YOLO

Finally!

I’m getting to work on a costume that ISN’T RELATED TO BURNING MAN.

I’m so excited!

It’s for the Beerhound group I’m a part of.

They’re doing a Sazerac Safari!

And my favorite cocktail?

SAZERAC!

And the theme???

You guessed it!

SAFARI!

I actually have nothing even REMOTELY safari-esque with the exception of some khaki cropped pants and an olive green jacket.

But I wanted A DRESS.

A safari dress.

With lots of pockets and a trim little belt.

And lo and behold, I FOUND IT!

Granted, I found a few dresses that were more suitable, but overall I’m pleased with this dress.

I have a nice belt to go with it.

And I bought a pith helmet, khaki boots and some accessories:

Just to be cheeky and to FULLY EMBRACE THE THEME.

Because I considered a nice, floppy, wide-brimmed hat instead, which I would get WAY MORE USE OUT OF.

But you know, YOLO!

I could have danced all night

A volunteer organization I have worked with in the past is holding a Derby Fundraiser, complete with bourbon tasting.

Yum!

Now, I am not one to skip the opportunity to dress up and wear a fancy hat.

No siree!

Nor am I the type to skip a little bourbon tasting.

I love me some Maker’s Mark!

But since I’m a little nutty, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be nice to combine cosplay AND derby?”

Check out this $995 custom gown on etsy. . .

And two custom hats:

Now, I’m NOT saying I’m going.

Seriously, WHO would I take as a date?

But I am saying, IF I went, then I’d probably cosplay Eliza Doolittle.

Perfect rags to riches story.

Of course, wearing turtleneck longsleeve dresses is not my forte.

Why hide my assets under layers of lace and ribbon?

Still, it might be fun to adopt a British accent (I’m actually APPALLING at accents), and pretend to be a lady of leisure who sips bourbon and raises money for charities.

Two out of three ain’t bad!

Bonus!

One of the things I LOVE about Village Meetings is that they usually have a THEME and people get all dressed up.

Last month, our host picked the theme ‘’Orange” for his Village Meeting.

Yesterday he changed it to STEAMPUNK, on account of the Airpusher Steampunk-themed event in San Francisco that same evening.

So people can get dressed up and go to BOTH events without a wardrobe change.

We are burners.

We take our outfits seriously.

In any case, I am glad I won’t have to drag out the ONLY orange clothing I have – an orange tunic and several pairs of orange print leggings.

They are such a MOM thing to wear.

I’d look like a bad LuLaRoe ad.

In any case, I also don’t feel like dragging out ALL MY STEAMPUNK clothes.

That’s the one complaint I have about the Steampunk style – so many layers and accessories.

So I did the next best thing:

I bought a pair of Steampunk leggings off of Amazon.

I also happen to have a Steampunk-ish jacket I can wear with it (though the buttons are ALL WRONG):

I also have a pretty cool brown Steampunk hat which I got off of ebay.

A milliner at The Great Dickens Faire once told me it was “busy” but WTF, I don’t care.

Here’s the remainder of the outfit –  minus the accessories:

I’ve finally reached a point in my costume catalog that I no longer need to go shopping for new outfits when there’s a new event.

Bonus!

Of course, the trick now is FINDING it!

Barely there underwear

I packed for the Pagan Bunny Burn and managed to keep my costumes down to one and a half totes.

Plush oneies take up a lot of space, apparently.

Also, tutus and bunny masks.

None of which I wore, ironically.

It was too cold to wear anything besides onesies.

At the last minute, I realized that I FORGOT panties!

It figures, I’d pack absolutely EVERYTHING I need for a pagan bunny burn EXCEPT underwear.

And socks.

I almost forgot my socks.

I find this VERY amusing because at the last burn, I forgot my panties and had to go around commando for the last part of the burn.

Normally, this isn’t a problem.

Many of my costumes REQUIRE that I NOT wear underwear.

Who needs to see my panties poking out under some hot pants or short shorts?

But at the Bunny Burn?

Under a tutu?

It’s a MUST!

Dealing with panty issues is pretty common for me.

I’m always trying to find the right thing to wear under each outfit so that my panties don’t show or they show and are appropriate for the outfit I’m wearing (i.e. pink ruffle butt panties under a see-through pink tutu).

So finding these babies on Amazon was a Godsend:

The “Knicker Sticker” which you stick to the crotch of your clothing.

Perfect for my black short shorts that lace up the side.

It’s a nice little adhesive patch that will keep my shorts from getting (ahem) moist.

Then there’s the Shibue Strapless Panty which is like an adhesive thong.

Same principle and use, just a little larger surface area.

Also, and this is a BIG ALSO, these adhesive panties will literally take up NO SPACE in my clothing tote, so BONUS!

Disposable , barely-there underwear?

I’m down for that.

Junk in the trunk

Speaking of JUNK IN THE TRUNK, I worked on a project over the weekend – a pale pink tutu which I lit up with pink fairy lights.

I had to stitch the fairy lights to the tutu and let me tell you, IT WAS NOT FUN.

You try using TRANSPARENT fishing line to stitch a thin wire to the gauziest of fabrics and see how well it works for you.

Actually, what I am doing here is bitching about my eyesight, which is not what it used to be.

