Santa Con 2018

I’ve decided, as I do every year, to get a new costume for Santa Con 2018.

I’ve been a Santa babe, Mrs. Claus, and The Grinch.

This year I’m going to be a reindeer.

I have a pair of reindeer leggings that would be PERFECT for just such an occasion.

Honestly, when ELSE can you wear REINDEER leggings, if not to a Santa Con?

I have reindeer antlers, which I MIGHT just decorate with LED string lights (it all depends if I can find the lights).

And I have a nice long red reindeer sweater, which I think is sufficiently festive for the occasion.

The thing about it is, as much as I like the idea of being a reindeer, I’m not exactly “authentic” for Santa Con.

The purists would say dress up like Santa or stay home.

But my interpretation is much looser and I believe that a pseudo-reindeer is an appropriate outfit for this Santa Con.

Just to make it more believable, and to FULLY COMMIT to the costume, I’ve been searching for a deer makeup tutorial I can use to make myself LOOK LIKE A DEER.

Ha ha, I know!

But there are deer makeup tutorials out there and this is the one I like:

So there you have it – my FOURTH SANTA CON and my FOURTH CHRISTMAS COSTUME.

Hope you like it!

I’ll take a bunch of pictures!

Priceless Memories

If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, then it comes as no surprise to you that I LOVE CHRISTMAS.

The holidays just fill me with happiness and cheer.

I once fell in love with a man over the Christmas holiday season and although the relationship didn’t last, that feeling of awe and good will lingers.

I took my Christmas card pictures in May.

I ordered my cards in September.

I purchased all my gifts in October and November.

And now everything is wrapped and I am READY TO CELEBRATE.

Bring on VACATION!

My favorite thing is to watch the holiday decorations get set up at my parent’s house.

One decoration that never ceases to amaze me is my mom’s Mr. Christmas Santa’s Grand Marching Band.

Five little Santas holding two brass bells each strike their bells in time to make Christmas music.

It’s just beautiful.

The entire unit plays 25 Christmas carols from Silent Night to Silver Bells.

I bought this musical toy for my mom in Capitola at a gift shop while out with my Christmas boyfriend in 2009.

We were strolling through shops, just looking at things when the Grand Marching Band caught my eye.

You can hang it on your Christmas tree OR set it up on a table or mantle.

It’s very versatile.

Sadly, my mom has stored the Grand Marching Band in a location that we can’t seem to find and so last Christmas I didn’t get to hear Santa’s little bells ring.

This year I am determined to find it or else replace it with a new one.

However, Santa’s Grand Marching Band has become somewhat of a collector’s item which means if I don’t locate my mom’s, I’ll have to buy one from $150 – $300.

You can imagine I’m going to search FAR AND WIDE for the one we’ve misplaced.

But if I don’t find it, I love it enough to not be too heartbroken to have to pay to replace it.

Mr. Christmas Santa’s Grand Marching Band – $150

Christmas memories with chiming bells – PRICELESS

 

I’m a millionaire

Mother’s Day is coming up!

I just realized this.

Which means I have to get something for my mom, my birthmom, stepmom and my grandma.

I am thinking I’ll get some really beautiful handmade cards for each of them.

I’m sort of in love with these POP UP cards from ScrappyTailsCrafts on Etsy:

Aren’t they just BEAUTIFUL?!

Just like my moms, my stepmom and my grandma!

And I always try to do something special for my friend Barbara, whose mother passed away a few years ago (and on my birthday).

I know she keenly feels the loss, and Mother’s Day just exacerbates it.

Usually I send flowers, and I’m thinking this year I’ll send something a little different.

Like a cookie bouquet!

A tasty treat for my dear friend.

As always, Mother’s Day makes me realize how many SPECTACULAR WOMEN I have in my life, not just my mothers, but also my sisters, aunts, and friends.

I believe you can measure the happiness in your life by the number of really close female relationships you have.

And in that respect, I’m a millionaire!

Anti Valentine’s Day 2018

Ok, so every year around Valentine’s Day I post links to etsy Anti-Valentine’s Day gift ideas and this year will be no different.

Fuck Valentine’s Day banner – I blog my hatred of Valentine’s Day, you can hang a banner.

