Glue for Idiots

So.

I have this friend from Serbia.

Not Russia. Serbia.

There’s a difference, I learned.

She and I used to go out to clubs in San Francisco to drink and dance the night away.

One such night we went to a club in the City and when we walked in it was a sea of black – everyone wearing black wool coats in the San Francisco cold and fog.

I was wearing a red wool jacket.

I stood out like a sore thumb.

The red jacket had an interesting effect on the people there.

They started to approach me and compliment my jacket.

A few of the men even attempted to start conversations with me.

My friend, who was very selective in her choice of men, disagreed with the men I spoke to.

BASICALLY I WILL SPEAK TO ANYONE WHO SPEAKS TO ME.

It’s just something I’ve learned:

Never be rude.

As the night progressed, my friend became increasingly concerned over the quality of men I drew in – to put it politely, they were not dressed well enough for her tastes.

And that’s when it happened.

She nicknamed me “Glue for Idiots.”

Now I’m not saying that this isn’t true on some levels.

I think I have a very approachable demeanor that encourages men to take their shot.

All I’m saying is that I’m not going to ignore a man because he’s wearing jeans or his watch isn’t expensive enough.

Truthfully there’s nothing much sexier than a man in comfortable jeans and a t-shirt that’s a bit on the tight side who smells like freshly cut grass and deodorant stretched to it’s limit.

If that makes me glue for idiots, so be it.

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Burning Man Essentials: Women’s Fashion

I’ve been holding off on writing this post because of the TREMENDOUS undertaking that it is.

How to describe the fashion of women at Burning Man?

I classify the fashion loosely into five styles:

  1. Dystopian
  2. Hippie
  3. Rave
  4. Steampunk
  5. Tribal/Ethnic

First of all, let me preface this by saying YOU CAN WEAR ANYTHING YOU WANT AT BURNING MAN.

Channel your inner freak and GO WILD!

These are simply some ideas, organized into a blog post that might help inspiration to strike.

DYSTOPIAN

In a word? BLACK.  But not necessarily.  Think mesh, cargo pants, zippers, chains, holsters, thigh bags, combat boots, streamlined goggles, and sleeveless hoodies.  Contains affiliate links.

HIPPIE

This one really doesn’t require an explanation.  Think macrame, crochet, colorful skirts, tie dye, dread locks, flower power, bell bottoms, and fringe.  Contains affiliate links.

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RAVE

Think holographic, kaleidoscopic color, bodysuits and glimmer, see-through, neon and GLOW!  Contains affiliate links.

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STEAMPUNK

Think neo-Victorian, steam-powered aesthetic, black and brown, lace and leather, and top hats with accoutrements.  Contains affiliate links.

TRIBAL/ETHNIC

Think bright colors, Indian-inspired patterned leggings, chestplates, chunky necklaces, and lots and lots of unique statement jewelry.  Contains affiliate links.

Ultimately, Burning Man style is what you make of it. There are no rules and there are no limitations. So have fun and let you inner child out to play!

A special cause which is near and dear to my heart is plus size fashion on the playa.  I have a Pinterest board dedicated to all you curvy and thick ladies out there.  Check it out, if you’re so inclined.  100+ pins!


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Burning Man Essentials: Men’s Fashion

I’ve been holding off on writing this post because of the TREMENDOUS undertaking that it is.

How to describe the fashion of men at Burning Man?

I classify the fashion loosely into five styles:

  1. Dystopian
  2. Hippie
  3. Rave
  4. Steampunk
  5. Tribal/Ethnic

First of all, let me preface this by saying YOU CAN WEAR ANYTHING YOU WANT AT BURNING MAN.

Channel your inner freak and GO WILD!

These are simply some ideas, organized into a blog post that might help inspiration to strike.

DYSTOPIAN

In a word? BLACK.  But not necessarily.  Think mesh, cargo pants, zippers, chains, holsters, thigh bags, combat boots, streamlined goggles, and sleeveless hoodies.  Contains affiliate links.

HIPPIE

This one really doesn’t require an explanation.  Think macrame, crochet, colorful pants, tie dye, dread locks, flower power, bell bottoms, and fringe.  Contains affiliate links.

RAVE

Think holographic, kaleidoscopic color, bodysuits and glimmer, see-through, neon and GLOW!  Contains affiliate links.

STEAMPUNK

Think neo-Victorian, steam-powered aesthetic, black and brown, lace and leather, and top hats with accoutrements.  Contains affiliate links.

TRIBAL/ETHNIC

Think bright colors, Indian-inspired patterned leggings, chestplates, chunky necklaces, and lots and lots of unique statement jewelry.  Contains affiliate links.

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Reformation

Every now and then I run across a designer who makes outstanding clothes for curvy bodies.

We’re not talking baggy dresses, loose-fitting shirts and wide leg pants.

No.

We’re talking beautiful, feminine dresses, stylish skirts and tailored blouses.

That’s what Reformation is for me.

I got so excited when I found their clothes, sold online via some major companies, like Nordstrom.

I fell in love with these two dresses – the Butterfly and the Marbella:

Aren’t they gorgeous?

Feminine.

Stylish.

Flattering.

Everything I am looking for when I dress my body.

I was determined to get a cute pair of this season’s IT shoes to wear with these dresses – espadrilles.

I wanted three features:  ankle ties, peep toe and a low heel.

I simply can’t wear high heels now that I’ve become accustomed to wearing flats all the time.

So I got these Soludos Open Toe Platform Espadrilles, which I absolutely heart more than you can imagine:

I’ve got to admit, I can’t wait to put the whole look together.

Maybe I’ll get to wear it out with the new guy!

Steampunk Peacock

My dear friend Nadine is having a birthday and I get to celebrate with her.

