This post is hard to write

This post is hard to write on account of it hits a little too close to home.

Just a little too much truth in it.

So.

I ordered three pairs of high-waisted bikini bottoms from the UK in order to wear them to Burning Man.

Nice, right?

Well, they arrived and I opened up the package, pulled out the bikini bottoms, and discovered. . .

. . . that they were absolutely MASSIVE.

We’re talking HUGE knickers here.

I thought, “there’s NO WAY those will fit me!”

The bad news is: they fit.

The good news is: just barely.

Yeah, I’m one skipped breakfast away from having those bikini bottoms drop to the floor.

Nevertheless, this whole experience gave me pause.

For the first time in a long time, I felt unattractively fat.

Now.

I know I’m a thick girl and that some men find thick sexy.

And that some men don’t.

I’ve always been okay with my curves.

But to feel unattractive?

Well that just isn’t going to fly with me.

All the bells and whistles

My boyfriend model 1.0 has the following standard options:

1. Intelligent
2. Funny
3. Kind
4. Skilled in the bedroom
5. Adventurous
6. Honorable
7. Outdoorsy
8. Romantic
9. Non-violent
10. Likes cats and dogs and kids (boys)

The following upgrades are HIGHLY recommended but not essential:

1. Not afraid of spiders
2. Can karaoke
3. Likes foreign films
4. Owns a kayak
5. Handy with tools
6. Can play a musical instrument
7. Can cook and clean (or can order great takeout and get a maid)
8. Willing to go great white shark diving (in a cage)
9. Loves to travel
10. Loves all kinds of music and performance
11.  Has girls