, and SO MUCH MORE, but me?

I’m not the least bit wild and I wouldn’t use that word to describe my lifestyle.

Wild is vacationing in the Dominican Republic and taking a drink from the mini bar.

That’s living dangerously.

Honestly, you hit up a few naturist resorts, hang out at a couple of burns, and socialize with alternative peoples and all of a sudden you’ve got a WILD lifestyle.

Truth be told, I’m not sure that the new guy can handle all of it.

So far, he’s been stellar at accommodating my less than mainstream activities.

But I’m giving it to him in little bits and pieces, instead of loading him down with it all at once.

Clearly, even my family thinks that my life is more exotic than it really is, so I must be doing something right.

MOOP

One of the things the new guy and I did was go for a hike at Wilder Ranch.

The new guy brought a backpack with snacks, a blanket, and beverages.

He even brought a jacket – in case I got cold.

Needless to say, I was impressed.

But what truly BLEW ME AWAY was watching him pick up MOOP (Matter Out Of Place aka rubbish) on our hike and put it in his backpack to throw away in a garbage can later on.

A man who cleans up other peoples’ MOOP?

He’s a man after my own heart.

After our hike we went to the shops on Swift Street in Santa Cruz.

He wanted to take me to get a charcuterie board at the brewery there.

Then we wandered the shops, looking for cool items to buy.

I think I can say for sure that what I like most about the new guy is his willingness to try new things.

Things which may have taken me much longer to get accustomed to (like ropes, emotional honesty courses, and social nudity).

He’s just a “live and let live” kinda guy, which makes me so happy.

Maybe I found a keeper?

We’ll see.

STOP IT

My friend Tom, who I’ve written about here is now happily dating a fabulous woman.

He wrote a powerful blog post about his previous roller coaster relationship and it’s worth the read just to have sentences like:

“Chiseling away at the rotten foundations of something keeping an entire reservoir of crap I needed to let go of” and

“Hey, didn’t you see that red flag?  The one you just went flying right by?”

and

“Trainwrecks are exciting too.  Do you want to live on one?”

drop like bombs into your psyche and resonate with your own twisted relationship experiences.

I sent Tom this video to watch because STOP IT is the first thing I think of when someone tells me that they’re afraid of sabotaging their wonderful NEW relationship:

Of course, what with me skipping out on meeting the new guy’s family, Tom had a choice video to send to me as well:

My new friendship is so balanced and healthy, I’m unsure what to do with myself and FOR SURE I’m afraid to leap in with both feet.

But it’s not because I’m enjoying my perfect image of him in my head right now.

No.

It’s because I’m afraid if he digs a little further and I open up he’ll realize that I’m damaged and won’t want me any more.

Of course, that’s just an irrational fear I have that I will need to get over.

With the new guy or anyone else who comes along.

I’m rather good at confronting my fears:  sailing, flying airplanes, racing cars, learning to OM, running with the bulls, etc.

So I don’t anticipate this will be a HUGE impossible hurdle for me and the new guy to get over.

It looks like I need to just take some of my own medicine and just STOP IT and enjoy myself.

Cowgirl and KFC

Hello internet, and welcome to my life where men complicate matters to the nth degree.

Take for instance this man:

Looks normal, with a somewhat goofy expression, but then read his profile:

“Ever had you’re a$$hole licked by a fat guy in socks?”

Nice!

He’s like the guy who asked for cowgirl and KFC at the same time.

Hey if you never ask, how can you receive?

I guess that’s the premise they’re working with.

Part of me is amused.

It’s pretty fucking funny, to suggest these things out in the open on a dating app.

The other part of me thinks there are better venues to fish for the kinds of women who would take them up on their offers.

It just goes to show – using online dating apps is like shopping at the discount outlet.

You’ve got to wade through quite a bit of shit to get to the good stuff.

It takes a keen eye, patience, and determination.

And a good understanding of what you’re looking for.

Even if it’s a good a$$hole licking. . .

“No LTR”

To all the men using online dating websites to meet women and write “Not looking for a LTR” in their profile, I have one thing to say to you:

WHY?

Why are you online AT ALL?!

Clearly you are so unfit for a relationship that you even recognize it yourself and yet you insist on putting yourself out there AS IF YOU ARE AVAILABLE with a disclaimer that you think somehow lets you off the hook for whatever damage you cause.

I don’t care how good looking you are.

I don’t care what kind of a car you drive.

Or how diversified your investment holdings are.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE ON AN ONLINE DATING WEBSITE!

There are good men out there.

Decent men who have everything you have only they’re not raving about how wonderful they are while at the same time swearing a little loudly and profanely that there’s no way you could be wonderful enough to make them want a LTR.

I’ve got news for you.

I am that kind of wonderful but you’ll never know.

Because I don’t date ASSHOLES anymore.

And I ESPECIALLY don’t date assholes who think slapping a disclaimer on their ASSHOLENESS absolves them of any responsibility in the dating world.

So you can take your disclaimer and shove it up your middle-aged, hairy ass.

That is all.

Naked retreats

Years ago I attended what I call “my naked retreat.”

Actually, I attended three.

After struggling with feeling out of place at the first retreat, something finally broke through at the end of the weekend and I connected with my fellow retreat attendees.

I went back and attended two more naked retreats.

I joined their mailing list which periodically sends out emails advertising activities but I have yet to participate in anything.

