It’s the most wonderful time of the year

It’s my favorite time of year.

The time when I get to pick out presents for my loved ones and show them how much they mean to me.

This year, I’m focusing on my nephews – or The Littles as I call them.

Because my brother and I each had two sets of boys.

Mine are the BIG boys and his are the LITTLE boys.

Hence, The Littles.

It’s an easy way to distinguish between them when we’re discussing “the boys.”

This year, for Christmas I purchased two sets of white cotton pajamas.

Boring, plain old cotton pajamas.

Then I got a tie dye set from Amazon so that The Little can MAKE THEIR OWN PJS!

They love tie dye and I think they’ll enjoy working with all the colors to make something unique and handmade.

Every year, I always get them a personalized ornament with their names and the year and THEIR HALLOWEEN COSTUME.

My oldest nephew was the grim reaper:

My youngest nephew was a zombie from Minecraft:

It’s not easy finding their costume every year on an ornament.

Last year, my youngest nephew was Venom.

I had to commission a Venom ornament from etsy to complete his gift.

This year, I’m also getting something different – a ten inch “layer cake” of white fabric and fabric pens.

I noticed that both boys are really artistic and I thought wouldn’t it make a great gift for their mom (my best friend from 5th grade – yes, my brother married my best friend) to have them design fabric squares over the next few months that I can then make into a quilt for her?

I sure am crafty when it comes to presents and I hope The Littles enjoy what they get.

Boom!

I heard from The Swede!

Yes, it’s been weeks since we communicated and I was getting used to the silence when all of a sudden, WHAM!

He messaged me.

As it turns out, since Sweden is 9 hours ahead of California time-wise, it was Valentine’s Day in Sweden and so The Swede wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day.

Bold move, considering I posted for almost a week about how much I “hate” this holiday.

Truth is I don’t HATE this holiday, I HATE being single for this holiday.

It’s just another reminder that I am alone and unloved by a partner.

Great.  Just great.

I need a reminder of this like I need another hole in my head.

But they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

So I’m making the best of my situation and hanging with my family.

Honestly, time spent with loved ones is what this holiday should be all about – just like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

So I’m setting my supreme bitterness aside.

Despite the fact that smug coupled up people are posting right and left on Facebook to declare their undying love for their partners.

Really?

Must you?

You know what I want to post to Facebook?

Wanna know what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day?

Whatever I want.  I’m single!

Boom!

Just another way to bleed

I’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2015:

 

I’ve been thinking about Anti-Valentine’s Day and how it seems like a lot more fun than Valentine’s Day.

I took the liberty of putting together some swag for Anti-Valentine’s Day which I found incredibly entertaining.

Hope you enjoy…

 

image image

And of course what kind of holiday would it be if you didn’t have a glass to toast with?

imageBecause drinking is par for the course on Anti-Valentine’s Day.

imageBut don’t be too hard on yourself. Indulge in a little self love.

image Because don’t forget a little bitterness is in order.

image image
image image

And remember, you’re one bad ass bitch.

imageSo embrace your inner witch.

imageA broken heart isn’t the end of the world.

imageSo don’t go playing with one of these

imageAnd if all else fails…

imageHappy Fucking Valentine’s Day to you.

image“Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed” ~ Laurell Hamilton

Giving my heart away

I’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2016:

 

In retrospect, bringing glowing hearts necklaces and blinky heart pins to Cupid’s (Bar) Crawl in downtown Mountain View was one of the BEST IDEAS I’VE EVER HAD.

LED heart

The event organizers planned and advertised the event well and a butt load of people showed up in Valentine’s gear to celebrate.

One guest sewed his own “Sweet Heart” pants – he was literally covered in sweet hearts from the waist down.  Another guest wore white wings and a red dress and looked every bit the Lolita Cupid.  I think there was even a “Queen of Hearts” costume in there.

By and large, an incredibly creative crowd.

I got a ride to Krunch’s place.  I didn’t want to risk driving with a few beers in me.  I warned Krunch, “If you see a gin and tonic in my hand, SLAP IT AWAY!”

Here’s Krunch and I, waiting outside Molly Magees.

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Notice how I look so much taller than him?  Yes, that’s because I was wearing 8″ heels that LITERALLY HOBBLED ME by the end of the evening.

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You should’ve seen me trying to dance in those shoes, all the while my feet SCREAMING at me to CUT IT OUT!

So, I didn’t make it as long as I would have liked in the evening, but at least I left because I was hobbled, and not because I drank to much.

Folks, this is what I call PROGRESS!

Anti-Valentine’s Day Ideas

I’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2017:

 

I can’t tell you how HAPPY it makes me to embrace my bitterness and frustration and write these posts.

It’s cathartic!

I want to send all my single friends nasty little “VD sux” cards.

I want to wear a TOXIC LOVE sweatshirt to work with bitter little earrings and just wallow in anger and self-pity.

For once, I don’t want to be optimistic and positive and try to see my situation as temporary and enjoyable.

I just want to be mad.

Because on Valentine’s Day, being single SUCKS.

No one loves me.

Boo hoo!

av1The Boyfriend Pillow

 

av2Black Lollipops

av3Single AF Tank

 

av4Wine is my Valentine Glasses

av5Anti-VD Necklace

 

av6Anti-VD Earrings

av7Love is in the Air T-shirt

 

av8Happy Singles Awareness Day Card
av9Twat heart av10Cupcake Toppers

 

Valentine’s Day and the shit storm of social media

michelleI’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2017:

 

I’m bracing myself for it.

I know it’s going to come.

I’m going to log in to Facebook on February 14th and I’m going to be INUNDATED with people professing their love for their partners.

It’s going to be a real shit storm.

Now, I’ve got to be honest.

When you coupled-up people post how awesome your partner is and how much you love them on EVERY ANNIVERSARY, I throw up a little in my mouth.

