The one where she does a strip tease to “Freedom”

Apparently, I like the song “Freedom” by George Michael a lot.

And by a lot I mean A LOT!

There I am, sipping my cocktail at Ali Bar Bar on Friday night when the song “Freedom” starts to play over the speakers.

Instantly, I am transformed into STRIPPER MODE.

I start grinding my hips, lifting up my shirt, and lip synching the words:

“Well it looks like the road to heaven
But it feels like the road to hell
When I knew which side my bread was buttered
I took the knife as well
Posing for another picture
Everybody’s got to sell
But when you shake your ass
They notice fast
And some mistakes were built to last”

All for the viewing pleasure of The Swede.

I even grabbed the Viking helmet off his head and wore it myself.

Oh my!

We might have made out a little too.

Okay, we might have made out A LOT!

I’m not sure what The Swede thought of my amateur performance, but I can tell you one thing:

I sure did get hella lucky that night!


I finally saw Hamilton at the Orpheum Theater in San Francisco last week.

How was it?

In a word. . .


Totally worthy of the instant and robust standing ovation it received.

The thing about Hamilton is that it is so perfect, so extraordinary, so amazing that it ALMOST SEEMS MAGICAL.

As in the inspiration for this musical to exist surely must’ve come from a higher power, so incredible it is.

I went with Barbara.

Barbara, who listened to the ENTIRE UNABRIDGED biography of Alexander Hamilton over the last three weeks BEFORE we went to see Hamilton.

Barbara, who listened to the Hamilton soundtrack so many times she memorized all the words.

Barbara, who brought a box of tissues to the musical because SHE KNEW SHE’D BE EMOTIONAL.

From the first note, I was captivated.

Sitting on the edge of my seat.

I loved it from start to finish.

And now, even I am singing the songs to myself as I go about my day.

“How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by providence, impoverished, in squalor grow up to be a hero and a scholar?”



And as Barbara puts it, “worth selling a kidney to get the money to see it.”


The post where I wear a lobster in my hair

This past weekend I went to the Salvador Dali Anti Valentine’s Day Arti Parti with Barbara.

fullsizerender1I showed up wearing black leggings and a Toxic Love sweatshirt.

I also had a lobster on my head because, you know, who doesn’t wear a lobster on their head for a Dali Arti Parti?

fullsizerenderTejas and his lady love Yvonne showed up to the party all dressed up as well and Tejas took this lovely photo of me:

img_0971Could I look any worse?

Honestly, it’s SO BAD it’s good.

All that’s missing is a beer in my hand.

So I spent the night sitting in the corner chair dancing my heart out while drinking coronas.

It was a blast!

But I must say, I was a little disappointed.

I thought I’d be the only one wearing a lobster on my head and it turns out a BUNCH of other people showed up with lobsters – notably a woman wearing a bra with two lobsters attached and a pair of underwear with a lobster attached.

Link to the picture is HERE.

Who knew I’d b upstaged by a LOBSTER BIKINI!!!

And I never thought I’d write those two words together.

Go figure.


50 Anti Valentine’s Day Songs

av13Wanna know what I’m going to be listening to this Valentine’s Day?  A whole bunch of angry feminist pop music.

“Someone Like You” will slake my frustration over the one that got away.

“Irreplaceable” is perfect for that guy who left me for another woman WHILE I WAS HAVING A MISCARRIAGE.

“Survivor” is the perfect anthem for making me feel strong and empowered.

And of course there’s a little Judas Priest in there so I can really vent my anger over the DISASTER THAT IS INTERNET DATING.

