The Swede and I

Okay.

So The Swede is coming to Burning Man.

So far.

That MIGHT change, but for now, it’s still in the stars.

And in order to prep myself to go to the playa, the land of temptation and pleasure, with someone I’m dating, I really want to read more about playa relationships.

Specifically, there was an article that was circulated around in 2015 – my virgin year – which outlined the stresses relationships go through on the playa and how to deal with those stresses, which I am trying to locate.

Without any luck.

That’s right.

I can find a fucking lavender and teal ombre party dress on the internet, but I can’t find this article, which I recall was fairly substantial.

So, considering the knowledge out there that all my burner friends have, what are your top tips on how to manage a relationship at the burn?

I mean obviously there’s “Make sure each of you has alone time.”

And “Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.”

But there’s got to be more to it than alone time and communication.

What do I do if he asks to go to the Orgy Dome?

How do I greet my friends if I can’t kiss them?

How do I politely ask him to get naked with me and go to the Saunadome?

How do I make sure I respect his boundaries during the burn?

And so many more questions!

So help me out and give me your suggestions.

I’d love to hear some ideas on how to manage a relationship on playa by someone who has actually done just that.

Goddess

New outfit alert!

I’m going to an event where the theme is Bacchanalia.

Well, I’m not only GOING to the event, I’m helping to PRODUCE it.

It’s not until July, so I have a little time to work on my Bacchanalia costume.

It’s a little known fact that not everyone likes my playa name, Bombshell.

I was given that name by Tejas and it just stuck so I accepted it.

But a close friend of mine SWEARS that my playa name should be Goddess and so that’s what she calls me.

So you can imagine, I expect she’ll get a thrill when I actually dress the part.

I picked out a standard white maxi dress to wear:

Then I selected a crown worthy of Bacchus himself.

I think the two will be lovely together.

Add accessories – sandals, necklace, belt, and bracelets.

And voila!

We have an outfit.

Just to be complete, I threw in a faux fur white cape.

Now, the trick is going to be not being so busy with the event that I miss out on wearing my new outfit!

And of course, not repeating what happened to me the last time I wore a white goddess dress (I sprayed myself from head to toe with grape soda!).

Fashion Faux Pas

I showed up for a fundraiser with a cocktail attire dress code in my rainbow dress, a little white sweater and a yellow feather fascinator.

I thought it was cute and very Burning Man-ish, all those colors splashed across the dress.

Well, in retrospect, the dress perhaps missed its mark.

As it turned out, most of the attendees were wearing more classic colors – black navy blue, and white.

I was reminded of that time I walked into a San Francisco bar full of people in black coats wearing my full length red wool jacket.

Every eye turned to stare at the woman in red.

I felt like a rubenesque ‘Loony Tunes’ woman in a field of classy, slender Lehmbruck figures.

Do you remember that song from childhood, “One of these things is not like the others. . .”

See if you can figure it out.

I reminded myself of something I like to tell my sons about fitting in, “You’ll spend your childhood trying to fit in and your entire adulthood trying to stand out.”

There are perhaps worse things in the world than committing a fashion faux pas.

I’m always amused when I get myself in situations like these.

What do you do?

Hide in the bathroom?

Go home and change?

Oh no you don’t!

You stick it out and work it to the best of your abilities.

Which is exactly what I did.

And before I knew it, I was enjoying myself, chatting with new friends, and having a grand old time – the supposed garishness of my rainbow dress a faded, distant memory.

And despite my fashion faux pas, I STILL love that dress.

Rainbow Bright

I have fallen in love.

No, it’s not what you’re thinking.

I’m not quitting my job and moving to Sweden.

Oh, my Swedish is ATROCIOUS!

No.

I’ve fallen in love with a summer dress.

Don’t you just love it too?

I have a fundraiser coming up and I’ve decided I’m going to wear it for the fundraiser.

I bought a pair of yellow heels:

And a cute little yellow flower fascinator to wear.