Really?  Is that truly necessary?

Every fucking anniversary?

We get it.  You’re in love.

After all, you’re still together, right?

I just assume you think your partner is awesome and that you love them.  That’s the status quo folks.  You don’t need to post it.

It’s rather annoying, but okay.

Then Valentine’s Day hits and my Facebook feed is filled with declarations of love and. . .

OMG, can’t you just NOT!

You know what I want to hear?

I want to hear how much you love your partner when they give you their kidney when yours go bad.  Or when they stay up all night long watching over you because you are sick.  I want to hear that you love your partner when they drive 300 miles to pick you up because you got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere.  Or when they came and cleaned up your cat that got eaten by a coyote because you couldn’t bear to do it yourself.

But some trumped up, pink and red holiday sentiment just doesn’t do it for me.

Keep it real folks, that’s all I’m saying.

Just keep it real.

 

Anti-Valentine’s Day Playlist

av13

I’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2017:

 

Wanna know what I’m going to be listening to this Valentine’s Day?  A whole bunch of angry feminist pop music.

“Someone Like You” will slake my frustration over the one that got away.

“Irreplaceable” is perfect for that guy who left me for another woman WHILE I WAS HAVING A MISCARRIAGE.

“Survivor” is the perfect anthem for making me feel strong and empowered.

And of course there’s a little Judas Priest in there so I can really vent my anger over the DISASTER THAT IS INTERNET DATING.

  1. God, I Get It – K. Michelle
  2. Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
  3. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette
  4. Irreplaceable – Beyoncé
  5. Bulletproof – La Roux
  6. Never Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift
  7. The Heart Wants What it Wants – Selena Gomez
  8. Doing it Wrong – Drake
  9. Someone Like You – Adele
  10. Survivor – Destiny’s Child
  11. Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
  12. Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie
  13. “IDFWU” – Big Sean
  14. Love Hurts – Gram Parsons
  15. It Must Have Been Love – Roxette
  16. So Sick – Ne-Yo
  17. You Bowed Down – Elvis Costello & The Attractions
  18. Gives You Hell – The All-American Rejects
  19. Blow Me (One Last Kiss) – P!nk
  20. You Got Lucky – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
  21. These Boots Are Made For Walking – Nancy Sinatra
  22. You Had Me – Joss Stone
  23. I Will Survive – Cake
  24. Hit the Road Jack – Ray Charles
  25. F*ck You – Ce Lo Green
  26. Somebody that I Used to Know – Gotye
  27. I Kicked a Boy – The Sundays
  28. Love Stinks – J. Geils Band
  29. One is the Magic Number – Jill Scott
  30. Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac
  31. Ridin’ Solo – Jason Derulo
  32. No Scrubs – TLC
  33. Stronger – Britney Spears
  34. What the Hell – Avril Lavigne
  35. Dance Floor Anthem – Good Charlotte
  36. Single – Natasha Bedingfield
  37. Single Ladies – Beyoncé
  38. What Comes Around Goes Around – Justin Timberlake
  39. Cry Me a River – Justin Timberlake
  40. Survivor – Destiny’s Child
  41. Love the Way You Lie – Rhianna
  42. All of Me – John Legend
  43. Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus
  44. I’m Good, I’m Gone – Lykke Li
  45. Heartbeats – The Knife
  46. Love Bites – Judas Priest
  47. Fighter – Christina Aguilera
  48. Song for the Dumped – Ben Folds Five
  49. Here I go Again – Whitesnake
  50. Stronger – Kelly Clarkson

Single and AMAZING

I just realized.

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon.

That holiday is always a bit of a crap shoot for me.

Some years I like it.

Other years I DESPISE it!

This year, I’m feeling slightly ambivalent with a slight lean towards “FUCK THIS FUCKING HOLIDAY.”

Yes, it’s because I’m single and I have no one to celebrate romantic love with.

But I sure have a lot of people I love who I can celebrate.

So Valentine’s Day doesn’t TOTALLY suck the BIG ONE.

This year I’m going on a pub crawl for Valentine’s Day.

Table for Onesie is a progressive through the streets of Campbell where people dressed in onesies drown their sorrows in booze.

PERFECT!

Sign me up for THAT!

I’ll be in my jungle monkey onesie:

Perhaps underneath I’ll wear these broken heart nipple pasties.

Although for aforementioned reasons, OBVIOUSLY no one will see them.

I thought about wearing my TOXIC LOVE sweatshirt, which I’ve worn in protest in the past.

But in the end, I just LOVE the monkey suit.

If you’re in the same boat as me this Valentine’s Day, consider getting a group of friends together to celebrate this stupid fucking holiday with a shit ton of booze.

And never forget. . .

Even though you’re single, you’re still AWAZING!

 

 

Glorious Holidays

I had eighteen days off over the holidays.

You may wonder, what does a person do with almost three whole weeks off?

Well, the answer is I SLEPT.

I slept A LOT.

I also visited friends during the holidays.

I played Cards Against Humanity and I laughed until I need my pants (but just a little).

What can I say, I’ve given birth three times and my sphincter just isn’t what it used to be.

Sigh.

I also spent a lot of time watching NCIS.

I’m up to season 8 in a 16 season TV series.

Sadly, I didn’t get to see The Swede.

But this is the way things go when you live 5,327 miles apart.

I did EXACTLY what I said and I binge watched TV while quilting.

And guess what?

I made THIS!

I spent some good quality time with my boys before I said goodbye to my oldest son as he left for Army boot camp in Missouri.

My youngest son got his driver’s license.

I sat naked in a hot tub and soaked under the stars.

Sure, I was alone but oh, well.

That’s someone else’s loss 😉

It was a GLORIOUS holiday and one I will treasure forever.