Fucking algorithms!

Facebook is irritating me right now.

You know how they use algorithms to promote ads in your Facebook stream?

Well, they’ve sorta got me right and they’ve sorta got me ALL WRONG.

You see, Facebook keeps showing me ads for beautiful bohemian sundresses.

Just my style.

I “oooh” and “aaah” over them and CLICK.

Then I’m taken to a website that offers their clothes in three sizes – S, M, and L

Size 2 – 10.

What’s a curvy girl to do, I ask?

It’s the MOST IRRITATING thing in the world, to see a beautiful dress only to realize it doesn’t come in your size.

WTF is Facebook showing me these links?

Has it not figured out yet that I am a thick chick?

Seriously!

If you really want to piss off a plus size woman what do you do?

You take her to a store where nothing fits and tell her to find something that works.

Facebook is SERIOUSLY losing points with me.

As if showing me all the men I’ve dated in the “You Might Know” section isn’t bad enough, now they’ve gone and fucked it up again.

Fucking algorithms!

Retail Therapy

After witnessing that road rage incident in Los Gatos, I went home and indulged in a little retail therapy.

Getting outfits for Florida AND letting off a little steam?

Just what I needed.

Believe it or not, I found a plethora of summer dresses on deep discount at Nordstrom Rack.

I bought a $200 Show Me Your Mumu dress for $40.

I also bought two other dresses at $30 a piece.

So I now have a total of 5 new dresses and I’m spending 7 days in Florida.

Perfect.

I did come across a dress with a tropical cocktail print that I would LOVE to wear on my vacation, however it is no longer available in my size.

I’m posting it here so you can look at it and sigh, along with me:

What I haven’t really worked out yet is my bathing suit situation.

Of course I have a new high waisted black bikini:

But we’ve already established that I’m not too keen on wearing my bikini.

So I MIGHT wear this cool one piece I have:

I love the lace up sides and strappy top.

Tejas assures me BOTH suits are appropriate, especially given the fact that I will be there with my favorite Swede.

Tejas believes that Europeans have a different view of the scantily clad human form.

All I am hoping is that The Swede likes MY form.

Sunny in Florida

Now that I’m going to Florida to see The Swede and his daughter, I’ve been thinking about the next most important thing.

What to wear.

Granted, I have a ton of sundresses in my closet, but I can’t help myself.

I’m scoping out new sundresses online:

This happens to be one of my favorites.

It comes in all sorts of colors and is, for all intents and purposes, backless.

Very sexy!

Then there’s this dress:

OMG!

I get giddy just looking at it!

Comfort and style.

Perfect for throwing over a bathing suit and heading to a restaurant.

And then, I found THIS dress:

A little more formal.

Great for an evening out or just puttering around the house, looking beautiful.

Something I am great at.

[Cough]

I also happen to really like this dress

Even though I’m not sure it comes in my size, I’m totally in love with it.

The off the shoulder look.

The floral print.

Just beautiful.

I want The Swede to see me at my best, in dresses that make me feel beautiful and sexy.

But seeing as how his daughter will be playing in hockey tournaments, I will also need something warmish to wear in the arena.

Like a long sleeve sundress:

Oh, the WARDROBE I’d build if I had the income.

Weddings

I LOVE weddings.

There’s nothing like the scent of LOVE in the air to make me giddy and light hearted.

My cousin just got married and I LOVED his wedding.

Her ethereal dress.

His burgundy suit.

My family, all dressed up (believe it or not).

The beautiful bridesmaids and handsome groomsmen.

Lately, I’ve been swarmed with articles about Nick Jonas marrying Priyanka Chopra and I must say, I think the Hindus are on to something.

If you’re going to have a wedding, why not make an ENTIRE WEEK OF CELEBRATIONS OUT OF IT?

I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE to attend a week’s worth of wedding parties to celebrate the union of two loved ones.

