Two hams in a sausage casing

Well, I tried.

I got invited to a Valentine’s Pub Crawl (well TWO, actually) and I wanted to wear something saucy.

So I went online and ordered something I don’t have in my closet already (if you can believe that).

I ordered a pink latex dress.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m losing weight, but I suddenly find myself flush with body confidence.

And I wanted to put that body confidence in a latex dress.

I also got a faux fur jacket to match.

And voilà!

Some sort of fun and outstanding outfit for the crawl.

Yes, I was running the risk of putting on the dress only to discover I looked like two hams stuffed in a sausage casing, but hey!

Life is risk, no?

Sadly, hams or no hams, I wasn’t even able to try on the dress because the store I bought it from cancelled my order.

Needless to say I was irritated.

When I put effort into planning an outfit and there is a catastrophic failure of the outfit, I get a little miffed.

But you heard it here first –

Someday, regardless of this botched attempt, I’m going to wear latex!

Woot!

Pagan Bunny Burn

The Pagan Bunny Burn is coming up in March and I’m totally excited!

I’ve never been, so this will be a first for me.

Of course, it’s essential that when one attends a bunny burn, one dresses like a bunny and so I’ve gone hog wild with bunny-related accouterments.

After all, the only bunny outfits I have are the White Rabbit / Playboy bunny outfits from a pub crawl 2 years ago.

 

It was the pub crawl where a woman showed up in a dress made of marshmallow peeps.

Yeah, that was AWESOME!

So I toiled away and managed to pull together not one, not two, but THREE new bunny outfits.

My black burner bunny outfit:

My rainbow brite bunny outfit:

And my pink monochromatic bunny outfit:

Personally, I like the black burner bunny outfit best, but if I show up and everyone is wearing a black bunny outfit, I can change into something else.

Options.

Gotta have them.

iRobot Outfits

I’m obsessive.

You know this.

I like to plan things out.

Visualize.

So it comes as no surprise then that I’ve (once again) organized my outfits into images I can glance at quickly when I’m on the playa to decide what I feel like wearing.

One of the reasons I do this is that I have a notoriously bad memory and so I’ll forget what I brought with me if I didn’t have it on paper.

These are works in progress, but I’m posting them here so that I can refer to this blog post when I’m trying to finalize my outfits with last  minute items (hats, crowns, stockings, etc.)

So here it goes, thirty outfits I’ve assembled for iRobot 2018:

I think I’m getting better at pulling outfits together.

And don’t forget my goal of packing items which take up minimal space in my bins so that I can consolidate my wardrobe into fewer boxes!

Jewelry

I kinda fell in LOVE with this whole picture.

The black bodysuit.

The cutoff jeans.

The tan.

It’s all PERFECT.

But I ESPECIALLY fell in love with the layered necklaces.

They really complete the look.

So I got online and found a couple of statement and layered necklaces to add to my jewelry collection:

 

I just LOVE them.

And I think they will go well added to my Burning Man outfits this year.

Of course, I am NOTORIOUS for buying jewelry for Burning Man and not wearing it.

The reason is three-fold.

One – it takes FOREVER to get out of camp and jewelry is just another barrier to getting the hell out there and participating!

Two – It’s hard to find jewelry that isn’t MOOPY. The last thing I want to do is leave bits and pieces of my jewelry all over the playa.

Three – There’s just so many cool hand-made pendants that get gifted, I find myself wearing those instead of my jewelry.

So hopefully this year, I will do better with regard to actually wearing the things I bring with me.

And if not?

Oh fucking well.

It’s Burning Man.

Chain reaction

The thing about putting together outfits for Burning Man is that one thing leads to another and before you know it, your $75 outfit suddenly costs $500.

First I buy a white open mesh bodysuit (undergarments not included) because I like it and it’ll strike a nice balance in my mostly black wardrobe.

Then I realize that I’ll be COMPLETELY naked under the bodysuit unless I buy something for it.

So I buy an iconic white string bikini.

Something every woman should have, if you ask me.

Then I realize I’m going to need a little coverage in all that sun, wearing only a bikini and a transparent bodysuit, so I purchase a white lace duster (aka beach cover up) to give me a little protection from the sun’s rays.

And in the process, I come across a really cool black kimono with a mandala design on the back which I simply MUST HAVE.

Then of course, I need to accessorize.

I have a white floral crown that was gifted to me by a bride at Burning Man 2017.

It lights up!

Some sort of necklaces and bracelets need to go with it, but I’m saving that splurge for later.

The MOST IMPORTANT accessory that’s needed when wearing swimsuits, in the wise words of my friend Dazzle! is a TAN!

Yes folks, I need a tan to pull off an all white outfit at the burn.

I daren’t lay in the tanning beds and get a real one lest I wind up with skin cancer.

So it looks like I’ll be hitting the spray tan salon again.

Get naked in front of a stranger and let them mist me brown.

So you know, when I calculate out the final cost of the outfit, it’s way more than the $75 I imagined I’d be spending.

It’s a chain reaction.

