Won’t you be my neighbor?

As it turns out, my camp will be placed on playa at 6:30 and E this year.

It’s the general area we get placed every year which means I’m familiar with navigating to 6:30.

I shouldn’t get lost with such a central suburban placement.

I’m totally excited about my neighbors, though.

First there’s Midnight Poutine which (you guessed it) serves Canadian poutine at midnight to the hungry masses.

I’ve never had midnight poutine on playa.

Then there’s Slushious – a camp that hosts boozy slushie parties on the playa which means I can totally get my drink on and enjoy a refreshing slushie AT THE SAME TIME!

Finally, there’s Barbie Death Camp which includes, among its various offerings, erotic massages.

I think those are DUO erotic massages (as in you bring your partner and get instructed on giving an erotic massage).

But I know they give regular massages too because I once had an awesome coconut oil massage from a burner who looked like Lori Petty (of Tank Girl fame).

This burn I’ll be able to knock down a few more camps off my “NEED TO VISIT” list.

Sadly, Slutgarden will not be anywhere near me so I might not get to see the Slut Olympics this year but we shall see.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

And so far the line up this year as far as neighborhood camps is looking PRETTY GOOD!

Things that never happen the the Default World

img_0113One of the great things about being located at 6:30 and E-G at Burning Man this year, besides the WONDERFUL central location, is that we happened to be across the street from Barbie Death Camp (and just a stone’s throw away from the kink factory known as Retrofrolic).

I had a FANTASTIC time at Barbie Death Camp.

I went there one day because I heard that they were giving out free massages – regular or “erotic.” They also had FOUR HANDED MASSAGES!

Now I know you all are hoping that I went for the erotic massage but those were really intended for couples – so that one partner could be instructed on how to stroke the other partner in a sexy fashion.

I got in line to get a regular massage.

While I was waiting I was urged to partake in a vinegar foot bath (to combat the alkalinity of the playa with the acidity of vinegar).

However, the foot baths looked rather dusty and unappealing and the last thing I wanted to do was soak my feet in them.

img_0163Before I knew it, my massage therapist was taking me behind the curtain to disrobe and lie naked on a massage table while she gave me a full body massage, topless.

This is Burning Man, folks.

Anything goes.

What followed was the best, most relaxing massage I’ve ever had.

Usually, I have a hard time relaxing when a stranger is touching me.

Maybe it was because I was on vacation at Burning Man. Maybe it’s because my therapist had great energy. Maybe it’s because it was noon and I already had two gin and tonics in me.

But I turned into a pile of goo right there on that massage table.

I’m fairly certain that she used coconut oil on me because I smelled like a tasty toasted coconut after my massage and my skin was beautifully hydrated and soft.

This is Burning Man, to me. A lovely afternoon getting a massage while slightly tipsy by a topless therapist who chats you up the whole time.

This would never happen in the Default World.

Sad face.