Gift ideas: Beverages and more!

A newly curated list of mostly beverage-related items which I think would make cool stocking stuffers or gifts for friends and family:

$150 Seriously blinged out iPhone case

$7 Cute cosmetic bag, many designs but this one has my heart

$24 Silicon wine glasses for the hot tub/bath tub

$23 Folding lap desk so I can stay in bed longer

$25 Boho cotton throw blanket with colors I LOVE

$50  Indoor smores maker for smores, especially when it’s cold out

$13 Wine tumbler with lid, for Burning Man, hot tub fun, etc.

$10 Tweexy for nail polish for a perfect manicure

$19 Stainless steel mugs with lids, perfect for Burning Man

$31 Viking mug because I still think about The Swede

$10 Gardening gloves, or some serious backscratching

$15 Skull ice cube tray because it’s cool

$18 Cutting board, ’tis the season for CHEESE spreads

$46 Bartending kit, because I love a good bartending kit in the wet bar

$15 Tea mug with infuser, which is just TOO CUTE

$200 Oculus VR headset, because everyone needs to experience The Magic (I love it!)

$23 Cocktail kit for airplane rides, just add booze

$64 Cheeseboard, another magnificent cheese board, with knives and pull out trays

 $26 Melamine spreaders so bright and cute

$35 Book-scented candle to pretend like you’re in the library

$10 Multi kitchen tool for perfect meals

$16 Flask because it’s cool

$12 Rainbow party cup for Burner BYOC parties

$8 Narwhal tea infuser because NARWHALS ARE AWESOME AT FIGHTING TERRORISTS

$17 Cocktail garden kit to grow your own herbs for cocktails

$25 Journal for the writer in you 🙂

Skin

I read a GREAT Tinder profile by a man who LISTED ALL THE THINGS HE’D LEARNED SINCE JOINING TINDER.

My favorite was “CD does not stand for COMPACT DISC!”

What does it stand for, I asked my youngest kid?

But he had no idea.

Certificate of Deposit?

I don’t think so.

Color Display?

Unlikely.

Cross Dresser?

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

We have a WINNER!

You might wonder, why is Michelle writing about cross dressers?

Well, while looking for costumes on Amazon, I stumbled across this:

A woman SUIT!

Like you can go ahead and slip into it and become a woman.

In true American fashion, the bodysuit comes with SIZE F BREASTS.

Crazy, huh?

I did not expect to find that on Amazon.

But it seems much better than putting the lotion on its skin or else getting the hose again.

Christmas Shopping

I’ve been shopping for all my friends and family and have selected some wonderful items to gift them with.

I may create a few curated themed shopping gift lists, but for now, here’s my hodge podge list of gifts (even some for myself):1. Star earrings – $14

For Robin, because every time I see stars, I think of her.

2. Pearl scrunchie – $32

Also for Robin, because it’s fancy, just like her.

3. Eberjey robe – starts at $45

For my mom, because nothing warms the heart more than a soft robe in her favorite color.

4. Camp hair, don’t care hat – $23

Irony for Jennifer, because her hair always looks amazing, even when camping.

5. Flannel pajamas – starts at $15

For my youngest kid, who seems to always wear them out of the house because they’re cozy.

6. Python print booties – $44

Because they’re wildly popular right now.

7. Pearl headband – $38

For Robin, because it’s beautiful, just like her.

8. Duraline liquid sealer – $20

For me, because it turns any powdered eye shadow into a liner.  Oh, the possibilities!

9. Shuttle Arts marking pens – $23

For my nephews, because they love to create art as much as I enjoy watching them.

10. Toilet night light – $11

For you, because you never knew you needed this until you installed it.

11. Diffuser – $27

For me, because work can be stressful and aromatherapy helps.

12. Surge protector – $16

For my dad, who never seems to have enough USB charging outlets.

13. 2020 Monthly calendar – $11

For me, because I love a sunshine-colored weekly planner that helps me stay organized.

14. Himalayan Body Scrub – $12

For my youngest, because it’s perfect.

15. Chocolate covered cookie gift basket – $28

For my family, because the only thing better than a cookie is a chocolate-covered cookie!

16. Magnetic car phone mount – $16

For me, because I need to mount my phone so I’m not looking down at it. NOTE:  It even comes in ROSE GOLD!

17. Power bank – $28

For everyone, since the PG&E is shutting down the power in California.

18. 3D Wooden puzzle – $30

For my nephews, who love to build things.

