Inner ballerina

If you knew me when I was a child, then you’d know that I was a ballerina.

Yes, indeed.

I took ballet classes from age 6 to age 13 (aka the age my boobs arrived).

At that point it became OBVIOUS that I did not have the petite, lithe body needed by dancers.

My parents forced me to take ballet for all those years.

I think they hoped that it would give me poise and class.

Ha!

Now, besides being wickedly flexible, I have the distinct talent of being able to do the splits.

And I have done the splits for many an onlooker at frat parties and Burning Man events, much to the chagrin of my parents.

Despite the fact that I no longer take ballet, I still have an ingrained affection for it.

Which is why I decided to make a pink tutu ballerina outfit for Burning Man.

Remember, I MUST have a tutu outfit for Tutu Tuesday at Burning Man.

Yes, it’s a bit of a stretch for me.

I’m not normally a PINK person.

But I’ve got to tell you, the idea of slipping into this outfit and wandering around the playa gives me shivers and feeds my inner ballerina!

Pagan Bunny Burn

The Pagan Bunny Burn is coming up in March and I’m totally excited!

I’ve never been, so this will be a first for me.

Of course, it’s essential that when one attends a bunny burn, one dresses like a bunny and so I’ve gone hog wild with bunny-related accouterments.

After all, the only bunny outfits I have are the White Rabbit / Playboy bunny outfits from a pub crawl 2 years ago.

 

It was the pub crawl where a woman showed up in a dress made of marshmallow peeps.

Yeah, that was AWESOME!

So I toiled away and managed to pull together not one, not two, but THREE new bunny outfits.

My black burner bunny outfit:

My rainbow brite bunny outfit:

And my pink monochromatic bunny outfit:

Personally, I like the black burner bunny outfit best, but if I show up and everyone is wearing a black bunny outfit, I can change into something else.

Options.

Gotta have them.

iRobot Outfits

I’m obsessive.

You know this.

I like to plan things out.

Visualize.

So it comes as no surprise then that I’ve (once again) organized my outfits into images I can glance at quickly when I’m on the playa to decide what I feel like wearing.

One of the reasons I do this is that I have a notoriously bad memory and so I’ll forget what I brought with me if I didn’t have it on paper.

These are works in progress, but I’m posting them here so that I can refer to this blog post when I’m trying to finalize my outfits with last  minute items (hats, crowns, stockings, etc.)

So here it goes, thirty outfits I’ve assembled for iRobot 2018:

I think I’m getting better at pulling outfits together.

And don’t forget my goal of packing items which take up minimal space in my bins so that I can consolidate my wardrobe into fewer boxes!

Homage to Sweden

I’m sure you all know by now that I had a FABULOUS time in Sweden.

Even in the winter, Stockholm and the surrounding areas were beautiful and inviting.

I must say, I loved it so much I hope to go back.

And it goes without saying that I’ll get to see The Swede if I head over again.

Not even the 12-hour plane light can deter me from going.

Now.

You know I’m a planner.

I actually bought a pair of bikini bottoms from Globalkinis with the Swedish flag on them for my trip to Sweden.

I imagined The Swede discovering them in the middle of fooling around.

Surprise!

But they didn’t arrive before I left for Sweden.

Sad face.

But now, The Swede might be coming for unSCruz.

Perhaps, if we’re lucky, even Burning Man.

And I’m pretty sure that the bikini bottom will go GREAT with my Swedish flag burnout tank top.

Even if he doesn’t make it, I still might wear the set.

You know, as my homage to Sweden (and The Swede).

Size 6?

It’s hard to plan for Burning Man not knowing what size I’m going to be.

My best guess is I will be at least 3 sizes smaller than I am now.

That’s about 30 – 45 pounds.

7 months, 3 sizes.

That sounds about right.

So I’m buying clothes a little smaller than I normally would and HOPING that I fit in them when the burn comes around.

There are however, some items I REALLY want to buy but can’t because they only sell them in teeny tiny sizes and I just can’t even fathom myself being small enough to fit into them.

Nevertheless, I’m posting them here, in case I wake up one day to discover that I’m a size 6 and can wear whatever the hell I want.

A girl can wish, eh?

The wonderful world of onesies

I’ve been invited to TWO Valentine’s Day Pub Crawls.

The first is on the Friday BEFORE Valentine’s Day.

The second is on Valentine’s Day itself.

For both crawls, I will be wearing a onesie.

You know, one of those full body pajamas you see on babies?

EXACTLY!

Now, you might ask why I chose to wear onesies, and it’s a simple answer:

Because one of the crawls is a ONESIE Pub Crawl.

So I’m wearing a rainbow unicorn onesie because I like rainbows and unicorns.

The other pub crawl is a VALENTINE themed pub crawl.

And since my latex dress outfit fell through, I decided to just pick up a Valentine onesie and wear that.

It’s simple and doesn’t require lots of accessorizing.

Between you and I, I happen to have FIVE onesies – the unicorn, the Valentine, a zebra, the Grinch, and Chewbacca.

