Last Minute Tim Burton

At the last minute, I’ve decided to go to a Tim Burton costume party.

The thing about it is, I don’t really have anything Tim Burton-ish.

I’m not a fan, you know.

I know. I know.

Who doesn’t LOVE Tim Burton?

Well, his movies always make me feel a little bit off, and it takes me a day or two to lose that out-of-sorts feeling.

I LOVED Corpse Bride, though.

So I looked for a Corpse Bride costume. . .

. . . and couldn’t find anything that would reach me in time.

Next?

Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice!

This I can maybe fudge.

So I got a black and white striped under-the-bust corset.

To which I’ll add my black steampunk skirt or my black and white striped ringmaster leggings.

Add a frizzy white wig.

And a cute little chapeau.

And voilá

Beetlejuice á la Michelle.

Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize

My Labyrinth themed ballgown (aka quinceañera dress) is coming along nicely.

At least I hope it is since I ordered it online.

Meanwhile, I’ve been throwing around ideas on how to properly accessorize the dress (and wings).

This is the outfit:

I’ve been thinking that one of the following necklace, choker, or collar might look good with the dress:

Here’s a lovely necklace with matching earrings which goes well with the silver wings:

Then there’s this edgy purple collar, complete with D-ring.  Perfect for making a Labyrinth fairytale dress into something more edgy for Burning Man:

And finally, a lovely little glitter choker which matches the dress:

Of course, I also have these lovely earrings to go with the collar and choker which match the beading on the dress:

So my question to you is WHICH ONE SHOULD I WEAR?

Here’s a little inspiration for your visual pleasure which gives you an idea of the look I’m going for:

The good news is that I’ll have lots of friends to ask at UnSCruz which necklace to wear – from my BFF Tejas, to my friend Bad Boy, to my partner in crime Marina!  One way or another, I’ll figure it out.

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Fashion Trend Disaster: The Bralette

I don’t know who came up with the idea that it would be a great idea to give women bras to wear as tops without any other article of clothing and call it a BRALETTE, BUT I THINK IT WAS A MAN.

Actually, I’m POSITIVE it was a man.

Because what better way to get your rocks off than watch women run around in bralettes with ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER!

It’s INSANE!

Do I sound irritated, because I am?

I just did a search for “Burning Man” on Pinterest and at least 75% of the clothing that was listed was these stupid fucking non-bra bralettes.

I can’t wear a bralette.

I can barely find a bra that fits which is why I often stuff the kittens into too-small bras that make them look like muffins sitting on my chest.

I say I’m a D cup.

My friend Barbara begs to differ with me. She says I am AT LEAST A DD.

Regardless of how big my tatas are, one thing is for sure:

If you see me wearing a FUCKING BRALETTE, at least half my boobs will be hanging OUTSIDE the bralette.

OUTSIDE.

As in so much side boob you’ll swear you’re seeing nipple.

And so much underboob you’ll swear you’re going down on me.

I suppose what I’m truly ranting about is just simply getting older.

No one really wants to see a 43 year old woman wearing a bralette unless she’s a fitness model or a former Playboy bunny.

So consider yourself safe. I will not be walking around in a bralette at Burning Man.

Not in this lifetime.

I may be walking around naked, however.

Rant over.

 

 

My Quinceañera

I have occasion to attend a Labyrinth themed wedding.

And there’s one thing you must know. . .

I LOVE LAYRINTH!

The muppets.

The music.

The costumes.

And ESPECIALLY David Bowie.

So the idea of someone throwing a Labyrinth themed wedding is PERFECT and really got my creative juices flowing.

First thing, I need a ballgown.

Not an evening gown, mind you, but an honest to goodness, full skirted ballgown!

After looking online for a while, I realized that the best inexpensive ballgowns out there are quinceañera dresses.

I can’t even PRONOUNCE quinceañera, but I love the dreaminess of the dresses!

I found a lovely quinceañera dress online in about a zillion colors and I decided to go with a nice grape purple.

Isn’t it lovely?

Of course, taking inspiration from the movie, I’ve decided to accessorize it with a matching masquerade ball mask and silver wings.

Done.

And done.

So there you have it.

Another outfit crafted by moi for a wonderful celebratory event!

Color me happy (or purple)!

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Black Rock Desert Wear

You can’t just wear anything you want to Burning Man.

Well you can, but you might get talked to if you show up with any of the following:

Glitter aka playa herpes.

It falls off and creates a big MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) mess.  Best to stay away from anything glittery:

Look at this bodysuit and hat.  It’s a MOOP disaster waiting to happen.  Just a little glitter flakes off and contaminates the playa, creating a mess for someone to pick up.

Rhinestones.

Maybe sewn on rhinestones would be okay, but glued on rhinestones? No way.  More MOOP.

Here’s a bodysuit that’s practically begging to MOOP all over the place.  Can’t you just see those rhinestones, all crammed together, falling off?

This next one bothers me for two reasons.

  1.  It’s got feathers, which like to fall off and become MOOP.
  2.  It’s culturally insensitive.  Enough said.

Here is a pair a sequin shorts.  Another no-no.  Same reason.  Small things like to fall off and become MOOP.

My personal pet peeve – feathers.  Although they are worn on the playa, you won’t find any on me.  They blow away and muck up the trash fence.

And finally, here’s a hat with just a MILLION LITTLE THINGS ON IT!  No!  Unless they’re embedded in a thick layer of varnish this should not go to the playa.

I should mention that ALL THIS MOOPY stuff pops up when you search for “Burning Man” on etsy.  So BEWARE folks.  Not all searches can be trusted.

What goes to Coachella as festival-wear is not necessarily appropriate for the Black Rock Desert.

Think on it.