  1. God, I Get It – K. Michelle
  2. Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
  3. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette
  4. Irreplaceable – Beyoncé
  5. Bulletproof – La Roux
  6. Never Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift
  7. The Heart Wants What it Wants – Selena Gomez
  8. Doing it Wrong – Drake
  9. Someone Like You – Adele
  10. Survivor – Destiny’s Child
  11. Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
  12. Big Girls Don’t Cry – Fergie
  13. “IDFWU” – Big Sean
  14. Love Hurts – Gram Parsons
  15. It Must Have Been Love – Roxette
  16. So Sick – Ne-Yo
  17. You Bowed Down – Elvis Costello & The Attractions
  18. Gives You Hell – The All-American Rejects
  19. Blow Me (One Last Kiss) – P!nk
  20. You Got Lucky – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
  21. These Boots Are Made For Walking – Nancy Sinatra
  22. You Had Me – Joss Stone
  23. I Will Survive – Cake
  24. Hit the Road Jack – Ray Charles
  25. F*ck You – Ce Lo Green
  26. Somebody that I Used to Know – Gotye
  27. I Kicked a Boy – The Sundays
  28. Love Stinks – J. Geils Band
  29. One is the Magic Number – Jill Scott
  30. Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac
  31. Ridin’ Solo – Jason Derulo
  32. No Scrubs – TLC
  33. Stronger – Britney Spears
  34. What the Hell – Avril Lavigne
  35. Dance Floor Anthem – Good Charlotte
  36. Single – Natasha Bedingfield
  37. Single Ladies – Beyoncé
  38. What Comes Around Goes Around – Justin Timberlake
  39. Cry Me a River – Justin Timberlake
  40. Survivor – Destiny’s Child
  41. Love the Way You Lie – Rhianna
  42. All of Me – John Legend
  43. Wrecking Ball – Miley Cyrus
  44. I’m Good, I’m Gone – Lykke Li
  45. Heartbeats – The Knife
  46. Love Bites – Judas Priest
  47. Fighter – Christina Aguilera
  48. Song for the Dumped – Ben Folds Five
  49. Here I go Again – Whitesnake
  50. Stronger – Kelly Clarkson

Over a barrel

michelleI’m not much for reunions.

Mostly because I hate the posturing and “hey-look-how-good-I-have-it” attitude.

And I keep in touch with all the people I want to keep in touch with.

Granted, it’s mostly through Facebook, but that counts.

Well, two musician friends who I follow on Facebook have put together a band to play our Reunion.

That’s right. They play in bands already and are coming together to entertain my high school class.

They’ve gone and done the one thing that I can’t resist the temptation to watch – they’re going to perform.

But it won’t be like it was in high school, playing covers of 80s and 90s music. Performing Gypsy’s “Everything’s coming up roses”. . .

Oh no.

These fellows are dark. Mysterious. Creative. Talented.

I’m guessing it’s a performance that will BLOW ME AWAY.

Who am I to resist?

They’re going to get to me eat my words and go to a reunion. . .



* UPDATE: Just discovered that Reunion is NEXT weekend and I am not allowed to wear anything BESIDES cocktail attire to the Reunion. Fuck!

Bawdy Storytelling

I happen to love some musicians who skirt the edges of appropriateness with their music.

Have you ever heard of Richard Cheese?

He cracks me up.

He takes hits and sings them Lounge Singer Style.

Hits like Rape Me (by Nirvana), Me So Horny, and Only Happy When It Rains (by Garbage).

It’s like a comedy act and a musical performance rolled into one.

I also happen to like Garfunkel and Oates – a comedy-folk duo performing satirical songs about things like blowjobs and sex.

My sister has jokingly suggested that our family song be “The Loophole” – a song about anal sex.

Today I was introduced to Rachel Lark (by my friend Dante) who, in my humble opinion, is one of the greatest bawdy storytellers out there.

Her song “Warm, Bloody, and Tender,” is about a woman trying to have a tryst with a man while simultaneously hiding the face that she just got her period.


Have we all been there ladies?

I think we have.

And the song “You Only Live Once (The Asshole Song)” is about a woman who is trying to convince her boyfriend to let her rim him.


Not safe for work?

You bet.

But funny like a drag queen at a Monster truck rally.

Maybe I’m just warped that way, but I love me some inappropriateness and sexual innuendo.

The best part:  Rachel Lark is a burner and will be performing at Burning Man 2016 at Center Camp and Dustfish.  And I intend to go see her.\

So take a moment, turn up your speakers, close your eyes and. . .

. . . enjoy at your own risk!

The Unavoidable Conflict Between Burning Man and Me

michelleI like music.