Skinny

I am trying to get ready for Burning Man.

Now that I’ve done it a few years in a row, that means organizing my gear and buying new outfits.

Guess which one is my favorite thing to do?

Buy outfits, of course!

I live on etsy when I’m planning my wardrobe for Burning Man.

You just can’t beat etsy when it comes to rave/dystopian/tribal clothes and accessories.

This year I’m having trouble though.

I’m losing weight.

And it’s really hard to predict what size I will be when Burning Man comes around.

Do you see my dilemma?

I REALLY want to shop but my hands are tied.

I’m guessing the weight is going to come off slowly so I’m only buying clothes one size smaller than I am right now.

Instead of buying an XL, I’m getting the L.

But Burning Man is 7 months from now and that is a long time to diet (my program runs 18 months).

And HOPEFULLY I’ll be MUCH smaller than I am now.

There are worse things in the world than having to resize your clothes because you’re SKINNIER!

iRobot

The theme for Burning Man this year is iRobot.

I think this is going to be a fun theme for outfits this year.

I have a pair of Star Wars robot leggings which I can’t wait to wear.

And I have a pair of robot leggings, which I just received in the mail specifically for wearing at Burning Man.

I like to think off leggings as the lazy man’s Burning Man outfit.

They come in cool graphic designs and are easy to wear.

Voilá!

Instant style.

However, it can be a little hot during the day

Too hot for leggings.

So I’ll probably wear my leggings at night.

I bought THIS awesome jacket from H&M to go with my robotic leggings:

So I’ve got my jacket.

I’ve got my leggings.

What kind of shirt will I wear?

No shirt, it’s Burning Man.

I’m wearing pasties!

Ok, I lie.

I bought a silver tank top to wear under my jacket.

Perfect for the occasion!

Off I go. . .

Today I leave for Sweden.

I am so excited I can barely contain myself.

The only reason I’m not jumping out of my skin with enthusiasm is that the flights are 9 and 3 hours long.

With a 2 hour layover in Iceland.

Oh boy.

I am not the world’s most chill airplane traveler, despite the fact that I’ve flown small planes.

For some reason, although I know it’s a big, safe sky bus, it makes me nervous.

And when I get nervous, I pick at my nails.

And I REALLY don’t want to ruin my Swedish manicure.

Yeah, I bought blue and yellow gel nail polish and yellow striping and I gave myself a Swedish manicure.

Just because I can.

So cross your fingers, say a prayer, and think good thoughts for me as I rocket through the skies toward Stockholm.

Excited!

You’re not alone, sister!

Almost two and a half years ago I participated in Burning Man for the first time.

As is my usual habit, I spent A LOT of time planning and prepping.

I carefully reviewed every Burning Man Essentials list and incorporated all the items I was missing into my growing inventory.

In the end, I had 16 bins full of gear.

I may have gone overboard, but let me tell you, I was PREPARED.

Sunblock for my hair?

Check.

Essentials oils for my face mask?

Check.

Ridiculous now to think about them, but at the time I thought they were ESSENTIAL.

Needless to say, I spent a lot of time looking online for fashion guidance.

Self expression is BIG at Burning Man.

I was totally disappointed to find that 99.9% of the representations of women at Burning Man include slim women only.

Where are my thick girls? My curvy ladies?

I could find no representation of women on the playa for women OVER A SIZE 12.

What up?!

I began to wonder if I’d be the only thick girl on the playa.

Of course, that turned out to not be the case, but it still bothers me to this day that the diversity that exists on the playa is not captured by playa photographers.

And, of course, I had to remedy the situation not just by posting my playa photos on the internet, but also by creating a Pinterest board with fashion inspiration for the curvy lady planning to go to the playa.

You’re not alone, sister!

Sleepwear and The Swede

I’ve been thinking about sleepwear a lot lately.

I sleep by myself so I have no one to impress when I go to bed.

I’ve been known to wear everything from a t-shirt (and nothing else) to sweat pants, tank top, and thick socks.

When I sleep on the couch at Tejas’ house, I wear rainbow striped velour pajama bottoms with a peach jersey pineapple print dress.

Yes, clearly I’m not out to wow the crowds.

Which is why I think Tejas has taken an interest in my sleepwear for Sweden.

He doesn’t want me to underwhelm The Swede.

The thing about sleeping in Sweden, is that I ABSOLUTELY can’t fall asleep unless I am warm.

That’s just how it works with me.

If my feet are cold I can’t sleep.

If my core is cold, I can’t sleep.

If my butt is cold. . .

And so on.

So I REALLY want to be warm when I sleep in Sweden.

I decided to compromise on the warm Swedish Hockey pajamas I was planning on wearing.

Instead I bought two nightgowns.

Red and blue because you know, I am after all a hot-blooded American woman.

Ironically, it’s been so long since I spent the night with someone, I’ve forgotten how well two bodies manage to keep each other warm.

I probably don’t NEED the nightgowns.

But they’re there, if for no other reason than to make me look like a respectable human being instead of a woman who is travelling halfway around the world to sleep with The Swede.