Bitch Slap

It was a relaxing weekend.

I did next to nothing ALL WEEKEND LONG.

That’s sort of par for the course, when sheltering in place.

I watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

And E.T.

I guess I’m in an 80s mood.

I also went to Rene home which he now shares with his new girlfriend.

I brought along a friend so I woudn’t have to drive all the way to Seaside by myself.

The food was delicious, but the company was extraordinary.

It’s always good to see old friends.

Especially ones you can tease mercilessly.

What most people don’t know is that once upon a time, when Rene was married, his wife bitch slapped me for twirling my hair.

Apparently, it was a pet peeve of hers.

So she cracked me one right across the face.

This story gets told time and again to all of Rene’s girlfriends.

Each time, they are shocked.

Rene’s new girlfriend was suitably appalled on my behalf.

And you know what?

I twirled my hair in front of her and guess what?

No bitch slap!

That’s a win in my book.

I should be so fucking lucky

Hi!

I’m back.

Literally NOTHING is going on, though.

Work continues.

Sheltering in place continues.

I’ve managed to sneak out of my house for a date or two, but THAT’S ABOUT IT!

This weekend, a dear old friend Rene is hosting a small barbecue with his girlfriend.

I’ve opted to invite a friend to come with me so I don’t have to drive alone to the party which is in Seaside.

It should be a lot of fun.

Rene is very good at food in general and barbecue in particular, judging from his last get together.

Also, he has spare bedrooms so we can stay the night without worrying about driving that treacherous Highway 17 late at night after 2 beers.

Anyhow, all this is to say that I’m going to be meeting Rene’s new girlfriend for the VERY FIRST TIME and I’m excited.

It’s not every day that I get to meet Rene’s new girlfriend.

If luck would have it, they met right before lockdown and moved in together soon after so I’m very intrigued to see who has won over his heart so quickly.

He literally invited me over “their house.”

Isn’t that sweet?

Yeah, I thought so too.

I should be so fucking lucky.

Stepping out

As the world slowly reopens, so does my social life.

I actually stepped out a few days ago and enjoyed coffee with my friend George.

I was so excited to hug him, I nearly burst.

It was as awesome as I imagined it would be.

We sat outside Starbucks and chatted mostly about piercings and tattoos until he had to take off for a date.

Then yesterday I met another friend at Starbucks and what was supposed to be a 2 hour coffee date turned into an al fresco dinner at Oak & Rye.

Also, VERY GOOD HUGS!

I find myself jonesing for hugs now ALL THE TIME.

All in all, I’ve had a pretty good time emerging out into the world again.

My dear old truck with 246,000 miles on it needed a new battery so I took care of that today just as my kid’s sedan and my mom’s mini van broke down and had to be taken to the same auto shop.

I keep forgetting to bring a mask and I’m stymied as to why because it’s one of those things ingrained in me to do at Burning Man.

No matter where you’re going or what you’re doing, you always have a mask close at hand JUST IN CASE there’s a dust storm.

I’m just not used to planning that far ahead in real life.

It was enough of an accomplishment that I remembered to shower, do my hair and makeup and put on rea clothes (not just another pair of pajamas) to go out in.

Didn’t I look cute?

Happy re-emerging to all of you.

Can’t wait to get a pedicure!

It’s good to be seen

Tonight I’m thinking of my dear friend Andrew who was murdered by his ex-girlfriend in 2001.

I met Andrew on my first day transferring into a new kindergarten.

We never stopped being friends and kept in touch through high school, college, medical school (for him) and marriage (for me).

Another friend Jon once described Andrew as the kind of person who when he walked into a room, everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

He was charismatic.

Funny.

Charming.

Occasionally, I dream about Andrew and I ALWAYS realize I’m dreaming when he makes an appearance so I get down on my knees and start crying telling him how much I miss him.

He always stands me up, hugs me and then chats with me like old friends catching up.

Today, my mother spoke with his mother.

It’s something they do occasionally so that isn’t remarkable.

