The things you never think of

Tejas did a good job of prepping me for my first burn in 2015.

He did however overlook one crucial lesson.

Playa hair.

Maybe he overlooked it because he has short man hair, not long girly hair.

I doubt it ever came up for him.

I was on the playa in 2015 and I took a shower.

Then I rode out in a dust storm with damp hair.

INSTA-RAT’S-NEST!

I could not get a brush or a comb through my hair for the rest of the burn.

It turned into ONE BIG DREAD LOCK!

I had to go home, pile on the conditioner, and slowly work a comb through small sections of hair.

It was excruciating.

Here is my BEFORE photo:

And here is my AFTER photo:

I learned, during my disastrous 2015 burn, that wigs can save you from EVERY BAD HAIR DAY ON PLAYA.

So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I came across THIS wig on Amazon – PERFECT FOR MY UNICORN HOT PANTS OUTFIT!

Not surprisingly, I will be taking 4 wigs to Burning Man this year – white, rainbow, purple and this pastel one.

I WILL NOT, however, be going out damp into any dust storms.

That’s just asking for trouble.

Etsy LOVE

It comes as no surprise to ANYONE that I LOVE etsy.

Just like that, in ALL CAPS.

It’s my favorite shopping site on the internet on account of I’m a wierdo and a freak and etsy has lots of weird and freaky shit.

We were MFEO (made for each other).

So I killed about 4 hours looking through 250 pages of “Burning Man Accessories” on the site today and here’s the top 12 I found, in no particular order:

Way awesome sunglasses!  I can practically see some 20 something year old hot guy in spandex wearing these and ROCKING THEM!

Dude!  Retro goggles!  Love the wrap around look and vintage feel!  Would look totally cool on the playa!Tribal clothing.  Love the faux fur and the cloth strips hanging down.  Feather could be MOOPY so watch out!Fuzzy bike seat cover!  Totally awesome.  I’d love to ride around the playa sitting on THIS!Feather Safari Bandit Mask – but not REAL feathers so it’s MOOP-approved!

I believe there’s a picture out there of a man wearing an ENTIRE MIRROR SUIT at Burning Man.  This is the more-affordable, less weighty option.

A bodychain with real gemstones.  Gorgeous.  Looks even better naked but can totally rock this look in my white wizard dress.

Lights are always an afterthought for me, depite how much Tejas drives home the concept of LIGHING YOUR FUCKING SELF UP!  This I love.  I can throw it on and go.  Darkward status avoided.

Because I’m a girl and I like girly things.  ‘Nuff said.

Very cool playa gift.  I wish I could make these and give them away.

Hair falls AND dread locks?!  OMG, perfect.  Real hair is overrated on the playa and looks like a rat’s nest after only 6 hours.  Go with the fake shit!Well, I love these pasties but they’re glitter so they’re a BIG NO-NO on the playa.  Still, had to show them off!

Tell me which ones you like. . .

All these images link to their webpage on etsy so if you’re inspired to buy, go ahead!

My blog contains no affiliate links.

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Inner Child

Did you ever just fall in love with something and had to have it, at any price?

Well, I was shopping around for faux fur, like any good burner does, and I stumbled across this beautiful pastel faux fur from Fur Addiction in Australia.

I instantly thought of my unicorn hot pants, lavender lace cami, and pink fishnets.

Ohhhhhh!

Love!

What could be better than buying a pastel jacket to go with my raver girl outfit?

I contacted my etsy seamstress who made my white faux fur jacket for my Star Wars burlesque outfit.

How much to sew it? $35.

Done and done!

So I’m having the fur shipped to my seamstress who will build me a pastel faux fur jacket for my pink, lavender and blue unicorn hot pants outfit.

It’s just too AWESOME for words!

Once again, it occurs to me that I should be too mature for things like faux fur jackets and anything colored pink, lavender and light blue.

I should be.

BUT I’M NOT!

I’m literally off my gourd with excitement.

And anything that makes me this happy is something I’m going to pursue.

Thank you Burning Man, for letting my inner child play dress up!

When I imagine I’m young and thin

So this happened:

I bought three pairs of high waisted bikini bottoms and all the accoutrements to go with them.

I have to admit, even I paused when I bought cupcake earrings and I asked myself, “Would a 43 year old woman REALLY wear CUPCAKE earrings?”

And the answer of course, is yes.

Yes, I REALLY would.

Burning Man is about expressing who you are and including all your idiosyncrasies and I suppose that DEEP DOWN, I am an 18 year old girl who is thin, wears bathing suits as clothing, and goes to raves.

We all know the truth.

I am a thick, middle aged woman with a questionable relationship to EDM.

But I have a theory about that.

I don’t think being thick matters.

I think, for the most part, people just enjoy seeing other people’s bodies.

The men I am with don’t seem to complain about mine.

So why not show it off?

Confidence is SEXY.

That said, if I start wearing my hair in two knobs on top of my head, you have my permission to slap me. . .

. . .on my NICE, THICK ASS!

Do unicorns neigh?

So.

I bought a pair of fence net stockings to wear with my rainbow striped bodysuit.

Stockings are hit and miss with me so I ordered one pair to see if they fit, figuring I’d order more if it ALL WORKED OUT.

Oh, the trials of being a THICK GIRL.

I carefully slip them on.

THEY FIT!

I then attempt to remove them.

They formed a tight little tourniquet around my ankles.

I try to unroll them.

It’s USELESS.

I just wasted a pair of stockings.

Into the trash they go and I’m back online buying three more pairs for Burning Man.