Honestly, I think I’m captivated by Nick and Priyanka’s wedding because there is SO MUCH GOING ON the wardrobe changes are AMAZING!

Seriously.

The dresses, the robes, the headdresses, the jewelry, the mehndi. . .

It’s all so incredible, I am left speechless.

There’s nothing quite as satisfying as a well-done wedding.

Whether it’s a backyard barbecue for 50 or a celebrity wedding for 400.

Whether it has a one thousand dollar budget or a one million dollar budget.

I’ve come to the conclusion that although I LOVE being a WEDDING GUEST, I’m not quite as BIG on BEING IN THEM.

It makes me think about what I want for my (next) wedding.

Ha ha ha.

Yes, I’ve already had one and it was lovely and small.

I love week long Hindu weddings but if I were to marry again, I’d elope.

In a FABULOUS dress, of course!

I was going to be good. . .

I was going to be good.

I had it all planned out in my head.

I was going to wear my red and purple dress to my cousin’s wedding in October.

I even bought a little red and purple fascinator to go with it.

But then I wore the dress on a date (a disaster of a date, if you ask me).

And it struck me that for a wedding, it was AWFULLY low cut.

Maybe too much so.

I mean, I don’t want to be remembered as the cousin who had her tatas hanging out while her cousin got married.

I can just hear the gossip now.

“Who’s Michelle?”

“You know, she was the one in the really low cut dress. . .”

“Oh right. Tacky.”

My Aunt Xondra has informed me that if she gets married, she’s making me wear a turtleneck.

So it seems I have a bit of a reputation for this sort of thing.

Therefore, I bought a dress at Nordstrom to wear to the wedding.

A lavender floral dress.

Isn’t it pretty?

And not the least bit low cut.

Demure, even.

I also bought a teeny tiny fascinator to go with the dress.

So even though the plan was to not spend money, I did spend a wee bit on a new outfit.

I was going to be good.

But being bad is so much better!

 

Burning Man Essentials: Men’s Fashion

I’ve been holding off on writing this post because of the TREMENDOUS undertaking that it is.

How to describe the fashion of men at Burning Man?

I classify the fashion loosely into five styles:

  1. Dystopian
  2. Hippie
  3. Rave
  4. Steampunk
  5. Tribal/Ethnic

First of all, let me preface this by saying YOU CAN WEAR ANYTHING YOU WANT AT BURNING MAN.

Channel your inner freak and GO WILD!

These are simply some ideas, organized into a blog post that might help inspiration to strike.

DYSTOPIAN

In a word? BLACK.  But not necessarily.  Think mesh, cargo pants, zippers, chains, holsters, thigh bags, combat boots, streamlined goggles, and sleeveless hoodies.  Contains affiliate links.

HIPPIE

This one really doesn’t require an explanation.  Think macrame, crochet, colorful pants, tie dye, dread locks, flower power, bell bottoms, and fringe.  Contains affiliate links.

RAVE

Think holographic, kaleidoscopic color, bodysuits and glimmer, see-through, neon and GLOW!  Contains affiliate links.

STEAMPUNK

Think neo-Victorian, steam-powered aesthetic, black and brown, lace and leather, and top hats with accoutrements.  Contains affiliate links.

TRIBAL/ETHNIC

Think bright colors, Indian-inspired patterned leggings, chestplates, chunky necklaces, and lots and lots of unique statement jewelry.  Contains affiliate links.

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Burning Man Essentials: Women’s Fashion

I’ve been holding off on writing this post because of the TREMENDOUS undertaking that it is.

How to describe the fashion of women at Burning Man?

I classify the fashion loosely into five styles:

  1. Dystopian
  2. Hippie
  3. Rave
  4. Steampunk
  5. Tribal/Ethnic

First of all, let me preface this by saying YOU CAN WEAR ANYTHING YOU WANT AT BURNING MAN.

Channel your inner freak and GO WILD!

These are simply some ideas, organized into a blog post that might help inspiration to strike.

