Honesty

MichelleSo, I’m on a new dating website – SLS.

The emphasis is more on hooking up and less on making that “ONE MAGICAL” connection.

And so far, I kinda like it.

It’s like Tinder, but with less subterfuge.

Less subterfuge than TINDER???

Is this even possible?

Of course.

One man instantly asked me if he could come over the next morning to fuck.

Clearly, he does not understand the safety precautions a middle aged, sexually-active woman needs to take to keep herself safe from harm in 2018.

But this man is the exception to the rule.

Most of the men I meet online through SLS are thoughtful, well-written, and funny.

In fact, I daresay I’ve met a better quality of men on SLS than I ever met on POF or Match.

Educated.

Employed.

Respectful.

Sure there was the one eager beaver I encountered.

There was also a guy who proposed we go out into the wilderness to fool around.

Again, safety issues come to mind.

I don’t want my bones found by hunters 30 years from now on a hillside because I walked into a forest with the wrong man.

Not fucking likely to do that!

But then there are a host of single guys just looking for company.

Yes, their expectation is that eventually it will become adult company.

But I’m okay with that.

How is that any different than what I’ve got going on anyway?

At least this is honest.

 

 

 

You’ve come a long way baby

It’s funny.

When I look back at how I planned my first trip to Burning Man, I can’t help but think how NUTS I was.

Granted, I got all the necessary accessories – such as a shade structure, a tent, bungee cords, carabiners, garbage cans, candy cane rebar and the like.

But also?

I was WAY OBSESSED with clothing.

And let me tell you this.

I brought A LOT of clothing.

And not really Burning Man appropriate attire.

No.

I brought skirts and dresses.

Leggings and jackets.

As I sit and review all my clothing options for the 2018 iRobot burn, I realize that my Burning Man fashion sense has evolved.

No more corsets, there’s no way I want something that restrictive against my skin.

No more skirts, they just get caught in my bike chain.

No more jeans, because it’s just too fucking hot.

And that is why this year most of my outfits revolve around wearing bathing suits with fishnets and a killer accessory collection.

Because I really don’t need to perspire like horse out there on the playa.

I still recall the time I SOAKED the camp chair I was sitting on with my sweat while waiting for Tejas to arrive for the 2017 burn.

I left a perfect image of my butt in butt sweat on my chair.

And EVERYBODY saw it!

Here are my six favorite outfits for iRobot.

Certainly a far cry from the days when I was considering THIS for Burning Man:

green dressOMG!!!

Or THIS?!?!?!

red dress

The things we do for our kids

I’m not a BIG fan of guns.

TBH, they scare the shit out of me.

I had a boyfriend who collected guns and he made me pick up and handle all his guns in the hopes that I’d get comfortable with handling them.

I never got comfortable.

He took me to gun ranges to shoot hand guns.

We used shot guns to blast skeet apart.

I still never got used to guns.

In fact, when I’m around people who are firing guns, the compression waves I feel in my chest when each bullet is fired, is alarming to me.

This is the preface I give you BEFORE I let you know that I BOUGHT A GROUPON TO LET MY 19-YEAR OLD SON SHOOT A MACHINE GUN IN NEVADA during our summer vacation.

He will absolutely ADORE it.

I will be secretly cringing in a corner.

But what makes the boy happy makes me happy, eventually.

And this is what he likes.

Sweatsuit

At the latest Village meeting for Burning Man, the theme was Super heroes and Super Villains.

After contemplating several options, including quite a few Marvel villains, I decided to go with Natasha Romanoff (aka Black Widow).

The thing about the costume is that it JUST BARELY FIT.

Which means I was struggling to get into it.

AND I was struggling even harder to get out of it.

I struggled so hard to get out of it that I SPLIT THE ZIPPER!

Yes, indeed.

I busted the zipper while sitting on the toilet going pee.

Honestly, you spread your knees JUST A LITTLE BIT SO YOU CAN WIPE and WHOOPS!

