Poor impulse control

I’m of Norwegian descent.

Bear with me.

There’s a reason I’m telling you this.

As a plus size woman of Norwegian descent, I’m always looking for examples of my bodies on other people.

You know this, ladies.

Do we or do we not get a little thrill when we come across someone who shares our size and shape?

So there I am, browsing Instagram when this plus model pops up in my stream:

And I HAPPEN to notice that she’s Norwegian.

And there’s something about her, even though I’m blond and she’s brunette, that reminds me of myself.

So I follow her.

I also happen to notice that she’s wearing a really sexy cherub/angel print mesh dress which I think will make a lovely sexy nightie, should I EVER have the occasion of needing a nightie to impress upon a man that I’m quite sexy.


And here I sit, one hour later totally regretting the purchase.

Because the last thing I need is another nightie to stuff into one of the seven already overflowing drawers that I have.

All because of a cute Norwegian girl.

Like me.

A little something

Sometimes, I write a post just to keep track of a link.

Yes, I know there’s bookmarks.

And Pinterest.

But there’s something about organizing a potential future purchase on my blog that makes me ALMOST feel like I’ve bought the product.

This is one of those THINGS:

Yes folks, this is FISHNET lingerie and I WANT SOME!

In fact, I really want some.

Even though it’s transparent, expensive, and oh-so-naughty!

I think it’s cut beautifully in a very forgiving way that will look spectacular on a multitude of body types.

So I’m putting the link here,

Just in case any of you want to buy one for yourself or for someone special. . .

Feel free to poach

Honestly, when I decided to do a boudoir photo shoot in 2014, I impressed myself.

I did it not because there was some man I wanted to impress, no.

I did it because my initial reaction to seeing the boudoir photoshoot advertisement was “HELL NO!”

Then I paused and realized I didn’t want fear to hold me back.

So I signed myself up.

It was my BIG ADVENTURE of 2014.

Incidentally, Burning Man was my big adventure of 2015 and it BLEW MY BOUDOIR PHOTO SHOOT OUT OF THE WATER!

So today I cleaned one of my lingerie drawers and I came across PILES of lingerie I bought for my photo shoot.

So I did what any hot blooded American woman would do. . .

I put on my boudoir playlist on Spotify and listened to songs like:

Ooh La La by Goldfrapp

Red Riding Hood by Elysian Fields

Glory Box by Portishead

And the quintessential strip tune (thanks to Kim Basinger in Nine and a Half Weeks) You Can Leave Your Hat On by Joe Cocker.

I mean, what’s not to like about a man who can sing AND has a last name of Cocker?!

So here it is, in all its glory – MY BOUDOIR PLAYLIST.

Feel free to poach songs for your own photo shoot.

Mini Lingerie Haul

How long has it been since I had a LINGERIE HAUL?

It’s been a while, that’s how long.

My last haul was a bunch of lingerie for my boudoir photo shoot in 2014.

SIX YEARS of restraint and moderation!

Well, that went out the window today.

Basically SOMEONE (and I’m not saying who) is seeing me naked and (you know me) I want to be slowly stripped of my sexy lingerie piece by piece.

I fell in love with this yellow set but couldn’t justify the $100 price tag on it:

So I did a search for yellow lingerie and I came across this lovely set for a quarter of the price:

I also picked up a lingerie set in red:

And a white bra (since my current favorite white bra is looking a little grey from all the washings):

I did find the lovely neon pink lingerie set which I wanted to buy but since it’s a PUSH UP bra, the largest cup size it comes in is a C-cup!

Imagine me stuffing my G’s into a C-cup!

I think not.

So there you have it. . .

. . . a mini lingerie haul for me to thrill my partner.

Taste the rainbow

Valentine’s Day has got me all hot and bothered.

But not for a date.


I’m binging on lingerie AGAIN, because I haven’t bought any in such a long time so in typical fashion I am TOTALLY throwing myself into it.

Today I shopped the rainbow of lingerie:


Oh, shopping for lingerie is SO DANGEROUS!

I’m sorely tempted to buy a shit ton of lingerie to wear to Burning Man.

