Haters

Once upon a time, I tried to join a sporting club to play athletics with my boys.

HOWEVER, since most of the club members were married men, I was ostracized by their wives and made to feel like a second-class citizen.

Me being a single woman and all.

Why must women think of other women as competition?

Wouldn’t it be better to see them as allies?

The other day I was drinking a can of PBR when a woman approached me.

She made this HUGE deal out of the fact that I was drinking a PBR.

[I prefer craft beer, but PBR is what I drink when I’m trying to pace myself.]

She started out raving about my beer and then quickly escalated into making fun of it.

It became apparent to me that she was making fun of me RIGHT TO MY FACE!

Really?

Must you?

Thankfully I stopped paying attention to haters a long time ago.

Not everyone needs to love me.

I’m okay with people who think I’m not friendship material.

In fact, I could probably POINT YOU IN THE DIRECTION of several people I know who are less than thrilled with me as a person.

What can you do?

Work on impressing them or just let nature take its course and hope they’ll see your character in the end?

I play the long game.

One thing I DON’T DO is make fun of people.

Bad manners!

People are going to love you and people are going to hate you and none of it has anything to do with who you really are.

A valuable lesson I’ve learned time and again.

Beer whore

Going to karaoke did not turn out as planned.

I bombed on stage, got tired, and left early.

This time I’m trying something different.

This time I’m going to Game Night at the Hofbrau.

That’s right. . . tasty beer AND games, what could be better?

Judging from the RSVP list, this event looks more “Female Friendly” because I’m not the only woman who has signed up to attend.

If you recall, I was one woman among 20 men at karaoke.

No one can accuse me of not doing my part to make new friends.

I suppose it helps to STAY AWAKE when meeting them, but damn if I’m not exhausted after a day of working.

This time around, Game Night is taking place during the Thanksgiving holiday so I should be well rested and ready to win a few rounds of Monopoly.

Or, as The Swede likes to put it, I’m ready to CHEAT at Monopoly.

Personally, I’m just hoping to get out and have a good time.

Maybe meet a few new men and women.

One thing is for sure. . . I’ll DEFINITELY get to drink some good beer.

I absolutely LOVE the selection of beer at the Hofbrau.

I’d attend any type of event held there JUST TO DRINK BEER.

Oh,who am I kidding?

I’m not going for the games.

I’m going for the beer.

 

Micro brew

Whenever I think of beer, I think of Benjamin’s Franklin’s oft quoted statement about beer:

I have a special affinity for beer since I’ve taken classes to learn how to make it.

Beermaking 101 and 102 – using the Steeped Grain and Whole Grain methods to beer making.

I took these classes close to 2 years ago but I have yet to attempt beer making myself.

Why, you ask?

Because I don’t know how to scale down a recipe to a manageable stovetop size.

In my class we brewed close to 30 gallons of beer at a time, an amount which would require me to buy a TON of EXPENSIVE gear.

I simply can’t afford to invest that much money in a hobby which encourages me to drink liquid bread.

I’d rather just go out to Bierhaus or The Halford and DRINK THEIR BEER.

So I have recently joined a MeetUp group dedicated to beer lovers.

Instead of MAKING beer, we just go to pubs and drink their beer.

I am thinking, and correct me if I’m wrong, that maybe I’ll meet people who know how to brew beer in SMALL batches.

Perhaps it’s worth investing in a beer making kit, like this one from Amazon:

I could handle brewing a gallon of beer.

But also?

I know of a beer making supply store near me and I could go see if they have their own little kits for making beer in smaller batches.

I’d much rather get a kit (and advice) from a local business than Amazon’s mass-produced kits.

So one of my goals for 2019?

Brew beer and make friends.

What could be better?

 

Surprise in deep playa

One of the things I LOVE about Burning Man is that the unexpected happens.

Of course, that can be a double edged sword when your RV breaks down in Gerlach a mere 10 miles from the event.

Or, it can work in your favor when you’re gifting chapstick and come upon a group of people in desperate need of chapstick.

