unSCruz 2018: Playground for adults

The thing about unSCruz is that it’s EXACTLY LIKE A PLAYGROUND FOR ADULTS.

All the things you wish existed out there in the world for you to enjoy exist within unSCruz.

Art.

Music.

Would you like to join in a cuddle puddle on a flying ship?

Done.

Take nude photos with a professional photographer?

You can have it.

Learn about kinks you never knew you had?

Wish granted!

Something that TOTALLY BLEW ME AWAY this year was the Rainbow Trike Track.

Basically someone built a mini tricycle track inside one of the warehouses at unSCruz and you could hop on one of the rainbow trikes (think Big Wheels for adults) and get squirrely on the track!

I know!

So much fun!

Open bars?

Yes please (though no outside alcohol is allowed in unSCruz)!

In my heart of hearts, my home away from home will always be Ali Bar Bar.

And they had a magnificent new marquee!

And of course, the best and sexiest bartenders!

unSCruz even had a BURN!

And it was a great burn because the man lit up beautifully but didn’t fall down for quite some time.

More blaze for everyone to enjoy!

All in all, quite the magnificent trip and so worth all the effort that went into planning and executing.

unSCruz 2018: Appreciations

All right.

The overwhelming story that emerges from unSCruz 2018 is one of community.

Despite the fact that we took up more space than we were alotted, we managed to squeeze everyone but the largest camper into our little plot of unSCruz real estate.

It was a beautiful thing to be living in community with so many wonderful, lovely people.

And of course when it was time to gift spankings and cookies to the crowds, everyone stepped up and played their part and we ran like a smooth well-oiled spanking and cookie baking machine.

I must give a shot out to all my campmates who really killed it food-wise for our Saturday potluck.

And then stuck around on Sunday to help tear down the camp, load my truck, and just generally being awesome people I loved spending my weekend with.

We had two women camping with us who were newbies to regional burns and they really rocked their outfits and spent time socializing with their camp mates.

I heart them for embracing the Burning Man culture, despite not having experienced a Burn.

And then there were the fabulous trio of men who complimented me and flirted with me ALL WEEKEND LONG.

They also were fabulous chefs and magnificent company the entire time.

And of course, who can forget the ladies, especially Marina who walked around in a tutu and bra and looked smashing!

Then there’s Yvette who gave out the MOST AMAZING HUGS and really made all of us feel loved and cared for.

GQ, who I swear is my brother from another mother, was a most excellent volunteer and really took on the role of helping out everyone in camp and in the larger community.

“MotherP” and Tejas deserve special kudos for looking after me (more on that later), and of course who can forget Dan and his girlfriend who really added color to the event and our camp.

I also have to thank Ned for bringing his hot tub and then soaking with me in it.

But no weekend recap would be complete without mentioning our fearless leader (and his lovely wife) who made the entire event possible by producing it with the incomparable Sass.

Without Twisty and Sass, there would be empty fairgrounds and no festival.

So much more to say, but for now, just thank yous all around and my unending appreciation for the extraordinary individuals whom they are!

Hugs and kisses for everyone!

Bra Fitting

Last Saturday, Barbara convinced me to go for a bra fitting at Nordstrom.

She lured me in with the promise of the best Taiwanese dim sum at Din Tai Fung.

They have a Michelin star.

And boy was the food awesome!

I licked my plate clean, I swear.

But on to the bra fitting.

I went into a fitting room with Debbie, my Nordstom bra fitter.

I got topless.

She pulled out her measuring tape and measured me. . .

. . .  and declared me to be a 38G.

Holy shit!

G?!

I didn’t even know that boobs could grow that big, let alone that they make bras that big!

All along I thought I was a D.  Perhaps a double D.

But Barbara knew better.

Debbie proceeded to find me bras and helped me try them on.

Odd being topless around a fully clothed stranger, but okay. . .

In the end, I bought one bra.

For $100!

Apparently well sized bras for big boobs don’t come cheap.

Homage to nudity

It’s a ONESIE WEEKEND for me.

First of all, Friday is a pub crawl/art exploration in downtown San Jose.

The theme is Smokey the Bear because it’s, you know, April 20th.

As in 4/20?

You get it.

So I’m wearing my bear onesie (which I ironically wore to the Onesie party LAST Friday).

Isn’t it the cutest?

We meet up at Ursa Mater – the 2017 Burning Man sculpture made out of cement and pennies.

Then Saturday is a housewarming/birthday party, also in San Jose.

It’s my “clothing optional” party.

The theme is MAGICAL CREATURES, which I LOVE!

Nothing like dressing up as a mythical creature to spice up the evening.

I fully intend to wear my unicorn onesie to the party.

Despite being very warm, they are quite comfortable and fun to socialize in.

I’m not going to get naked at the party (except in the hot tub) but I intend to pay homage to nudity everywhere by GOING NAKED UNDER ALL MY CLOTHES.

There you go.

YOLO

Finally!

I’m getting to work on a costume that ISN’T RELATED TO BURNING MAN.

I’m so excited!

It’s for the Beerhound group I’m a part of.

They’re doing a Sazerac Safari!

And my favorite cocktail?

SAZERAC!

And the theme???

You guessed it!

SAFARI!

I actually have nothing even REMOTELY safari-esque with the exception of some khaki cropped pants and an olive green jacket.

But I wanted A DRESS.

A safari dress.

With lots of pockets and a trim little belt.

And lo and behold, I FOUND IT!

Granted, I found a few dresses that were more suitable, but overall I’m pleased with this dress.

I have a nice belt to go with it.

And I bought a pith helmet, khaki boots and some accessories:

Just to be cheeky and to FULLY EMBRACE THE THEME.

