Goodbyes

I must be in a 70s frame of mind because I’m all about the Muppets and Donny and Marie Osmond.

I actually think for my memorial, a long LONG time from now, I’d like to have the closing song to the Muppets play:

Nothing like ending with a little humor.

Of course I want everyone who attends to dress up in colorful clothes and bring the quilts I made for them to decorate the chapel.

Of course, it did occur to me that perhaps The Muppet Show’s closing song MIGHT be a little too casual, in which case I love the final song from the Donny and Marie Show:

May tomorrow be a perfect day

May you find love and laughter along the way

May God keep you in His tender care

‘Til he brings us together again.

Goodnight everybody!

Seems rather appropriate for a memorial.

Woot woot Ms. Lark

Well, it’s OFFICIAL!

I’m happy to announce that the illustrious Ms. Rachel Lark will be performing her brilliant, bawdy brand of songs for my birthday.

For my ACTUAL birthday!

I couldn’t be more pleased.

I have seen Rachel perform live in-person two times:

Once at Burning Man.

Once at a private burner party.

Both times I was blown away by her clever lyrics, challenging subjects, humor, and lofty commentary on modern life and relationships.

Although this won’t be in person, it’s the next-best thing and the best gift I can give to all my friends and family who show up to wish me another entertaining spin around the sun!

Birthday Party

I’ve finally settled on what I’m going to do for my 47th birthday.

I’m hosting a Zoom party for my friends.

We can social distance from home AND celebrate at the same time.

I’ve decided on a HAT theme for my birthday, since hats show up so well on zoom, and lord knows that my friends have MANY of them!

Even if it’s your favorite team’s baseball cap.

So wish me luck as I embark on the perilous journey of trying to book entertainment for my birthday.

I’m after my favorite bawdy songstress, the awesome Ms. Rachel Lark, to see if she can show up for my zoom and play a few of my favorite songs of hers.

Songs like The Unicorn Song:

And The World’s Really Fucked But This Show Will Be Pretty Good.

The IRONY in all this is that my birthday is THE DAY BEFORE ELECTION DAY.

So it’s possible the world will really be screwed, but this party will be pretty good.

Don’t miss it!

The World’s Really F*cked

Talk about introducing a little levity to the whole covid-19 pandemic.

Rachel Lark has come out with a new music video for her song “The World’s Really Fucked But This Show Will Be Pretty Good.”

Now first off, I have to say that I am a patron of Ms. Lark and I have been for months.

I love this bawdy but clever songstress, and so I pay a nominal fee every month to support her art.

In return, I’ve been able to attend Zoom gatherings where the talented Ms. Lark performs.

So I’ve heard her perform this song before.

I loved it then and I love it now.

I think her music video has captured the irony and humor of our situation perfectly.

I love the toilet paper thrones, the kid’s piano, and the insanely entertaining lyrics.

It’s also a pretty catchy tune.

So without further adieu, I give you Rachel Lark’s “The World’s Really Fucked But This Show Will Be Pretty Good” music video which is remarkably TOTALLY SAFE FOR WORK.

If you love it as much as I do, please share!

W.A.P.

I heard a song today that LITERALLY made my jaw drop.

And I’m going to tell you about it in case you, like I, don’t always know about current mainstream popular music.

My daughter told me this is a few weeks old.

BTW, THIS IS TOTALLY NSFW!

Here is the music video with EDITED lyrics:

[NOTE:  I couldn’t find the music video with explicit lyrics, but you can READ the lyrics here.]

Now, a few things stand out.

Song lyrics such as:

Wet ass pussy make that pullout game weak.

Bring a bucket and a mop for this wet ass pussy.

I do a kegel while it’s inside.

I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage.

And that’s just a smattering of the song lyrics.

I can’t help myself, the song is catchy and I can already tell will quickly become an annoying earworm:

There’s some whores in this house.

While I was writing this post and listening to the song, my SON came into my bedroom and insisted I turn off this song.

“Why?” I asked, “why would you not tell me about this song?”

“Because if YOU get it stuck in YOUR head then that means you’re going to get it stuck in MINE!”

So there you have it.

This is the song that no millennial wants their Gen X parents to listen to.

Respond appropriately.

Help me get my groove on

Every now and then, I stumble across something on the internet that thrills me.