Yesterday, I got an intriguing email for an non-naked workshop on July 7th in Sacramento:

At first, I laughed (isn’t that how it always starts?)

Then I thought about it:  An emotional honesty workshop?

Actually, that sounds like something I could use.

Round about this time, the new guy texts me so I send him a screen shot of the workshop.

His response:  Cool.

So I asked, “You’d go?”

Because if the answer is no fucking way then the new guy isn’t right for me.

He said he’d consider it but really feels like it’s too soon to discuss something like that.

And I agreed.

Plus I’m going to a naked pool party on July 7th.

There’s no way I’m skipping the party to attend this workshop.

But It’s on my radar now.

And the new guy sailed through another test without setting off any red flags.

So there’s that. . .

Burner

The problem with being single for 14 years

There’s a teeny tiny problem with having been single for 14 years.

I haven’t really had to compromise for 14 years.

I haven’t taken anyone else’s opinion into consideration because it’s just been me.

For 14 years!

That’s a long time to develop habits:

And not all those habits are good.

  • Like not soliciting feedback from others before making important decisions.
  • Or making choices based on impulse instead of reason.
  • Sleeping with my dates on a whim instead of basing it on compatibility.

I’m shit at resisting my impulses.

So it’s unusual for me to be with someone who reminds me to FUCKING PACE MYSELF.

There’s no rush.

Take your time and think things through.

On the other hand, I’ve developed some really stellar habits:

  • Like self-reliance.
  • And an unwillingness to sacrifice my happiness for another (a bad co-dependent habit).
  • A willingness to experiment with my life in non-mainstream ways.

Some of my life experimentations were bound to resonate with me and now I struggle to find the right man for me.

  • One who will help me compromise for the right reasons.
  • Fight impulse with logic and reasoning, but without losing my spontaneity.
  • And respect my decisions as leading to my happiness.

Gone are the days where your standard vanilla man could complete me.

Right now, it’s gonna take a burner – past, present, or future.

Magic Mushroom Workout Wear

It looks like the new guy and I will be heading to Santa Cruz for some fun this weekend.

He’d like to take a spin around Wilder Ranch.

I’ve never been.

Apparently the attire you wear for Wilder Ranch is comfortable outdoor wear.

In a fit of self-love and body positivity, I threw away my outdoor wear, so I have nothing to wear except sundresses and Bandelettes (those lace bands that keep your thighs from chafing).

I’m thinking however, that this will not really work for our date.

All I have is a pair of mushroom print leggings and a black tank top.

This will have to do for our hike.

It’s an unusual choice to exercise in if you’re not a burner.

But if you’re a burner, magic mushroom workout wear is par for the course.

It’s going to be an interesting date in that we will be spending a lot of time together.

From 10 am to 6 pm.

What will we talk about for 8 hours?

I don’t know but I’m interested to see how it goes.

Two scoops with a cherry on top

I watched A Star Is Born for the first time this week.

It showed up on my New Releases list and I have to admit, I’ve now watched it two times AND listened to the soundtrack.

Needless to say, I love it.

Lady Gaga does an outstanding job of portraying a young, talented songwriter who is launched into fame through a serendipitous meeting with Jack, an aging rock star with a bad substance abuse problem.

I like the movie for two reasons:

  1. It’s got a pretty surreal (implausible) plot line – girl finds INSTANT FAME – and Lady Gaga manages to pull it off with some real wide eyed innocence and excitement.
  2. Bradley Cooper. ‘Nuf said.

There are moments that stand out in my mind.

Perfectly scripted moments that sing to me when I watch them.

  • Ally staring at Jack as she lays on the bar top singing.
  • Jack peeling off Ally’s eyebrow.
  • Jack touching Ally’s nose and raving about its beauty.
  • A stolen kiss, off stage.
  • Jack’s look of amazement when Ally starts singing her own music to him, just on a lark.
  • OMG – LOVEMAKING in the dark!

For a woman with no love life to speak of herself, I sure am getting my rocks off on this movie, despite its sad ending and tragic love story.

It has been SO LONG since I’ve fallen totally madly and completely in love with someone.

But I still recognize the emotions.

Do people still fall in love like that?

Cuz I’ll have two scoops of whatever Ally’s having WITH a cherry on top!

Leave our libidos alone

You know, sometimes Facebook’s marketing team is SPOT ON.

Like when they marketed sundresses to me while I was getting ready for my (cancelled) trip to Florida.

Or when they sent me ads for Ashley Madison when I was sexting a married man.

Hey, he said he was in an open relationship!

Now I’ve learned not to trust that statement unless it comes from the wife.

But the latest Facebook ad has me a bit confused:

Medication for women with a low libido.

Hmmmmm.

HMMMMMMM.

Do I strike you as needing an INCREASE to my libido?

I think not.

I also think that modern medicine should just leave women and their libidos alone and not fuck with them.

Unless a woman is herself seeking medical intervention for such a thing as a low libido.

I tend to think that a woman’s libido is closely tied to the intimacy she feels with her partner/s and that giving her a pill might fix the sexual dysfunction but not fix the larger intimacy issue/s.

Typical of modern medicine, to invent a pill to solve a problem that requires something more elegant and refined (such as counseling).

And then, market this pill to the WRONG audience.

Some man thought up this pill and a generic, broad-sweeping “women-over-the-age-of-40” marketing campaign that’s falling short of its ROI.

Fuck this pill and it’s male-centric goal of getting women more aroused and available for sexual activity.

Leave our libidos alone.