Mother of boys

I got sick this week.

This is notable for one reason:

It was an “All exits, no waiting” scenario.

And since there’s only one toilet and the exits are on opposite ends of me, I RUINED the bathroom.

First time this ever happened to me.

My guess is that I either caught the norovirus or I got food poisoning.

From sushi.

How awful is that?

I can’t even look at a slice of sake without feeling sick to my stomach.

The good news is I survived and I’m back at work.

The bad news is that it feels like I’ve been hit by a train.

Body aches up the wazoo. . .

Or OUT the wazoo, as it is in my case.

The worst part of it all, besides ACTUALLY being sick, is that I had an audience.

Round one: My youngest son watched me clean the walls in the bathroom and then TOLD ALL HIS FRIENDS ABOUT IT. He has also taken to calling me “Poopy McPooperson.”  So there’s that.

Round two: My oldest son watched me throw up in a garbage can and proceeded to tell me that it was happening to me because I wouldn’t buy him a $45,000 sports car.

That’s the kind of sympathy you get when you’re the mother of boys.

You don’t mess with my shoes

I didn’t mind gaining a little weight.

My boobs got bigger. . .

My stomach got a little softer. . .

My curves for a little more curvier. . .

What’s not to love about a little weight gain?

Well, diabetes for one.

High cholesterol for another.

And thirdly there’s join pain.

None of those things are fun and all of them can lead to long term health implications.

Things I don’t want to deal with for sure.

Sure, I am still fun in the sack (at least I used to be before I started this damn sex diet), but I have to say I’m not thrilled with the side effects of weight gain.

Of course, I wasn’t thrilled with being labeled pre-diabetic.

And I wasn’t happy to have elevated cholesterol.

And finding out that I had high blood pressure wasn’t fun either.

But I wasn’t convinced I needed to go on a fucking diet until my shoes stopped fitting me.

Yes.

You can fuck with my cholesterol. You can fuck with my dress size. But the minute you fuck with my shoe collection YOU ARE OUT!