It’s impossible to have JUST ONE ONESIE.

Fused glass pendants

A long time ago I went with Barbara to a glass fusing shop and I made a rainbow cheese plate.

I heart that cheese plate.

An even longer time ago, I went with Tejas to Livermore to another glass shop and I made three fused glass pendants.

I happen to REALLY like glass fusion.

And glass blowing, as it turns out, but that’s another story.

For Burning Man, every year I come up with a project where I give away something I created.

My first year I gave away organic peppermint SPF 30 chapstick.

I know, I didn’t make it, but I DID design the label.

My second year I made necklaces out of washers and I gave those away.

Totally handmade by me.

Last year I gave away a stainless steel credit card bottle opener engraved with the Burning Man logo.

Those were VERY popular and I do believe I have some left.

This year, I’m going back to making necklaces and this time around it’s going to be fused glass pendants.

I wasn’t able to find a glass studio willing to charge me less than $10 a pendant so I bought glass pendants in bulk on ebay.

I happen to like them a lot and I was able to buy 50 of them for less than $2.60 each.

Which is great because I still have to add the bail and a 30 inch silver necklace to make a hanging glass pendant.

I’m really excited about it, if a little disappointed that I didn’t get to make the pendants by hand.

I think they’ll look lovely on the playa.

Don’t you?

Jewelry

I kinda fell in LOVE with this whole picture.

The black bodysuit.

The cutoff jeans.

The tan.

It’s all PERFECT.

But I ESPECIALLY fell in love with the layered necklaces.

They really complete the look.

So I got online and found a couple of statement and layered necklaces to add to my jewelry collection:

 

I just LOVE them.

And I think they will go well added to my Burning Man outfits this year.

Of course, I am NOTORIOUS for buying jewelry for Burning Man and not wearing it.

The reason is three-fold.

One – it takes FOREVER to get out of camp and jewelry is just another barrier to getting the hell out there and participating!

Two – It’s hard to find jewelry that isn’t MOOPY. The last thing I want to do is leave bits and pieces of my jewelry all over the playa.

Three – There’s just so many cool hand-made pendants that get gifted, I find myself wearing those instead of my jewelry.

So hopefully this year, I will do better with regard to actually wearing the things I bring with me.

And if not?

Oh fucking well.

It’s Burning Man.

Chaos

The Bay Area is filled with engineers, on account of all the tech companies that set up shop in Silicon Valley.

When I was online dating, my bread and butter dates were usually engineers.

Indeed, my best friend is an engineer himself.

I greatly admire engineers, although I usually can’t even begin to grasp what they do for a living.

Tejas?

Something to do with customer technical account management.

The Swede?

Cloud computing.

My brother?

Augmented reality.

For someone who is decidedly right-brained, I’m impressed that I can even tell you that much.

Personally, I want to wind up with a left-brained person, to balance me out.

Someone grounded and logical.

Good at math and finances.

However, he also needs to be open to other-worldly experiences like Burning Man and regional burns.

I’m quite certain there are men who exist who match this criteria.

I meet TONS of men at Burning Man who have left-brained jobs in the Default World but who are also creative and open-minded.

Does The Swede fit my idea of an ideal man?

Well, I’ve never seen him balance his checkbook, but I did see him get dressed up at unSCruz.

And I’m pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

So I’d say he’s an excellent candidate.

Plus, I like him.

I may not understand what he does for a living, but I certainly like the stabilizing force he brings to my life.

Hopefully, he appreciates the little bit of chaos I introduce into his life. . .

 

 

 

Chain reaction

The thing about putting together outfits for Burning Man is that one thing leads to another and before you know it, your $75 outfit suddenly costs $500.

First I buy a white open mesh bodysuit (undergarments not included) because I like it and it’ll strike a nice balance in my mostly black wardrobe.

Then I realize that I’ll be COMPLETELY naked under the bodysuit unless I buy something for it.

So I buy an iconic white string bikini.

Something every woman should have, if you ask me.

Then I realize I’m going to need a little coverage in all that sun, wearing only a bikini and a transparent bodysuit, so I purchase a white lace duster (aka beach cover up) to give me a little protection from the sun’s rays.

And in the process, I come across a really cool black kimono with a mandala design on the back which I simply MUST HAVE.

Then of course, I need to accessorize.

I have a white floral crown that was gifted to me by a bride at Burning Man 2017.

It lights up!

Some sort of necklaces and bracelets need to go with it, but I’m saving that splurge for later.

The MOST IMPORTANT accessory that’s needed when wearing swimsuits, in the wise words of my friend Dazzle! is a TAN!

Yes folks, I need a tan to pull off an all white outfit at the burn.

I daren’t lay in the tanning beds and get a real one lest I wind up with skin cancer.

So it looks like I’ll be hitting the spray tan salon again.

Get naked in front of a stranger and let them mist me brown.

So you know, when I calculate out the final cost of the outfit, it’s way more than the $75 I imagined I’d be spending.

It’s a chain reaction.