What I’ve been scoping on the internet

I can relate:

This. . .

Yaaaasssss:

And have I mentioned how much I love Scott Eastwood (a fellow burner)?

I am like this dog:

Leaving you with a peaceful feeling:

Interesting Links

Things I’ve been eyeballing on the internet:

Cherry Blossom Tunnel in Japan from r/pics

This Winter Wonderland, like something out of Disney’s Frozen movie.

Dog with butterfly on it’s nose.  Too cute!

The Penis Extension Clinic – NSFW

Beautiful carved porcelain, oh how I want one!

Inside a hydrangea, who knew?!

Is she for real?  I’m not sure. . .

 

Blow Me Down

I love THIS German Shepherd quilt:

This made me giggle – Rock, paper, scissors. from r/funny

A very unusual buttplug

I want THIS top (and THOSE boobs):

 

This made me laugh my ass off!  What a cutie!

The PERFECT nude lip . . .

 

A brilliant and haunting performance:

 

El Pulpo and Skibidi:

 

God, don’t you love Oreos?

 

“Vanity is only a sin because a woman who believes she deserves good things is harder to commodify.” Glori B.

Internet Links

I don’t want to like this, but I do. . .

No one cared who I was… until I put on the mask from r/gifs

Everyone has a doppleganger.

This picture makes me so happy.

THIS clip is mesmerizing!

I want this purple-y shimmery goodness for my body:

Is she FOR REAL?  Oh my. . .

It’s like a DREAM COME TRUE:

Damn, I want this dress!

Tastes like ass tea infuser (LOL):

Scoping out the internet

Here’s the latest I’ve found entertaining on the internet:

Burried in puppies from r/Eyebleach

 

Resting Chonk:

 

The Louder the Monkey, the Smaller Its Balls, Study Finds (click image for article):

 

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch Rock Cover (gives me shivers):

 

For my camping friends, glow-in-the-dark tent ropes:

 

Kyle Larson’s wife shotguns a Busch heavy tallboy (in an evening gown!):

 

Normally, I’m not a pink person, but for some reason I love this ($60):

 

Must be in a pink mode because I ALSO LOVE THESE Willa earrings from Loren Hope ($198):

 

Nearly black succulent, takes my breath away ($10-$20):

Wanna surprise your lover?  Get a pair of panties with his face ALL OVER THEM ($20):

 

Eleven snacks pickle lovers should try, for my burner friends:

And FINALLY, I’ve got NO FUCKS LEFT TO GIVE:

Valentine’s Day Links

michelleI do this every year.  I get a wee bit sentimental and I start imagining that a whole day dedicated to love is a great and wonderful idea that doesn’t make single people feel unwanted and unloved.

So I post these links:

15 Free Valentine’s Day Printables [LINK]

25 Nerdy Valentine’s Day Cards [LINK]

Personalized lingerie [LINK]

A cute puppy in a bow tie (awwww) [LINK]

Because I couldn’t do any better if I did it myself:  Epic lingerie 2016 ed. [LINK]

Chocolate cocktails – because let’s face it, all those red, berry sweet Valentine’s cocktails are just too gross for words [LINK]

100 Ways to be Kinder [LINK]

Valentine’s Day pins, via Pinterest [LINK] and [LINK]

27 Cute Things to write your Valentine [LINK]

Top Chick Flicks to watch for Valentine’s Day, by decade [LINK]

12 Aphrodisiac Foods to eat for Hotter Sex [LINK]

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Her [LINK] for HIM [LINK] for your dog or cat [LINK]

DIY Heart Piñata [LINK]

Rewards that aren’t Food or Shopping [LINK]

 

 

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Funny Links

I could be too lazy to write a real post today -OR- I could be passively aggressively making a statement about the “7 Days of Love for your Spouse” shit show that my Facebook stream has become.

Your guess. . .

We get it, you’re married – The 10 Most Annoying Things Married People Do on Facebook via Cosmopolitan.

Either we’re getting old and grouchy or Facebook is becoming a lot less tolerable these days. Once we filter through pictures of baby’s first potty training and epic love poems of the newly engaged, we’re left with political diatribes and spam — and yes, all of it from our “friends.” – 20 Things Your Most Annoying Friends Do on Facebook via Mashable.

I STRAIGHT UP HAVE NO IDEA HOW PORCUPINES FUCK EACH OTHER – The 85 Funniest Tweets of All Time via BuzzFeed.

I love being served up a small cup of organic ethically sourced java by a truculent yet terrible poet wearing a fedora and to pay eight dollars for the privilege, but I fully acknowledge that the whole thing is the racket – Dick Lattes Are A Thing Now If You Like Foamy Penises On Your Coffee via Your Tango.

Journalism at it’s finest – The Sex Playlist for the Girl on Top via Marie Claire (quite possibly the ZENITH of journalistic writing, no?).

Sex is like pizza. Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty decent – 10 Annoying Things You Do During Sex via Men’s Health.

Recommended links

A guy made breakfast for his gf in bed.  For once, she was amused.

This banner is awesome.  So is this balloon.

The best crappy breakup letters on the internet.

This couple in 1975.

Klaus Kampert photography (NSFW)

Cards Against the Realm – when Cards Against Humanity collides with Game of Thrones.

Philip Seymour Hoffman on happiness (video).

45 Things Better Than Having a Boyfriend

The Viper vs The Mountain, an alternate ending.  Awesome.

Provocative links

1.  30 Sexual fantasies everyone should try [LINK]

2.  Feel better on a bad boob day (NSFW – pictures of real boobs) [LINK]

3.  Rules for having a great one night stand [LINK]

4.  HILARIOUS!  26 Things we learned about sex and love from 90s bands [LINK]

5.  Movies with unsimulated sex (“Lie with Me” is my fav) [LINK]

6.  34 GIFs that sum up your first sexual experience [LINK]

The post where his weenie gets shocked

Somewhere between arriving in Vegas and leaving Vegas, my ex boyfriend Jason and I went on a little teeny weeny shopping spree. It was Vegas after all and in between the Forum Shops and The Wynn we started feeling a little frisky. And a lingerie shop at The Wynn was just calling our name….

Jay got me this lingerie set (in black) and then we started to notice all the accoutrements around the store.

I bought the “Tickle His Pickle” book.

And the double ended whip….

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And THEN we bought this. (WARNING: Not work appropriate)

Then we rushed back to our hotel room to… you know… USE IT!

He slipped it on, We fooled around and at the absolute worst moment possible, the damn thing actually …

SHOCKED THE SH*T OUT OF HIM!

No. I’m not kidding. He got shocked right on his you-know-what!!! But first he was a trooper and tried to keep going because… you know… I was close.

In any case, afterwards we read the directions and low and behold we discover that the condom included in the package isn’t a suggestion, it’s a requirement.

SO YOU DON’T GET THE SH*T SHOCKED OUT OF YOU!

For the rest of our trip, Jason had a post traumatic stress reaction when I said, “ZZZzzzzzzztttttt!”

And we took this lovely photo of me to symbolize our brush with the HALF ORGASM (yes, that’s me holding up 3 1/2 fingers –  what can I say, it was a great vacation):

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