So I met Joe

Joe is handsome and funny.

Not exactly the tallest guy I’ve ever met, but still can hold his own in a showdown with me in 4” heels.

Joe is a diver and it excites him that I am a Rescue Diver.

Of course, he doesn’t know I haven’t dove in years because of that panic attack I had underwater caused by blood pressure changes in a too tight wetsuit hood.

Joe called me up and we chatted for a little while.

He is keen to go out and I was kind of excited too.

He’s got daughters after all and Lord knows I want to wind up with a man with daughters.

All on account of I have none of my own.

In so many ways, Joe seemed PERFECT for me.

Daughters. Adventurous spirit. World traveler. Funny.

So I showed his profile to Barbara, just to see if he could get the BARBARA STAMP OF APPROVAL.

Barbara is probably the toughest of all my friends to approve the men I date.

She’s not called The Hammer for nothing.

LOL

And that’s when it happened.

I glanced at his profile and saw “Separated” as his marital status.

As in STILL FUCKING MARRIED!

Jesus F. Christ!

Nevermind.

The Swede

The Swede has been texting me and it’s been more fun than a tornado in a trailer park.

He went out drinking with a friend and I got fantastic text messages from him as he drank beer.

He asked me if I was interested in visiting Sweden.

Technically, 60% of my DNA is from Scandinavia, and it would love to visit the homeland.

There’s the Vasa Museum, all the canals to navigate, and the ABBA Museum.

You know I can’t miss the ABBA Museum!

Sadly, I have no plans to visit Sweden in the near future, but it’s definitely on my list of places to go.

And it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to Finland where I can sleep in a glass igloo under the aurora borealis.

Sigh.

It’s hard to not imagine snuggling under the glass dome with The Swede.

And, of course, there’s the saunas in Finland.

Nothing like a nice hot naked sweat followed by a giant leap into the freezing outdoors.

Hey, it’s GOOD for you!

Perhaps I will talk my sister into a trip to Sweden next year.

Our last big trip was Scotland in 2008.

I have to admit, it would be nice to see The Swede in his territory.

Nice to see The Swede fullstop.

Reliving the good and the bad

Just the other day I was chatting with Yvonne over dinner and the topic of Lupin Lodge came up in comparison to Harbin Hot Springs.  In my experience, Harbin is a bit more comfortable a space to walk around naked in than Lupin Lodge on account of the guys chasing tail at Lupin.

I had to go back and read Yvonne some of my posts from my first trip to SoulFire (which are now private on account of them mentioning He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Mentioned.

So I’m posting some of what I wrote below:

 

What could I possibly write to capture the bright lights, holographic, mystical fun that was SoulFire?

It was, in all honesty, the best party I’ve ever been to with 350 of my closest and dearest friends.  You instantly felt at home.

It was also an ego fest for me.

Two younger men, Father Figure and Mr. Security, were chasing my tail. Father Figure did it much better than Mr. Security, who felt compelled to adjust my top without my permission whenever he felt like it.

I was camping with Tejas in his RV.

motorbeastIt was hard, hot work setting up camp, which is great when you’re having sex but sucks when you’re organizing an RV.

We set up on Friday afternoon and got down to the business of having fun with other guests.

I wore my Orgasm Donor t-shirt.

orgasm donorWe went to our local pub – the Dusty Bumm. The Dusty Bumm has a ceiling canopy made entirely of women’s thongs. I have a black vinyl one I want to donate to the cause.

At the Dusty Bumm, they’d make you whatever drink they could for you and then you’d stand around and enjoy it with new friends.

Everyone was friendly at SoulFire. Everyone hugged hello and goodbye.

Everyone kissed.

It was heaven.

Tejas and I ventured to the pool and hot tub and had some fun soaking while he talked to people about OMing.

I left (naked) with Mr. Security, who showed me his hut in the mountains and shared a “cigarette” with me.

The rest of the evening is mostly a blur of walking around naked, finding my clothes, going back to my RV. Trying to find Tejas. Mr. Security cooking dinner for me because I was too drunk to do it myself.