And I like dancing.

But EDM (electronic dance music)?  Well, it doesn’t really call to me.

Don’t get me wrong.

I love a throbbing beat as much as the next person.

It’s just that when I listen to music I enjoy words, and stories, and themes.

I have an embarrassing affection for disco, 80s music, rock operas, remixes, and mashups.  So I’ve got that going for me.

But EDM?  Not so much.

So you’re unlikely to catch me taking Molly and dancing out to dubstep.

Which makes me incompatible with some of Burning Man’s music scene.

However, you will catch me getting my groove on to just about every other kind of music that gets played at Burning Man.

In any case, Burning Man is so much more than EDM.  It’s people and art.  Creativity and spirtuality.  It’s bacon and dust.

Burning Man is about individuality and making your burn about your growth and pleasure.  So it’s okay that I’m not into EDM.

Maybe I’ll take a second look at it.  Or maybe I’ll shake my booty to Duran Duran’s “Rio.”

It’s my burn and I get to do what I want.


Tahoe Trip: Rock, Paper, Scissors

If I told you that the concert that I went to at Harvey’s Lake Tahoe with Sting and Peter Gabriel, two brilliant Englishmen, was AWESOME I would be understating the experience.


It was epic.

A once-in-a-lifetime experience.

History in the making.

Sting shaved off his beard and was looking particularly devilishly handsome.

Especially when he rocked his hips during “Sledgehammer.”

I’ve never been fond of sledgehammers, but at the moment I was convinced that he could “sledgehammer” me and I’d be quite happy with the outcome.

My sister and I drank nothing but water at the concert so we were sobering up as the concert progressed which might be why I remember more of the end of the concert than the beginning.

Of course it could also be that they pulled out all the stops as the concert climaxed.

My heels, which I’d been wearing ALL DAY since 5 am, failed me and so I had to sit for most of the concert and watch the show on the Jumbotron.

Here are some of my favorite pics from the concert:

IMG_9948 IMG_9949
IMG_9952 IMG_9955


Mini break!

I’m on vacation.

A mini break, so to speak.

I’ve got half of Thursday off from work and all of Friday.

Why, you ask?

Because I’m going to Tahoe with my sister to see Peter Gabriel and Sting perform at Harvey’s Lake Tahoe.

stingPeterGabrielI’m so excited!

The last concert my sister and I saw there was Elton John.

I only remember half the concert because my sister and I drank a 5th of vodka, a bottle of wine, and about 5 Lagunita’s Sumpin’ Sumpin’s.

Oy! Can I tell you how hungover we were?

And then there was the unfortunate incident where I peeped my pants in the back of an Uber.

Nothing to wet the seat, just enough to wet my pants.

This is all because it took us FOREVER to get back to our hotel a few blocks away.

In our drunken stupor, neither one of us could navigate the streets very well and we got turned around.

So this year we were smart.

We booked a room at Harvey’s.


Talk about a short walk home!

Elton John

This ain’t no Time Warp

So my friend Michelle and I take a Bollywood dance class every Wednesday night in Cupertino, California.

It’s great because a Whole Foods with a beer garden is located right across the street. I get two hours to hang out, shop, eat, and drink at Whole Foods before I go to dance class.


This ain’t no Time Warp dance class.

You don’t get to learn the dance moves piece by piece. The steps aren’t easily memorizable and they are HIGHLY choreographed.

You get tossed into the middle of a jumping, thumping, fast-paced dance class and left to fend for yourself.

And I love it!

I suck, but I LOVE IT!

Michelle is much better at learning the moves than I am.

She’s also better at leaping and jumping and bouncing around the dance floor.

Tejas joked that at Burning Man, I can teach a Bollywood dance class for interactivity.

Yeah right.

Maybe, just maybe, if I had the opportunity to learn one song, repetitively, I might be able to pull off something like that.

Just so you know what I’m dealing with, here’s the music video to Super Girl From China by Kanika Kapoor (which I find WILDLY sexist).

But right now, I’ll take the YMCA, the Time Warp, and the Roger Rabbit any