Whether or not I ACTUALLY WEAR this outfit remains to be seen.

But I did wear it at UnSCruz so chances are good. . .

Then I go online on etsy and I come across these FANTASTIC HIGH WAISTED BOOTY SHORTS in all sorts of lovely patterns courtesy of FabBikini in the UK.

AND OMG, I WAS IN LOVE!

I bought three.

And just because I got the pastel unicorn bikini bottom, I bought pink and purple fishnet tights to match.

Cuz that’s how I roll.

You know what this means?

I HAVE to bring my unicorn horn headband.

Have. To.

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Pasties

Pasties.

No, I’m not talking about the delicious British meat pies, I’m talking about nipple covers.

Tiny little pieces of feather and tassle that adhere to the nipples.

I have a bag with 8 pairs of blinged out, rainbow pasties.

Have I ever worn them?

No.

Will I ever wear them?

Not likely.

And yet I still insist on dragging them to and from the playa every Burning Man for the past two years.

They’re packed for me to bring them again this year.

I’m not sure what insanity compels me to bring them.

It’s likely that anyone over a C cup SHOULD NOT WEAR PASTIES.

And Lord knows, I’m a G!

The most reasonable cause for my insanity is that I simply LIKE how pasties look on other people and I IMAGINE that I would have the balls to pull off wearing them myself.

In reality, my balls would have to be a lot bigger for me to do that.

Incidentally, I did slap on a pair of pasties years ago when I was visiting Tahoe with a boyfriend.

I thought it would be fun for him to “discover” me wearing them underneath my clothes.

Needles to say, he was surprised, but when it came to taking them off, PASTIES REMOVAL IS ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL THINGS A WOMAN CAN EXPERIENCE.

Rather like vacuuming one’s nipples with a super strength hoover.

Not at all pleasant.

That is all.

Outfit Inspiration

I’m adding two new outfits to the Burning Man repertoire – a rainbow body suit with fence net stockings and a glorious multicolored caftan with a gorgeous gold bikini.

I can’t tell you how much I LOVE the rainbow bodysuit.

I already wore it at unSCruz, although I wore it with the wrong kind of stockings.

The caftan and bikini I also adore and I take them with me to all my Burning Man trips, in the hopes of wearing them.

Yet they’ve never been worn.

Time to retire a few outdated outfits, too.

The only one I’m tempted to hold on to is the green nuclear absinthe fairy costume, which was my FAVORITE outfit for SoulFire Precompression in June of 2015.  That neon green hair is THE BOMB and fluoresces under blacklight.

Everything else stays the same, which makes it easy for me to create my Inventory Binder – cut, copy, paste.

I’m tempted, between now and the Burn – less than 100 days away now – to work on one new costume.

We’ll just have to see what inspiration strikes me.

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Geeking out

The Swede might be back in the Bay Area for the 3rd week in June and I am looking up fun and cool stuff we can do together.

In the middle of my search, I came across Suicide Girl’s Blackheart Burlesque in Santa Cruz at the Catalyst Club.

It’s billed as a “creative/sexy performance with a geeky twist” and I literally am going to drag The Swede kicking and screaming to watch semi nude women prance around the dance floor and show us their moves.

[That’s a joke, btw. He doesn’t object to it at all.]

Hopefully he can go.

If he can’t I’ll take Tejas, or Yvonne, or Barbara or Marina or Dante.

Someone will go with me, I’m sure.

I’m so sure I’m going that I bought myself my own “geek” outfit to wear: Star Wars leggings, a black corset, and a white faux fur jacket.

I also got this blinged out STAR WARS hair clip from – get this – the etsy store “Nerds with Vaginas.”

PERFECT!

Do you think I’ll fit in at a nerdy burlesque show?

Last Minute Tim Burton

At the last minute, I’ve decided to go to a Tim Burton costume party.

The thing about it is, I don’t really have anything Tim Burton-ish.

I’m not a fan, you know.

I know. I know.

Who doesn’t LOVE Tim Burton?

Well, his movies always make me feel a little bit off, and it takes me a day or two to lose that out-of-sorts feeling.

I LOVED Corpse Bride, though.

So I looked for a Corpse Bride costume. . .

. . . and couldn’t find anything that would reach me in time.

Next?

Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice!

This I can maybe fudge.

So I got a black and white striped under-the-bust corset.

To which I’ll add my black steampunk skirt or my black and white striped ringmaster leggings.

Add a frizzy white wig.

And a cute little chapeau.

And voilá

Beetlejuice á la Michelle.

Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize

My Labyrinth themed ballgown (aka quinceañera dress) is coming along nicely.

At least I hope it is since I ordered it online.

Meanwhile, I’ve been throwing around ideas on how to properly accessorize the dress (and wings).

This is the outfit:

I’ve been thinking that one of the following necklace, choker, or collar might look good with the dress:

Here’s a lovely necklace with matching earrings which goes well with the silver wings:

Then there’s this edgy purple collar, complete with D-ring.  Perfect for making a Labyrinth fairytale dress into something more edgy for Burning Man:

And finally, a lovely little glitter choker which matches the dress:

Of course, I also have these lovely earrings to go with the collar and choker which match the beading on the dress:

So my question to you is WHICH ONE SHOULD I WEAR?

Here’s a little inspiration for your visual pleasure which gives you an idea of the look I’m going for:

The good news is that I’ll have lots of friends to ask at UnSCruz which necklace to wear – from my BFF Tejas, to my friend Bad Boy, to my partner in crime Marina!  One way or another, I’ll figure it out.

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