So, I finish stitching the lights to the inside of the skirt and I slip it on to check it out.

Lo and behold, the tutu rests 14 inches down the front of my thighs. . .

. . .and the back of the tutu barely covers my ass on account of all the JUNK IN MY TRUNK.

Of course, Tejas tried to make me feel better.

He reminded me that come August, I will be smaller than I am now because of my diet.

[Of course this didn’t help me feel better since the diet has sorta gone by the wayside.]

Look at ALL THAT JELLY!

Seriously.

You could serve tea on my ass, it’s that big!

“I’m gonna need to buy some pink ruffle panties,” I tell Tejas.

“Who knows. . . by the time Burning Man rolls around, you might be wearing a thong., “ he replied (way more optimistically than he should have given that he KNOWS how bad the diet is going.)

Optimism.

Electro Threads

Have you ever stumbled across a site on the internet and just fallen INSTANTLY IN LOVE?!

I mean, BESIDES when you fell in love with UNBLUNDER, that is. . .

😉

Well, that’s what happened to me when I came across Electro Threads.

And FYI, this is NOT an ad and I am NOT getting paid to write this.

Yes, I was looking for a wolf swimsuit on the internet.

Something big, bold, and colorful.

Like me.

So there I am, navigating my way through wolf onesies for BABIES when I clicked on a link for this:

INSTA-LOVE!

But then, I had to check out their other swimsuits.

And their onesies.

And their leggings.

And before I knew it, I was adding 5 things to my shopping cart and clicking on “BUY.”

Ahem.

 

Losing my sh*t

In 2015, I bought the Amazon Medallion bib from Bauble Bar.

It was awesome and I REALLY enjoyed wearing it with my tribal Burning Man outfit.

But. . .

I have managed to somehow LOSE the bag that had all the items for that outfit in it.

No necklace!

Boo! Hiss!

I was not pleased.

I replaced my tribal pants easy peasy with these AWESOME threads. . .

But I struggled to find a good replacement necklace.

Everything seemed to be too cheap (from China or India) or dripping in rhinestones.

Then I found G. Valentina who makes GORGEOUS gypsy necklaces.

She had this beautiful choker/necklace combo I FELL IN LOVE WITH.

And the rest is HISTORY!

St. Pauli Girl

A long time ago, I bought myself a St. Pauli Girl costume.

Little did I know how much use I was going to get out of it.

I wore that costume when I poured beer to raise money for charities.

And I wore it to my German friend’s birthday party (both times).

I also wore it to Oktoberfest celebrations and even on playa as a trick-or-treat costume.

Sadly however, the costume has bit the dust.

Well, I’m ASSUMING that it bit the dust since I can’t seem to find it since I last wore it.

I think in a fit of nonchalance, I carelessly “retired it to the round file,” instead of giving it a proper send off (three beers, a shot of Feigling, and some loud tuba music).

As it happens, I have three other “Oktoberfest” costumes, however NONE of them are authentic.

They’re green and pink, blue and white, brown and yellow.

What I want is a REAL St. Pauli Girl costume, and I have been searching high and low for just that.

Red skirt, blue apron, black corset, white blouse.

How HARD could that be?

Turns out. . . VERY HARD!

Hence the reason why I have THREE alternate Oktoberfest costumes.

So you can imagine how THRILLED I was to discover the EXACT SAME St. Pauli Girl costume on Amazon. . . and IN MY SIZE!

I’m sure everyone will be BEYOND ECSTATIC to see that my ass no longer peeks out from under a skirt that is two sizes too small for me to wear.

Or will they?

Pasties

I have a LOVE / HATE relationship with pasties.

You know, PASTIES!

They’re stickers you put on your breasts to cover your nipples.

Well, I bought a SHIT TON of them in 2015 for Burning Man and then I never worked up the guts to wear them.

In 2017, I wound up gifting them to a campmate who proceeded to ROCK THE SHIT out of them wearing them at the burn.

Well, this year one of my outfits NECESSITATES that I wear pasties or else go naked.

So I bought some flat black cross pasties.

And then I got to wondering. . .how does something that is flat stick to something that is curved?

Not very well, I think.

So I went online and bought a pair of black “lace” latex pasties that are curved to fit a nipple.

This makes more sense to me.

And THEN, when I was downloading images to write this post, I clicked on the link for my flat black pasties and discovered that THIS is what I bought. . .

Um, NO!

The wonderful world of onesies

I’ve been invited to TWO Valentine’s Day Pub Crawls.

The first is on the Friday BEFORE Valentine’s Day.

The second is on Valentine’s Day itself.

For both crawls, I will be wearing a onesie.

You know, one of those full body pajamas you see on babies?

EXACTLY!

Now, you might ask why I chose to wear onesies, and it’s a simple answer:

Because one of the crawls is a ONESIE Pub Crawl.

So I’m wearing a rainbow unicorn onesie because I like rainbows and unicorns.

The other pub crawl is a VALENTINE themed pub crawl.

And since my latex dress outfit fell through, I decided to just pick up a Valentine onesie and wear that.

It’s simple and doesn’t require lots of accessorizing.

Between you and I, I happen to have FIVE onesies – the unicorn, the Valentine, a zebra, the Grinch, and Chewbacca.

It’s impossible to have JUST ONE ONESIE.