Not so fast, etsy

Honestly.

You do ONE SEARCH for a flower crown and suddenly etsy thinks you’re a BRIDE-TO-BE.

Not so, etsy.

Sorry to disappoint but there are no impending nuptials.

Honestly, I’ve always liked the feature in etsy which recommends products for you.

Most of the time, they get it RIGHT.

But occasionally, they get it really, REALLY wrong.

Like the time I bought a spiked leather collar for a dominatrix costume.

Nevermind if dominatrixes don’t wear collars.

This one looked mean and no one could come near me in it for fear of getting spiked!

Well, after I bought that collar, etsy sent me a shit ton of BDSM gear on their site.

Who knew etsy was such a resource for the alternative community?

Then, there was the time I bought statement earrings on etsy.

Big, pendulous and eye-catching, they were exactly what I needed.

Etsy thought I was a black woman and proceeded to advertise tribal prints, statement necklaces, and hair care products to me.

This time around, I searched for a flower crown to wear in Florida.

Sure enough, I found one.

But now etsy thinks I’m getting MARRIED!

If anything, I’m further away from taking vows than I was when I first got divorced.

Not for me, etsy.

Not for me.

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Fucking algorithms!

Facebook is irritating me right now.

You know how they use algorithms to promote ads in your Facebook stream?

Well, they’ve sorta got me right and they’ve sorta got me ALL WRONG.

You see, Facebook keeps showing me ads for beautiful bohemian sundresses.

Just my style.

I “oooh” and “aaah” over them and CLICK.

Then I’m taken to a website that offers their clothes in three sizes – S, M, and L

Size 2 – 10.

What’s a curvy girl to do, I ask?

It’s the MOST IRRITATING thing in the world, to see a beautiful dress only to realize it doesn’t come in your size.

WTF is Facebook showing me these links?

Has it not figured out yet that I am a thick chick?

Seriously!

If you really want to piss off a plus size woman what do you do?

You take her to a store where nothing fits and tell her to find something that works.

Facebook is SERIOUSLY losing points with me.

As if showing me all the men I’ve dated in the “You Might Know” section isn’t bad enough, now they’ve gone and fucked it up again.

Fucking algorithms!