Survival

I survived 10 events in 10 days, but it wasn’t pretty.

I was so stressed out, I called my doctor and got a prescription for anxiety medication.

Yes, I’m one of those people.

The kind of person who checks and triple checks her orders before an event only to stress out because I’m sure something is going to fall through.

Like the linens.

I forgot to order linens because I thought that the tables I rented were finished.

Not so!

So the day before my event I was desperately calling party rental places trying to find 75 black linens.

Do you want to know how much it costs to rent 75 black linens for 3 days?

$1,400.

Yup.

That’s how big my event was.

We had 962 attendees.

It was IN-SANE!

Now that it’s over, my stress is slowly diminishing, although I’m certainly far from feeling normal.

I feel proud of myself for reaching out to my doctor and my family and friends when my mental health started to deteriorate.

It’s not easy to admit when you need help.

Anxiety can cripple a person, and when you’re dealing with 962 people, each of whom has a million questions and requests of you, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

But I made it.

And this morning, I got this:

They love me.

They really love me.

 

P.S.  I was hoping they were from a man, but alas they’re just from colleagues.

Good Company

For the better part of last week I considered not going to Burning Man.

Yes, my son is the reason for this contemplation.

I know he’ll be fine.

And I know he’s going to be busy with his friends paying me no attention whatsoever, but still.

He’s my baby.

Truth be told, I’m not worried about him as much as I’m worried about me.

This whole head surgery business has got me stressed out (unsurprisingly).

I’m having trouble sleeping.

My anxiety levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

And overall, I feel a little unbalanced.

Not EXACTLY the best mental state to be in when going to Burning Man.

I could literally lose it on playa and be a burden to my campmates.

And that’s not cool.

In 2016 I went to Burning Man a little off center and by the time it ended, I was a bitchy little thing.

That’s what 12 days in the desert will do to me apparently.

Even though I’m only looking at 10 days in the desert this time, I’m still nervous about holding it all together.

Burning Man is a seething cauldron of emotions and excitement.

Adventure and relaxation.

You never know what will bubble to the surface.

In the end, I decided that I will go to the Burn this year.

Not because I’m feeling better or have a better handle on my mental health going in, but because I figure I won’t be the only person going to Burning Man a few cans shy of a six-pack.

I’ll be in good company!

 

Screw Up

Okay, so I lost 13 pounds in three weeks then proceeded to gain 1 pound back.

Apparently you can’t binge drink beer on a pub crawl and expect to lose weight.

Who knew?

Anyhow, it’s not been an easy road these last two weeks.

With mom in the hospital and my anxiety/stress kicking into overtime, I’ve been eating (and OH GOD, DRINKING!) to comfort myself.

Sigh.

Fried chicken.

Pizza.

Gin and tonics.

MANY of them (followed by a sobbing call to the BFF to cry about my mom).

Thankfully, I seem to have recovered from my misdeeds.

I’m back on the diet, eating bars and sucking down protein shakes.

Occasionally I go off plan and eat an egg (or three) and pickles.

Oh, and boy do I love the occasional mozzarella stick!

I could fantasize about food for PAGES, but I won’t.

I know how you all think I’m perfect and this may come as a shock to you, but I fucking screw up a lot.

A LOT!

This blog ain’t called unblunder for no reason. . .

Speed Dating Blues

sd

I’m going to be speed dating on Wednesday evening and I’m NOT looking forward to it.

It sounds like torture – going on 10+ five minute first dates all in a row.  I suppose though you know all you need to know about your compatibility and connection with someone within the first 30 seconds.

Sometimes I sign myself up to do things when I really need to go with my guy instinct to run and flee.  Going outside our comfort zone is not always good.  Especially when there’s speed dating involved.

I plan to get through the evening by having a nice, big martini to start.  Or maybe a beer.  A martini might come off as too I’m-a-professional-drinker.

I’ll keep busy talking to other people and when I finally sit down for the mini dates, my goal will be to make each of my dates laugh at least once.

I think I can pull that off and it seems like a reasonably good attitude to have.  Maye him laugh.  Sweet and simple.

I can do that.