Goddess

New outfit alert!

I’m going to an event where the theme is Bacchanalia.

Well, I’m not only GOING to the event, I’m helping to PRODUCE it.

It’s not until July, so I have a little time to work on my Bacchanalia costume.

It’s a little known fact that not everyone likes my playa name, Bombshell.

I was given that name by Tejas and it just stuck so I accepted it.

But a close friend of mine SWEARS that my playa name should be Goddess and so that’s what she calls me.

So you can imagine, I expect she’ll get a thrill when I actually dress the part.

I picked out a standard white maxi dress to wear:

Then I selected a crown worthy of Bacchus himself.

I think the two will be lovely together.

Add accessories – sandals, necklace, belt, and bracelets.

And voila!

We have an outfit.

Just to be complete, I threw in a faux fur white cape.

Now, the trick is going to be not being so busy with the event that I miss out on wearing my new outfit!

And of course, not repeating what happened to me the last time I wore a white goddess dress (I sprayed myself from head to toe with grape soda!).

Tie Dye vs Ombre

Don’t you just LOVE Geminis?

I know I do.

I grew up with one (my sister).

They are incredibly loyal and fiercely protective of those they love.

But Geminis have two sides to them and you do not want to cross them.

You’ll feel the heat.

I will be celebrating another Gemini’s birthday this weekend.

MotherP is having a birthday celebration.

The theme is her favorite colors – teal and lavender.

All my lavender and teal clothes are “work appropriate” and not exactly “party material” so of course I had to go shopping for something better.

I found this tie dye dress which seemed to fit the bill.

But it’s coming from Hong Kong, which means sizing and on time delivery are questionable so I HAD to get a backup dress:

This one I LOVE.

It’s so pretty with all it’s colors bleeding into each other.

Way more subtle transitions than tie dye.

Of course, I’m not sure the fascinator hat I bought will work with BOTH outfits:

Which one do you like?

Fashion Faux Pas

I showed up for a fundraiser with a cocktail attire dress code in my rainbow dress, a little white sweater and a yellow feather fascinator.

I thought it was cute and very Burning Man-ish, all those colors splashed across the dress.

Well, in retrospect, the dress perhaps missed its mark.

As it turned out, most of the attendees were wearing more classic colors – black navy blue, and white.

I was reminded of that time I walked into a San Francisco bar full of people in black coats wearing my full length red wool jacket.

Every eye turned to stare at the woman in red.

I felt like a rubenesque ‘Loony Tunes’ woman in a field of classy, slender Lehmbruck figures.

Do you remember that song from childhood, “One of these things is not like the others. . .”

See if you can figure it out.

I reminded myself of something I like to tell my sons about fitting in, “You’ll spend your childhood trying to fit in and your entire adulthood trying to stand out.”

There are perhaps worse things in the world than committing a fashion faux pas.

I’m always amused when I get myself in situations like these.

What do you do?

Hide in the bathroom?

Go home and change?

Oh no you don’t!

You stick it out and work it to the best of your abilities.

Which is exactly what I did.

And before I knew it, I was enjoying myself, chatting with new friends, and having a grand old time – the supposed garishness of my rainbow dress a faded, distant memory.

And despite my fashion faux pas, I STILL love that dress.

Rainbow Bright

I have fallen in love.

No, it’s not what you’re thinking.

I’m not quitting my job and moving to Sweden.

Oh, my Swedish is ATROCIOUS!

No.

I’ve fallen in love with a summer dress.

Don’t you just love it too?

I have a fundraiser coming up and I’ve decided I’m going to wear it for the fundraiser.

I bought a pair of yellow heels:

And a cute little yellow flower fascinator to wear.

I’m not sure why I get captured by outfits the way I do.

I’m going to a Village meeting this Saturday and I’m wearing a steampunk outfit to that:

But this rainbow striped dress?

So lovely!

Shirtcocking

Since it looks like The Swede is coming to Burning Man, I’ve been keeping an eye out for items which are suitable for him to wear on the playa.

Sunblock, for one.

A hat, for another.

But also. . .

These:

I can’t tell you how much I ADORE these tank tops.

One, because they are cool.

But also?

Because they will show off The Swede’s arms and tattoos.

And there’s nothing I want more than to snuggle close to that man and have him wrap me in his arms.

And who doesn’t love SCORPION tattoos?

Yes my friends, The Swede is a Scorpio.

Just like me.

In fact, he “shares” a birthday with my little brother which means that TECHNICALLY I’ve been celebrating on his birthday since 1978.

Isn’t that a pleasant thought?

Well, regardless of when his birthday is, he’ll at least have some good tanks to wear on the playa.

I sent him pictures of the tanks and HE LIKED THEM.

Which is nice.

I always enjoy it when people like the gifts I pick out for them.

Now, we just have to figure out what he’ll wear on bottom.

Ain’t no shirtcocking Swedes here!

Yes, that is exactly what you think it is (men who wear shirts on the playa and are naked below the waist).