19. Cat fountain – $15

For my sister and her FIVE cats!

20. Silver backpack – $96

For me, because it looks pretty.

Shopping for ex boyfriends

It’s the holiday season which means I’m in full present-buying mode.

I’m totally on the prowl for awesome gifts I can give to my family and friends.

I click on every Gift Idea List that I cross paths with – Amazon, Forbes, blog-based lists – you name it, I’ve been there.

The funny thing is that I still shop for my ex-boyfriends.

The other day, I saw a beautiful crab fabric on Spoonflower and instantly thought of my ex who had a thing for crabs.

In my mind, I was sewing crab pajamas for him.

And, of course the minute I see hot sauce I think of The Swede who is happily coupled up with a lovely Swedish lady.

I’ve never known someone to be as into spicy foods as he is.

I’m not sure how he still has a stomach lining.

Must be all that Viking food!

Naturally, even though I get the impulse to gift my exes, I never follow through.

That would just be sheer lunacy!

But the urge is there, every time I spot something PERFECT for someone I used to date I think, “Oh, he’d be so thrilled to get this!”

Even after all these years, habits are still hard to break.

Etsy thinks I’m a black woman

afro1

Etsy thinks I’m a black woman with pierced nipples.

How do I know this?

Because in “Our Recommendations” I have a bunch of tribal clothing and jewelry AND nipple piercing jewelry.

I like all the tribal stuff.

Screen Shot 2016-04-06 at 12.42.58 PMIt’s bright and colorful and very me.

But the nipple piercing jewelry? Not so much.

Screen Shot 2016-04-06 at 12.44.33 PMMy poor nipples recoil at the thought of getting a silver bar stabbed through them.

No thank you, I’ll keep them just as God created them.

Besides, it would DRIVE ME NUTS to have something stimulating them all day. I’d either be distracted ALL THE TIME or I’d become completely DESENSITIZED, which for obvious reasons is NOT AT ALL GOOD.

Now, I know why the tribal clothing and jewelry is in my Recommendations.

It’s because I did a search for “large earrings” and I liked a bunch of tribal earrings.

Screen Shot 2016-04-06 at 1.04.36 PMBut I NEVER searched or liked nipple piercings.

  1. I’d be afraid of the NSFW search results.
  2. I DON’T HAVE PIERCED NIPPLES.

Now, I have (on occasion) searched for nipple CLAMPS, but that’s a totally different BEAST.

Or BREAST, as the case may be.

Practice makes perfect

Somebody’s birthday is creeping up.

She’ll be seventeen.

Oh boy, do you REMEMBER 17?

It was GRAND!

Lucky girl, to be so young with her life ahead of her.

I got to pick out her present today and I’ve got to admit, I went FULL GIRL!

Lipstick/lip gloss set, eye shadow palette, face masks, mini spa kit, Hello Kitty nail kit, and lip smackers (because no self-respecting teenage girl shouldn’t have these flavored chapsticks in their makeup kit).

I also got (unsurprisingly) a pineapple makeup bag to put everything in.

God, I hope it all fits!

My final touch was to get a cute little pusheen keychain – a kitty riding a seahorse.

Literally, the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

So here’s hoping she likes her gifts, despite the fact that I suspect she has a tomboy streak in her.

To be honest, it’s not all that easy shopping for a young lady you don’t know very well.

Especially when all you have are boys.

But that’s about to change too, if you know what I mean.

The only time I get to shop for girls is when it’s Christmas time and I get to buy presents for my Aunt Stacey, my cousin Jennifer and my niece Bella.

Practice makes perfect.

When Pinterest fails. . .

I LOVE Pinterest.

There’s nothing quite like having a board with all your links organized by theme on the internet.

Sadly, I’ve discovered some of those links no longer work after a few months or so and it becomes obsolete.

I have a Pinterest board with gift ideas for my family which is VERY outdated.

The links BARELY work.

But the ideas are still there.

So I’ve looked up my favorites in Amazon and am posting them here where I can have easy access to them.

Feel free to poach ideas from this list.

I am a master at giving fun, relevant gifts to friends and family.