After eating dinner, Mr. Security and I decided to wander around. We made our way to the Dusty Bumm. I was wearing nothing but a tank top and red underwear at this point. Someone came up to me and told me I needed to help Tejas, that he was really drunk.

I found Tejas sitting on a bench across from the Dusty Bumm, happy as a clam and ready to go to bed.

With the help of a Ranger, we managed to walk him to the RV where I got him ready for bed, before he crashed.

It’s wasn’t a super late night, but it wasn’t an early one either.

So to recap:

  • Michelle was so drunk a guy had to cook her dinner
  • Tejas got so drunk he had to go to bed early
  • Michelle lost her clothes, then found them hours later
  • Michelle walked around naked for a while
  • Tejas had a great time having women sit on his lap at the Dusty Bumm

A GREAT time was had by all and my only regret is that I can’t remember more of the evening. But hopefully that’ll return to me in time. Until then, party on, right!

 

UPDATE:  I NEVER recovered any more memories of that night.  WHAT was in that cigarette?

Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize

My Labyrinth themed ballgown (aka quinceañera dress) is coming along nicely.

At least I hope it is since I ordered it online.

Meanwhile, I’ve been throwing around ideas on how to properly accessorize the dress (and wings).

This is the outfit:

I’ve been thinking that one of the following necklace, choker, or collar might look good with the dress:

Here’s a lovely necklace with matching earrings which goes well with the silver wings:

Then there’s this edgy purple collar, complete with D-ring.  Perfect for making a Labyrinth fairytale dress into something more edgy for Burning Man:

And finally, a lovely little glitter choker which matches the dress:

Of course, I also have these lovely earrings to go with the collar and choker which match the beading on the dress:

So my question to you is WHICH ONE SHOULD I WEAR?

Here’s a little inspiration for your visual pleasure which gives you an idea of the look I’m going for:

The good news is that I’ll have lots of friends to ask at UnSCruz which necklace to wear – from my BFF Tejas, to my friend Bad Boy, to my partner in crime Marina!  One way or another, I’ll figure it out.

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Fashion Trend Disaster: The Bralette

I don’t know who came up with the idea that it would be a great idea to give women bras to wear as tops without any other article of clothing and call it a BRALETTE, BUT I THINK IT WAS A MAN.

Actually, I’m POSITIVE it was a man.

Because what better way to get your rocks off than watch women run around in bralettes with ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER!

It’s INSANE!

Do I sound irritated, because I am?

I just did a search for “Burning Man” on Pinterest and at least 75% of the clothing that was listed was these stupid fucking non-bra bralettes.

I can’t wear a bralette.

I can barely find a bra that fits which is why I often stuff the kittens into too-small bras that make them look like muffins sitting on my chest.

I say I’m a D cup.

My friend Barbara begs to differ with me. She says I am AT LEAST A DD.

Regardless of how big my tatas are, one thing is for sure:

If you see me wearing a FUCKING BRALETTE, at least half my boobs will be hanging OUTSIDE the bralette.

OUTSIDE.

As in so much side boob you’ll swear you’re seeing nipple.

And so much underboob you’ll swear you’re going down on me.

I suppose what I’m truly ranting about is just simply getting older.

No one really wants to see a 43 year old woman wearing a bralette unless she’s a fitness model or a former Playboy bunny.

So consider yourself safe. I will not be walking around in a bralette at Burning Man.

Not in this lifetime.

I may be walking around naked, however.

Rant over.

 

 

Not-so-mellow yellow

I went to Holi last weekend and had a blast with Barbara and Yvonne.

Afterwards, when it was time to shower, I stepped into my shower with my filthy white flip flops on (to wash them to).

I stuck my head under the bath tub spout (no low flow shower head for me) and I proceed to turn the entire bathtub PURPLE for the next 15 seconds.

A deep, vibrant PURPLE!

So it comes as  a bit of a surprise that when all is said and done, I managed to turn a patch of my hair A BRIGHT YELLOW and not purple.

See. . .

Now, if you’ve been following me long enough, you  know that I actually turned my whole head of hair yellow a few years ago.

I had to rush into the hair salon to get it fixed because I worked in an office where EASTER EGG YELLOW HAIR would be frowned upon.