What is remarkable is that my mom is working on organizing THOUSANDS of old photos into albums and the next picture she plucked from the pile was a picture of Andrew with my dad and I.

Probably a picture from the last time I’d ever see him in person, although that detail only occurs to me now as I write this.

I took the picture, studied Andrew’s face, realized that the picture was taken in the very room where my mom told me he had been murdered.

The very room I was sitting in now.

Waves of nostalgia came over me and I found myself playing back images of him and I in my mind.

Him BLASTING “Top of the World” by Van Halen as he burned rubber out of his high school parking lot after graduation.

Listening to grunge music while playing pool at Andrew’s house.

My visit to see him in Irvine when we were in undergraduate school.

I attempted to relieve the sadness inside me by opening up my phone and scrolling through Reddit.

Lo and behold, the documentary about Andrew’s murder popped up in my reddit stream and I paused before watching the first 15 minutes of it.

I don’t usually watch that movie unless I have a bottle of wine, tissues, and at least a day to recover from my hangover.

The circularity of life is amazing.

I was supposed to think of him and remember our friendship.

And so a toast to my friend:

“There are good ships and wood ships,

Ships that sail the sea,

But the best ships are friendships,

May they always be!”

SoulFire 2016: The Heatstroke Chronicles

white witch michelleMaybe it was just me.

Maybe everyone else did just fine.

But I managed to get myself good and overheated as well as dehydrated at SoulFire TWO DAYS IN A ROW!

Tejas and I arrived on Friday at 10 am and set up camp in the heat. Once camp was set up we drank rum and cokes until I started to worry that I wasn’t getting enough liquid so I drank 3 diet cokes.

Just a word of advice: Diet Coke DOES NOT PREVENT DEHYDRATION.

No it does not.

Because at about 9 pm after battling a dehydration headache for about two hours, I gave up and went to bed with 3 Tylenol RIGHT WHEN THINGS WERE GETTING GOOD!

I laid there, freezing cold, wanting a bed partner to snuggle with while I recovered.

But no, there were no bed partners to be found.

I laid in bed until about 1 am, then got up to party only to find that the party was winding down.

So back to bed.

Try again another day.

Cue Saturday.

I’m drinking TONS of coconut water to keep me hydrated and yet with the 95 degree heat I still manage to overheat.

Dante took me to the Restaurant to sit in air conditioning and cool down.

I was dizzy walking up the hill to the Restaurant (even though I was wearing nothing but pink ruffled panties and a crochet bikini fringe top).

There was an art exhibit going on in the Restaurant and I found that if I positioned myself just right I could stare at a picture of a dolphin while the vent blew cold air up my butt.

It was amazing!

So, lessons learned:

Diet Coke is not the same as water

Coconut juice will not prevent overheating

Do what you need to take care of yourself

However, if you fuck up (like me) then friends are so helpful when you’re not feeling well.

Love to Tejas for giving me Tylenol and love to Dante for cooling me down.

michelle and tejas

Love Letter #1

I wrote my first of many love letters to a dear “old” friend of mine.

We happened to be texting.

And I’m not sure if it was the effects of watching Ellen Degeneres or the booze I was drinking, but the love just started pouring out of me.

I started out by pointing out what a gift he is in my life:

“I know what a gift you are.  You’re extraordinary.  A true gentleman and a romantic with a generous heart and a playful spirit.”

I went on to tell him, “I think it’s important to tell loved ones that they are loved.  You are one of my favorite people in the world.  And I love you.”

There’s so much I admire about him.

He’s a hopeless romantic.

He is so full of love that he can’t bear to not have someone to give it to.

I love his dry sense of humor and how he is self-deprecating about the things that worry him the most.

And if something happened to me tomorrow, he knows that  he has made my life better by just being in it and that I love him dearly.

And do you know what?

He loves me too!

Isn’t that a blessing?!

I could get used to writing love letters to my family and friends.

The Swede

I still hear from The Swede, on occasion.

All is well with him.

Kids are great.

Family is well.

He started his own business.

And he is still engaged.

