Hug Therapy

michelleIt’s been a rough three weeks for me.

First, I got the flu on the eve of my trip to Florida to meet The Swede and I had to cancel.

All that vacation prep down the tube:  nails, pedicure, body scrub, spray tan, hair.

I felt very sorry for myself, I’ll have you know.

But just as well since I have a busted pussy that I’m not allowed to use.

Speaking of the busted pussy, it’s screaming at me right now from the biopsy.

To be honest, it burns something fierce and I’m really irritated that I have to deal with the painful aftermath of the biopsy while trying to focus on work.

Someone should bring me cake, just to cheer me up and remind me that my busted pussy is only temporary.

At least, that’s my hope.

Results next week.

Until then I’ll just have to keep living this celibate lifestyle, hoping and praying that everything turns out normal.

And I’m not one to complain but it sucked to go to unSCruz for five days and not be able to flirt AT ALL.

I love flirting.

Breathe.

Flirt.

Breathe.

Flirt.

Fortunately, I was able to hug A LOT of people.

Hugs are the exact therapy I need to treat all my worries.

Send virtual hugs, please.

I’m in need of some.

Barbara’s Gift

I don’t know if I’ve said enough about my friend Barbara.

She is the Carrie to my Samantha.

The Louise to my Thelma.

The Laverne to my Shirley.

Barbara always reminds me how special I am.

So over Christmas break, I opted to spend 50 hours of my life making her a quilt to show her how special she is to me.

 

It turned out HEAVENLY.

It’s a checkerboard pattern of nine patch squares and hourglass squares made from Tilda’s Bird Pond fabric.

It’s framed with a narrow border of off-white embossed fabric and then framed with a wide border of fabric by Elizabeths Studio called Hummingbird Bouquet.

The whole quilt is machine pieced, long arm quilted and hand bound.

I love it.

And I think Barbara does too:

 

I’m not going to lie.

There were a few tears (mostly Barbara’s) and a few declarations of undying friendship (mostly mine).

Couldn’t love this lady more.

Happy quilt, Barbara!

I love you!

Woof!

I haven’t written about Tejas lately and that makes him sad, so this post is ALL ABOUT TEJAS.

In case you missed the memo, Tejas now has a GIRLFRIEND.

It’s been at least six months that they’ve been dating so all is well.

She’s good people in my book on account of she works with dogs and everyone who loves dogs I believe is a kindred spirit of mine.

Tejas just has his birthday and we celebrated with a nice dinner out on the town.

I gave him Cards Against Humanity as a birthday present because (OMG!) he didn’t have them yet.

I had to FIGHT my son for the box of cards because when he saw them in my room, he tried to abscond with them for his own evil purposes.

The BIG news however, is that I will not be camping with Tejas at the burn this year.

Nope.

I’m staying in a small tent (dusty) in another camp (also dusty) far away from Tejas.

On the one hand, I’m happy that another camp has agreed to take me into their camp.

On the other hand, the safety of the Motorbeast (Tejas’ RV) will no longer be there for me.

The temperatures on the playa can get BRUTAL – hot, hot, hot during the day and freezing cold at night.

Going to Burning Man and staying in a tent is nothing new to me.

I did it in 2015.

I think everyone should camp in a tent for at least one year at Burning Man.

Now I’m going to go for a second year in a tent.

No Tejas.

No Motorbeast.

Have no fear, though.

Tejas will be close enough that we can get together when we want.

This formally concludes your programming on Tejas.

Girlfriend.

Burning Man.

Motobeast.

Woof!

Binge Quilt for the Holidays

It’s been a while since I quilted.

It’s not that I lost interest, it’s just that my free time is so limited and I tend to lose steam when I can’t quilt for hours on end, so I felt it best not to start a new project.

But with 18 days off for the holidays, I had the time to work on a quilt.

Instead of working with my own pattern (I considered making a Storm At Sea quilt), I opted to use one by Konda Luckau from McCall’s Quilting Spring 2013.

This time I kept track of my hours while quilting and I can tell you with certainty that this quilt is a 48 hour quilt.

It’s a gift for Barbara.

The inner alternating hourglass and 9-patch squares consist of Bird Pond fabrics by Tilda Fabrics.

The outer frame is made from a beautiful hummingbird, butterfly, and floral print called Hummingbird Bouquet by Elizabeths Studio.

In case Barbara didn’t already know that I love her and cherish our friendship, now she knows.

ABC

New party.

New theme.

This time the theme isn’t black or white.

Dr. Seuss.

Or Saints and Sinners.

No, this time the theme is ABC.

Do you know what ABC is?

It’s ANYTHING BUT CLOTHING!

Which means I have to CONSTRUCT my outfit out of vinyl, plastic, cardboard, rubber, or anything non-fabric.

I’m at a loss.

My first thought was garbage bags:

I suppose you just “stitch” it together with duct tape?

Then I started thinking why not wear a BOX?

But then I realized that I’d need a pretty BIG box to feel like there’s any decent coverage of my lady parts.

So I scratched that idea.

Now I’m thinking that perhaps I could make a dress out of duct tape and a paper pattern.

Just lay tape down over the paper, cut and sew the “clothing.”

Some people have come up with some pretty clever designs.

But honestly, I’m thinking it might be fun to go shopping for a dress at a hardware store or a grocery store and see what I can come up with. . .

It’s raining fish!

A few friends and I took to the seas and went fishing this past weekend.

We were fishing for crab and rock cod.

Despite the fact that I kept getting called “sweetheart” by the deck manager, I had a GREAT time.

Getting up at 3:45 am is not ideal, but it allows you to catch sights like the sunrise over the city.