How to be a respectable old bore. . .

michelleA friend posted a link to an article titled “15 Things no Grown Woman Should Have in her Closet.

Or as I like to put it, “How to become a sensible old bore.”

Here are the 15 things the article says don’t belong in a closet:

  1. Old bridesmaid dresses.
  2. Old Halloween costumes.
  3. Truly, madly painful heels.
  4. Anything stained or holey.
  5. Bras that could double as a slingshot.
  6. Panties that could double as dental floss.
  7. Leggings that are now practically sheer.
  8. Bodycon dresses.
  9. Ill-fitting suits.
  10. Guilty impulse buys.
  11. Comically low-rise jeans.
  12. Velour tracksuits.
  13. Festival wear.
  14. Old Greek-life function T-shirts.
  15. “Skinny clothes.”

I break virtually every one of these rules – with the exception of #1 (because I was never a bridesmaid), #4 (because I throw that shit OUT), and #14 (because I was never in the Greek system).

I firmly believe in the importance of keeping things that make you feel good, regardless if they pinch your toes, are out-of-fashion, or are just a little too sheer to be worn anywhere but to bed.

That said, I also believe in the value of wearing costumes.

There’s a reason Halloween is such a favorite holiday for so many people.

And as a burner, I attend many dress up functions where I get to wear my costumes for other people to see.

They’re also nice for ROLE PLAY, just sayin’.

In any case, throw out your old bills.

Keep your old costumes.

Live a little.

Plenty of time to be a respectable old bore later. . .

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More Burning Man Inspired Military Hats

I’ve been working on making more Burning Man inspired repurposed military hats.

This Sunday, I cranked out a few:

My Smoke and Mirrors hat – made from 5 different kinds of black ribbon (glitter, sequin, velvet, grosgrain, and satin), black sequin fabric, wide black pyramid ribbon, and sequin appliques. Finished with silver Mardi Gras beads from Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

burning man hatMy Raspberry “beret” hat – made from 5 different kinds of fuchsia ribbon (see above), gold holographic fabric, wide gold pyramid ribbon, and sequin appliques. Finished with gold Mardi Gras beads from Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

burning man hatAnd my Rainbow Power hat which is remarkably my most popular hat on Etsy. A rainbow of ribbons is glued along the band of the hat, silver holographic fabric is added to the crown, and a bunch of sequin and rhinestone bling is added. Finished with purple Mardi Gras beads from Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

burning man hatI just need to put on the finishing touches before I upload them to Etsy – rhinestones and spikes.

Making all these hats is a lot of fun.

The only problem I have is that I’m not a good photographer.

I need to figure out how to take pictures so that the hats are at their festive best.

Somehow posting pics of them against my pink sheets isn’t really cutting it.

Last year I made and sold three hats. This year I’m working on having an inventory of 6.

Woo hoo!

So all you still life photographers out there, please share with me your tips for taking great pictures.

I need help!

Black Heart Military Hat

I’m working on a new hat.

It’s basically the one thing I’ve got going on that doesn’t stress me out and helps to relax me.

Unlike thoughts about the direction our nation is headed in.

This hat I’m designing for a man but it could be a unisex hat.

It’s black and silver.

First of all I just have to say, I love taking a Chinese military hat which in my mind represents communism and conformity, and turning it into a something one-of-a-kind and creative.

I used 5 types of black ribbon (satin, grosgrain, velvet, glitter, and sequin) to create a texturized look to the background of the hat.

I love playing with multi media.

Then I popped a piece of black sequin fabric on the brim of the hat and secured it with some silver Mardi Gras beads.

It gives me great pleasure to recycle my friend Marina’s Mardi Gras beads for use on my hats. I hope all her great party spirit is infused in those necklaces!

And finally, I wrapped a piece of wide black pyramid ribbon around the crown of the hat, to give it even more texture.

img_0838Still to add: silver spike studs, black rhinestones and a sequin applique on the brim. Probably this one:

sequin-heart

Red Horny Devil

So.

I got invited to a Good ‘n Bad themed burner (as in Burning Man) potluck birthday party.

Naturally, I bought my costume MONTHS ago.

I got myself a naughty nun costume.

nunPERFECT for me since I sway between abstinence and nymphomania.

Well, the other day I tried to put the costume on.

TRIED, being the operative word here.

The sleeves wouldn’t even fit over my WRISTS!

Now, I’m not sure what size body the costume was DESIGNED for, but I’m pretty sure it’s not an XL like it says on the label.

Not one bit.

Needless to say, I was back at square one.

Time to come up with something different.

And fast!

So I poked around in my closet and found this lovely red dress I’ve never worn WHICH FITS MY BODY.

rred dressAnd then I scoured etsy (my FAVORITE place to shop for eccentricities) for red devil horns and I found these for a mere $8.

PERFECT!

red hornsSo there you have it, a RED HORNY DEVIL costume for $8.

Am I awesome, or what?

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Putting the ‘ho’ in holidays!

Not one but TWO Santa Cons last week means not one but TWO costumes.

Instead of wearing my tutu and marabou trimmed red corset that I wore last year, I opted to get two new holiday costumes to wear.

Naturally!

For my first ensemble, I’m wearing a Grinch onesie with Grinch slippers.

Oh, you’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch!

How I LOVE Dr. Seuss!

grinchThen, for the next Santa Con, I’m getting dressed in a velvet Santa dress complete with fishnet stockings and knee high black boots.

Ah, the fun I will have in this costume!

santaI know, I know.

My poor liver will be PICKLED after two back-to-back Santa Cons but I can’t help myself. I just LOVE the holidays.

And this year Barbara will be coming with me to one of the Santa Cons so there’s extra fun built in right there!

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!