Abstinence

Lately, my life has been a story of misfires.

I scheduled TWO dates with one guy and they BOTH got cancelled the day of.

And then there was another date where the guy told me he was too sick to show up 2 hours before we were supposed to meet.

Now he’s trying to reschedule, and I’m not feeling that generous.

The other guy?

The one who cancelled twice?

Well, he sent me a string a very sexy text messages which makes me think that if I DO reschedule with him, it better be after my abstinence stint is OVER.

I do not think I can trust him to not make a move.

Furthermore, I believe that if he does make a move, I will be helpless to resist.

Remember that I am voraciously hungry right now.

They say that the universe doesn’t give you want you WANT, it gives you what you NEED and right now, I guess I need to be alone.

No dates.

No temptation.

Just me and my solo act.

Ahem.

With the way the universe is working itself out for me, I wouldn’t be surprised if The Swede doesn’t make it to California in December.

Because he’s my loop hole.

My get out of jail card.

My hall pass lover.

I’m not attached to any outcome however.

I’m too old and I’ve learned too much to hold on tightly to what I want to have happen.

If it happens, nice.

If it doesn’t, too bad.

I believe in the wisdom of the universe and what it’s handing out to me right now is EXACTLY what I need.

Abstinence.

Halfway Mark

Just so you know, declaring a hiatus from sexual activity on your blog suddenly opens yourself up to all sorts of feedback on the subject.

A bunch of people laughed at the idea.

Until I told them I’d done it before. . .and succeeded.

Others jumped to my defense and claimed that there was nothing wrong with my level of sexual interest.

Others knew better and came out in support of a healthier lifestyle.

Regardless, it’s now become a topic of conversation between me, my friends, and my blog readers.

Can she do it?

Is someone going to come along to inspire her to break her vow?

What about The Swede?

What I have noticed is that there is a pool of males, mostly single, for whom I seem to exist solely to stroke their egos by sexting with them.

They are the ones who seem to be the most interested in seeing me break my vow.

They keep pulling me back into conversations I’m trying to resist having.

When you’re trying to walk the straight and narrow, it is counter productive to enter into a conversation about masturbation.

Or pornography.

But try as I might, sometimes I slip and carry on a full on conversation about topics I have no business talking about.

Then I suffer.

So yeah, it’s been 6 weeks. I’m halfway there.

And no, it’s not easy but I’m making it.

3rd and 9

The trick about taking a vow of celibacy is that I’m finding ways to skirt around the issue.

So I’m not supposed to have sex.

Fine.

I can do that for 90 days,

But all the energy I normally pour into my assignations now has nowhere to go and so it’s leaking out in semi destructive ways:

  1. More sexting that ever before, this time with good friends (potentially damaging the friendships).
  2. A strong desire to hook up with single male friends for “snuggling and hair pulling” (I mean what I say and yet who am I kidding, THIS IS TOTALLY SEXUAL FOR ME).
  3. Outrageous porn consumption (‘nuf said).

I mean, yes, I’m making it through but no, it’s not pretty.

Hopefully my single guy friends can handle seeing me naked when I sext them and will still be friends with me later.

It’s sort of a Catch-22: I want to be good and limit my sexual activities but the energy is redirected into me exploiting activities on the fringes of my sex life – hair pulling, snuggling, back scratching, kissing, etc.

In a way, I like it.

It’s like one LONG foreplay sesh that lasts 90 days.

On the other hand, it’s TORTURE.

So wish me luck.

I am only 3.5 weeks into my vow.

9 more to go!

Dateable

It’s been a rough week.

Between realizing that I’m my own problem and taking a 90 day vow of celibacy, I’ve been pretty swamped with all sorts of feelings.

Remarkably, my friends have really come through for me.

Whether it’s Tejas getting the ingredients for my favorite cocktail (the Sazerac), Michelle writing the SWEETEST supportive note to me on Facebook, or Barbara actually calling me to make sure I’m okay, I’ve been blanketed in love from every direction.

Which has helped greatly as I try to wean myself off of casual sexual relationships.

The Photographer has come out in force to support my decision to be temporarily celibate.

He’s peppered me in Messenger with sweet comments about how to transition from someone no one wants to date but everyone wants to fuck into someone actually dateable (and still fuckable, natch).

I took the opportunity to tell The Swede that I liked him:

fullsizerender11.jpgYou may laugh, but it was a HUGE stretch for me.

And I think I pulled it off nicely, if I do say so myself.

Gentle flirting – 1, Michelle’s sex monster – 0.

Giving up sex

So here’s The Deal.

I’m giving up sex for 3 months.

That means three months of no sex, not even a teeny little bit.

Not even the kind that doesn’t “count.”

This means I have to be celibate until January 7, 2018.

Now, there is one exception to this rule:

The Swede.

IF The Swede comes to visit, then my vow of abstinence goes on hiatus.

I rationalize it like this – The Swede happens to be the one HEALTHY friendship I have and therefore shouldn’t be included in my vow of abstinence, which is supposed to weed out the dirty boys and rebels.

I told Tejas about my vow and he just laughed and laughed.

Then he thought about how much bitching he will have to listen to and he STOPPED LAUGHING.

Personally, I think the biggest challenge for me isn’t going to be giving up sex.

No.

It’s going to be giving up the sexting and flirting that goes with it.

Because for me, flirting leads to sexting leads to sex IRL.

So we’re gonna have none of that.

Do you think I will survive?

My ridiculous vow of abstinence

michelleI know I said that I was going to go 90 days without sex, but I’m rethinking the wisdom of that.

It’s not that I CAN’T achieve my goal.

After all, I’m not even TRYING to go out on dates with anybody ever since the last fiasco where I met a. . . GASP. . . TRUMP SUPPORTER.

I know, I know!

It was BAD!

So there are no opportunities for me to break my vow of abstinence.

Currently.

However, I’ve noticed that my consumption of soft core porn has increased.

This is a sure sign that my hormones are trying to WAKE ME UP and GET ME MOVING.

I know that every time I watch the naked bare butt scene in P.S. I Love You, I’m looking to get my rocks off.

And when I break out Red Shoe Diaries, you can be sure I’m in the mood.

I was even so desperate, I watched 50 Shades of Grey.

You know you’re in bad shape when you watch that movie.

So I repeat myself – it’s not that I CAN’T achieve my goal, the question is more, WHY WOULD I WANT TO?