I may have overstepped my bounds

I may have overstepped my bounds, a little.

In my enthusiasm over losing weight (a whopping 18.2 pounds as of 6/5/2020), I opted to buy the SLAVE GIRL PRINCESS LEIA COSTUME from Star Wars.

Yes, I did.

And honestly, I’m proud of the costume.

As boyfriends of mine will testify, I am ANYTHING but submissive.

So the fact that I’m working on a SLAVE Princess Leia costume and a SLAVE Egyptian costumes has nothing to do with my submissiveness.

Or my desire to be perceived as a “slave.”

Rather, I like the idea of someone who is powerful taking on a submissive role in order to undermine the fascist regime she is living in.

I love that the hero of Star Wars was Rey, a scavenger and a WOMAN.

I’ll admit, it’s a little early for me to be sporting a Slave Girl Princess Leia costume.

But honestly, isn’t it something we should all aspire to?

Taking the slings and arrows life throws at you and emerging triumphant over a slovenly Jabba the Hut?

I resonate with those fighting to create a better world, a better America for it’s citizens and a more responsible country for the world at large.

Rings on all her fingers

I’ve been planning my Egyptian Slave outfit – for Burning Man or some yet to be unnamed party where I can show up in a bathing suit (so basically, a burner party).

I’ve decided that I need RINGS to complete the outfit.

If you know anything about me, you know how unique this is.

I don’t wear rings.

Even when I was married I never wore a ring.

Not my wedding band or my engagement ring.

I’ve never really liked the feel of them on my fingers.

But for this outfit, I think rings are called for, so here are the rings I’ve bought to adorn my fingers:

All these rings will be on my left hand.

I still need to find rings for my right hand.

But I think these will look good and I can’t wait to try them on.

Snapshot of my life

Okay, I have a pet peeve.

America is self-destructing and Facebook is still marketing garbage to me.

Cheap dresses from China.

False eyelashes from all over.

Strange oddities from Wish.com (like a vaginal steamer).

Who does Facebook think I am?

Gwyneth Paltrow?

Amidst all this chaos, I am continuing my regular rituals of getting up early, going to work (from my dining room), and working on costumes.

The Egyptian slave costume is finished and I’m happy to say that my friend Nadine has a matching outfit.

So on to the next costume – an angel outfit complete with halo and wings.

It’s what I do to keep the anxiety at bay.

I’m also looking into online MBA programs offered by UC Davis, San Jose State, and Purdue Global.

The good news is that all these programs look affordable and reasonable for me to be accepted into.

The bad news is I have to take 2 semesters of economics and one semester of statistics to meet the prerequisites of applying.

Maybe also an algebra class (something I tested out of in high school when I took college calculus as a senior).

So there you have it – a snapshot into my life as it exists right now.

Building my Egyptian princess costume

I went ahead and committed myself to building an Egyptian princess costume, or perhaps I should say and Egyptian slave costume.

Because I’m pretty sure there are no blond haired, blue eyed Egyptian princesses.

Ever.

I bought a gold bathing suit (cuz Lord know, the playa is too hot for a dress!):

And I bought this Egyptian headdress:

I also bought some turquoise georgette to make arm drapes, and gold elastic:

This, I will have to sew and make myself, so that I wind up with something like this:

I already have bold gladiator sandals, earrings and the necklace, so all I need is to select a belt.

I have two front runners, and I’m curious which one you think would be best:

If you have any thoughts on the matter, shoot me an email at michelle@unblunder.com or fill out the poll below:

Egyptian princess

I have a beautiful Egyptian collar that I bought for roughly $25 in 2016.

I have never worn it, but I love it and REFUSE to donate it, even though all it does is take up space in my jewelry cabinet.

So I’m thinking the perfect thing to do is to build an outfit around it, maybe even a burner outfit.

I got inspired by THIS photo on Pinterest:

Turn the white dress into a white bathing suit and add a gold belt (preferably not beaded so that it doesn’t MOOP) and you’ve got a LEWK!

But it doesn’t stop there.

Oh no!

Because I also fell in love with this gold and turquoise Egyptian look:

I think it’d be fabulous to take a diaphanous white or gold fabric and make those arm bands with them.

For makeup, I’m loving the look on this model:

And there you have it, everything I need for my Egyptian princess look.

I have only one hesitation.

Is it culturally appropriate for a Nordic woman to wear an Egyptian style costume or will I catch hell for wearing it?

Pink

I’m not much of a pink person.

I leave pink to my cousin Jennifer, who looks smashing in pink.

But for some reason I’m in a mood to put together something PINK for Burning Man (2021, of course).