You’ve busted your zipper.

TMI?

In any case, I took the outfit to Tejas’ house and he proceeded to stitch me into my costume with leather thread and an industrial strength needle.

This is important when sewing through a faux leather costume.

The important thing to note here is that I only had the capacity to stay as long as my bladder wasn’t full.

The minute I had to pee, I had to go home.

It’s an adventure, folks.

I’ve never backed down from a challenge.

I even drank beer when I was there.

In the end, I had a blast as a BLOND Black Widow.

Tejas made me take off my red wig.

He said I made a lousy redhead and I’m not sure he wasn’t’ right.

The addendum to this post is that when I got home, I had to pee rather desperately, but I couldn’t get out of my jumpsuit.

Did I pee my pants?

No.

I had to ask my 19 year old son for help.

You can imagine how THRILLED he was helping his mom out of a sweaty bodysuit.

I believe he let out a string of expletives then suggested that I “act my age.”

Never!

The adventure never ends

I must be going to Burning Man.

I know that I’ve made up my mind to go because I bought a Burner Express ticket from Black Rock City to Reno/Tahoe Airport at the end of the burn.

Aaaaannnd I bought my flight home.

I will literally arrive at 7 am and immediately head out to my son’s final MRI to prep him for his dermoid cyst removal surgery.

And then his surgery is the next day.

I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking, didn’t she say she felt unbalanced and needed to equalize in order to go to the burn?

Why yes, I did say that.

I would not be going to the Burn if I felt like I wasn’t doing better.

I’m so high on anti-anxiety meds I can’t even worry about a hangnail.

Sure, this may impact my drinking.

I may not consume as much as I usually do when I’m on vacation, but that’s a good thing.

So here’s the plan:

Thursday: Load up the Motorbeast with Tejas.

Friday: Drive to Reno in the Motorbeast and stay with my sister.

Saturday: Head into Black Rock City as early as possible. Expect 4 – 8 hour lines, even with Early Arrival.

Sunday through Sunday: Enjoy Burning Man (check out Scotchfest, enjoy the Saunadome, visit my friends in Ali Bar Bar, watch the man burn, get my cocksucking certificate for the 4th year in a row, ride on the Partysnail, check out the Slut Olympics. . .)

Monday: Leave on the Burner Express bus to go back to Reno and stay at my sister’s house (enjoy the hot tub after a thorough washing in her waterfall shower).

Tuesday: Fly home at butt-crack-o’clock in the morning. . .

And then the work begins as I look after my little boy (he’s 6’3” but he’s still little to me).

The adventure never ends. . .

 

 

I’m a blogger

I’m a blogger.

My life appears on the internet for other people to read and absorb.

I write because I have a bad memory and a diary is the best way for me to keep track of what happens in my life.

I put it on the internet because I’m trying to connect with other people, even if it’s just through a story.

I think there’s wisdom that can be gleaned between the lines of my life, if not by me then by someone else.

Everybody I write about, I fall in love with.

They represent a character in my life and whether temporary or permanent, they always play a part in my development.

Some people I clearly adore: my children, my family, The Swede, Tejas, Barbara, Michelle, Marina, and so many more.

Other people pop in and out, like Coke Can Dan, Jack and Jill, and The Photographer.

Rest assured they’ve all captured a place in my heart.

There is little I enjoy more than writing about a friend, new or old, who has captured my attention.

I never do them justice.

Personalities are far too rich and nuanced for me to capture in my simple writing.

But I try.

And honestly, nothing is better than reading old posts and being reminded of old friends I haven’t seen in a while so I pick up the phone and call.

I hope they know how much I love them.

Good Company

For the better part of last week I considered not going to Burning Man.

Yes, my son is the reason for this contemplation.

I know he’ll be fine.

And I know he’s going to be busy with his friends paying me no attention whatsoever, but still.

He’s my baby.

Truth be told, I’m not worried about him as much as I’m worried about me.