Thunder Thighs by Miss Eaves is just that.

Speaking from the perspective of a thick girl who believes that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, I was tickled pink that someone wrote a song about something I like a lot.

A little jiggle.

Thus began the following playlist.

Tempo, by Lizzo:

MIKA’s Big Girl (worth it just to hear him sing, “Get yourself down to the Butterfly Lounge. Find yourself a big lady. . .”):

Just A Lil Thick by Trinidad James:

Strip, by Little Mix:

And Belly Bounce by Miss Eaves:

Got a song for thick girls?

I’ll include it in an updated post if you message me at michelle@unblunder.com.

Help me get my groove on.

Reservoir Dogs

True story.

Many of us go into labor with a birth plan.

Typically, we hope we can safely deliver our baby with no epidural, managing the pain through breathwork and focus.

I made a CD when I was pregnant with my son Duncan.

I intended to play it during my labor with him.

That plan got blown out the window when it was discovered that two of the four quadrants of fluid in my uterus had no fluid to cushion the baby.

So I had to IMMEDIATELY deliver him.

I was allowed to go home to pick up my things then I had to go DIRECTLY to the hospital.

Which is EXACTLY what I did.

But I forgot my CD.

This was back in the day when there were no iPods or iPhones.

All I had with me was a CD player with ONE CD IN IT and it was the soundtrack to RESERVOIR DOGS.

In case you’re not familiar with this movie, it’s a Quentin Tarantino movie about six strangers hired to carry out a robbery.

You can imagine it’s dark and violent, as most Tarantino movies are.

I made it through my labor pretty easily until the doctor broke my water then ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

I immediately requested an epidural.

But it was too late.

So my then-husband played the CD in the CD player and our son Duncan was born while we listened to LITTLE GREEN BAG.

I feel like this detail explains a lot about my eldest son.

He’s a rebel and a fighter.

Also, he’s the kind of kid who will recklessly drive 109 miles an hour on a dark deserted freeway, post it to SnapChat, and scare the daylights out of his mom.

What do you expect.

He was born listening to a Tarantino soundtrack.

Don’t be a spectator

Years ago, I had an amazing piano teacher named Jane.

Jane would come to my house and work with me on new piano pieces and I must’ve spent at least two or three years under her tutelage.

Among other things, Jane was a HUGE Beatles fan.

So naturally, she bought me an anthology of Beatles songs that was about 3 inches thick.

The Beatles library is vast!

Anyway, for a young adult who had only been taught classical music, it was a nice change of pace and I reveled in my newfound musical opportunities.

I learned songs like “When I’m Sixty Four,” “Octopus Garden” and “Hey Jude.”

The anthology has long since disappeared but the other day as I was listening to my friend (who is an amazing blues vocalist) sing Beatles songs, it hit me. . .

I should learn the Beatles again!

Who doesn’t love the Beatles?

I mean, if I learned it when I was 20, what’s stopping me from picking it up again and trying my hand at it?

It could prove useful to a lot more people than just myself.

I feel the energy of Burning Man flowing through me reminding me to contribute something.

Don’t just be a spectator.

So, I bought a compilation of Beatles sheet music, for intermediate piano players.

And thus the great Beatles experiment begins.

Show off

I took piano lessons from the time I was in Pre-school all the way through college.

I was, as you might expect, pretty proficient at it.

I stopped playing piano (and singing in the chorale I belonged to) when my son Douglas died and honestly, I haven’t really given it a thought until recently.

At Burning Man, all sorts of talents are encouraged and I must admit I have some very talented friends who play guitar, sing, dance, spin fire, and so much more.

I’m sad that my skills on the piano have waned in the absence of their use.

Because I think it would be fun to play a song or two for my friends, and possibly even sing along with the music.

There is a more mundane reason why I haven’t played the piano in so long.

I have long nails and they go clickety clickty click on the keys and drive me absolutely bonkers!

But now that we’re in quarantine and I haven’t had my nails worked on in months, they’re all short and therefore TOTALLY CAPABLE OF PLAYING THE PIANO.

I am tempted to go find some sheet music and just DIG INTO IT.

Let’s see how much I can remember, shall we?

It’s ironic, because I don’t think my children have ever heard me play the piano.

That makes me sad.

I should show off.

Just a little.