#MeToo

A few days ago, I posted #MeToo as my Facebook status to show my friends and family that I had survived sexual assault.

What was a little unexpected to me was the total deluge of women (and some men) admitting that they too had experienced sexual assault.

The first sexual assault that I can remember happened in 7th grade when I was 12 years old.

I was with my mom shopping in Payless. I was in the toy aisle, looking at toys.

I was wearing my school uniform – a blue and green plaid skirt, a white peter pan collar short sleeve blouse, white knee socks, and comfortable shoes.

My mom was elsewhere in the store when a man moved past me and as he did, I felt something brush my butt.

It almost seemed innocent, at the time.

I thought for sure I was making things up.

But just to be safe, I moved to another aisle, away from the man.

As I was looking at merchandise, the man came down my aisle and THIS TIME HE STOPPED, REACHED UNDER MY SKIRT, AND GRABBED ME BETWEEN MY LEGS.

In the pit of my stomach I knew this was wrong, just like I now knew the earlier touch had been intentional.

I should have screamed. Yelled. Pointed my finger at him and shamed him.

But I was little.

And scared.

I only told my mom what happened when we were safely at home away from the man.

The last time I was sexually assaulted was when I was out to dinner with my kids.

We were eating at Fresh Choice, and I was carrying two trays with food – one for my boys and one for me.

A busboy offered to help me with a tray.

When he reached for the tray, his hand rubbed slowly against my breast.

That sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach started to bubble up again.

I sat down immediately, trying to calm myself.

Feeling tears coming on.

When he set the tray down on the table, he brushed my breast AGAIN WITH HIS FUCKING HAND, and I nearly came undone.

This time, I’m happy to say I reported him to the staff at Fresh Choice AND to the Campbell Police Department.

Since it was a he-said-she-said case, the District Attorney opted to not prosecute, but at least I started (continued?) the paper trail on this predator.

In the 30 some years that transpired between these two incidents, there have been countless others – friends of my sister’s boyfriends who thought I was there for their pleasure, strangers in bars who liked how I looked and wanted to touch me, predators who offered to take my photo but turned it into something else, etc.

I’m proud I fought back as an adult woman but I have to admit, whenever I get sexually assaulted, my initial reaction is ALWAYS the same.

A sick feeling followed swiftly by fear and the urge to get as far away from the predator as I possibly can.

I’m still 12 years old.

Broken heart

A month ago I suffered a loss in my life of a relationship that meant a lot to me. With a person I thought very highly of.

Recently that loss was compounded and my heart was ripped open to bleed and hemorrhage all over again.

I’d like to say I handled it like a lady and quietly mourned my losses. But I didn’t.

I turned (understandably) into a bitch and lashed out at the source of my suffering.

I’ve since calmed the fuck down and am now able to slowly recover from my trauma, in the best way I know how…

…by perusing Pinterest for broken heart quotes and picking my favorites for this post.

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Just another way to bleed, reposted

I’ve been thinking about Anti-Valentine’s Day and how it seems like a lot more fun than Valentine’s Day.

I took the liberty of putting together some swag for Anti-Valentine’s Day which I found incredibly entertaining.

Hope you enjoy…

 

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 And of course what kind of holiday would it be if you didn’t have a glass to toast with?

imageBecause drinking is par for the course on Anti-Valentine’s Day.

imageBut don’t be too hard on yourself. Indulge in a little self love.

image Because don’t forget a little bitterness is in order.

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 And remember, you’re one bad ass bitch.

imageSo embrace your inner witch.

imageA broken heart isn’t the end of the world.

imageSo don’t go playing with one of these

imageAnd if all else fails…

imageHappy Fucking Valentine’s Day to you.

image“Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed” ~ Laurell Hamilton

Things you don’t know you don’t know

IMG_7299I’ve been having some health issues lately.

Nothing big, I hope, just a random cluster of symptoms that could mean I’m going into heart, liver, or kidney failure.

It could also be nothing more than a health issue that lifestyle changes will fix.

Cut back on the drinking, get more exercise, lower my salt intake, etc.

My doctor, after commiserating with me over my symptoms, prescribed a course of Lasix to rid my body of the excess water.

This is all well and good but genius that I am, I took the Lasix BEFORE bed and THEN SPENT THE REST OF THE NIGHT GOING TO THE BATHROOM!

So I’m just making a mental note for next time…

DO NOT TAKE LASIX BEFORE BEDTIME UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE UP ALL NIGHT!

Thank God

Dear God,

Thank you for birth control. I’m pretty certain without it I would be a cranky old hag with tits on her knees and 2 dozen kids. The desire to buy sexy lingerie and costumes is strong within me. And when I’m with a man who desires to rip it off me in 10 seconds while I laugh and try desperately to keep it on for another 30 seconds, that is a recipe for babymaking.

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And I really want to avoid the baby part of that equation.

So thanks for the homonal regulation and for making it possible for me to go near a penis.

Most devotedly yours,

Michelle

P.S. I’m not sure why I was able to walk 13.1 miles with minimal discomfort in the past and then got two huge blisters when I walked the dog a mile today. You certainly do work in mysterious ways.

Birth control!!!

72084bf4937cd6d775193a5a0fbc745aI need birth control. And LOTS of it!

I took one look at his big bare chest and his sexy smile and realized I was in deep.

His wolverine swimmers could find a way to impregnate me if you drove them in circles, dropped them off in the Australian Outback in a teaspoon of water surrounded by saltwater crocodiles and challenged them to find my egg.

They should hang a large warning sign around his waist that says, “For God’s sake woman, proceed only with extreme caution and an overabundance of birthcontrol!”

Hiking in the rain with a bum foot, continued

Well, let me tell you, even in the rain, the hike at Ano Nuevo State Park is Ah-Mazing.

Yes, the rain comes in sideways and gets your face all wet.

Yes, you have to walk in between scary HUGE bull (male) elephant seals with large floppy noses.

Yes, the bulls roar and sound like lions (OMG).

Yes, you’re not allowed to make eye contact with the bulls for fear they will charge.

But overall, and in sum, it was a grand adventure!

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It was all great fun but by far the most adventurous thing I did while out on this hike was eat TOFURKEY at the picnic afterwards.  Kinda like smoke flavored cardboard, it was pretty disgusting but I managed to eat the whole thing, just to be sure I hated it.

Yes, I hated it.

So there you have it.  Elephant seals at Ano Nuevo SP = good.  Tofurkey = bad.

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Hiking in the rain with a bum foot

I am sitting in my car at Ano Nuevo State Park waiting to go on a guided hike to see the elephant seals. It is pouring down rain. And even though I am wearing waterproof clothes, I can’t imagine staying dry in this weather.

I originally signed up in order to be more adventurous. The group I am going with – San Francisco Outdoor Adventure Club is a great organization I have gone rafting, kayaking and hiking with.

And although I fully intend to do this hike no matter what (even with my janky foot), I just have to ask myself….what are you thinking?!

Did I mention there are rivers of water running through the parking lot?