I’m not sure why I get captured by outfits the way I do.

I’m going to a Village meeting this Saturday and I’m wearing a steampunk outfit to that:

But this rainbow striped dress?

So lovely!

The vibrator to end them all

You can take the girl out of Catholic school but you can’t take the Catholic school out of the girl.

Or something like that.

At unSCruz, there was one itty bitty contraption that mesmerized me.

A standing vibrator.

Yes, you heard me right – A STANDING VIBRATOR.

Just along the side of the walkway, as I live and breathe.

I went in to get a closer look.

There was a fully clothed woman on it, and she and an “operator” were fine-tuning the vibrations.

It was wild to see it.

Now, I’ve heard about this vibrator before.

It has something of a reputation you see.

Apparently, it massages EVERYTHING.

And, given enough time, will result in an extraordinary climax.

Half of me wanted to try it.

Simply so I could report back and let you know what I thought of it.

But truthfully, it was always being used, so I never got a chance to ride it.

It was quite popular!

The other half of me thought, “Shouldn’t this be in a tent or something?”

It’s the Catholic girl in me who was shy about having a screaming orgasm where everyone could see.

Nevertheless, if I find it on playa I will have to test it out. . . because I’m curious like that.

Despite my Catholic sensibilities.

unSCruz 2018: Playground for adults

The thing about unSCruz is that it’s EXACTLY LIKE A PLAYGROUND FOR ADULTS.

All the things you wish existed out there in the world for you to enjoy exist within unSCruz.

Art.

Music.

Would you like to join in a cuddle puddle on a flying ship?

Done.

Take nude photos with a professional photographer?

You can have it.

Learn about kinks you never knew you had?

Wish granted!

Something that TOTALLY BLEW ME AWAY this year was the Rainbow Trike Track.

Basically someone built a mini tricycle track inside one of the warehouses at unSCruz and you could hop on one of the rainbow trikes (think Big Wheels for adults) and get squirrely on the track!

I know!

So much fun!

Open bars?

Yes please (though no outside alcohol is allowed in unSCruz)!

In my heart of hearts, my home away from home will always be Ali Bar Bar.

And they had a magnificent new marquee!

And of course, the best and sexiest bartenders!

unSCruz even had a BURN!

And it was a great burn because the man lit up beautifully but didn’t fall down for quite some time.

More blaze for everyone to enjoy!

All in all, quite the magnificent trip and so worth all the effort that went into planning and executing.

unSCruz 2018: Face Plant

There we were, cranking out spankings and fresh baked cookies for our guests at unSCruz when it happened.

I tripped on some electrical wires and tumbled straight into one of my plastic totes FACE FIRST.

I quickly looked around.

No one saw me.

Good!

That would’ve been embarrassing!

I started rooting around in my bin looking for LED necklaces to gift.

All of a sudden, something wet started dripping off the tip of my nose.

I wiped it away with my hand.

But the dripping continued.

I looked at my hand.

In the dark, I couldn’t make out the color of what was on my hand but I suspected it was blood.

I called out to Tejas, “Tejas, am I bleeding?”

He looked over at me.

Yes! You are!

It was Saturday night and I had been planning to really KILL IT that night and party hard.

Because I was really tired on Friday night, I went to bed early thinking Saturday night would be my night.

But that was not to be.

Instead, I was given paper towels and ice and I sat down and cradled my head.

A nurse appeared as if like magic and she assessed me.

No concussion.

Never passed out.

But all I wanted to do was go to bed.

So I did.

And Tejas and another dear friend kept and eye on me until roughly midnight when I woke up and decided it was time to go out.

But if you can believe it, I managed to do a face plant and split the bridge of my nose open at unSCruz.

It ain’t pretty. . .

unSCruz 2018: Appreciations

All right.

The overwhelming story that emerges from unSCruz 2018 is one of community.