Because my fellow burners really need to see me rocking boyshorts and a matching bralette.


Which ones should I collect?

Lingerie for Valentine’s Day

Despite my obvious hostility towards Valentine’s Day, I would never let the opportunity pass me to buy a little bit of lingerie.

Under my onesie for the Valentine’s Day Pub Crawl, should I wear:

1.  This hot little red number?

2.  This sexy black teddy?

3.  This SUPER sexy chemise?

4.  This blood red babydoll?

5.  Dunno what this is, but it’s hawt!

6.  This sultry number?

7.  An oxblood-colored nightdress (who needs sleep)?

8.  Red AND black, the best of both worlds?

9.  A strappy little black teddy with garters?

10.  Classic red and black bra, panties and matching garter belt?

11.  Nippies, and nothing else?

12. A heavenly little bohemian number?

What do you think I should wear (just in case I get lucky)?

Boudoir Reflections

I’m a big believer that if you want to make a change, you have to push yourself outside your comfort zone. Wanting change means that you want something different than what you have right now. But you’ll never get anything different unless you do something different.

For me, doing something different began three months ago when a Groupon for a Boudoir Photography Session landed in my inbox.

“No bloody way,” I told myself as I instantly thought of all my body issues. Then I paused.

How I feel about my body is one of the things I want to change about myself. So in spite of my fear and self-loathing, I decided to purchase it.

As usual, I put WAY too much thought into this activity. And WAY too much money. The process of prepping for my photo shoot was long and drawn out (Part 1, Part 2, Freak Out, Boudoir 1, Boudoir 2, Boudoir 3, Boudoir 4, Boudoir 5, Boudoir 6).  But it was also a lot of fun.

I loved looking at other women’s boudoir photos.  I loved shopping for lingerie, jewelry, and shoes.  It was fun to check out hair and makeup on Pinterest.

But all the time, I kept wondering if I was going to chicken out.  Could I go through with it?  Had I not invested so much money in this activity, I might have skipped out on it.  But I was financially committed, and that was good enough for me.

I learned a lot about myself during my photo shoot.  To begin with, I was very good at asking for what I wanted.  I’d done my research, I knew what I wanted.  Even standing in a room with naught but my underwear on, I was able to tell the photographer EXACTLY what I expected.  Kudos to me.

I also discovered that it’s okay to do it your own way.  You don’t have to do it the way others do it.  When I first started researching boudoir poses on Pinterest, it seemed every woman was a size 2 wearing a thong and a push up bra with thigh-highs, sky-high hair, and heavy makeup.  That wasn’t me.  I wanted to be dressed down and ready for bed.  And that’s how I posed.  Yes, it made for a lot of nudity but I enjoyed taking it off for the camera.

Not surprisingly, I got in touch with my sexy side.  Now granted, she’s not that far away at any given time, but for my photo shoot, my inner vixen came out in full force.  I used to avoid looking at my body in the mirror, and during the photo shoot, I stared at my body in the mirror.  Definitely bodacious!  Now I’m not saying I’ve been cured of my body dysmorphia, but I can say I take it all with a grain of salt now.

My final lesson was a lesson in limits.  I learned that a self-limiting belief is only limiting until you LET IT GO.  The old story I told myself was that I don’t look good naked – my legs are too thick, my butt is too big, and my stomach is too soft.  I have constantly restricted my clothes and my activities in order to “hide” these flaws.  But there I was at my boudoir photo shoot, putting them all on display for the camera.  Suddenly, those “thick” legs felt strong and powerful.  My “big” butt looked appealing, and my “soft” stomach felt womanly.  I felt gloriously sensual, sexy, and all-woman.


So my parting words of advice to all the ladies out there are:  Book your own boudoir session.  You won’t regret it.

And also?  If I can get naked and post pictures to the internet, then you can definitely take whatever that first step is toward changing your own story.

Me and Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret is waging a war to get me to spend my hard earned dollar bills on their crappy Chinese clothing.

They keep dangling a “Free $10 when you purchase $50” discount in my face everywhere. . .