I celebrated last year at her party with a gorgeous LED stone necklace and a dress to die for:

This year, we’re doing something different.

Last year’s theme incorporated Nadine’s favorite colors – teal and lavender.

This year’s theme is Steampunk and Victorian.

Nevermind that I have two steampunk outfits and a Victorian outfit already assembled in my garage.

What I really need to do is create ANOTHER costume.

Starting with a peacock corset.

Ouch!  That thing just looks like it’s going to hurt, but you can’t say it’s not beautiful.

The next thing I need is a really VIVID TEAL shirt, with skirt hikes to bunch it up in the front like a proper steampunk princess:

Finally, there’s the blouse, a nice sheer black one which will complement the peacock corset very nicely:

As for the present, I delved into Nadine’s love of all things peacock to find a custom present for her.

I think she’ll love what I got her.

And of course, she has all my love.

Happy birthday love!

May you have another blessed spin around the sun.

Curves on the playa

I MAYBE went on a little spending spree to get some outfits put together for Burning Man.

One thing I’ve noticed. . . my outfits are getting MUCH smaller.

Where I used to put together layers of clothing, I’ve now adopted a simpler methodology.

Short shorts and crop tops.

LOL

Seriously!

Bathing suits and micro skirts.

I have ONE long faux fur jacket I wear for warmth.

But otherwise, on the playa, I’ve got to stay cool and the best way to do that is to go naked. . .

Which I’m not going to do.

The second best way to accomplish that is to actually wear as little clothing as possible.

That I can handle.

Everyone will get to see my thick thighs and my bodacious boobs in these outfits.

Oh well.

It can trigger weird reactions in people.

Not everyone likes curvy women.

But some people do.

And I swear, if one person walks up to me to tell me how “BRAVE” I am to wear tiny outfits, I’m going to make them chew tinfoil while shaving their head with a cheese grater.

You see, it’s like this:

I see curvy women wearing minimal clothing ALL THE TIME and they look great, even with all those curves.

So I figure, the only thing stopping me from also looking great in tiny clothes is me.

I love my body.

It’s given birth three times.

I’ve nursed two babies and yet I still have great tits.

It’s survived 45 years of wear and tear.

It’s got plenty more mileage left to go.

So, without further adieu, here are the outfits for Burning Man 2019:  Metamorphoses:

Spank me

I do not have a daddy complex.

I’ve never yelled “Daddy!” while in the throes of passion.

It always seemed counterproductive to bring my fathers into the mix.

I know of at least one boyfriend who wouldn’t have minded.

But enough about ex-boyfriends, more on sexual inclinations.

So, I don’t have a daddy complex but I have something close.

I have a schoolgirl complex.

That’s right.

Maybe it’s from NINE years of wearing schoolgirl uniforms at private school growing up.

Maybe I can blame it on Britney Spears.

Whatever caused it, I can honestly say that I’m about to delve DEEP INTO IT for Burning Man 2019.

Because yours truly has just gone and bought not one but TWO pleated plaid schoolgirl mini skirts.

One in purple.

One in red.

I’m thrilled that I found this new source of inspiration and I’m totally excited about wearing these skirts on the playa.

I hope someone offers to spank me!

Ooohhh. . . speaking of which I’ll need some nice panties to match, just in case.

Shrooms

Shrooms. Funghi.  Toadstools.

Lately, they’ve been on my brain.

Like how can I make a Burning Man outfit out of shrooms?

And no, I’m not creating an outfit because I do shrooms.

I have enough trouble navigating reality, I don’t need a little alteration to confuse me more.

I’m creating an outfit because I like mushrooms.

They’re cute, forest-dwelling, fairy-inspired, little vegetables which I like to eat in a risotto sprinkled with a little lemon zest.

I looked long and hard for mushroom graphic leggings and finally found two pairs I liked on Amazon and eBay.

I know I shouldn’t be feeding the monsters which are Amazon and eBay, but I really couldn’t find mushroom leggings I liked on any independent websites.

Then it was just a matter of accessorizing the outfit.

Mushroom earrings from Wish.

Mushroom necklace from etsy.

And voilá!

My mushroom ensemble for Burning Man:

American boobs

I bought a white dress for White Wednesday on the playa, envisioning this kind of outfit:

I got it to replace my last white dress which had seen better days.

The new dress came in the mail and, well, it came in a bag marked “Made in China” on it.

Oh no!

That means the dress is made for Chinese boobs.

Not my massive G-size American boobs.

But I decided to try it on anyway.

And wouldn’t you know, it fit.

Sort of.

I’m trying to decide if there’s too much side boob or too much underboob to wear on the playa.

Now, I know that Burning Man is clothing optional.

Clearly I could (and occasionally do) go topless.

And between you and me, sometimes bottomless too.

But I want a white dress to wear for this occasion.

So tell me, what do you think of this top?

Breathless

I’ve fallen in love.

Yes, I have.

It’s such an easy thing for me to do.

I fall in love ALL THE TIME.

This handbag, for instance, caught my eye and I fell INSTANTLY in love with it.

The pistachio-caramel tropical scent of Brazilian Bum Bum Cream captured me as well:

But what I’m really hinting at, is this GORGEOUS red dress I found:

I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how much I love it!

It’s striking and I can’t wait to wear it in Florida and see The Swede get all flushed with excitement.

There’s nothing quite like a beautiful woman in a red dress now, is there?

Wearing red dresses is kinda my thing, as evidenced by this old picture of me with my friends going out for a night on the town:

And then there’s my custom-made velvet high school prom dress, inspired by Pretty Woman, which I wore to my college junior ball:

The bottom line is:

I LOVE RED DRESSES!

I can’t wait to steal someone’s breath away. . .