Mother of girls

My oldest son is going to the prom.

Not his prom, mind you.

He SKIPPED all of those when he was in high school.

It’s only now that he’s graduated, with a girlfriend still in high school that he’s decided to attend one.

Personally, I think she HOUNDED him to get him to go.

My son isn’t really into dancing or dressing up, two things that feature heavily at proms.

I feel like I should make him watch Pretty in Pink or something to prepare him for what proms are like.

Did I mention that this is a prom at my old high school?

Yes, so I know EXACTLY what’s in store for him.

Twinkle lights, tinfoil and tissue paper decorations, a tired DJ, the prom king and queen ceremony, all that stuff.

It’s making me nostalgic just thinking of it.

I kinda wish I could be a fly on the wall and go watch him.

The funny part of this is that I was contacted by his girlfriend, to tell me exactly what he needs to be prepared for the prom:

  • A navy bow tie
  • A navy cummerbund
  • And, of course, a CORSAGE

I went a little crazy ordering the corsage.

Something unique, I said. With a special wristband, not just the plain white elastic.

It MUST compliment the navy dress, I instructed the florist.

I went crazy to the tune of $45.

And we haven’t even shopped for his tuxedo yet!

I’m EXTRAORDINARILY happy he’s finally going to a prom.

It’s something that’s right up my alley and I think given my experience pulling together outfits, that he will be THE BEST LOOKING YOUNG MAN AT THE PROM.

It’s times like this that I realize I should have had a girl in addition to my boys.

I would have made an EXCELLENT mother of girls!

SUPER SLUTTY SHOES

I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

  • Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
  • Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
  • Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
  • Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
  • Rotate your body to give him a side view.
  • More smearing. Do it slowly.
  • Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.

Bra Fitting

Last Saturday, Barbara convinced me to go for a bra fitting at Nordstrom.

She lured me in with the promise of the best Taiwanese dim sum at Din Tai Fung.

They have a Michelin star.

And boy was the food awesome!

I licked my plate clean, I swear.

But on to the bra fitting.

I went into a fitting room with Debbie, my Nordstom bra fitter.

I got topless.

She pulled out her measuring tape and measured me. . .

. . .  and declared me to be a 38G.

Holy shit!

G?!

I didn’t even know that boobs could grow that big, let alone that they make bras that big!

All along I thought I was a D.  Perhaps a double D.

But Barbara knew better.

Debbie proceeded to find me bras and helped me try them on.

Odd being topless around a fully clothed stranger, but okay. . .

In the end, I bought one bra.

For $100!

Apparently well sized bras for big boobs don’t come cheap.

Bonus!

One of the things I LOVE about Village Meetings is that they usually have a THEME and people get all dressed up.

Last month, our host picked the theme ‘’Orange” for his Village Meeting.

Yesterday he changed it to STEAMPUNK, on account of the Airpusher Steampunk-themed event in San Francisco that same evening.

So people can get dressed up and go to BOTH events without a wardrobe change.

We are burners.

We take our outfits seriously.

In any case, I am glad I won’t have to drag out the ONLY orange clothing I have – an orange tunic and several pairs of orange print leggings.

They are such a MOM thing to wear.

I’d look like a bad LuLaRoe ad.

In any case, I also don’t feel like dragging out ALL MY STEAMPUNK clothes.

That’s the one complaint I have about the Steampunk style – so many layers and accessories.

So I did the next best thing:

I bought a pair of Steampunk leggings off of Amazon.

I also happen to have a Steampunk-ish jacket I can wear with it (though the buttons are ALL WRONG):

I also have a pretty cool brown Steampunk hat which I got off of ebay.

A milliner at The Great Dickens Faire once told me it was “busy” but WTF, I don’t care.

Here’s the remainder of the outfit –  minus the accessories:

I’ve finally reached a point in my costume catalog that I no longer need to go shopping for new outfits when there’s a new event.

Bonus!

Of course, the trick now is FINDING it!

OBEY!

Every year, about a month before Mother’s Day, I gather my two boys, force them to wear nice long sleeve, button-down shirts and trousers (gasp!) and we head to some beautiful location to take family photos.

Last year, Yvonne took our photos and she did an OUTSTANDING job of prepping us for the shoot AND actually taking AMAZING photographs.

So this year, we’re doing a repeat!

It works really well to take family photos around Mother’s Day BECAUSE you can GUILT TRIP your children into participating.

AND since they ALWAYS forget me on Mother’s Day, this is my present.

So to speak.

It’s also perfect because I get my photos ahead of time and then I’m prepared to get my Christmas cards made long before the crush of the holidays hits.

Last year, this was our holiday card.

We chose light, Easter, pastel colors for our photo shoot.

This year, we’re going with a more saturated color scheme – navy, burgundy, and a nice deep gray:

I’m totally excited once again to actually get family photos taken and I HOPE that enforcing this one family activity with my boys will reinforce that THIS IS JUST WHAT HAPPENS IN APRIL.

They MUST obey!