And the Golden Gate Bridge as seen from the water

It took us 3 hours to motor out past the Farallons to our fishing “hole.”

I literally dropped my line in the water and came out with a fish.

It was RAINING FISH.

In the end, after about 4 hours of fishing, I caught 10 fish – mostly medium size rock cod.

Some were olive colored, some were red, and others were bright yellow.

It was rather amazing to see the diversity.

One guy on our boat caught a behemoth!

The thing was over 2 feet long and must’ve weight a good 20 – 30 pounds.

On our way back home from fishing, we stopped and checked our crab pots and we’d caught enough crab for everyone on the boat to get two crabs each.

A deckhand was kind enough to give me two extra so I had 6 crabs, including Tejas’ crabs.

I took the crabs to the bait shack when we got back and left them to be cooked and cleaned.

And that’s when it happened.

Someone STOLE MY CRAB.

Just walked off with the bag of my cooked and cleaned crabs, leaving me with my worthless claim ticket.

But the guys cooking the crab took mercy on me and managed to get me 6 other crabs to take home.

So all is well that ends well.

Still.

Someone stole my catch!

Bad form!

BOOBS!

michelleYes, this is a(nother) post about boobs.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that her nickname is “Boobs.”

Not surprisingly, she has a very impressive rack.

When I first met her, she was wearing a skull corset that set off her assets to PERFECT display.

And the other day at her birthday party, a friend took a group photo then made a point of zooming in on her cleavage and showing the rest of the group how LOVELY it was.

They ooohed and aaahed over it.

I felt sort of awkward, sitting at a table with modestly endowed women modestly dressed, being one of the few women there with impressive cleavage and rather immodestly putting them on display.

The woman sitting across from me told me she’d kill to have boobs like my friend and I.

I started to picture all the ways in which having big boobs is an asset:

  • Sneaking booze into concerts
  • Stuffing money/lipstick in your bra
  • Hiding sushi when you’ve taken too much at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar
  • Talking your way out of speeding tickets
  • Filling out a bikini
  • And so much more. . .

Sure, they often come with a bigger butt and thicker thighs but overall, I LOVE my boobs.

They’re one of the few things I actually LOVE about my body.

So score one for the well-endowed.

And cheers to “Boobs” for inspiring her friends’ admiration and awe!

Campbell Santa Rampage

The Campbell Santa Rampage has come and gone, but it’s left a lasting impression in my memory.

Imagine a room FILLED with red Santa Clauses, the Ghost of Christmas Past, Elves, and (of course) reindeer.

I had an online meeting right before the Rampage, so I sat in my room, with my camera turned off and attended the meeting WHILE I PAINTED MY FACE LIKE A REINDEER.

Personally, I think it turned out pretty good!

All in all, I’d say about 60 – 100 people showed up and lit up downtown Campbell with cheer and good will.

We had a great little loop of restaurants, pubs, arcades, and clubs:

  1. Lvl Up Arcade
  2. Katie Blooms
  3. Khartoum
  4. Sushi Confidential (yummy sake bombs)
  5. Aqui (watch out for the swirls)
  6. Campbell Brewing Company
  7. Cardiff Lounge

I stuck to beer the whole time (with the exception of a few sake bombs) and I had a blast.

My son picked me up at the end and took me home to chill and enjoy all the pictures from the Rampage being posted to social media.

All in all, a GREAT time.

Can’t wait for next year!

Hiking Half Dome in Yosemite

Many MANY years ago, I hiked to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite with my friends Robin, Albert and Barry.

I figured I’d never be in better shape than I was then so I might as well complete the 18+ miles round trip hike and see the views from the top.

Me and my companions slept in and so we didn’t get a start up Half Dome until around 11 am.

Oh, was that LATE to start!

I remember as we made our way down the trail a mounted Park Ranger stopped her horse long enough to poke fun at us, “Nothing like an early start up Half Dome.”

Or some such nonsense.

Albert was not having any of her smart assery.

He mocked her for the next few miles.

Somewhere along the way, we lost Robin.

Her shoes weren’t gripping the terrain as well as they should have so she stopped at a rest area and read a book while the three of us kept on.

It was A LOT OF HIKING.

In retrospect, we DEFINITELY fell into the category of PEOPLE WHO HIKE HALF DOME TOTALLY UNPREPARED FOR IT.

It took damn near forever, but around 3 pm, we managed to reach the base of Half Dome.

If you’ve never been to Half Dome, THIS is what you see when you reach the base:

A rickety little “staircase” attached to the rock face, with periodic wood beams attached like stairs so you can rest securely on the rock.

One side of the ladder is people going up, the other side is people going down.

So don’t go thinking that you get the WHOLE ladder to yourself, now.

Albert blasted ahead, eager to get to the top.

I labored.

I’m not sure I would have made it up to the top at all if it hadn’t been for Barry who kept cheering me on and encouraging me to keep setting one foot ahead of the other.

Finally, Barry and I crested the ridge and arrived at the top of Half Dome.

This is us at the top:

The adventure didn’t end there.

Oh no.

By now, we were starving, having gone through our food and water, so we hightailed it back to Robin at the rest area and continued our climb down the mountain.

By the time we reached the valley floor, Albert’s knees had given out on him.

Even though it was a full moon, very little light reached us beneath the tall sequoias.

Fortunately, I brought one little rickety flashlight to guide us.

And EVENTUALLY we made it back to our car, back to our camp, and back to our lives.

It was QUITE the adventure and I’m so glad I did it.

I’m also infinitely thankful for Barry’s support getting up Half Dome.

Yes, we should’ve brought more food and water.

Yes, we were silly youngsters oblivious of the commitment it took to hike Half Dome.

But WE DID IT!