 

I bought a custom mug for The Swede and he loves it.  Customize one for any beer lover. And let’s face it, who isn’t?! $22

My mom LOVES these little collapsible bags in fruit shapes and I do too. $13

There’s nothing quite like a letterpress calendar to make me swoon. $25

Boot socks!  Ingenious! $13

Get a journal for any budding writer (or blogger). $11

Galaxy socks.  Out of this world! $13

Sweet pajama top. $17

Cupcake maker.  For the sweet tooth. $27

Wine flight, for the wine enthusiast. $35

Perfect double highball.  Sturdy and tip resistant. $13

Chocolate covered apricots from Marini’s Candies.  Yum! $40

Perfect for the garage or man cave. $60

Wine aerator, for the wine aficionado. $22

Oh how I love amaryllis.  Gorgeous winter blooms! $19

Perfect hostess gift. $17

I have family members who would slay for this game. $29

My team, the Sloth Running Team $15

Release your inner pirate.  $17

Death Wish Coffee – quite possibly the STRONGEST coffee on the market?  Worth a try!  $20

Snarky, but who doesn’t love a little snark? $13

$35 for a deck of cards?  Yes, but look how BEAUTIFUL they are! $35

I love Princess Bride, don’t you? $22

The Discovery Channel’s Planet Earth Collector’s Edition.  Be amazed! $55

Know anyone who likes puzzles AND building this?  Then this. . . $39

Perfect holiday tablecloth for the ENTERTAINER $24

 

Fondle my bunny tail

It’s been a while since I role played.

Like years.

It’s not that I have anything against it.

It’s just that usually I’m in such a hurry to GET BUSY that I don’t have the time to make up a story and act it out.

Not at all.

I lack that feminine detail, I guess.

I’m always running to the fucking finish line, oblivious that there’s actual beauty to be observed and enjoyed on the path there.

Well, etsy is now trying to encourage me to role play by selecting favorites that are. . . ummm. . .how can I put this?

Out of this world?

Well, out of this SPECIES to say the least.

I’m pretty sure all this happened because I was looking for bunny ears for the Pagan Bunny Burn.

Or maybe because I bought latex pasties for a costume.

Either way, I now have animal-themed leather BDSM masks popping up in my favorites.

Bunny.

Mouse.

Cat.

To tell you the truth, I WAS tempted by the bunny, but not because I want someone to scratch my belly and feed me carrots.

No.

More like because it adds a certain ELEMENT to my bunny costume.

A sort of wicked, let-me-tempt-you, fondle my bunny tail kinda way.

Care Package

I’m putting together a care package for The Swede and his daughter.

I took back so much deliciousness from Sweden, it only seems fair to share my California with them.

But what to get?

Fucking Ghost Pepper Nuts!

And Caroline Reaper Jerky!

You know, just to say “thanks for destroying my taste buds when you fed me that spicy chocolate truffle.”

It’s my way of returning the favor.

Of course Tejas contributed to the package with his Ghost Pepper Infused Salt.

Mmmmm.

Nothing says “you’re special” like a third degree burn to the lips.

Am I right?

I jest.

And I got Sriracha sauce just because MAYBE they don’t have it in Sweden and who doesn’t LOVE Sriracha sauce?

But seriously, I also picked up some Dayquil/Nyquil for them since it’s not available in Sweden.

Hopefully it will slip by customs.

And then there’s a small but select pile of makeup and skin care products for The Swede’s daughter.

Because I have NO IDEA what else to get her.

And finally, I picked up some SWEDISH FISH for them.

Because they have FISH CANDY in Sweden, but not SWEDISH FISH.

A box of that will remedy the situation.

So whaddya think?

Is it a good care package?

Giving in

Life is too short to wear comfortable shoes, I’ve always said.

Thus, my closet is packed with about 100 pairs of heels, sky high boots, and glittery sandals.

It’s hard to find a pair of sneakers.

I do have a pair of Chuck Taylors.

And two pairs of running shoes.

Which is why it pains me to admit that I broke down and bought comfortable FLATS for my closet.

I just couldn’t take it anymore – walking in to work, balancing on delicate heels, trying not to break an ankle and turn into a yard sale.

My friend Barbara should be THRILLED.

She wears nothing but Tiek flats and she LOVES them.

You better love them if you’re spending over $300 a pair, is what I say!

I did not buy Tieks.

No, instead I bought a few pairs which I think will fit my unnaturally wide feet.

We’re not talking Hobbit-wide feet, just slightly wider than average.

Thus, these new pairs will be joining my closet in a week and will become staples for my wardrobe accessories.

I just can’t wear heels ALL DAY LONG anymore.

It hurts.

I give up!

Full disclosure: This MAY have something to do with me tripping TWICE in my black heels after a long day at work and literally almost RIPPING MY LITTLE TOE OFF MY RIGHT FOOT in the process.

Flats? Click. Buy.