Broken

It has been SO LONG since I felt even a SMIDGE of love for a member of the opposite sex, it’s almost like I’m incapable of the emotion.

Oh sure, there was Luke AGES AGO.

And then The Pirate, who I imagined myself to be in love with.

But that was three years ago.

And NOTHING!

Should I worry?

Am I just not meeting men who tug at my heart strings or am I truly broken?

Yes, there’s The Swede who I simply ADORE.

He’s in my heart.

And there’s Coke Can Dan who makes me faint of heart.

But I’m not in love.

What’s up?

The other day someone called me “protective” and I think that’s true.

I am protective.

And NERVOUS about falling for someone.

But I KNOW FOR CERTAIN that I just haven’t felt the tug to go in the direction of love in the past few years.

Because when all is said and done, I am a RISK TAKER.

And given even a GLIMPSE of sharing happiness with another human being, I will risk getting hurt EVERY TIME.

And let me tell you this, I MEET A LOT OF MEN.

A LOT.

So why I’m not in love is a mystery to me.

Maybe I’m broken.

Birthday Sex

I had my first SLS date last night.

How did it go?

In a word?

Awesome!

He was clever, witty, engaging and funny.

He laughed at my jokes.

I felt an instant connection to him.

He was real, unlike some of the Match or POF dates I’ve had, who prattle on and on about their jobs, their income, their investment portfolios, and their cars while saying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about who they are as a person.

Sitting across from me last night was an authentic man, available for fun and enjoyment.

And I really liked that.

I had such a good time, I hope I get to see him again soon.

And since his birthday is on Tuesday. . .

. . .we might set up a “birthday” date.

Something fun, wet, and wild!

You know me, I can NEVER pass up an opportunity to celebrate someone’s birthday!

And this gives me the opportunity to spend more time with him and get to know him better.

Win – win!

 

Honesty

MichelleSo, I’m on a new dating website – SLS.

The emphasis is more on hooking up and less on making that “ONE MAGICAL” connection.

And so far, I kinda like it.

It’s like Tinder, but with less subterfuge.

Less subterfuge than TINDER???

Is this even possible?

Of course.

One man instantly asked me if he could come over the next morning to fuck.

Clearly, he does not understand the safety precautions a middle aged, sexually-active woman needs to take to keep herself safe from harm in 2018.

But this man is the exception to the rule.

Most of the men I meet online through SLS are thoughtful, well-written, and funny.

In fact, I daresay I’ve met a better quality of men on SLS than I ever met on POF or Match.

Educated.

Employed.

Respectful.

Sure there was the one eager beaver I encountered.

There was also a guy who proposed we go out into the wilderness to fool around.

Again, safety issues come to mind.

I don’t want my bones found by hunters 30 years from now on a hillside because I walked into a forest with the wrong man.

Not fucking likely to do that!

But then there are a host of single guys just looking for company.

Yes, their expectation is that eventually it will become adult company.

But I’m okay with that.

How is that any different than what I’ve got going on anyway?

At least this is honest.

 

 

 

Military Magnet

I have been back online for less than a week and already my inbox is flush with emails.

Ironically, I seem to be meeting a lot of military men.

Men who work in security.

First responders and police officers.

These men are pretty straight and narrow – no drugs (good) and no alcohol (how do they do it?).

It’s ironic isn’t it, that I seem to attract men who are quite the opposite of myself.

I’m a rather creative type.

Always working on a new costume, writing a blog post, or off living an adventure.

For goodness sake, I attend Burning Man, an experimental temporary community in the Nevada desert filled with alternative art, music and entertainment.

I can’t complain too much, though.

I find the discipline that these men exhibit very attractive.

For a flighty type like myself, I benefit from being paired with someone who is a rock and can help me tether myself to the ground while still enjoying my creative tendencies.

I can’t help but wonder though if my passions, creativity and lack of structure will ultimately prove incompatible with a disciplined lifestyle.