Yes, THE Swede is engaged to marry another woman.

A beautiful Swedish woman.

All is right in the world.

I’ve had to stop following him on Facebook because reading their posts about how much they love each other did funny things to my insides.

The Swede is pretty extraordinary so I can understand her enthusiasm.

I too feel like I’d be singing his praises from the mountain tops, were I in her situation.

But since I’m not I’ll have to be content with writing posts about our long distance friendship.

I was never looking for a long distance romance but I’m pretty good at maintaining our long distance friendship, so in that way this is PERFECT for me.

I’m looking for a LOCAL boyfriend.

The “benefits” are more steady and there’s no long distance barrier to overcome.

Love Letters

This Valentine’s Day, I’m inspired to write love letters.

I know, I know, I HATE this holiday!

Why participate at all?

I guess on some level recognizing the love in my life resonates with me even if the holiday reminds me I’ve been single for fucking ever.

I was thinking this year I would write love letters to my family.

Tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me.

Really personalize each letter.

Let my family and birth family know how much I love them.

Because they really are AMAZING people and I’m lucky to have them in my life.

And then I’d start in on my friends.

Because Lord knows that friends can be as close as family sometimes, if not closer.

I’ve got a lot of friends who support me who I’d like to send a love letter too.

What started me down this path, you ask?

Well I was on Facebook the other day watching people post public comments criticizing two people I love very much and I thought to myself that the only way to combat that kind of trash talk is to shower my friends and family with love.

And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

New Year’s Eve

Barbara told me on New Year’s Eve that my favorite Korean Spa in Santa Clara was closed.

I was crushed!

But I managed to find a new, smaller Korean health center via Yelp and before you knew it, I was laying naked on a vinyl bed while buckets of warm water were thrown on me and my skin was scrubbed with raw silk mitts by women wearing black bras and underwear.

So in other words, more of what I was used to.

Noodles of dead skin came off me and as usual, I found myself trying to explain to my technician that I really do shower every day and wash myself.

She seemed unconvinced.

After the scrub, I got a massage with baby oil and left the Korean Spa feeling fresh as a daisy and soft as a baby’s bottom.

I went to the salon and got my hair done.

It was New Year’s Eve after all, and I was determined to get all dolled up.

I put on my mermaid ombré sequin gown which fades from gold on top to turquoise on the bottom, I slipped on a pair of sparkly shoes, and I hopped in the car with friends to get the party started.

We had a nice dinner in Santa Cruz before heading to a private NYE party in Aptos, which was OFF THE HOOK FUN!

There was a champagne toast and a balloon drop and I managed to hug and kiss many MANY people to ring in the good year.

I’ve decided that my overarching goal for 2020 will be to keep the momentum from NYE alive as I make my way through the year.

Be generous with my hugs and kisses.

Be thankful for my family and friends.

And look for ways to bring more pleasure and happiness into this world.

BOOBS!

michelleYes, this is a(nother) post about boobs.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that her nickname is “Boobs.”

Not surprisingly, she has a very impressive rack.

When I first met her, she was wearing a skull corset that set off her assets to PERFECT display.

And the other day at her birthday party, a friend took a group photo then made a point of zooming in on her cleavage and showing the rest of the group how LOVELY it was.

They ooohed and aaahed over it.

I felt sort of awkward, sitting at a table with modestly endowed women modestly dressed, being one of the few women there with impressive cleavage and rather immodestly putting them on display.

The woman sitting across from me told me she’d kill to have boobs like my friend and I.

I started to picture all the ways in which having big boobs is an asset:

  • Sneaking booze into concerts
  • Stuffing money/lipstick in your bra
  • Hiding sushi when you’ve taken too much at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar
  • Talking your way out of speeding tickets
  • Filling out a bikini
  • And so much more. . .

Sure, they often come with a bigger butt and thicker thighs but overall, I LOVE my boobs.

They’re one of the few things I actually LOVE about my body.

So score one for the well-endowed.

And cheers to “Boobs” for inspiring her friends’ admiration and awe!