. . .in my inbox, on Facebook – why they’re even tracking me in AdChoice.

Truthfully, I do look at Victoria’s Secret, despite the fact that I think they’re lingerie is shit and their clothing is cheaply made.

Also, nothing they make is in a size that will fit me.


I look at Victoria’s Secret because I was once young too, and I still remember what it was like to have a young, nubile body that didn’t creak every time I blinked.

The Victoria’s Secret models are so beautiful.

It’s like looking at a shiny thing that with time, will dim and tarnish but still retains a little of that awe from when you first saw it.

Picture this:

It’s GORGEOUS strappy black lingerie, sold by Victoria’s Secret.

Something that you’ll slip into which will convey just that right amount of “I’m-a-dirty-girl-but-not-so-dirty-you-still-can’t-slip-a-ring-on-my-finger” attitude that you’ve been sporting lately.

But slipping into your lingerie feels more like trying to put on rubber panties and when you look in the mirror. . .

. . . you look like someone’s taken a hammer to a can of biscuits.

And it’s not looking so good for you.

Well. . . that’s me and Victoria’s Secret.


Don’t laugh

….at least don’t laugh harder than me!The lingerie I ordered online arrived in the mail just in time to mock my single status. If you could anthropomorphize a chemise or pee-a-boo babydoll, they would be sticking their tongues out at me, crossing their eyes, and yelling “neener neener neener!”

Here’s a snapshot of the lingerie (and red glitter heels which match my Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz outfit):


And this is what made me laugh so hard I almost cried. My uber-gorgeous lingerie with matching microscopic thongs (WTF!!!) didn’t come in wrapping paper. Or tissue. Or little silk bags like I get at the lingerie shop downtown.

No…. my lingerie came in BOXES! At first, I wondered why the hell they were sending me pornos!!!


So, FYI….Trashy.com for lingerie. You can find it all.

Panty Raid

I have a huge lingerie collection – upwards of 7 drawers full of bras, garter belts, panties, bustiers, corsets, stockings, bodysuits, and chemises.  And that’s not including the costumes…

It’s impressive, even by Victoria’s Secret standards.

Periodically, I run out of space in my bureaus and I have to pare down some of my collection.

The black panty with the red lace heart window and garters always stays.


As a woman, I have tiers of lingerie – levels of cotton, lace, and satin which increase in sexiness as you go up.  It’s a so-called pyramid of lingerie.

At the bottom of the pyramid is the period underwear.  These pairs are so bad that no one is allowed to see us in them.  They can sometimes be stained, occasionally stretched out, and definitely not anything you want to be caught dead in.  You wear these when you’re feeling gross and bloated.

The next level is the comfortable lingerie – these are your plain cotton panties, your Fruit-of-the-Looms, your gym underwear.  They’re your business underwear – all work, no play.  When you want to be comfortable you wear these.  Not necessarily meant to be seen in, but it’s not the end of the world if you are.  You’re not dressing to impress.

Up one tier we encounter the Fredericks of Hollywood and Victoria’s Secret lingerie.  This is your standard sexy lingerie which looks good on you but still eventually fades and semi falls apart because it was made in China.  Still, you remember when it was sexy so you keep wearing it.

Finally, you have your top tier lingerie – La Perla, Elle MacPherson, Agent Provocateur, Eberjey. and Faire Frou Frou.  These are your drop-the-jaw, shut-the-door, mama-and-daddy-are-getting-it-on lingerie.  They are the pieces that when we put then on we feel instantly sexy (and they hold up over the years because they were mad in Italy and France).

They are the pieces that when we put them on we feel instantly sexy.  Like a Pussycat Doll on a mission.  Not all of these pieces have to be expensive.  I have a hot pink slip from Target which makes me feel like Marilyn Monroe.

If you catch my in my top tier undies, chances are you’re getting lucky.

Just writing this makes want to go inventory my lingerie drawers and post pics of me and my favorites.

But since I’m away from home, I’ll have to be satisfied posting my boudoir photos again.

Yum yum.

P.S.  I have a small but impressive collection of vinyl that makes me understand the meaning of the word fetish on a cellular level…