Or perhaps if we might fill a mutual void in each other’s lives and balance ourselves out.

Opposites attract, they say.

Giving up vanilla

Vanilla guys just aren’t working out for me.

I’ve tried SO MANY TIMES to find someone who fits using Match and POF but NO LUCK.

Granted, I have an UNUSUAL lifestyle.

I go to Burning Man.

I hug and kiss all my friends.

I even get naked with them (HELLO BARE BURN).

It’s not easy to find someone who can accept these quirks.

You kind of need to be a little bit of a freak yourself to fit in with me.

Mainstream just doesn’t cut it.

Neither does religious.

And don’t get me started on CONSERVATIVES.

I am a liberal, agnostic burner with poly tendencies.

And so I am wondering if perhaps I’m fishing in the wrong pond when I use Match and POF.

Are there others, you wonder?

Why yes, there are.

I could try Lifestyle Lounge, SLS, or Kasidie.

I’ve always thought the idea of getting online just to hookup is sort of useless.

Because I really want to meet someone and fall in love.

But the more I date, the more I realize that I’ve been ruined for vanilla men.

And I’m a bit of a poly kinkster, a BIG FLIRT and a VERY OPEN-MINDED WOMAN.

Crazies coming out of the woodwork

I’m back to internet dating.

Because I already know all the single burner men in my Village and none of them interest me beyond friendship (and visa versa).

And honestly, I really don’t meet many single men my own age when I’m out and about.

I meet students and professors but they’re all upwardly mobile and I am holding steady as a modest event planner.

So it’s internet dating.

I met a guy the other day.

He seemed lovely and we chatted via Skype.

I like to see people’s faces when I talk to them.

I get a really good idea of who they are and what interests them.

Much more so than texting.

So there I am skyping when he takes me into the bathroom with him.

Because he had to go pee.

I quickly excused myself.

It’s late.

Time to go.

But he calls me back when he’s done.

I talk to him for a few minutes then excuse myself, hang up, and get back online.

Suddenly I get a message from him ONLINE.

He sends me a pouty emoticon with the words, “Why are you online? Weren’t we just talking?”

Now, let me tell you this.

There is no room for possessiveness in my life.

I love my friends.

We kiss and hug all the time.

A jealous man will get NOWHERE with me.

Realizing this, I tell this guy that it’s probably best if we don’t go out.

What happened next was a flurry of passive-aggressive texts that he sent to me.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Why don’t you like me?”

“Well, YOUR loss.”

“I’m not into you either.”

And blah, blah, blah.

So there you have it.

Back on internet dating for a week and already the crazies are coming out of the woodwork.

Liberal Lumberjack

One of the reasons I like Coke Can Dan so much apart from his obvious talent, is that he is a liberal lumberjack.

You all know I like lumberjacks.

And lumberjacks are easy to come by.

But liberal lumberacks?

Not so easy.

Gun-toting, Trump-supporting, conservative lumberjacks are a dime a dozen.

I could go through them as fast as I go through Kleenex during a head cold.

Case in point – I met a man online who looked quite good on paper.

Educated?

Check.

Employed?

Check.

Interested in a relationship?

Check.

But then I took a closer look at his profile pics.

And he is standing at a gun range, reloading a gun, wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat.

Sigh.

This is what pushes me off internet dating in the first place.

My tendency to meet men who are totally and completely inappropriate for me.

Could I ever date a Trump supporter?

Not likely.

There are fundamental things I believe in like basic human rights, the environment, health care, women’s rights, and a foreign policy that doesn’t involve being the pawn of Russia which I consider incompatible with the Trump platform.

I could listen to Coke Can Dan talk about his dislike of Trump FOR HOURS.

Or wax poetic on how important it is to protect our environment.

So of course when I’m online looking at profiles, I’m trying to find someone like Coke Can Dan.

A liberal lumberjack.

An open-minded hipster.

Anything.

Just so long as he hates Donald Trump, the minority-elected president of this great nation.