Despite the fact that we took up more space than we were alotted, we managed to squeeze everyone but the largest camper into our little plot of unSCruz real estate.

It was a beautiful thing to be living in community with so many wonderful, lovely people.

And of course when it was time to gift spankings and cookies to the crowds, everyone stepped up and played their part and we ran like a smooth well-oiled spanking and cookie baking machine.

I must give a shot out to all my campmates who really killed it food-wise for our Saturday potluck.

And then stuck around on Sunday to help tear down the camp, load my truck, and just generally being awesome people I loved spending my weekend with.

We had two women camping with us who were newbies to regional burns and they really rocked their outfits and spent time socializing with their camp mates.

I heart them for embracing the Burning Man culture, despite not having experienced a Burn.

And then there were the fabulous trio of men who complimented me and flirted with me ALL WEEKEND LONG.

They also were fabulous chefs and magnificent company the entire time.

And of course, who can forget the ladies, especially Marina who walked around in a tutu and bra and looked smashing!

Then there’s Yvette who gave out the MOST AMAZING HUGS and really made all of us feel loved and cared for.

GQ, who I swear is my brother from another mother, was a most excellent volunteer and really took on the role of helping out everyone in camp and in the larger community.

“MotherP” and Tejas deserve special kudos for looking after me (more on that later), and of course who can forget Dan and his girlfriend who really added color to the event and our camp.

I also have to thank Ned for bringing his hot tub and then soaking with me in it.

But no weekend recap would be complete without mentioning our fearless leader (and his lovely wife) who made the entire event possible by producing it with the incomparable Sass.

Without Twisty and Sass, there would be empty fairgrounds and no festival.

So much more to say, but for now, just thank yous all around and my unending appreciation for the extraordinary individuals whom they are!

Hugs and kisses for everyone!

Shirtcocking

Since it looks like The Swede is coming to Burning Man, I’ve been keeping an eye out for items which are suitable for him to wear on the playa.

Sunblock, for one.

A hat, for another.

But also. . .

These:

I can’t tell you how much I ADORE these tank tops.

One, because they are cool.

But also?

Because they will show off The Swede’s arms and tattoos.

And there’s nothing I want more than to snuggle close to that man and have him wrap me in his arms.

And who doesn’t love SCORPION tattoos?

Yes my friends, The Swede is a Scorpio.

Just like me.

In fact, he “shares” a birthday with my little brother which means that TECHNICALLY I’ve been celebrating on his birthday since 1978.

Isn’t that a pleasant thought?

Well, regardless of when his birthday is, he’ll at least have some good tanks to wear on the playa.

I sent him pictures of the tanks and HE LIKED THEM.

Which is nice.

I always enjoy it when people like the gifts I pick out for them.

Now, we just have to figure out what he’ll wear on bottom.

Ain’t no shirtcocking Swedes here!

Yes, that is exactly what you think it is (men who wear shirts on the playa and are naked below the waist).

Flashback unSCruz 2017 – Good for me

Don walked past my camp at unSCruz and stopped in to give me a hug.

He smelled delicious.

Like clove cigarettes.

I thought about the pack of cloves I had in my tote.

I looked at The Swede.

“Would it bother you if I smoked a clove?” I asked him.

“Not at all,” he replied. “Just don’t expect me to kiss you if you taste like cigarettes.”

“Oh, in that case, never mind,” I replied.

The idea of not being able to kiss him freely disturbed me.

Besides, I don’t need to smoke. It’s BAD for you.

On my list of qualities I am looking for in a man is an important one: Makes me a better person.

Perhaps that could be stated better: Brings out the best in me.

So for a man to influence me into making healthy choices that impact me directly and improve my overall health and well being, this is a HUGE thing.

I respect The Swede for that.

Of course nowhere on my list of qualities I am looking for in a man does it say: Lives 9,000 miles away from me.

No, you’ll never find that in there.

Well, you can’t have everything.