Ah ha ha ha – perfect card for me to send to my sister, or for my sister to send to me.

Anti-Valentine’s Day cookies – for my snarky 16 year old to pass out to his friends.

Love is in the Air tank top – better stop breathing!

An Anti-Valentines’ Day mug – about as romantic as I could get for this fucking disaster of a holiday.

Oh yes, the CLASSIC “Cupid rhymes with stupid” tee – so you can broadcast what you really feel.

Fuck off necklace – don’t you just love the profanity of it? You can’t say it doesn’t send a message.

Ah, well I love tasteless cards, and this is one of them.

Another card I’d like to send to my ex.

Pins for Single Awareness Day – don’t be afraid to show the world what you think.

The best part of Valentine’s Day? An excuse to drink excessively and drown your frustrations.

And last, a bandana which I would put on my dog if I had one but oh yeah, she died and now not even my dog is there to love me. Tears!

What I love about Valentine’s Day

I don’t 100% HATE Valentine’s Day.

Although I should.

There’s something about a day where you can tell people you love them that just tugs at my heart strings.

After all, I have two teenage boys whom I adore to pieces.

Always my babies.

And since they’re usually adverse to me hugging, kissing, and snuggling them, Valentine’s Day is a good day to GUILT TRIP them into letting me do it.

This year, I got them each a funny card:

And since Duncan’s hobby is gaming, I got him THIS shirt:

Which I think he has more than enough attitude to wear when he’s out and about.

Gavin, on the other hand, is the daddy to two parakeets – Ross and Smokey.

They are his pride and joy, to say the least.

So I got him this colorful parakeet tee shirt, which I think he will like.

As much effort as I put into training the boys to remember to get me cards or presents on holidays, I think that I will be forgotten this year.

I’m not expecting to get anything from them. . .

. . .unless I HOUND them.

And that’s a possibility since I’m doing a piss poor job of teaching them to remember their loved ones on special occasions.

Nobody loves me

Valentine’s Day is creeping up on me like a bad toe fungus and I find myself in the uncomfortable position once again of being single for a holiday that celebrates couplehood.

I can practically feel the bile rising in my throat when I think of all the sugary sweet sentiments that will be posted onto Facebook for couples celebrating being a couple.

It’s downright nauseating.

Of all the holidays, this is my LEAST favorite.

I can dress up for Halloween.

I can buy gifts for Christmas.

I can cook a ham for Easter.

Eat Mexican food on Cinco de Mayo.

All of these holidays are easy to participate in.

But not so much Valentine’s Day.

And there’s nothing I dislike more than feeling LEFT OUT.

But left out is what I am.

I am reminded of a song a gentleman sang for me in college:

“Nobody love me.

Nobody cares.

Nobody feeds me peaches and pears.”

So, you have been forewarned to expect quite a bit of sass out of me as this holiday approaches.

Because I’m sure as hell not pleased that (yet again) I must survive another fucking Valentine’s Day ALONE.

Thanks for the goddamn reminder!

Deck the f*cking halls!

Barbara has great bosses.

Last year they got her tickets to a SF 49ers game and SHE TOOK ME!

This year they bought her tickets to Cirque Musica – circus acts set to a full orchestra playing holiday music – and SHE TOOK ME!

I’m not quite sure what the best part of the evening was – watching Barbara laugh silently when two men, gilded in gold body paint and wearing nothing but golden speedos took the stage and performed poses with blatant homoerotic overtones.

I swear I thought she was going to fall out of her chair she was laughing so hard she was shaking.

Or –

Watching a circus performer balance shit on his face.

We’re not talking little things like chairs and balls.

NO!

He balanced an entire Christmas tree, a full size ladder, and a table on his chin.

It was truly a WTF moment.

ladderThis is the face I was making the ENTIRE time he was performing:

michelleAs it turns out, having an orchestra SHARE THE STAGE with circus performers is very stressful.

I kept worrying that the circus performers were GOING TO CRASH into the orchestra.

Barbara was worried they were going to crash into us!

In the end, we all survived and I learned a valuable lesson: balancing shit on your chin is a viable career choice.

Deck the fucking halls and fa la la!