To Scotland, with love

I took a trip to Scotland with my sister in August and September of 2007.

I remember several things about the trip.

First, I decided I was going to look like a California girl by getting a real tan in a tanning salon.

I did lay out in tanning beds for months prior to my trip and therefore had a stunning tan for my trip HOWEVER no one saw it because I was bundled up under jackets, sweater, jeans and scarfs.**

From this:

To this:

Second, my sister had an absolutely AMAZING line caught Scottish salmon grilled to perfection at the Ubiquitous Chip in Glasgow.

It was so good we went back a second time.

Third, we had a totally impromptu adventure at Doune Castle in Scotland where scenes from Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail took place DURING A MONTY PYTHON FESTIVAL.

That’s right!

Right place, right time!

My sister and I and a bunch of die-hard Monty Python enthusiasts enjoyed the afternoon with a live re-enactment of the movie.

They even passed out coconuts so we could sound like a galloping horse as we approached the castle.

I found this ENDLESSLY entertaining!

All in all it was a wonderful trip and I had such a good time my sister and I are planning a trip to Ireland when travel is possible again.

 

** I DO NOT recommend tanning salons.  I recommend sunblock.

My spirit animal may be a koala

2019 was a tame year for me.

Granted, I went to Burning Man.

But the closest I got to real adventure was swapping sexy photos with an Australian guy who is cycling the globe.

Now THAT’S adventure.

Nights under the stars.

Days filled with sunshine and exercise.

I’ll bet he can eat 10,000 calories a day and not gain weight because of all the exercise he is getting.

He reminds me of another Aussie friend, Charlie.

Charlie used to get blindfolded and taken into the Australian Outback where he’d be left with a thermos of water and some energy bars and he had to find his way back to civilization.

He once went on a retreat by himself to the Outback where he could do nothing, not listen to music, not read a book.

He spent his time thinking, which to me seems like torture, but to him was a welcome change.

Out of all the men I’ve dated, I find it interesting that the most  adventurous men I’ve met are all Australian.

It’s just further proof that I need to get my ass on a plane to Australia and enjoy a little time down under, watching the toilets swirl the other direction.

All this is just to say that Australia is calling my name and I’ve received her message loud and clear.

My spirit animal may just be a koala.

Sweden at Christmastime

I was chatting with a friend about travel the other day and I happened to mention my 2018 trip to Sweden.

Yes, I went to Sweden in the winter and it was GLORIOUS!

Of course, I was so afraid of being cold, seeing as how I was born and raised in sunny, warm California.

So I brought long johns, boots, scarf, hat, snow gear and a really long heavy puffer jacket.

The end result?

I sweated my way through my vacation.

I’d go outside all bundled up only to enter a building with the heat on BLAST.

I’d strip off layers to cool off, only to have to put them back on again when I went outside.

I was perpetually HOT, not cold, as I’d projected.

I joked that I must be going into menopause with all the hot flashes I had.

Of course, my memories of Sweden are more than just the cold and the heat.

I remember sweet shops and bins filled with candy at the supermarket.

There was salted licorice gum (it tastes exactly as it sounds) and candy that resembled rocks.

I remember a glorious smörgåsbord dinner with friends at The Grand Hôtel – complete with champagne and caviar.

And no one, I mean NO ONE, does Christmas like the Scandinavians.

There was glögg, a kind of spiced mulled beverage which is served hot with ginger crisps.

There were lighted ada candlabras in all the windows and colorful dala horses on display:

And a light snowfall made everything seem magical.

I’d like to transport myself there now and get away from all the strife going on here at home.

Sweden at Christmas is much favorable to California during the next few weeks.

Swedish Retreat

The Swedes are known for their sensuality being the first country to portray female nudity and pleasure in cinematography.

There’s a reason why the most famous of all massages is known as a “SWEDISH” massage.

A new Swedish friend has introduced me to my latest bucket list item:

Sexsability.

Sexsability is a festival designed around sexual expression.

It’s also all-inclusive.

So whether you’re gay, hetero, bi, queer, man, lady, transsexual, virgin, swinger, single, poly, prude, nudist, fetishist, tantrika, vanilla, or anything else under the sun, you are WELCOME to attend.

Everything I do well, everything I’m good at I’ve taken the time to practice.

Piano.

Quilting.

Costuming.

Why not take a week out of my life to visit Sweden (again) and experience love, trust, inner peace, and ecstasy.

Why not practice that a little more and get better at that?

Improve my communication skills in and out of the bedroom?

Train myself to become a better lover?

The best part of all is that this festival is a conscious camping festival meaning you get to camp with all the other participants in tents while enjoying workshops, activities, and coaching.

And you know how I love camping (and leaving no trace).

This could be the perfect event for me.

Aurora Borealis

Something happened in Indonesia last week.

Perhaps The Bachelor or The Bachelorette Indonesia took a trip to the Finland and spent a romantic night under the aurora borealis in a glass igloo.

I know this because my post “Making Love Under the Aurora Borealis” had many hits over the course of the week.

Personally, I’ve never been to Finland.

Nor have I seen the aurora borealis (aka Northern Lights).

I have aspirations to, of course.

As soon as covid restrictions are lifted and I can talk my sister into going on a trip to Scandinavia with me.

We are the perfect pair to go on trips together.

I constantly want to go places and do activities.

She wants to relax, hit a spa, discover fine dining and chill.

So we’ve agreed that we alternate days of activity with days of rest and AS IT TURNS OUT, this works for me just fine.

It’s not romantic, but it’s definitely adventurous and I’m thrilled to have someone to go on trips with.

All the hits from Indonesia just remind me how much I want to go to Finland and stay in a glass igloo.

We could go on a reindeer safari or ice fishing on my days and on Lisa’s days we can SPAhhhhh!