Disappointed

The Swede is not coming to Burning Man.

I would say that I’m sad about it, but in truth I saw it coming and was resigned to it before it even happened.

I was really looking forward to having him there and seeing Burning Man through the eyes of someone who has never been there before.

He was a good sport about it, and I have to give him credit for that.

Not everyone wants to spend a week in a hot and dusty desert surrounded by freaks, hippies, ravers, artists and musicians.

I think he initially agreed to go simply because of my enthusiasm for the event.

But it’s not like I’m going to Burning Man by myself.

I’ll be traveling with Tejas and I have my whole camp there as my small community within the larger Burning Man community to keep me entertained and connected.

Still, it gives me pause.

I will miss The Swede.

And even though I was expecting this, I am sad to lose his companionship.

I will have to send him pics and texts from the burn.

It’s not the same as being there, but it’s the best I can do to let him know that he is missed.

Making Peace

I friended an ex-boyfriend on Facebook recently.

It’s been at least 6 years since we really spoke or saw each other.

I must say, more so that any other person in my life (besides my children) he has indelibly altered the course of my life.

Everything that I do now, from Burning Man to boudoir photos, I do because he taught me to explore life outside my comfort zone.

Test your edges, he used to say.

And then he pushed me to test them.

I think it was easy for me to make him the bad guy when things fell apart, specifically because he was so insistent that I explore new activities and interests.

In case you didn’t already know, change is hard.

It’s easy to sit in your comfort zone, with all the things you know and are familiar with.

It’s much harder to get out and try new things – things you might not understand too well or be instantly good at.

So. . .

I made peace with it.

And him.

Dating Pet Peeves

1

Bad tipping.  Maybe it’s because I worked in foodservice in high school and as a barista in college, but bad tippers are my pet peeve.  I once went on a date to a fancy cocktail lounge where the bartender takes 3 – 4 minutes to mix and muddle the perfect $14 cocktail.  On a $30 bill, my date left a measly $2 tip.  I hastily dropped a few more bills on the tab when my date wasn’t looking.

2

Being late.  I waited in a wine bar for my date to show up for almost an hour once.  I ordered my first glass of wine and the waitstaff felt so bad for me they gave me a HUGE pour.  When my date arrived, he received a SMALL pour.  Ha ha.  Divine justice, if you ask me.  There was no second date.

3

Bad kissers.  You’d think by the time we reach 20 we’d know how to kiss but no, there are people out there that still suck face like amateurs.  I have little patience for someone who is a bad kisser.  If you can’t figure out it’s a game of mutuality instead of tonsil hockey, I’m done with you.

4

Bad breath.  Oh god, you know what I mean.  I once went on a date where I could smell his breath from across the table.  I always carry a discreet packet of mints with me and I wanted to discreetly suggest that he eat them all.

5

Being negative.  You know who I’m talking about.  That person who will list of 10 things that are wrong before they list one thing that’s right.  Mr. or Mrs. Downer.  It’s exhausting and draining to be around them.  Next!

7

Being self-absorbed.  I went on one date with a fireman.  He was so into himself his head fairly floated above his body.  If at the end of the date he could’ve told me anything about myself, I would’ve been shocked.

8

The alcoholic.  This is the person who sits down across from you and then drinks nonstop throughout the meal, barely pausing to eat and breathe.  Or they talk incessantly about all the parties they throw/go to and how obliterated they’ve gotten.  Yawn.  We’re not 21 anymore.

9

Being rude.  There’s nothing worse than going to a restaurant with a date and watching them be rude to the waitstaff.  This drives me completely batty.  Again, I worked in foodservice so I know how hard it can be.  I do not trust a man who is nice to me and rude to other people.

10

The cell phone addict.  I once went on a date with an attorney that was so horrifically bad – involving two standard poodles and a 6 year old.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, he kept answering his phone.  We barely said 10 words to eachother.  I’m still traumatized from that date.