How to put on weight

This isn’t a problem for me.

The trick is keeping it off.

But I happen to have a beanpole son who is 6’3” tall and 147 pounds.

If he turns sideways, he disappears.

PRETTY MUCH.

Well, he’s been in and out of the hospital with abdominal pain for the better part of 3 years.

The doctors have done tests and have eliminated ulcers, gall stones, liver problems, blood vessel abnormalities, and hernias as a source of the pain.

img_0340At this point they’re seriously considering that. . .

HE’S SO SKINNY THAT FOOD PASSING FROM HIS LARGE INTESTINE TO HIS SMALL INTESTINE CAUSES CRAMPING and that’s what the source of his pain is.

Now.

The solution to this possible cause is naturally for him to gain weight.

But that’s easier said than done.

You see, my son recently went vegetarian on us so his diet is restricted.

Fortunately, he’s a lacto- ovo- pesca-vegetarian (he’ll eat dairy, cheese, and fish).

So instead of PLYING HIM WITH BACON, which is what I normally would do, I have to figure out other foods to fatten him up.

  • Crab with clarified butter?
  • Lobster thermidor?
  • A selection of cheeses?

Or maybe I should serve cake with every meal. That boy can SHOVEL cake down his craw every day and TWICE on SUNDAYS.

So cross your fingers and spare a thought for Gav. This kid has got to bulk up and soon.

I don’t know what happened.

He was SUCH A FAT BABY!

For my baby…

Gavin and MichelleMy youngest son has been having intestinal problems – mainly pain located in the right middle quadrant of his abdomen.

Poor baby!

He’s pretty much diagnosed himself with a ventral hernia because every time there’s pain, a little alien pops out of his abdomen and announces itself.

My son was in the E.R. the other night, getting it checked out and they found nothing.

But they did an ultrasound.

My son was hoping that the ultrasound tech would turn to him and say, “Well, it looks like you’re having a girl. . .” but no such luck.

The tech obviously did not have the same sense of humor as my son.

Anyway, analysis of the ultrasound has turned up “sludge” in my son’s liver.

I’m not exactly sure what “sludge” is but it’s not good because my son now needs to go in for more tests.

Theoretically, this could mean he has gall bladder problems that haven’t coalesced into gall stones.

That’s the good scenario.

In any case, I’m not much of one for prayers, but I’m asking for a little help here.

Send good thoughts our way and pray for a simple resolution to this health scare.

He’s an amazing kid and I want him to be happy and healthy and enjoying his life, not worrying about surgery, illness, or abdominal pain.

My mom’s not doing too great either with a possible breast cancer scare and so things are tense at the house as we wait for medical results to come in.

Good thoughts, all around!

Thanks!