My spirit animal may be a koala

2019 was a tame year for me.

Granted, I went to Burning Man.

But the closest I got to real adventure was swapping sexy photos with an Australian guy who is cycling the globe.

Now THAT’S adventure.

Nights under the stars.

Days filled with sunshine and exercise.

I’ll bet he can eat 10,000 calories a day and not gain weight because of all the exercise he is getting.

He reminds me of another Aussie friend, Charlie.

Charlie used to get blindfolded and taken into the Australian Outback where he’d be left with a thermos of water and some energy bars and he had to find his way back to civilization.

He once went on a retreat by himself to the Outback where he could do nothing, not listen to music, not read a book.

He spent his time thinking, which to me seems like torture, but to him was a welcome change.

Out of all the men I’ve dated, I find it interesting that the most  adventurous men I’ve met are all Australian.

It’s just further proof that I need to get my ass on a plane to Australia and enjoy a little time down under, watching the toilets swirl the other direction.

All this is just to say that Australia is calling my name and I’ve received her message loud and clear.

My spirit animal may just be a koala.

Blue gal in a red state

My trip to Missouri was relatively uneventful.

Which is good when you’re driving an unfamiliar rental car on an Army base filled with Military Police just jonesing to pull you over for the slightest infraction.

In the short time I was driving on base, I saw no less than three people get pulled over so I’m happy I made it out unscathed.

Did Missouri scare me?

A little.

Their love of Donald Trump was evident.

There was a billboard proclaiming “Thank you President Trump for making America great again.”

*cough*

This after his divisive statements about women of color in Congress.

It’s fine.

I survived.

I even survived an old vet telling me he loves California but “hates our politics.”

If anyone is entitled to an opinion on the matter, it’s a vet since he fought for the freedom to speak one’s mind.

One observation about Missouri:  They must really be into tattoos.

There was a tattoo parlor on nearly every corner.

No kidding.

And none of them looked like the type of establishment you’d want to frequent.

So I survived my trip to Missouri.

And barring any more Military Police training for my son and future graduations, I’ll probably never go back there.

And I’m okay with that.

Hug Therapy

michelleIt’s been a rough three weeks for me.

First, I got the flu on the eve of my trip to Florida to meet The Swede and I had to cancel.

All that vacation prep down the tube:  nails, pedicure, body scrub, spray tan, hair.

I felt very sorry for myself, I’ll have you know.

But just as well since I have a busted pussy that I’m not allowed to use.

Speaking of the busted pussy, it’s screaming at me right now from the biopsy.

To be honest, it burns something fierce and I’m really irritated that I have to deal with the painful aftermath of the biopsy while trying to focus on work.

Someone should bring me cake, just to cheer me up and remind me that my busted pussy is only temporary.

At least, that’s my hope.

Results next week.

Until then I’ll just have to keep living this celibate lifestyle, hoping and praying that everything turns out normal.

And I’m not one to complain but it sucked to go to unSCruz for five days and not be able to flirt AT ALL.

I love flirting.

Breathe.

Flirt.

Breathe.

Flirt.

Fortunately, I was able to hug A LOT of people.

Hugs are the exact therapy I need to treat all my worries.

Send virtual hugs, please.

I’m in need of some.

Fort Myers

So now that I’ve got the clothing situation under control for my trip to Fort Myers, I’m starting to get curious about what there is to do there besides watch exhibition girl’s hockey.

Personally, I’m intrigued by a few things – tours of the Everglades, Cajun food restaurants, distilleries/breweries and Manatee Park.

I’ve never seen a manatee in real life.

It’s not like there’s a place in the Bay Area you can go to watch those gentle giants frolic in the water eating their veggies.

It would be SUPER COOL to actually get to see some manatees.

Now, a tour of the Everglades, that’s just a MUST SEE.

Crocodiles and alligators, oh my!

I mean, I’ve seen Claude, the albino alligator at the San Francisco Academy of Arts and Sciences, but that’s about it.

Mind you, I want to be in a REALLY BIG BOAT while scoping out alligators and crocodiles.

I’ve seen ‘Anaconda’ and know what happens when you underestimate the capabilities of wildlife.

Now a Cajun food restaurant is a MUST because I’ve always dreamed of eating a pile of seafood just heaped on the table with potatoes and ears of corn.

Yummy with a spoon delicious, is what I’d call it.

Also, The Swede really LOVES hot and spicy food so I’m sure I could get him to enjoy a Cajun restaurant or two.

I just have to figure out where the best one is.

No biggie.

I’m not sure The Swede and I can tour a distillery with his daughter in tow, so this might not happen but there LITERALLY IS A FORT MYERS BREWERY that we could visit.

So much to do, so little time, especially when you factor in all the time we’re going to spend on the beach.

Although, given that they are more melanin-challenged than I am it’s likely that we will need to get out of the sun for at least a little while during the day.

Since I’m poaching on The Swede’s vacation, I’m going to leave the details up to him, but should I be asked what I’d like to do, I’ve got some answers sure to entertain.

Happy yellow

Trying to recover from my disastrous online sundress shopping experience, I finally gave up and did a mega search for yellow sundresses.

Why?

Because once upon a time I imagined I’d be going to Florida with a yellow dress and I bought a matching flower crown to go with it:

Then the dress fell through.

Oh, what’s a girl to do but SHOP SOME MORE?!

I found a dress to go with my flower crown:

And I got earrings, shoes, and a clutch to match:

You’ve got to picture a mega top knot bun surrounded by my little yellow flower crown, similar to this one with big blue flowers:

Definitely worthy of a nice night out with The Swede and his daughter.

I’m so excited!

And the dress fits, what’s more.

So you might as well go ahead and color me happy.

I just love my sunny, happy, yellow dress!