This whole head surgery business has got me stressed out (unsurprisingly).

I’m having trouble sleeping.

My anxiety levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

And overall, I feel a little unbalanced.

Not EXACTLY the best mental state to be in when going to Burning Man.

I could literally lose it on playa and be a burden to my campmates.

And that’s not cool.

In 2016 I went to Burning Man a little off center and by the time it ended, I was a bitchy little thing.

That’s what 12 days in the desert will do to me apparently.

Even though I’m only looking at 10 days in the desert this time, I’m still nervous about holding it all together.

Burning Man is a seething cauldron of emotions and excitement.

Adventure and relaxation.

You never know what will bubble to the surface.

In the end, I decided that I will go to the Burn this year.

Not because I’m feeling better or have a better handle on my mental health going in, but because I figure I won’t be the only person going to Burning Man a few cans shy of a six-pack.

I’ll be in good company!

 

Lube

I often forget about lube.

Which is ironic considering every time I use it, I think, “Oh! This is definitely enhancing my pleasure!”

So why I CONSTANTLY forget about it, I will never know.

I have bottles of it stashed everywhere.

In my Burning Man toiletries tote.

In my purse.

In my bedroom drawer right next to the bed.

The other day, I had a not so subtle reminder of why it’s important to use lube.

I was having fun, getting down, when my partner SPIT on me.

Indeed.

He spit on me.

Not just once, but twice.

Spit will do the job, however it’s filled with enzymes and bacteria that probably don’t belong in a woman’s vagina.

Fast forward 24 hours and I’ve got a RAGING yeast infection.

Maybe some women can handle copious amounts of saliva on their nethers, but NOT ME.

I can absolutely VOUCH for that now, as I sit here in complete and total discomfort, waiting for the moment when I can get home and get to a tube of anti-fungal cream.

Monistat, you have my heart.

Military Magnet

I have been back online for less than a week and already my inbox is flush with emails.

Ironically, I seem to be meeting a lot of military men.

Men who work in security.

First responders and police officers.

These men are pretty straight and narrow – no drugs (good) and no alcohol (how do they do it?).

It’s ironic isn’t it, that I seem to attract men who are quite the opposite of myself.

I’m a rather creative type.

Always working on a new costume, writing a blog post, or off living an adventure.

For goodness sake, I attend Burning Man, an experimental temporary community in the Nevada desert filled with alternative art, music and entertainment.

I can’t complain too much, though.

I find the discipline that these men exhibit very attractive.

For a flighty type like myself, I benefit from being paired with someone who is a rock and can help me tether myself to the ground while still enjoying my creative tendencies.

I can’t help but wonder though if my passions, creativity and lack of structure will ultimately prove incompatible with a disciplined lifestyle.

Or perhaps if we might fill a mutual void in each other’s lives and balance ourselves out.

Opposites attract, they say.

Giving up vanilla

Vanilla guys just aren’t working out for me.

I’ve tried SO MANY TIMES to find someone who fits using Match and POF but NO LUCK.

Granted, I have an UNUSUAL lifestyle.

I go to Burning Man.

I hug and kiss all my friends.

I even get naked with them (HELLO BARE BURN).

It’s not easy to find someone who can accept these quirks.

You kind of need to be a little bit of a freak yourself to fit in with me.

Mainstream just doesn’t cut it.

Neither does religious.

And don’t get me started on CONSERVATIVES.

I am a liberal, agnostic burner with poly tendencies.

And so I am wondering if perhaps I’m fishing in the wrong pond when I use Match and POF.

Are there others, you wonder?

Why yes, there are.

I could try Lifestyle Lounge, SLS, or Kasidie.

I’ve always thought the idea of getting online just to hookup is sort of useless.

Because I really want to meet someone and fall in love.

But the more I date, the more I realize that I’ve been ruined for vanilla men.

And I’m a bit of a poly kinkster, a BIG FLIRT and a VERY OPEN-MINDED WOMAN.