This, I can live with.

To see pictures from the 2016 and 2015 Holi festivals click here and here.

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Color me happy

Once again, I somehow managed to convince not one but TWO friends that it would be fun to run around on a muddy field throwing paint at each other for Stanford’s Holi celebration.

Poor Barbara and Yvonne.

Truthfully, Barbara knew EXACTLY what she was getting into because she went with me last year.

Yvonne was a total newbie and it was fun introducing her to the CHAOS THAT IS HOLI.

Think Indian music, Bollywood dancing, Indian food, and A WHOLE LOT OF COLOR!

Basically you go to Holi to enjoy this festival of spring by throwing color on all your friends.

A few tips:

  1. Wear sunglasses to protect your eyes.
  2. Keep your mouth closed or you’ll be eating color.
  3. Whatever you do, DON’T GET WET. The dye will set in.
  4. Wear white. It shows off the color to the best advantage.
  5. Have fun and wish everyone a HAPPY HOLI!

Here is our BEFORE photo!

And here we are mid festival:

And finally, what we look like when we exited the festival:
So much fun!

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My Quinceañera

I have occasion to attend a Labyrinth themed wedding.

And there’s one thing you must know. . .

I LOVE LAYRINTH!

The muppets.

The music.

The costumes.

And ESPECIALLY David Bowie.

So the idea of someone throwing a Labyrinth themed wedding is PERFECT and really got my creative juices flowing.

First thing, I need a ballgown.

Not an evening gown, mind you, but an honest to goodness, full skirted ballgown!

After looking online for a while, I realized that the best inexpensive ballgowns out there are quinceañera dresses.

I can’t even PRONOUNCE quinceañera, but I love the dreaminess of the dresses!

I found a lovely quinceañera dress online in about a zillion colors and I decided to go with a nice grape purple.

Isn’t it lovely?

Of course, taking inspiration from the movie, I’ve decided to accessorize it with a matching masquerade ball mask and silver wings.

Done.

And done.

So there you have it.

Another outfit crafted by moi for a wonderful celebratory event!

Color me happy (or purple)!

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Mac

Some of you know the story of Mac, the incredible white German shepherd my ex-husband rescued for me when we lost our oldest son to cancer.

That dog brought me back to life and saved me when I was at my lowest, deepest point of suffering.

Mac died when he fell out my truck window onto Highway 80 when the boys and I were coming home from a camping trip.

I remember watching him fall in my rearview mirror and also seeing my 60 pound, 7 year old son desperately trying to hold on to him.

I thought that perhaps my son was falling out the window too.

You can’t imagine the horror I experienced.

My son stayed safely in the car but sadly, Mac was killed while getting off the freeway (10 years to the day after my oldest son died).

We’d just finished up a LOVELY vacation at the Yuba River with my Uncle Donald, Aunt Stacey, and my cousins Jennifer, Travis, Bella, Matt, and Nick.

It was amazing.

Today, I was reminded that when it was my turn to swing on the rope and fall 8 feet into the water, I was chicken.

I didn’t want to jump.

And Mac stood by my side and waited with me while I worked up the courage. . .

And JUMPED!

And only after I jumped did he follow suit and jump in with me.

He was an amazing dog.

And I feel lucky that I somehow managed to take this picture of him THE VERY MORNING OF THE DAY HE DIED.

The last picture I ever took of him.

And I’d like to think that in the afterlife, he is playing in the water, in the sun, surrounded by family.

I love you Mac.  You are not forgotten!

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Glass blowing and glory holes

No kidding.

They call the ovens they use to reheat the glass a GLORY HOLE.

I shit you not.

So I took ANOTHER glass blowing class (you can see pics from my first glass blowing class here and a picture of the finished product here) with my friend Kimberly.

As with the first time I took the class, I had a great time.

It was fucking hot, though.

But not as hot as last time because instead of being in a closed building, were were in a shop with garage doors that opened to the outside air and it was nice and cool outside.

My instructor walked me through all the steps, basically holding my hand in the right position so that everything turned out okay.

Here are some photos from my glass blowing experience:

And the finished product. . .