Truth.

While I was venturing out to the trash fence in deep playa with my friend and her kid, we noticed a bunch of lights off in the distance.

And since we are a curious bunch, we decided to go there to see what it was about.

And we stumbled on an OASIS!

A guy in a fuzzy yellow wig had built himself a little BICYCLE BAR.

That’s right.

He had a bar around his bike and he pedaled out into deep playa, set up speakers, played some wonderful tunes – and sure enough – people flocked to him.

He was serving chilled beer or a tiki drink made with pineapple juice.

Oh, so delicious!

Isn’t it lovely?!

You can be just exploring a new area, expecting absolutely nothing to come of it, when all of a sudden something lovely drops into your lap!

So here’s to the Dusty Pineapple bicycle bar in deep playa.

I salute you in all my pineapple finery!

May the sun always shine on you and your endeavors!

Just call me bartender

I love bartending.

I have an ex-boyfriend who is a bartender and he taught be everything I know (which granted, isn’t that much but it’s more than most).

For Burning Man, my friend and her kid decided that we’d like to offer Oktoberfest fixings to thirsty burners.

Believe you me, it is not easy at all to chill 6 mini kegs of Oktoberfest beer when you are on the playa.

We must’ve gone through 20 bags of ice, chilling the beer over the course of 2 days.

In the end, we were successful though and we had TONS of ice cold beer to serve to guests.

The best part of all this was that my friends got to serve beer in authentic drindl and leiderhosen. AND we had authentic German music playing over the loudspeakers, thanks to some quick thinking by the incomparable Stu.

Me, I was in my typical St. Pauli Girl costume.

Well, if you must know the Oktoberfest Happy Hour went REALLY well.

My friend’s kids was a great barker and got people off their bikes and into the bar for drinks.

My only complaint?

My feet hurt.

Two hours of standing on the playa will make your tootsies hurt SO BAD.

Next year?

Non-stress mat!

Diapers to drink

When I was in college at UCSB, we drank Keystone Light at parties.

It was our go-to beer for the college crowd – cheap, cheap, and cheap.

Fast forward 30 years, and I wouldn’t dare drink a Keystone Light.

I’d rather shave my head with a cheese grater while chewing on tinfoil.

I’m all about craft beer, as evidenced by my membership in the Southbay Beerhounds – an unpretentious haunted house of eccentrics who love beer, dogs, and other oddities.

Yes, sir.

Just like there are wine snobs, there are also beer snobs, and I’m one of them.

My oldest son has now joined the ranks of the college crowd and you know what their favorite drink is?

Coors.

It kills me that he drinks Coors and the other day my sister and I were chatting about my son’s wayward taste in beer.

She too scoffs at Coors.

According to her, it’s a waste of time and alcohol to drink Coors because you have to pee all the time.

The alcohol goes straight through you.

We’re not even sure you can get drunk of Coors.

One thing is for sure, if you’re going to drink Coors, you’ll need diapers to drink.

Things you forget to bring when fishing

  1. Chapstick.  Thanks to the wind and the sun, I now have chapped lips.
  2.  Hats.  I brought a beanie to keep warm.  Turns out that staying warm was less of a problem than keeping cool.  And what you really need is a hat with a brim to keep the sun out of your eyes.
  3.  Sunglasses.  Fuck, it was HOT and SUNNY out there on the water.  I was anticipating overcast skies and cool temperatures.  Boy, was I wrong.  I think I burned the backs of my eyeballs.
  4.  Anti-anxiety medication.  I was once on a boat that was sinking.  The captain couldn’t get the pump to start and we were taking on water.  So I always stress when I’m on a boat.  This time around, I clenched my jaw so hard that I feel like I’ve given a thousand blow jobs.  That’s how sore my jaw is right now.
  5.  Sunblock.  This one is a no brainer, but as it turns out, it is rather SUNNY out there on the water and if you don’t reapply sunblock you could wind up with a really wonky sunburned face, just like me.
  6.  Coolers/Ice.  For your catch.  Another no brainer but all three of us who drove up from the south bay forgot to bring a cooler for our fish.
  7.  Cough drops.  Because you’ve got that horrible post viral cough that won’t go away and when you’re on a fishing boat, gagging because you’re coughing too hard is interpreted as gagging because you’re about to be seasick.  Very undignified.
  8.  Gloves.  It’s freezing cold in the morning and ALL OF US forgot gloves.  Crazy, I know!
  9.  Beer.  None of us brought beer, which is sort of a requirement for fishing.  Makes the hours of waiting for a nibble more tolerable.  Mental note:  next time, bring beer.
  10. Water.  It’s DEHYDRATING out there on the water.  And I didn’t bring ANY water.  What was I thinking?