Because I considered a nice, floppy, wide-brimmed hat instead, which I would get WAY MORE USE OUT OF.

But you know, YOLO!

Daddy

So I have this friend.

We’ll call him Hank.

And Hank is a very attractive man in his late 50s.

And we’re Facebook friends.

Yesterday, Hank sends me a video of him with a YOUNG girl, post “date,” with her giggling and jiggling her breasts while he sort of stands there awe struck.

WTF?! was my first reaction.

I shot off a quick response:

I hope you got a permission slip from her mother before you took her out!

Naturally, I want to look out for my friend and make sure he doesn’t get popped for statutory rape.

Honestly, I was a little afraid for him.

Turns out the girl is twenty two, so my fear was unfounded but I was a little stymied by the whole scenario.

When I was 22, I was having sex with 28 year old men.

Not 50-somethings.

Actually, when I was 22, I was a newlywed with a 28 year old husband and a half a million dollar mortgage.

I’ve always been precocious like that.

So forgive me if I seem confused but aren’t there people in her own age group who will sleep with her?

My mind instantly filled in the blank.

That thing we all want to say but aren’t.

The pink elephant in the room no one is talking about:

Daddy issues.

And Hank makes a SUPERLATIVE Daddy.

One man’s high. . .

In my life, I have handled all sorts of drunks.

The angry kind.

The physical kind.

The belligerent kind.

The happy kind.

The horny kind.

And everything in between.

If I had my pick, I’d choose to be around happy drunks.

Which is a reason why partying with Tejas is so damn fun.

He hits his limit and I’m left with what I would call one very happy drunk person.

He’s perfectly willing to follow my instructions to get dressed for bed, get into bed, and go to sleep.

Except this one time.

The best we can tell, Tejas got dosed by somebody with a drug neither of us was familiar with.

Instead of being his happy go lucky self, he started talking gibberish.

Religious nonsense.

And when I tried to get him to go to bed, he just sat in his chair and told me he would be going to bed in my bed.

I became very uncomfortable.

I walked up to the first couple I saw and told them I was scared.

The man went up to Tejas, suggested he go to bed, and then told me he thought he was okay and only needed to rest.

Later, Rangers came by and I even told them I was uncomfortable.

They assessed the situation, figured out that Tejas just needed to sleep off whatever was in his system as well, and they helped me get him to bed and followed up the next morning with a visit to our camp.

The next morning when we talked, Tejas recalled all the random drinks, jello shots, and cookies that he ate the previous night.

There’s no way to tell what really happened.

But this much is true – I was genuinely worried for him and I’ve certainly learned a valuable lesson.

One man’s high is another man’s nightmare!

Fluffles and Dazzles

I didn’t do much for the Pagan Bunny Burn.

I cooked meals.

I shuffled down the road at a VERY SLOW PACE while Tejas scootered next to me on his electric trike.

The one thing I did that was TONS OF FUN was the “pub crawl” known as the Zebra Stampede.

Basically, you get decked out in your best zebra suit, onesie, or cowboy hat and you pub crawl from one bar to another, drinking with friends.

Seeing as how it takes place from 3 – 5 pm, it’s nothing but DAY DRINKING.

Which is fun!

So I wandered aimlessly with the other zebras, drinking whatever was poured for me, and socializing with my friends.

I heard it told that a group of zebras is known as a DAZZLE of zebras, which I find incredibly entertaining.

And of course, a group of bunnies is known as a FLUFFLE.

And there were both at the bunny burn – fluffles and dazzles.

I love the PBB

The good news is that Tejas went to the bunny burn with me.

The bad news is that I got a ticket for driving 65 in a 70 mph zone. . .I was towing a trailer and the speed limit while towing is 55 mph.

So ugh!

The bunny burn in a word?

Cold.

And windy.

And occasionally wet.

But also?

Fun!

And creative!

And sometimes even a little bit inebriated.

I had a great time but boy was I happy to sleep in my own warm bed last night.

I LITERALLY put on a bunny onesie, two pairs of socks, a full length down jacket, and a knit beanie before I went to bed Saturday night at the bunny burn in order to try to stay warm.

The bunny burn was mellow, and except for a little drama Friday night between Tejas and I, the whole weekend went smoothly.

I spent most of my time chatting.

With Tejas, but also with new friends.

Like our neighbors who were so much fun to hang out with.

And friends of my dear friend Darren (of the crotch monster fame), a mother and daughter who were really cool.

So yes, I had a great time.

And no, I probably will not go again unless I have an RV.

It was too cold at night and I slept rather poorly.

But the company?

Couldn’t be beat!

And the entertainment was top notch!

I love the Pagan Bunny Burn!

Freak Out

It looks like Tejas’ electric tricycle is not going to arrive in time for the bunny burn.

In reaction to his disappointment, he called me and cancelled on me.

Sigh.

I’m not going to lie.

I FREAKED OUT!

There I was, receiving a delivery of food, marinating three different kinds of meat, and making homemade bohemian sauerkraut for bratwurst and he up and cancelled on me.

I was mad.

I was also very sad.

And feeling lonely.

There is literally no other person I can call to go camping with me.

It’s just Tejas.

I tried to imagine camping at the bunny burn all by myself.

Cooking for one.

Wandering from camp to camp, all by my lonely self.

But I didn’t have to imagine too hard because my first burn was EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

No one to do things with.

Making cheese quesadillas for one for every meal.

Even just thinking about it now I can feel a tightness seize my chest.

Of course, I DO know other people who are going to the bunny burn.

So perhaps I wouldn’t be as lonely as I worry I would be.

But still.

I had a whole different picture in my mind of what it was going to be like and now?

Now I’m not sure what’s going to happen.