[Let’s hope there IS a Burning Man 2021 and that the coronavirus doesn’t completely destroy the finances of the Burning Man organization.]

I’ve been looking at transparent pink dresses:

I’m specifically drawn to longer lines and bright colors.

I’m excited by the playfulness of each dress and I WISH THEY MADE THEM IN MY SIZE.

Perhaps I might have to take up sewing clothes again, in order to make what I really want and custom fit it to my exact dimensions.

I’ve never been one for making my own clothes.

I just didn’t have the patience to complete a clothing project, which is ironic since I’ve finished about fifty quilts.

What you’ve got to understand is that the amount of time it takes to pick out a pattern, select fabric, cut out the pattern, and sew is often so laborious that it’s much more cost effective to just BUY the dress already made.

A few years ago, I bought a pattern for a nightgown that I loved.

I have yet to crack open the pattern and sew.

So my track record of buying and sewing my own clothes makes me feel like it would be a gigantic waste of time (and money).

Honestly, it’s much easier and better for me to just lose weight so I can fit into standard sizes.

I mean, what does it say about me that I’d rather LOSE WEIGHT than sew clothes?

Pretty telling, huh?

Things are getting hairy

I’m 46 years old and trying to figure out how to give myself space buns.

Yes, space buns:

I bought a pack of fake hair from China years ago only to discover that the hair was WAY TOO BLONDE for me and just not thick enough to be effective.

So I went back online (FIRST MISTAKE) and I ordered two clips of 24 inch long curly hair.

I figured that would be good enough to give me some extra volume.

My SECOND MISTAKE was overestimating how much hair I would need.

The hair clips I bought LITERALLY LOOK LIKE big hairy tribbles sitting on my head.

I shit you not!

Now that I’ve had a chance to fuck up not once, but TWICE, I think I’ve figured out how to do it properly.

This design appeals to me and looks like there’s enough to create some volumized space buns, without looking too much like a cartoon character.

The problem is, it’s made with real human hair and I once saw a documentary on how women in India were tricked into shaving their heads to give their hair to a temple as an offering.

The temple turned around and sold the hair to human hair extension companies to clean up and process and quite honestly, I’m a bit skeeved out at the idea of wearing someone else’s hair.

Yes, you heard it here first.

I prefer synthetic hair.

So there you have it.

Lesson #1:  Don’t buy synthetic hair from China.

Lesson #2:  Don’t buy human hair from India.

So I’ve spent a great deal of time combing the internet (ha ha, pun totally intended) for synthetic hair pony tails.

This is what I found:

From Zala Hair Extensions.

Here is my BEFORE picture with no extensions:

We’ll see how my space buns look when my fake ponytails arrive in the mail.

Can’t wait!

Hats off

It’s hard to write blog posts during a pandemic.

I have to ignore the voice in my head screaming that people are suffering and dying and instead focus on something else that can grab my attention.

And it’s damn hard to focus on anything else.

The last thing I want to do is to spend more time focusing on the virus.

Instead I choose to pay attention to something that gives me a little relief from all the COVID-19 talk.

My costumes.

My hat and the custom hat band I ordered arrived in the mail yesterday.

I had to fight like the dickens to remove the boring old hat band that came with the pretty chapeau so I could replace it with my new and improved hat band.

I don’t think it turned out too shabby, how about you?

It is quickly replacing my pirate hat as my favorite hat:

Ironically, I have a HUGE selection of hats – from dark brown felt Stetsons to pomp om beanies and more.

It was a joke among the men I dated from Tinder that all my profile pictures had me wearing some sort of hat or helmet.

Can’t help it that interesting things happen when I’m wearing a hat.

Customization

So I got a hat for a Burning Man outfit.

It’s a camel colored felt hat with matching hat band:

I like the bohemian feel of the hat but I don’t like the matchy-match-ness of the hat band.

So I went online to etsy and found an artist who creates custom hat bands and I purchased one of theirs to go with the hat:

I like the natural fibers and the rustic feel of this hat band more than I like the other.

It should go very nicely with my felt hat, which in turn will be great at keeping the sun off my head and out of my eyes.

Check out the full outfit:

Hopefully, it won’t be too much for the weather at Burning Man, but I imagine with a skirt that’s as ventilated as the one I’m wearing I’ll be just fine.

 

Smoke Show

I have decided my next costume will be titled “SMOKE SHOW.”

For a very obvious reason:

This is the tank I’m wearing with THIS delightful long fringe skirt:

Add a black high-waisted bikini and THIS lovely layered necklace and some boots and you got a lewk.

Please note:  Yes, I am aware I am not a smoke show.  But at Burning Man, I always FEEL like one, so I’m just gonna go with it.