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Panty Peeler

panty-peelerThe other day I went to a new restaurant in Los Gatos with my girlfriend Kimberly.

It’s called Oak and Rye and it’s basically an upscale pizza place.

We ordered a white truffle oil pizza that was TO DIE FOR.

Just gotta love truffle oil, eh?

Anyway, both of us were drinking beer.

Mine was a Belgian-style tripel from Midnight Sun Brewing Company.

It was DELICIOUS!

As I was ordering my 3rd can of it, I paused to look at the label and LOW AND BEHOLD IT WAS NAMED:

P A N T Y   P E E L E R !

That’s right.

Now, rape culture issues aside, I was tickled pink that I’d been drinking a beer called Panty Peeler all night without realizing it.

Then it occurred to me – I’m the one who was drinking it.

“Not fucking likely,” I thought to myself.

But I was certainly well lubricated for the evening, if you ask me.

All smiles and chit chat!

So it wasn’t a total waste of good beer!

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Stuff (besides beer) for beer lovers

michelle beerI’d like to pause in the middle of my onslaught on Valentine’s Day to bring you this DELICIOUS post:

We all have at least one beer lover in our lives.

In my case the beer lover is me.

Moi.

I’m a fan of that magical mixture of hops, grains and yeast.

I’m so much of a fan that I took Homebrew 101:  Steeped Grains and Homebrew 102:  Whole Grains classes in the city last year.

Here are some of my favorite beer accessories – some things that made me laugh, some things that made my mouth water, and some things I found just plain silly.

Zero affiliate links.

beer1Brewtiful tee.  Isn’t beer brewtiful?

screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-3-38-59-pmPour the perfect black and tan, or are you a purist?

beer3Save Water Drink Beer tee

beer4Custom bottle opener

beer5Drunk on patios pint glass

beer6Irish You Were Beer tee

beer7Bratwurst club

beer8What the F**k Should I Make for Dinner book

beer9Party cart

screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-3-23-56-pmIn Dog Beers tee

 

beer11Mini Kegerator

beer12Beer mustaches

screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-3-49-30-pmBike bag

screen-shot-2017-01-13-at-3-31-15-pmGrowler

vday8Valentine or Beer?

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Beer and taffy and salsa dancing

“Two for the 3:55 showing of Sisters,” my friend prompted the woman at the movie theater kiosk.

“I have just one ticket left,” she told us.

Well, ONE ticket is just no good now, is it?!

So we opted to skip the movie and go to downtown Mountain View for food and beverages.

He selected The Tied House, since I was in the mood for beer.

He ordered the red ale.

IMG_8626I ordered the flight of beer.

This is what arrived at our table….

 

IMG_8625Now, I didn’t mean to order the equivalent of 3 beers. I thought I’d be getting little shot glasses with beer, not mini beer glasses filled to the brim with beer.

Nevertheless, I drank admirably (as I am known to do) and I polished off all the beer with minimal help from my friend.

So be you forewarned… if you order the flight of beer at The Tied House, you will be treated to a plethora of beer such that you MAY become a little tipsy and wind up strolling arm in arm with your friend, making out on the streets of Mountain View.

And eating taffy.

And learning how to salsa.

Not a shabby night, if you ask me!