DYSTOPIAN

In a word? BLACK.  But not necessarily.  Think mesh, cargo pants, zippers, chains, holsters, thigh bags, combat boots, streamlined goggles, and sleeveless hoodies.  Contains affiliate links.

HIPPIE

This one really doesn’t require an explanation.  Think macrame, crochet, colorful skirts, tie dye, dread locks, flower power, bell bottoms, and fringe.  Contains affiliate links.

Save

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RAVE

Think holographic, kaleidoscopic color, bodysuits and glimmer, see-through, neon and GLOW!  Contains affiliate links.

Save

Save

Save

Save

STEAMPUNK

Think neo-Victorian, steam-powered aesthetic, black and brown, lace and leather, and top hats with accoutrements.  Contains affiliate links.

TRIBAL/ETHNIC

Think bright colors, Indian-inspired patterned leggings, chestplates, chunky necklaces, and lots and lots of unique statement jewelry.  Contains affiliate links.

Ultimately, Burning Man style is what you make of it. There are no rules and there are no limitations. So have fun and let you inner child out to play!

A special cause which is near and dear to my heart is plus size fashion on the playa.  I have a Pinterest board dedicated to all you curvy and thick ladies out there.  Check it out, if you’re so inclined.  100+ pins!


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Ashley Graham inspo

I have this new obsession with Ashley Graham.

She’s a plus-size model, one of the first to appear in Sports Illustrated.

There’s this picture of her that I absolutely ADORE:

Not only is her hair and makeup totally on point, but the OUTFIT is killer!

I could rock something like that.

So why not?

The body con black sleeveless midi dress by Fashion Nova ($19.99):

The white longsleeve plunge mesh bodysuit (30 GBP):

And, of course, the GORGEOUS eye-catching strappy black bra at Venus Swimwear ($39):

Think I could pull it off?

Well, call me a pancake and flip me over, I sure as hell think so.

Just add a pair of sky high black heels and some red lipstick and I’m ready to go!

Goddess

New outfit alert!

I’m going to an event where the theme is Bacchanalia.

Well, I’m not only GOING to the event, I’m helping to PRODUCE it.

It’s not until July, so I have a little time to work on my Bacchanalia costume.

It’s a little known fact that not everyone likes my playa name, Bombshell.

I was given that name by Tejas and it just stuck so I accepted it.

But a close friend of mine SWEARS that my playa name should be Goddess and so that’s what she calls me.

So you can imagine, I expect she’ll get a thrill when I actually dress the part.

I picked out a standard white maxi dress to wear:

Then I selected a crown worthy of Bacchus himself.

I think the two will be lovely together.

Add accessories – sandals, necklace, belt, and bracelets.

And voila!

We have an outfit.

Just to be complete, I threw in a faux fur white cape.

Now, the trick is going to be not being so busy with the event that I miss out on wearing my new outfit!

And of course, not repeating what happened to me the last time I wore a white goddess dress (I sprayed myself from head to toe with grape soda!).

Tie Dye vs Ombre

Don’t you just LOVE Geminis?

I know I do.

I grew up with one (my sister).

They are incredibly loyal and fiercely protective of those they love.

But Geminis have two sides to them and you do not want to cross them.

You’ll feel the heat.

I will be celebrating another Gemini’s birthday this weekend.

MotherP is having a birthday celebration.

The theme is her favorite colors – teal and lavender.

All my lavender and teal clothes are “work appropriate” and not exactly “party material” so of course I had to go shopping for something better.

I found this tie dye dress which seemed to fit the bill.

But it’s coming from Hong Kong, which means sizing and on time delivery are questionable so I HAD to get a backup dress:

This one I LOVE.

It’s so pretty with all it’s colors bleeding into each other.

Way more subtle transitions than tie dye.

Of course, I’m not sure the fascinator hat I bought will work with BOTH outfits:

Which one do you like?